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Wednesday, January 31, 2007Cereal Wednesday
So it is once again Cereal Wednesday. I do want to forewarn you... if you have any papooses (aka children) there is 30 seconds of explicit video. Before you say, "Oh why? Why?" think about who you are talking to... right. Exactly.
One other thing that I probably have not made clear enough is that Cereal Wednesday was not my idea. The truth is it came from my favorite blogger in the whole world who has inspired me to such greatness... so it was time to give credit where credit was due...
And that is this week's Cereal Wednesday. I'm still fine tuning the opening and ending sequences with the new software... so hopefully I'll have them fine tuned by next week. Remember... if your a YouTube member... be sure to rate it over at YouTube!!!
I'm becoming such a YouTube Whore.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007Scattershot
Here's a bunch of things I've been wanting to blog about but haven't had the time, energy, or intellect to do so...
Working with me is high stress. Working for me is probably the highest stress imaginable. Yeah... I put a dispatcher into the hospital Friday. The best part? I wasn't even in yet! So that brings my hospitalization total to 7. I have, without physical violence mind you, put 7 people into the hospital. My old quartermaster, the Dark Lord of the Sith, did have quite a few trips at my hands... but I only count him as one 'cause he just has a shitty ticker. So yeah... I've got the power. Hear me rawr!
Saturday night was the OAR concert at the Garden. Now I'll be honest, we knew it wasn't going to be a picnic because of the last show they had there... but it was more like a day on the Island of Misfit Toys compacted into 4 hours and riddled with issues with the Apple and Dog tower elevators. There were two things that made me shake my head... one was the sheer volume of under 18 year olds (fact is, most were 16 or 17) totally intoxicated and the second was the distances these kids came from.
For instance, I met a girl from Saratoga. She was a thin petite little thing with red hair that came down to hover right above her shoulders, and these fucking huge green eyes. She had been crying, having been abandoned by her friends, and the one rule I have is the one I TOTALLY stole from Tom Hanks, "There's no crying at concerts." She refused to give us any info, and of course she asked me my name when it was my turn to interrogate her. So I told her it was Dog, which is what I tell all the kids, and then I crack a joke about that Honolulu Bounty Hunter and how I have a lawsuit pending against him. She smiled, and said "Then you can call me Bitch." Shit. She sounded just like my mom. She looked nothing like my mom, but sounded like it.
Eventually we decided to call her the "Saratoga Racing Bitch". She was an interesting conversation... she had originally passed out, but by the time I got around to her she had pretty much sobered up sitting in the corner. She seemed a very average teenager. She "writes a crapload", she is a "pizza pizza girl"... and apparently her father likes to beat the shit out of her. Right. Well guess who security had called up in Saratoga? Yeah... daddy. He was on his way. Needless to say she was hysterical... and I felt genuine sorrow for her.
I know... people are going to say, "Oh, it was the red hair." or "Oh, it was the green eyes." or "Oh my fucking god! She's only seventeen you fucking pervert!"... but it was none of those things. It was because she said I could call her Bitch. What can I say, I love chicks with 'tude. I almost got her out of going... but dad was already on the way and there was no way of getting a hold of him. As it turned out... I put her into a truck to go to the hospital... after having security take her to look for her friends, and calling their cellphones, and a whole bunch of shit that we wouldn't normally do... and away she went to await her father... or maybe not.
Let's face it... at 17, to travel across the state on a train to see a band takes more than a few brain cells. She was a smart girl, whether she knew it or not. Her parents... well... obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket to allow it. I wouldn't doubt it if she slipped out the back hallway, hopped a subway to a train, then took a plane, and is somewhere drinking Seattle coffee right now. I wouldn't doubt it... but that's not what I hope for.
I like to think that to a large degree her story was just an exaggeration. I like to think that under her bulky clothes there wasn't a mark on her. I like to think that she'll go home and write about Dog the Fat Fuck EMT who sent her to the hospital where she was examined, her father was questioned, and then released sometime Sunday with no proof of the physical harm to give her story credibility. In honest, I like to think she was a liar... because in New York we are mandatory reporters... and if she wasn't lying... then hopefully she's getting the help she needs.
Dunkin' Donuts... that's coming this week... promise.
