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Sunday, December 31, 2006Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 8
Today is not only the last Smorgashboard of 2006... but it is the last DAY of 2006. Tonight 3.5 tons of confetti will be falling all over the Crossroads of the World. Oh where has this year gone? An even better question is where have the bloggers gone? This week was really pretty quiet in my sphere. Yet I did find a few gems from the hardcore bloggers out there...
There's also some good news and bad news... bad news is I'm working a little over a triple today. The good news is for 16 of those hours I'll be surfing around somewhat... so this probably isn't the last you've heard of me for today. I know... more bad news... oh well.
Labels: Smorgashboard Sunday
Saturday, December 30, 2006The Loves Of 2006
Love. For the most part in 2006 the sensation eluded me. It isn't that I don't love... or that I'm not loved back in varying degrees. Its more of a lack of a cuddle buddy that I have been severely lacking. I know, there's nothing like a good bed post thumping fuck... but afterwards... well its nice to be able to hold onto someone or be held by someone as a reminder that no matter what lurks in the shadows, they will be there to hold the flashlight. Go on, say it, I'm such a bitch. It's okay. I'm used to it.
I did have a relationship somewhat going with Izzy at the outset of the year. As with pretty much all matters that touch my heart, it crashed and burned in grand fashion. Surprisingly, considering my history, I walked away pretty much unscathed from it. Probably because of the lack of cuddling that brought the demise on in the first place or perhaps a level of emotional detachment where attachment had been made impossible.
Most people, when denied the touch and affections we all genetically crave in one form or another, tend to become angry and disgruntled people. I should know... I technically am one. Surprisingly though, looking back on this past year, I seem to have mellowed. Yeah... its true. There really is no explanation for this. In fact it all should be just the opposite. I should be polarized and ostensibly kept at arms length. I should be, in the immortal words of X, a grumpy tubby bitch.
There is only one possible reason why I am not ready to eat small animals and children for breakfast... and that would be Blog Love. Am I sounding corny yet? STFU. So anyway, let's face it, the interaction out here does more than stimulate intellectual thought and conversation. I also think it can simulate something like a cuddle... especially when you can relate to someone through their blog, and they yours.
So for the final Top Ten list of 2006... I give you my blog loves of the year...
10) Lisa always has these unique posts that you have to re-read. You're not re-reading them because they make no sense... you're re-reading them because everytime you do, there is another hidden truth revealed about the nature of being one of us... you know... humans.
9) Unlike most of the strange men who love her, I love Dawn not for her hawt body or ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol with little to no loss of equilibrium. I have to love her for her creativity and outlook on things that go on around her... because it makes me laugh my ass off at the stupidity she puts up with everyday. The fact she hasn't gone postal just proves there are angels on earth.
8) Yes, Virginia, I love you too. Even though I can't comment on your blog and it irregularly pukes all over my bloglines... well that's okay because I love you. Your strong sense of conviction to your beliefs, no matter how unpopular they are, endears me that way. I also have to love your photos, because people who can see with more than what their eyes see are few and far between and that is a gift you definitely possess.
7) Throughout my business I rarely work alone. I can only say that some of my FOAD success has to go to Jane, my partner in FOADing everyone who pisses in our cornflakes. It takes a certain person to be able to roll with me that way, and not everyone can stomach it... but she takes it all in with stride. Oh, and the weeks I'm not feeling it, well she blasts them better than I do so there is never a shortage of FOADing. Did I mention she is sweeter than a cherry pie? No? Well she is... and no... you can't have none.
6) Because I'm freaky, Mistress Yoda is a must. Excitement, adventure, she seeks not these things. Yet they find her anyway. She imparts the wisdom of the ages, provides thought provoking ideas, and best of all is she's a criminal at heart. She also has that gift for seeing more than her eyes show her... and inspires me to become better with that clinky little thing I call a camera.
5) I love toughies, and Denise is as tough as they come. She's not afraid to bitch slap me when I need it... and even though I could duck it by the time it reaches me because her DSL acts like dial-up, I kinda like it when she does. She's hardcore to the bone but... like the cherry ontop... she has a soft side. She has such a big heart... and no matter how many times it gets ripped out and trounced on... she keeps loving. That's resiliency if ever there was any... and I love that because it makes me want to be the same way.
4) While I'm a sucker for a redhead I'm a bigger sucker for people who create beauty out of nothing. That's why an artisan like Red Betty has me swooning. What converts the *SWOON* into a *PINK PUFFY HEART* is the fact that she is not only refreshingly honest about herself... but whether anyone realizes it or not we're very much alike in music taste, food taste, and situational living complexities. I have nothing but love for her and all that she does.
3) I've always had a thing for salt of the earth type people and southerners with their big poofy dresses... so I guess when you put a redneck in southern California... you get my ideal woman in Kentucky Gurl. Besides being a mutt of the most down to earth and sexy regions of the United States, she has the quirkiness that can usually only be found in SoHo. If it wasn't for the ice chewing, I could totally curl up on her feet and live a content life. So yeah... I have a Tedipuss complex.