Monday, January 29, 2007Ooogle Monday... The Academy Best Edition
So as a new week dawns upon the blogosphere... I present to you the blood pumping Ooogle Monday pieces of eye candy for your blogging health... this week is an Oscar studded edition...
First up is Leonardo DiCaprio... who was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his role in Blood Diamond.
Finally, the beautiful Kate Winslet... love the red hair... and her Oscar nomination was for Best Actress in Little Children.
And yes... those are my winning picks. Have a good week and blog hard!
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, January 28, 2007Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 12
So today is once again Smorgashboard Sunday... and it is time for a sampling from this past week in my blogosphere... indulge and engorge yourselves...
Reminder to self- blog about my Saratoga Racing Horse Bitch when awake an not smelling like puke from the OAR concert.
Also how I apparently made one of my dispatchers have a heart malfunction.
Also how the Dunkin Donuts White Hot Chocolate pricing is biased.
Also... oh fuck it. I'll get to everything soon enough.
Saturday, January 27, 2007Self Control Or Getting Old
It has always been said that the older you get, the wiser you become. The vast majority of my life has seen me as a brash and aggressive individual. This morning, for whatever reason, was different.
The first thing that happened is something that has only happened one other time in my career. Tonight, a patient rapidly descended while being transferred to the stretcher. To make matters worse, said patient had been shot in the head. Guess which ended descended rapidly? Right. Normally I would have lost my mind, pushed the incompetent one out of the way with a boot, and taken it from there. Instead I remained calm, still got them out of the way, and got the job done.
The second thing that happened is something I see too much of and have zero tolerance of. It was, to put it bluntly, disrespect. I wasn't the one disrespected, the person asking for guidance in doing something was disrespected and wrongfully so. The truth is I could understand their confusion because I had created an unusual situation in my actions and to get through it they just needed a little guidance. Under normal circumstances that would have resulted in a physical altercation because I not only find it disrespectful to this person, but to myself as well. It downright pissed me off... but I bit my tongue and withheld myself.
So now I am left pondering what it is that has occurred. Have I matured and developed self-control? Or is it just that I'm getting too old?
Friday, January 26, 2007It's The Academy, Dear Watson
So some of you may or may not have realized that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced the nominees for this year's Oscar Awards this past Tuesday.
Now I need to be really honest about this... but I really am not impressed with this years nominees. For whatever reason, this past year seems to have sucked for cinema.
With the possible exception of The Departed, pretty much none of the other movies nominated were real blockbusters either financially or on the news front. This seems to be an increasingly popular academic trend. Last year's Best Picture was Crash, which really only gained financial equitability after the win. Last year also saw the snubbing of Tim Burton for The Corpse Bride in the animated category, and the elevation of Three 6 Mafia to legendary status with their "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" winning for Best Original Song.
One of the things I keep hearing is people complain about the nominations. Mainly because most of these movies have not been seen by the masses, the masses can't believe they would be any good. On the other hand, I generally make it a point to see all the movies the Academy does choose for at least Best Picture either on the big screen or the little.
Here's the thing... the Academy is made up of those who are in the business. Anyone who has a creative career path will tell you that while it may be an honor to receive accolades from your bosses and the public... it means more when it comes from your fellow artisans. It is in a very primitive form validation of your art, and at its most complex it is an acknowledgment of superiority in your field. In general, they know what they are talking about.
There are instances where I freely admit, the Academy members must be seeing stuff I am not seeing. Animation was a sticking point for me last year because I thought The Corpse Bride was by far a better movie, but this year I don't see how Cars can lose and in my opinion rightfully so. Of course if either Happy Feet or Monster House win, well I can understand those too. This isn't the People's Choice Awards though, so I can understand losses.
Unless of course it was Keira Knightley. If she doesn't win... and soon... then I'll be castrating Oscar while the Academy burns.
Thursday, January 25, 2007FOAD Thursday... The Calamari Edition
I know today is FOAD Thursday... and I need to be a tyrant, stomp my paws, and spit venom on the masses while telling them to Fuck Off And Die. Unfortunately, I'm feeling pretty good tonight. I got to have some good fried Calamari with some good friends... and so my venom is more like apple sauce. So, sorry if this is short, sweet, and to the point.