2) One of my most endearing and long blog loves has been Monique. I've been reading her since before pretty much everyone else. She's endearing and cute and totally the girl you bring home to mom... and she's brimming with a passion that if you don't look close enough you'll surely miss.
1) If you haven't guessed it by now... you are a stupid asshat. My number one blog love would be Miss Ann Thrope. Snark? Check. Wit? Check. Common sense? Check. A moral fiber for honesty (brutally when necessary) running from her very core to her dainty lady like typing fingers? Check. She has it all both in the blogosphere and outside of it. I more than pink puffy heart this woman... it's more like red throbbing heart her. It's true... she rawks my blogosphere. If for some reason you're shocked or something... well you've obviously not seen my official APODB Orange Afghan... which I can cuddle with all night long.
Oh... and before anyone goes running to T and says, "Oh look, Dog no love you no more!"... well of course I love her... but... well... she stopped blogging.
Friday, December 29, 2006Saddam Hussein Is Dead
So it appears that Saddam Hussein has indeed been executed as reported at 10:11pm EDT. His execution happened a little before 6:00am Iraqi time, or 10:00pm EDT.
This is as reported by Iraqi television station Al-Hurra, which just so happens to be backed by the US.
The Reaper has him now.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
So today is traditionally Drama Friday... or maybe not.
First and foremost however I would like to alert you to a current attempt to break the Class B NYC Subway Riding Record. Rapid Transit Challenge has an update blog on the attempt by 5 New Yorkers to break the current record of 26 hours, 21 minutes, and 8 seconds. Their attempt differs from the one this past summer in that they will be stopping at each and every station instead of just riding through it. I have to give these guys props on the attempt... simply because riding the subway can be a hellish experience on just a regular daily commute as SubwayBlogger shows time and time again. Best of luck to them!
So here is a list I did of Things Not To Do In 2006. I didn't do TOO bad with the list. I didn't crash an ambulance this year (yet) and I didn't quit my job... so I figured I would do the same thing for 2007 since I seem to do better with the list of things NOT to do as opposed to the lists of things TO do...
10) I will NOT allow my EMT card to laps- Meaning I need to sign up for a January refresher after I blew off the November one
9) I will NOT crash an ambulance- Maybe we can make it two years in a row! Woo-hoo!
8) I will NOT drink Jack and Coke in copious amounts
7) I will NOT have as great expectations when Hurricane Season rolls around, lest I be disappointed as I was this year
6) I will NOT allow myself to fall into a depressive state so as to require medication or therapy
5) I will NOT spend money I do not have anymore
4) I will NOT bring violence home with me- I only broke two lamps this year (and they were pretty shitty lamps at that)... so I'm definately getting better
3) I will NOT concern myself with things beyond my control
2) I will NOT torture myself about things done/not done in the past, but rather work towards a better future
1) I will NOT be posting about anymore drama... at least until I can do it right
Yeah... you read number 1 right. No more drama. I know this endangers my self-crowned title of the King of all Drama... but to be honest I have some good reasons behind this. Besides the fact that most people don't know the difference between The Steff and The Nick, Pudding and Christine, or Mel and the Ooompa Loompas... well I just think that it is probably better served being read by those I know to be reading it.
See... the fight Christine and I had before Christmas was about a few things I had written here over this past year. Surprisingly, or not, it wasn't anything written about her that was troublesome. Now you're probably wondering why she should care what I write about other people... but the truth is she is a very good friend... and being such a good friend she accused me of something that I vehemently deny. In fact, I still deny it to this very moment... even though I know deep down... she is right.
To try and resolve these issues I have, normally, I would blog about them. However, in light of her astute awareness of the truth behind my denials that was garnered from this very place, I really can't do it here. Not for fear of her... but if I am as transparent in it as she has made me feel... well out here in the open is not the right place to be transparent. This place is searchable to anyone who has a clue on how to find things... and while I like to think that those who will see through the denials aren't as 'Net savvy as I am... I'm sure that to a certain degree they're better than I give them credit for.
So there will not be anymore drama here... but you should know that the drama will be alive and well. In fact it has found a nice home in a journal I keep at the side of my bed. Perhaps one day my demons will be exorcised of it, or perhaps I will shirk the mantle of embarrassment from it, or even better... maybe I'll be able to make private posts where only a select few will be able to read it. Until then... the real life drama as it unfolds will not be seen here anymore.
Let the celebration begin.
Thursday, December 28, 2006FOAD Thursday... The Final 2006 FOAD
Because the New Year is coming... and honestly it seems to be coming with a whimper compared to last year... it's also traditionally the time for lists. So this is my list of the top 10 people/things that needed to FOAD this year...
10) My neighbor and his fucked up cemented yard need to FOAD. If so much as an inch of water comes into the basement in 2007 I will be losing my mind. Promise.
9) Human Resouces... what an oxy-moron that is... for amongst other things including the memo in this post... ya'll need to FOAD.
8) Kevin Federline needs to FOAD. This idiot just does. Hopefully John Cena will kill him at New Years Revolution and save the rest of us from his ambient stupidity.