To every single ignorant idiot who drives on the Interborough Parkway (now formerly known as the Jackie Robinson Parkway) at 60 miles an hour with ice on the road... yeah... just FOAD... or better yet go 70 without a seatbelt so when you crash into the wall you'll eject yourself and die. Really. Promise.
To all the Chinese take out places... fortune cookies are not a privilege... they are a right. If I order the House Special Lo Mein, ignore the fact that the cat is missing, and get it without fortune cookies, I'm going to be pissed off and rightfully so. You have denied me my lucky numbers. Assholes. FOAD.
Finally... a little Peace and Love that is really on behalf of a friend but it pisses me off more than soggy Frosted Flakes... has to go to home based businesses that promote themselves, take orders, and then leave their customers high and dry. I know from experience the difficulties home based businesses face... in fact I operated three of them. When I shut down my videographing business, I made sure all my clients knew about it and received either the product from my hands or I outsourced, and once at a loss, to another vendor to videotape their weddings/christenings. I didn't have the same problem with my button making business or my "name on a scroll" business... but I still made sure everyone was satisfied. This was my DUTY since they had taken a chance on me as a home based business.
As a consumer it is relatively hard to justify supporting such a business when this seems to be the working modus operandi of so many. What makes it generally worse with businesses such as these is that to promote it, you operate under the guise of a friend. Yes... you will garner support and specifically "make friends" to help your business thrive... and then you will abandon them. Bastards. So in honor of your despicable inability to send a personal e-mail to those who await products you apparently are no longer making... I offer you Peace and Love... original atomic style bitches...
Oh, and if anyone hosts at this service: Hosting WAHMS ... then let me know, 'cause after I disown you for giving them money... I will still take you back and help you find a REAL host when hosting no longer is convenient for them. Oh... and just in case your wondering why I have SO much Peace and Love for them... this used to be their URL: http://mystickalincense.com/blog . Yeah... go see what's there now. Traitor.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007Cereal Wednesday
Is it hump day already? I almost can't believe it... but it must be simply because I have a big old bowl of cereal here which means... yes... another edition of Cereal Wednesday!!! So here ya go...
Okay, so now I have to be really honest... this was by far the hardest Cereal Wednesday I have ever done, and for a few reasons. First, I was expecting a guest and he was a no call/no show. Typical... but whateva.
Then I was using this new software which is chock full of bells and whistles as you may be able to tell by the graphics. In fact, I did the graphics yesterday after playing around with it for a few hours Sunday. The thing is that my home system gets... well... taxed by using it. So not only am I still learning about the trims, fades, and cuts... but the system is moving s-l-o-w.
The best part came when I rendered it. Now my camera shoots the video in Apple's .MOV format. To use Windows MovieMaker I would convert it to a .WMV, import, and edit. I don't need to do that with this at all, which is great. I also got to choose what settings to render it in... so I chose the YouTube recommended settings. Then it came to file formate, but MPEG4 isn't an option as YouTube suggests... so... I rendered it in .MOV. Two hours and 5 GIGS later, I had something unuploadable much less watchable. So then I rendered it again into a .WMV. An hour later... I finally had something uploadable AND watchable.
As for the quality... well other than the effects and graphics there isn't a huge difference in my opinion which kind of disappointed me. I had figured with the higher frame rate per second and the smaller render size the quality would have been a bit sharper. Oh well... I tried it out.
So that is the saga of Cereal Wednesday: Crispix. Enjoy...
Tuesday, January 23, 2007To Catch My Dreams
Most people find it rather odd to believe that I was pretty big into the beliefs of the Native Americans, namely the Sioux, when I was younger. They also find it odd that I have quite a few dreamcatchers where I sleep. I have even gone so far as to make a few myself. While dreamcatchers aren't traditionally attributed to the Sioux... I like the Lakota legend the best out of them all...
Long ago when the world was young, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain and had a vision.So yeah... I've been having some pretty weird dreams lately. The one last night is another reason I still haven't gone to bed. I just get that ominous feeling. I should just call them what they are... nightmares.