7) Half-assed bloggers who start half a dozen blogs and can't keep up like this blogger right here. You may recall her from this post. Not surprisingly, that blog she was so "defensive" about hasn't seen an update since August. Blogs are in a way children... and bloggers like parents... just because you can have one, or two, or three, or 67 doesn't necessarily mean that you should.
6) The religous zealots that feel the need to shove their beliefs down the throats of everyone around them. Just FOAD. This is a standing order you asshats.
5) My dense boss. 'Nuff said.
4) The United States Congress needs to FOAD. By banning online poker they have effectively crushed me dreams of being able to win the World Series of Poker. Bastards.
3) The new Blogger. Yes... just FOAD already. I don't want to go to your new system because it will undoubtedly fuck up my already shitty template. Stop trying to force these new things down my gullet. I know it is only a matter of time before I get forced over anyway... but I can hope the new version FOADs before then... can't I?
2) Blog Spammers like the moron highlighted in this FOAD. Blog Spammers all need to FOAD with their offers of Viagra, weight loss, and worst of all Link Xchange. If you made your shit interesting people would link to you. If you just want to get the word out... there are other ways to do that including making REAL comments on other blogs and doing the whole traffic exchange thing on sites like BE and BM. Blog Spammers truly need to FOAD.
1) The number one FOAD this year needs to go out to... the guys and gals at Dunkin Donuts who fuck up my shit on a daily basis. No, really, I am sick and tired of getting the wrong thing in a cup. I am weary of verbalizing the same order every single morning. I am fed up with the constant fucking up and have decided they all need to either do the right thing, or FOAD.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006Cereal Wednesday
Today is another edition of Cereal Wednesday. This is however a very special edition since I ran my first live Cereal Wednesday contest with a very special guest...
So let me know what you thought... and make sure you tell her how wonderful she is or she's gonna be mad at me and I'm gonna be in trouble...
Labels: Cereal Wenesday
Tuesday, December 26, 2006Top 10 Things To Do In 2007
There is a lot of relief in knowing that this holiday is over. One of the things that kills me about it is that the prep time is roughly about 3 months or so... and it lasts only 24 hours of which maybe 20 minutes is quality time. To know that it is over... well its a big relief.
Now the next big thing coming is New Years. There have been a few things going on in my life that have made me reassess where I stand and will undoubtedly affect me come the New Year... because well... shit has to change. So here are the Top 10 Things To Do In 2007:
10) Quite Smoking- Yeah... I'm going to try quitting again. I know I've failed this pretty miserable in the past... but this year gave me that little extra motivation.
9) Lose Weight- Yeah... same thing as above. My two hospital stays however have reminded me that yes, I am not only a mortal being, but I am an overweight one at that.
8) Become less aggressive and angry- Yeah... right... I'll probably be able to do that when the Pope gives up celibacy and gets some without paying for it... but hey... it's something I should try to do.
7) Work less and live more- Another pipe dream for those who truly know me... but it's worth a shot.
6) Take more pictures- I'm going to take more pictures. Along with that I'm going to work on my graphic skills... or what I should say is try to get some graphic skills.
5) I'm going to New Hampshire- I need to go see my aunt. She's at that age where I know the phone call is going to come that she's passed away. She's seen my son once... so he'll need to take the ride with me. On one hand I dread it... and the other I look forward to it. I just wish she still lived at the lake. It would make life a lot easier.
4) Make peace with God- It'll be going on 6 years since we've "spoken" other than my occasional "fuck you" comments. Maybe its time to let the past be the past. Even God's need to be forgiven... right?
3) Make peace with myself- Before I can make peace with Him... I need to make peace with me. I know... I need to be forgiven too.
2) Go on vacation- I need to go on a real legit vacation... one that doesn't include disaster MREs. Just take a week and go away somewhere far and exotic... like Ohio. I'm all about the coasters @ Cedar Point baby.
1) Finish my book- Yeah... I said this last year and look at the shit that has happened. I did make some headway, but nowhere near where I should be with it. I need to finish this book... to finish it and call it finished... so I can move on.
Those are the things that I want to do. I happened to look at my Top 10 Things To Do In 2006 list from last year... and sadly quite a few of them are the same. However, in keeping with number 8 both Officer Crumb and Louis are off the list. See... I'm making strides already!
Monday, December 25, 2006Ooogle Monday... The Ho Ho Ho Edition
So for the past month you've all been seeing my little elves in the header. Well... here they are for your viewing pleasure on Ooogle Monday...Pretty cute aren't they? Of course... I need something for the ladies to look at too...
Have a Merry Monday...
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, December 24, 2006Bah... Oh What The Hell...
Have a Merry Christmas!
So yeah... I am feeling pretty good right now... possible due to the copious amounts of alchohol I indulged tonight purely by accident. This is one of those moments where I should just be going to bed,.. but fuck it. Normally I do The Smorgashboard during the course of the week by saving posts in bloglines and saving drafts. Due to the emotional distress I experienced this week I never drafted anything... but I do know what's been going on in my blogosphere...