I don't know why they've started again. It's only been going on for like a week or so. They're all usually the same... I'm standing on a street corner... people I know pass me by, but no one speaks to me. I try to speak... but no sound comes out. So, of course I panic... and start running around. Somehow I end up in a park. I continue to try to scream but I can't. Here's where it goes wonky. Sometimes someone takes my hand and we sit under a tree and write on a pad. Other times I get pushed from behind, end up on the ground, and get dragged into the street. Still yet... and the more disturbing to me of them all... is that while I scream... the skies darken and it rains... but it doesn't rain water... and I can't breathe. The one last night though was totally different... and I think that's why it freaked me out.
So yeah... my nightmares are making a comeback. I used to have them alot a few years ago. I'd wake up screaming, sweating, and shaking. I know it's gonna sound corny... but Pudding got me a dreamcatcher and I finally got a good night's sleep. They actually stopped for quite awhile. When I wouldn't have the dreamcatcher... oddly enough they would return.
I'm thinking I should add a few more dreamcatchers above my head.
Monday, January 22, 2007Ooogle Monday
As the blogging week begins, we here at the APODB believe we should start it off on a good blood pumping note since most of us live a very sedimentary lifestyle. So for your viewing pleasure, and more importantly for your blogging health, I give you Ooogle Monday...
This is Grace Park (aka Boomer/Athena)... being shown here in honor of the return of new episodes of BattleStar Galactica. Now I will be honest... I really was looking forward to watching it last night... but due to a dramatic issue that needed my presence for resolution... I missed it. So therefore... DO NOT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT... yet...
To continue the honor to BSG... here's a nice pic of Jamie Bamber (aka Apollo). I kept looking for the "space towel" pic of him... but this was the best I could do ladies... I hope it meets your satisfaction.
Have a good week!
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, January 21, 2007Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 11
Well today is once again Sunday... and although the calendar says we are starting a new week, I'll be recapping the past week in my blogosphere...
Saturday, January 20, 2007I'm Funny
So I opened up my mailbox this morning to see that I got a bunch of new subscribers over at YouTube. I'm wondering what the hell is going on that I seem to have garnered so many viewers. Tori answered that over at DIST. I was the "YouTube User of the Day" on a YouTube show called The Skinny. Why was I featured? Well for Cereal Wednesday of course...
Pretty cool huh? Abigdaddyof2 thinks I'm funny. Maybe I should take Cereal Wednesday on the road at comedy clubs. The truth is, the guys who do The Skinny are a helluva lot funnier than I am.
So if your a YouTube User go over to The Skinny and Rate It, Comment On It, and Subscribe To It.
Of course this honor would not be possible without all of you who encourage Cereal Wednesday... especially Miss Ann who inspired it from the beginning... even if it is in focus, but out of context.
Friday, January 19, 2007In Focus But Out Of Context
For the first time... in quite awhile... I have a bit to say but not sure how to say it. I really can't consider it the curse of the block that has been dominating my other writing... but perhaps I am trying to find a context to put it in to make it understandable.
Life, like the internet, is full of glimpses and snippets of things that when put together make up the whole. Yet it is hard for us to be able to put these pieces together to form the bigger picture and to be able to see all the things that they have to present to us. We may find someone's words on a blog... but never come across their photo gallery. We may find someone's photos... but never come across their videos. We may find someone's videos... but never come across their poems. We may find someone's poems... but never come across their posts on a forum. We may find their posts on a forum... but never come across their blog.
The Internet, like life, is full of glimpses and snippets of things that when put together make up the whole. It may all be in focus, yet it is out of context.
Now that I've babbled enough... in Pudding news there has been the loss of a relative on her side of the family. Please, don't be offering condolences. Life happens. So does death. This is something I am all too familiar with... but I'll be spending the day tomorrow eating pizza and watching videos with the Wolves. Maybe I'll come out with something more interesting and less cryptic. Eh, maybe not.
Thursday, January 18, 2007FOAD Thursday... The Blooger Edition
So I got my Diet Coke... I got my chocolate covered raisins... the calendar tells me it's Thursday... and I got that feeling... that someone out there needs to Fuck Off And Die...