That my friends will include this edition of the Smorgashboard Sunday. As I have previously mentioned... I have put this together while inebriated... so nothing will open in a new window until I have sobered up and can paste the _blank targets in the URL's. Deal with it.
Labels: Smorgashboard Sunday
Saturday, December 23, 2006This Is A Private Post
This Is A Private Post. If you cannot see it either log in or just accept the fact that you are one of the "special people".
Yeah... I know... this is Blogger and they don't do private posts. Save your laughter for someone who doesn't have a clue... like yourself, k? My point is... if I could do private posts... this would be one of them.
Why? Because tonight is a two year anniversary of something that changed my life. I knew last year I wasn't going to share it. I thought maybe this year I would... but then changed my mind.
I guess there are certain things I am still not ready to do.
Here's a video you can watch for kicks though...
We'll be Smorgashboarding as usual tomorrow.
Friday, December 22, 2006Some Final Letters from the Big Fat Man...
A final few letters from the mailbag of the Big Fat Man...
The letter Santa received-
Dear Santa,The response Santa sent-
Dear Susan,The letter Santa received-
Dear Santa,The response Santa sent-
Dear Thomas,And now for the grand finale... this is the letter Santa received-
Dear Tubby Bitch,The response Santa sent-
Dear Puppy Monster,Yeah... so maybe there really is a Santa Claus...
Thursday, December 21, 2006FOAD Thursday... The Simple Edition
I decided to make this week's FOAD very simple...
Yeah... it hasn't been a good week.
Thank god the new year is coming.
It better be a fucking better one.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006More Answers From The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit
Here are a few more letters from the mail bag of The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit...
The letter Santa received-
Dear Santa,The response Santa sent-
Dear Teddy,The letter Santa received-
Dear Santa,The response Santa sent-
Dear Francis,Aren't the holidays just grand?
Today is Cereal Wednesday... let's get a little Loopy shall we???
If anyone has a problem with watching the video, let me know. Thanks.
Labels: Cereal Wenesday
Tuesday, December 19, 2006Answering The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit's Mail
Have you ever wondered what happens to all those letters addressed to the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit? Well believe it or not the US Postal Service deliver those letters to North Pole, Alaska. Letters with return addresses actually get responded to with an authentic North Pole Postmark.
Once a very long time ago I had to do some community service for some not so cheerful things. My community service included composing letters from the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit. We got the letters, read them, and then responded on official letterhead. All those letters were packaged up and sent to the North Pole, Alaska post office for the post mark before being delivered to the houses. It really is interesting how one can be whored out by the criminal justice system as a youth.
However, if I was the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit, I would be more careful with where I got my elven workers from. Below are a few examples of my community goodness on behalf of the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit...
The letter Santa received-
Deer Santa:The response Santa gave-
Dear Billy,The letter Santa received-
Dear Santa,The response Santa gave-
Dear Sarah,Isn't community service grand??? More letters tomorrow.
So I stayed home from work yesterday. My stomach was in an uproar. It could have been a stomach bug. I want to think it was a stomach bug. I do have a doctor's appointment with the health registry next week. They're insisting I come in because of this year's seemingly mounting health issues. Maybe I should ask them about my stomach.
I tend to think though its stress related which is made worse by my recent lack of sleep. Even though it isn't Friday, the dramatic truth is Christine and I got into a huge fight Saturday... and ever since then I've been nauseous and jittery. We're actually a little early for our annual fight, but I think she might have instigated it on purpose to avoid last years fiasco with her husband. So because she instigated it I refuse to apologize... even though the more I think about it, the more it eats at me, and the more it makes me stay awake at night because she is probably right. This is what seems to be haunting me lately. I'll work it out on my own terms... eventually.
On top of everything else the New Years schedule came out. Since 1997-98 I have rung in the New Year either working on a truck or at one of the city's many special events. This year, while I knew I would be spending the day pressing enter on a keyboard, I fully expected to be on a truck or knee deep in overdoses at the stroke of midnight. I learned today that at midnight, I will in fact not be working. Most people would say that it is a wonderful thing, but of course that's not how I feel. Like many others I prefer to spend New Year's with my one true love... the Mistresses of Pain and Misery have always been there for me when no one else was, so it always seemed right to spend New Years with them. Now I don't know what I'm going to do this year... or for that matter the next.
One additional note... I added this SNAP feature to the blog. Basically any link you hover over it should give you a preview of the link in a little window. I don't know how people like it... I thought it was kind of cool. Let me know what you think... because if its too annoying I'll wack it off.
Monday, December 18, 2006When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business?
Due to being named Time's Person of the Year, its neverending calendar of engagements, and being home with a stomach flu, the multi-day post I had been planning is all right here... so just When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business? Read on to find out...
So I found an interesting post last week on the topic of When Is A Blog Too Personal? over at The Intuitive Life Business Blog. Does it seem that reading TILBB is a little out of place for me? Well yeah... it is. Of course it was spurred on with a phone conversation I had with Miss Ann.
It has always been my contention that females dominate the blogosphere. Most blogthings are female oriented, most pre-made designs are female oriented, and most comment sections seem to be female dominated. She said she had read somewhere that in reality, the blogosphere is dominated by male bloggers. In fact, while I found no hard statistics, I did find a number of posts about how female bloggers are trying to garner attention... so I tend to think that there is indeed truth to that statement.
So I decided to try and find my lost brethern... the male blogger. Oh sure there are quite a few like Avitable, Billy, Dave and Rocky to name a few, that I do indeed read and as far as I can tell are all men. Yet for whatever reason I get the constant feeling that for every 1 male blog there are around 6 female bloggers out there. Now I assure you, I am not complaining about this fact. However, as Miss Ann pointed out, it isn't so much the sex of the blogger but rather the TYPE of blogs that we read which would lead me to this erroneous conclusion.
So I searched out some other blogs to see who exactly is writing them. TILBB is one of those blogs I found, and the blogger is in fact a male. In fact there is a plethora of blogs out there authored by men! I bet you're wondering why I never noticed them before, aren't you?
Probably because watching paint dry is more exciting than reading these blogs. Really. I kid you not. For whatever reason the vast majority of them bore me to tears. Their designs are so... bland. They seem so sterile and stuffy its almost surreal to know that such things could exist in this colorful flamboyant world. As for the content, well the tech blogs can be kind of cool... but they talk about things I will probably not be able to get my hands on for years, if at all. Hell, I'm still waiting to get my Segway. Political blogs generally bore me because all they are is the same old propaganda in a new format. The news blogs, well I do read Gothamist... but I haven't found anything else anywhere near as interesting or well written. Blogs written by advertising people, businesses, or even some writer's are generally always trying to sell you something in each and every post. If I wanna buy it, I will. No need to shove it down my throat every single post.
So what blogs do I read? Well... I read the personal ones of course. As anti-social as I may be, well I think it is basic human instinct to require interaction with other people. The internet is a great place for people like me... we can socialize when we want and when we don't we press the off button.
I know I've drawn the ire of some people before because I am pro-forums and they seem so 1990, but a forum like Did I Say That? to me is like a virtual bar without the bill in the end. You go and have access to a whole bunch of people. Conversations fly left and right... and generally everyone knows your name. Hell, I got a shitload of cool holiday cards from everyone over at DIST. It is now safe to say my forum friends outnumber my real life ones.
Want a more personal interaction like a quiet dinner at home? Enter the personal blog. They speak their mind, you speak yours in comments, and move on. Of course in a way personal blogs are also like speed dating because there are other people having that quiet dinner with the blogger... but that to me is a great way to find other people to have dinner with. Generally, all the people you visit are like-minded with you in one way or another. Sure you may have differing opinions on some things, but for the most part you would find yourself in agreement. There are those who you may visit specifically because you are not like minded and enjoy the power of debate, but that's an entirely different story.
What drives the personal blogger is that they indeed have something to say. Sure there are times what they are saying is driven by what's happening in the world around them, but usually it involves the world they are actually in that everyone else tends to overlook. Let's face it, the current news outlets cover the major stories that THEY deem as important. Do they ask us what we think is important? Nope. Does this mean that what we think is important isn't important to anyone else on the planet? Nope. Chances are someone else cares about the exact same thing... and it provides an opportunity to get to know someone you may not have known in any other way a little bit better.
In my FOAD Post from last week, the lovely Miss Britt commented that I explained the best reason why we as personal bloggers blog. I think she means these two lines:
We put ourselves out there to meet like minded people who we find interesting and can relate to. We do it because we have something to say.How else would someone who lives in New York City truly get to know a Kentucky bred Californian lip gloss addict, a future "Crazy old dog lady" from West Virginia, a Massachusetts hot latina, a future journalist in merry old England, or a woman of the world with more common sense in her pinky than most people have in their entire bodies? It is through the personal blogs that we get to know others better and become not only more educated about them but their ideas as well.
It is the part about having something to say that made me transform the question that When Is A Blog Too Personal? asked to When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business?
We've all seen the AdSense ads. We've seen some sort of ad agency named Performancing. There is PayPerPost and ReviewMe, the services that will pay bloggers for their posts or videos. Most recently we have seen the monetizing of RSS Feeds. We have seen all of this, on personal blogs. In the past it really hasn't bothered me, until I read the article at TILBB. If there is a problem with personal posts on business blogs, and the potential that you will lose a client because of these personal posts, then it has to be vice-versa with personal blogs losing readers because of the blatant advertising, right?
In literally breaking news, PayPerPost now requires their bloggers to disclose the sponshorship of a paid post. I wonder if their decision has anything to do with the discovery and backlash Sony has faced with their phony blog which they just recently closed down.? This is because of the nature of the blogs that they created... personalized marketing tools trying to appeal to people as other people when in reality they are corporations. Both of these actions are noteworthy in the type of backlash it has caused... because it is only a matter of time before this same backlash reaches out and smacks the Personal Blogger who has decided to shirk their personal posting in favor of product placement or ads in every nook and cranny.