It really isn't a big secret, at least to us in the business, that the lifestyle of most law enforcement, fire service, or emergency medical service personnel revolves around long hours sustained by shitty food. Some people make the serious attempt to remain healthy, but ultimately at 4:00am in the morning your options are pretty limited unless you bring food from home. Now I am all for people bringing food from home. I generally stop off at a deli and bring lunch/dinner/breakfast and my soda for the day with me during most months except for summertime. Bringing it from your actual home in tupperware containers and your own utensils is fine too. Really. One small thing though... when you leave, take everything with you. Don't bring your food and then go leaving a used metal fork where it might stab someone else. Don't leave behind your tupperware to grow goddamn penicillin and then have the nerve to COMPLAIN that someone threw that shit out. Oh... and when you complain and talk shit, I highly suggest you do it about someone who won't call you out on it in front of EVERYBODY. Yeah. Tupperware ho, FOAD.
I often wonder about the whole illegal immigrant debate while sitting in food establishments. While last night was tentative plans with The Steff for karaoke and Black & Tans... it turned into 1:00am dinner/breakfast with Christine at a twenty-four hour diner around the way. Now this diner is named after a very PEACHY state... in fact it has a gigantic neon peach on its sign. Therefore, you would expect a certain level of sweetness... maybe even a little southern hospitality. However, this of course is New York and the closest thing to anything southern are the KFC/Taco Bell stores (yes, I call them stores, because they really are not restaurants). Why does this bring the illegal immigrant debate to mind? Well, I am a fickle person while Christine really isn't. My order was clearly in English and made to an English speaking waitress. In fact, she is a citizen who was born and raised not to far from this establishment. Don't ask me why I know these things, I just do. So when I order a chicken kebab deluxe (chicken on a stick w/pita, fries, and Greek salad) and I SPECIFY "no salad, and absolutely NO Feta cheese", I expect... well... no salad and absolutely NO Feta cheese. So when the server comes back with a plate with salad and... yeah... Feta cheese contaminating my chicken, I sent it back. However... I did not send it back with server. When I told her this, she placed the plate down and said, "Well just take it off," and left. So there I am looking at this cheese... smelling this cheese... vomit in my mouth about to come out... when sure as shit the little illegal came, took my plate, and five minutes later brought me a new one that was Feta free. I kid you not. Hell, if we in America can't serve our own kind... maybe we do need the illegals. So FOAD lazy ass waitress bitch.
Do you burn candles? I do. In fact, I burn quite a few various sizes. I've always liked jar candles, tea lights, and votives. I do also burn pillars but I have a hard team keeping them from self-destructing at some point or another. Now one of the things I do with my candles is a light them using one of those Multi-Purpose Lighters from Zippo. I also have a collection of Zippo lighters (I can even read the stamp on the bottom), so having a Zippo MPL is only natural. In fact, I have one for lighting candles and one with my emergency response gear just in case. I also only buy Zippo fluid or Zippo butane. It may be a few cents more... but my lighters are worth it. So when I go to the store, and I specifically say, "Zippo butane can"... that means I want the butane made by Zippo. Simple right? So why does every single smoke shop/drug store/convenience store clerk feel the need to try and sell me mutha-fucking Ronson? Are they getting kickbacks or something? So to the Duane Reade employee (yeah, I've been avoiding CVS... better let things cool down a bit since last weeks incident) who shoved the Ronson butane fuel in the bag, which I admit I didn't double check, and then charge me for the Zippo fuel which is a dollar more... well FOAD. Not only do you not listen, but then you can't even ring the shit up right.
While pigs, waitresses and clerks are topping my FOAD list this week, we also can't forget the drivers who cut me off on the Interborough again (different drivers, same road), the newest Dunkin' Donuts addition (they have shitty retention... I wonder why?) who fucked up my FVIC, and the idiots who have to be told repeatedly how to do their jobs day, after day, after day. I mean how hard is it to go somewhere, pick someone up, and then drop them off somewhere else? FOAD idiots... just FOAD.