What I find to be more horrid are the personal bloggers who will respond to a post like this with, "Well its my blog and I'll make money off of it if I want to!" type of attitude. Sure, it is your blog and you can do with it as you please, but you are also transparent in your insincerity of blogging for yourself or your readers, whichever one you claim to blog for. It has to be one or the other because otherwise you would not be a personal blogger. Which then makes you a professional blogger and as you can see from the other article, you'll be losing money if you keep up with the personal posts. Quite the quagmire you've just found yourself in isn't it? Face the fact... your personal blog has become too much about business and making money, and maybe you can save yourself. It is no longer whatever you originally intended it to be but what you make of it is still in your hands. No matter which way you go, you're either alienating readers, advertisers, or yourself. The choice, like your blog, is yours.
Here's the thing about personal blog readers. We're a fickle bunch. We put it out there in either our own blogs or your comments... and to a degree those we read need to as well... or we stop reading. You can place 900 ads on your blog, but if no one is reading them the advertisers will not be paying you. In fact, they will not be paying any personal blogger after a period of time where there is little to no return. I tend to think that period in time will be in about 2 years or so. That's just a guess based on none other than Time's Person of the Year announcement. Money and attention will be poured into us for the next year and a half but then reality will set in with the numbers. It's another dotcom bubble... one that will probably burst when those advertising dollars go to the stuffy and sterile professionally established in the blogosphere... or to social networking sites like MySpace and FaceBook.
When that does happen... and tumbleweeds blow through personal blogs inundated with worthless ads like ghost towns of the wild west... there will still be personal bloggers just like there are still personal websites today. We'll have lived through the "blogger boom" to tell about it in stories to our readers... who because we did not sell our souls, colorful templates or flamboyancy to become stuffy, sterile, or professional for a dollar that will undoubtedly drop in value at some point so you will still need another job... will continue to read us simply because we are who we claim to be. I have dibs on Obnoxious New York City EMT.
So you've all heard of 25 Peeps right? This is where people can literally whore themselves with sexy pics and get people to go to their blogs. So I decided since some people are willing to do anything for a hit... well I'm gonna be the pimp... so here's your Ooogle Monday with some whores from 25 Peeps...
So since the only thing this blog has on it is pictures of this chicky... comment over there and she'll give you a good time.
This is Sebastian. He's been house confined since December of 2005 with mono. So... kissing is out of the question unless you want to be confined with him... which I'll leave that decision up to the ladies!
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, December 17, 2006Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 6
Another new week is upon us as the sun rises upon this day, known as Sunday to the world, and the Smorgashboard to us here at the APODB. So these are the specials from this past week in my blogosphere...
So I wrote this add on post to go here... and decided it was way too long to go here. It's pretty huge in fact. So I decided I'm going to break it up over the next few days so that it is in a consumable size. So while I'll be doing the regularly scheduled early morning/nightly posts... there'll be some afternoon ones too.
In preparation for this extra onslaught, start asking the question I will be asking and attempting to answer... "When is a personal blog too business oriented?"
Labels: Smorgashboard Sunday
Saturday, December 16, 2006Tagged By Misery With A Smile
So it turns out that Miss Misery tagged me with this meme thing. She tagged me because she doesn't think I'll kill her for tagging me. I don't mind getting tagged... but I won't tag. If you feel the need to do it and want to say you stole it from me feel free... or don't mention me at all... just send me nudes as payment for my silence regarding the theft.
So anyway... here are 7 Things That Annoy Me.
1) Ordering one thing and getting another. For example, when I order my coffee it is a "large French Vanilla ice coffee, light with cream, and four (4) Splendas". Simple right? I guess not since it always comes back all fucked up. But you all knew that already, right?
2) Instant Messages and IM addicts. I used to be on AIM all the time, 'til it screwed up my 'puter. Now I don't even have it installed anymore. So apparently some people thought that was a way for me to ignore them, or cut ties with them, or wtfeva. Newsflash... I need this computer to do more than talk to you about baseball (which I have zero interest in until after the All-Star break), about your boyfriend (who I have zero interest in until he does something I can break his legs for), or about what I'm writing that I'm not letting you read (there must be a reason for that... and trust me it isn't because its about you). IMing annoys me... and IM addicts annoy me more.
3) My ex-wife. 'Nuff said.
4) Lovey dovey stuff. Newsflash... I'm single. I have no one to be lovey dovey with... and if I did... I doubt my idea of being lovey dovey is the same as yours. Therefore when you go all gushy and warm and shit when talking to me, and I vomit, don't be getting all self-righteous. Oh, and Valentine's Day... don't even come near me. I'll bite your head off.
5) E-mail Managers. Yeah... those managers or bosses who have decided that e-mail is the best way to manage. Never mind the fact that to inter a sense of urgency sounds more like a threat, for which I will retaliate with a flurry of adjectives found only in the Main Street-Walkers Street Dictionary, the e-mail repsonding to the burning ambulance three hours later is just showing you do not exist on the same plane of reality as we do.
6) Labeling my stuff with your labels. Someone sent me an e-mail telling me my Sunday Smorgashboard is really a "blog carnival". Really? So I guess it makes you laugh. Am I funny to you? How am I funny? So am I a clown to you or something? Still waiting for a response fucknuts. I'll call it what I want. If I want to post nookid pictures of myself and call it "Bare Bones Tuesday" instead of HNT, I will you dumb clucker. I'm not you, your not me, so stop labelling me with your labels.
7) The way BattleStar Galactica does seasons. Last night was BG's season 3.0 finale. On January 21 they start season 3.5. This is annoying and ranks right up there with the way The Sopranos do their seasons as well. The fact Heroes seems to be following their lead is annoying as all hell too. It all reminds me of the reasons I stopped watching TV altogether.
It's Saturday. I hear no one reads blogs on Saturday. Usually I do unless I'm working. Too bad not everyone is like me. So I quite literally have this post here to say nothing other than go see Mr. CFP because he is doing a REAL research project. Especially all you guys out there... we aren't representing well. I could go on a tirade about something... but honestly my energy level is for shit. So just do as I say, not as I do.
Just be like Nike... and Do It, k?
Tomorrow will resume the week as normal.
Friday, December 15, 2006It's Drama Friday... Drama Is What You Make It
Yeah. I damn near didn't post tonight/this morning. I'm drained as all shit... in fact I drooled on my pillow for 5 hours and will probably be going back to drool some more. But today is Drama Friday, and since I'm still not doing the BE thing, that's all there is.
To be honest, the only real drama was with The Nick and her cracker boyfriend. So Ms. I M FraidO'Commitment has now been with Crackerhead for 2 months. It's definitely a new record. I'm not sure if I should be congratulating him or offering him condolences since she's apparently going to Canada this weekend to undoubtedly hook up with some Canadian she met way back in like September. WTFeva.
One of the reasons for this lack of drama is some shit that I discovered Wednesday that was going on. That in itself has created its own drama, because I was supposed to go hang out with The Steff Wednesday night but I ducked out of it. I ducked out of hanging out with her last night too, which brought on the, "Dontcha miss me?" and "Do you still love me?" questions. Even though I tried to reassure her that yes I missed her and yes I still love her, I just had some stuff going on, well she can put the most cynical and depressed bitch to shame and I doubt she believes me. The holidays are usually when her alter ego, Miss Miserable, comes out in her... and usually we commiserate together enough to make each other genuinely smile. Hopefully my issues will be settled by tomorrow and we can hang out.
On a completely separate note I need to bestow some advice on all the married men in the world and will probably piss off some of my female readers. There's this thing that the credit card companies will do when your wife max's out a credit card. If she does it while you are married, then they will hold you responsible for it in the vast majority of states. If she does it while you are married, and then you get divorced, they will STILL hold YOU responsible for it and they WILL collect their money unless it is specified in the divorce paperwork the amount of debt, the company, and who is responsible for payment and then ordered so by a judge. So what you really need to do when getting divorced is have your soon to be ex-wife's credit run, and get all that shit listed as being paid by her. This means they will eventually seize control of your bank accounts until you pay them if you don't make those certain stipulations clear. Oh, and their timing is usually the absolute worst it could be.
I'm going back to my pillow to drool some more.
Thursday, December 14, 2006FOAD Thursday... No Experimentation Whatsoever
Today my dear friends is Fuck Off And Die Thursday. Today I tell all the people/things that have pissed me off this past week to FOAD... so let's get this started...
First I need to send an FOAD out to the NY Daily News. It seems that the Daily News reported that over 70% of subway car graffiti is created by foreigners. Really? So just wtf are you saying? Are you saying that there are no more American graffiti artists? Well how about I think that 70% of the Daily News is written by yuppie cocksucking scum who grew up in the fucking suburbs! Here's a clue... those foreigners come here to LEARN how to tag and write up you putzes! The reason you would THINK they are responsible for it is because they're the ones who always get BUSTED... but that isn't actually true as Metro points out! So for false reporting and atrocities against NYC Artists... FOAD NY Daily News.
My next FOAD goes to corporate monster Taco Bell. After finding out that a number of restaurants were serving E Coli contaminated food... in the interest of the almighty American Dollar... you fuckers kept them open. I love Taco Bell. In fact I used to love it so much I used to eat at one every shift. Never. Ever. Again. You are just another group of corporate mongers who need to be anally raped by a bulldozer case of diarrhea. FOAD Taco Bell.
The idiot who called 9-1-1 the other night because he had A cockroach in his apartment should FOAD. Now, he does have an excuse... he's from Minnesota and just moved here for a new job he starts in January. I hate to say it... but he freaked over a BABY Roach. I shoulda dragged him up to the Bronx where some roaches take on Pit Bulls for fun. So FOAD mid-western moron.