Finally... Peace and Love this week goes out to Blooger. Anyone notice anything different? Yeah... my blog is now on the Blooger Beta mode. This is the reason, if you read me through RSS, I probably puked all over your feed reader. Basically what they've been doing is taking resources away from the Old Blooger... meaning if you didn't switch it was taking a month and a day just to get to your dashboard. Fuckers. So how do you like me now? All beta like and shit? I haven't seen a change on the front, while the backend is still pretty much the same but with rounded buttons as opposed to the squares. I haven't fucked with the template because... well... I know it'll go wonky and break and shit. So thanks Blooger... Peace and Love you bitch whore sons of Google... Peace and Love...
Wednesday, January 17, 2007Cereal Wednesday
Today is once again Wednesday. Wednesday isn't just any day here at the APODB... it is in fact Cereal Wednesday. Inspired by none other than THE Miss Ann Thrope... the Queen of the Pop-tart Cult... this is the great length I go through to please her...
Now if that isn't love and devotion... then I don't know what is.
Since I know you all will agree with me that Frosted Flakes is horrid... check out this new recipe blog I found. They even have a recipie for homemade Cheezy Poofs. Good stuff I tell you.
Labels: Cereal Wenesday
Tuesday, January 16, 2007Multiple Personality Disorder??? Not Really... But The Noose Tightens
So a few months back I had mentioned that I was asked by one of my friends if indeed I "blogged". Admittedly, I basically lied to her face (which is something I never did until that moment) and told her no. I would look for the post... but to be honest I'm too damned tired to go cruising through my archives. It's back there though. Really.
I justified my answer in the end with the theory that the person she knows, and the person who write this blog are two different people. Yeah. I basically told myself that because she asked *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* if he has a blog, and he said no, well... that was true. Why? Because this blog is authored by, quite clearly I might add, NYC Watchdog. See... it says that on each and every post. So that was how I justified my answer to her, to myself.
Now the fact that *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* and NYC Watchdog both have the same opinions, the same life experiences, extremely similar friends, and practically the same personality traits is just a coincidence... really. The fact they also wear the same underwear is... well... okay, a little disturbing.
I highly doubt this crisis would be considered having Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). That's something Kat knows more about infinitely better than I do... and from all she's written I really don't qualify. Perhaps it is a mid-life identity crisis? That might explain an awful lot... but since I believe I won't make it to see forty my mid-life was twelve years ago so I am hugely late for it.
To be honest, I don't even see this as a crisis. In fact, I see it rather as enlightenment to my true divinity. Wondering how I can pull this off? See, *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* is the father, NYC Watchdog is the son, and Little Dude In The Red Hat (LDITRH) is the ghost. Heh. This Holy Trinity thing is actually easier than I thought. So who's better than me? Yeah... ok... so the list is long and illustrious.
So now you may be wondering what has brought on this "straight from left field" post about my divinity. Well my little faithful blog readers... the noose has tightened... and the outside world closes in step... by... step. It seems the same person who asked me about the blog has also found my YouTube channel. Yeah... so the big question in her mind is, "What's all the cereal about?" Heh. I never knew Rice Chex could harm me so.
Now most people would be like, "OMFG! DELETE! DELETE! MUST RUN!"... however for whatever unknown circumstance... I am feeling very Zen like... and am at peace with my blog. Now don't think this means that I'm all gushy with Blooger, 'cause even now it's giving me problems. I'm not unhappy with my template... I love my Tangerine Nightmare look. The content is... well... whether I like it or not it is me. Granted it is at times a different side of *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* under the guise of NYC Watchdog, and LDITRH definately gets more action than both of us combined in real life... but in the end it truly is me.
So I have come to the conclusion that if this friend does find it and for whatever reason can't be as understanding and accepting as Christine and The Nick have been about it... then they have truly never understood me, accepted me, or loved me as I have them.
Dark sides and all.
That, my dearest droogies, is the prospect that saddens me the most.
Tomorrow... I'm doing the absolute most hated cereal I have ever tasted... so be sure to be around for another edition of Cereal Wednesday.
Oh... and that tattoo... Avitable did it. He's a tattoo artist too dontcha know?
Monday, January 15, 2007Ooogle Monday
So here we are about to start another week in the good old blogosphere. To start the week off right, let's get some blood pumpin' with a little Ooogle Monday...
This is the beautiful Elisha Cuthbert. Yeah... ever since seeing her in The Girl Next Door... I've been enthralled.