Finally I need to share some Peace and Love. I received a comment on this blog that said this:
I'm sorry to bother your site. I am doing a blog experiment and would like to know if you would like to exchange links. Thanks.You have got to be kidding me. So your doing a "blog experiment" and want to exchange links, huh? Anybody wondering what this experiment could be? Well of course he outlines it in a blog all unto itself called... ready... wait for it... blogexperiment.blogspot.com. He has another blog of course... filled with ads and shit. On a positive note he apparently is in the military. On a negative note he definately is a FUCKING MORON. See... here's my problem... he just cruised around dropping this same comment on every blog he passed. He never really looked at the blog, he never really read the post, and he obviously has no idea who the fuck he's dealing with. How do I know this you ask? Because he left the exact same comment on my photoblog word for mother fucking pasted word.
But ya know what? I'm all about experimentation. I'll experiment with hot sauce on pizza, peanut butter and mayonnaise, and anything + chocolate. I'll experiment with brunettes, redheads, and his wife in all positions in the Kama Sutra. I'll experiment with roasting marshmallows over open wood flame, charcoal, or butane lighter. See... I'm all about experimentation... so I will give this SPAMMER asshat his link along with some Peace and Love right here.
Here's a clue you mindless twit... we hate you and people like you. These personal blogs about ourselves are not for experiments or mindless twit ideas. We put ourselves out there to meet like minded people who we find interesting and can relate to. We do it because we have something to say. Go find yourself a fucking rat with some cheese and take your "experiments" elsewhere.
Maybe had he done it in a less spamful way... I would have advised him that belonging to sites like BlogMad and Blog Explosion disqualify him from AdSense Ad payments. Now where did I stick that AdSense reporting e-mail address....
Wednesday, December 13, 2006Cereal Wednesday
Today we will start a new theme. The theme comes from a suggestion made to me last week on this Ooogle Monday post from none other than Miss Ann Thrope. Of course... I figured it needed its own little twist... kinda how Ooogle Monday has both men and women, how FOAD Thursday includes Peace and Love, and how Smorgashboard Sunday has a picture that usually has NOTHING to do with the post.
So this is Cereal Wednesday...
BTW... it may take a minute to load... and it's 8 minutes long...
I also need to take this opportunity to announce unformally that the most anticipated blog of the year has opened its URL. That's right... Mr. CFP: Stupid Human Tricks is live and kicking. However, I warn you that it takes a special person to partake in this blog... considering his first post has no less than 5 penis pictures, it also probably isn't as work safe as you might think.
Labels: Cereal Wenesday
Tuesday, December 12, 2006Waking In The Dark
So I got home today and promptly fell asleep. 30+ hours isn't as easy as it used to be. It serves as a reminder, along with the wisps of gray, that being young forever isn't likely. Tonight I awoke in the dark... with the sense that indeed something was amiss. It's just a feeling, but one I can't seem to shake.
I know to most people it sounds kooky, but I tend to be sensitive to certain... things... that others may not be. It's something that I became acutely aware of ten years ago. Something I can't explain and have given up trying to. I just sense it... him... and I just know. Sometimes I can sense him in time and do something about it. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes he can be standing right next to me and I don't know a thing.
I can't stand waking in the dark for this very reason. So yes... I usually have a nightlight. It's actually kinda cool... it's a lighthouse that glows red and blue. It isn't bright or anything, but at least I don't wake in the dark.
Obviously the bottom line is I need to go buy some batteries.
I know everyone is counting down until Christmas... but did you realize we are only 20 days away from a New Year? 345 days have passed us by just like that. Where oh where did it go? So a few months back everyone was doing this thing where they would answer questions left in the comments. I thought it was pretty cool and some of the answers would surprise you.
So... the comments in this post will be open for questions until December 16. I will then answer them as we count down the days to 2007.
Finally... you need to be sure to come by tomorrow for the inaugural post of Cereal Wednesday... it'll definitely be different.
Monday, December 11, 2006Ooogle Monday... The SupaStah Edition
So here is your Ooogle for Monday you bunch of perverts...
Yes ladies... the GREATEST JEDI MASTER OF ALL TIME... Ewan McGregor! So who's gonna bash Star Wars now, huh? Huh? Yeah... welcome to the hot side bitches.
Of course to round out the "SupaStah" Edition... the hottest princess this side of the galaxy... Natalie Portman. *SIGH*. The new fantasy of preference btw is Carrie Fisher in the Slave Girl Bikini and Natalie in that little black number from Clones... together. Since getting it on with Twi'leks is okay... then what's a little mother-daughter incestuous fantasizing amongst geeks, huh?
Here is a video pulled from SNL regarding the "SupaStah" known as Britney Spears...
I agree... keep up the good work!
And that kids... is just one of the things you watch repeatedly when you are bored as shit.
I really need to take up crocheting for nights like this.
Have a good week.
So it is once again my marathon nighttime marathon weekend coming to a close. So I am sitting here bored as hell and decided to do this thing that I stoled from Denise. The idea is to bold whatever is listed that you have done...
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds (close to it)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
Sunday, December 10, 2006Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 5
It's been a pretty busy week in my blogosphere... here's a little sampling...
Labels: Smorgashboard Sunday