This of course is Kiefer Sutherland. The new season of 24 is starting... so you can catch him in all his Jack Bauery goodness. Personally I preferred him in Young Guns... but whatever floats the boat for the ladies is all that matters to me.
So on yesterday's Smorgashboard Sunday, Miss Misery asked if it was a bad thing that she was mentioned. I don't think its a bad thing. Basically all I'm doing is puking out the last week and the items I found of interest on the blogs that I read. The only way to make Smorgashboard Sunday is for me to actually read you. So I would say no, because at least you then know I read you. Now, while I have a biased opinion because it is afterall MY Smorgashboard, what do you guys think? Is it bad when I mention you on Smorgashboard Sunday?
Have a good week!
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, January 14, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday Edition X
So today is Sunday, and yet another week has gone by in my dear old blogosphere. Here are the highlights from this week...
Friday, January 12, 2007The Post That Should Have Happened
The following is the post that should have happened this morning... but due to Boogle being all fucked up... it never happened.
Watchdog Crushes On... French Vanilla Ice Coffee
Yes, I am a habitual drinker of French Vanilla Ice Coffee (FVIC), light with cream, and with four Splendas. It is in fact the only coffee product I drink. That's right, I don't drink hot coffee. Even in the dead of winter, that large, sweaty, light, creamy, FVIC goes down my gullet like silk. It's true... it's sweeter than chocolate when made right. So I have this huge sweet tooth thing going on and it is just more evident by my choice of frosty beverage.
So how did I start drinking FVIC? It happened during the summer of 2004. I was working 12-16 hour days running a garage, and one of my afternoon clerks called me on her way in one hot afternoon and asked me if I wanted anything from Dunkin' Donuts. I told her I don't drink coffee, and to get me something cold. She said she would just pick me something up that she thought I might like. That, my dear friends, is exactly what she brought me. I haven't strayed from it since.
My day just isn't right without one of these large cups in the holder of my truck as I rock my way to work. Additionally, the cups I get I then use all day long. I'll fill it up with my cans of diet soda... which are usually warm... and I let the ice chill it. An added bonus is that there is a slight hint of vanilla then mixed in with the soda. Yeah... I know... I'm a vanilla freak.
There have been a few people to point out that drinking such a large cup would make me visit the bathroom more frequently than usual. The truth is, I have a killer bladder, and have never found myself going more frequently because of the coffee. I know in theory it's partially a natural diuretic and therefore I should frequent the bathrooms more often... but I don't. I guess I'm lucky that way. I just hope its a sign that I will be Depends free for a long time.
In the end, I love my FVIC. It is my constant companion into the shit at work. It is the drink I last sipped leaving New York in the summer of 2005, and the first drink I drank when I got back into town. In fact, my good friend Squirrel met me at the Parkway exit with it. It is the nectar that soothes my damaged soul. It is the suave on my wounds as I fight the infectious disease known as life. FVIC... I love you...
I know its free and you get what you pay for and all that other stuff.
Blogger still sucks.
Thursday, January 11, 2007FOAD Thursday... Peace And Love For Everyone
Hey... wanna know a secret? Well, okay, it really isn't a secret... but did you know that today is Thursday? Yeah... believe it or not it is! Do you know what that means here? No silly... no list of 13 different reasons why I hate Thursday Thirteen... it's FOAD Thursday!!! Let's start spraying the venom then shall we?
First I'd like to send a big old FOAD to the Corporate mongers responsible for selling merchandised goods of items with the logos of the services belonging to the City of New York... they are also known as NYC & CO. It's a Bloomberg thing, this whole trend of selling city logos on baseball hats and t-shirts. It seems the most popular item has become a Department of Sanitation hat... that happens to come already pre-chewed like it got run through a hopper. To me, this is worse than the street vendors selling the tacky t-shirts simply because this is a government agency selling this stuff... and they're purposely making it look like it came from a homeless guy. If your going to sell city goods, at least make them neat and cool... and not chewed the fuck up.
My next FOAD goes to people with temporary resident plates. Bitches, you may have just moved here but that doesn't give you the right to drive like an asshole. Red means stop. Green means go. Colorblind freaks. Just FOAD, k?
Finally I'd like to send some Peace and Love to the girl behind the counter at CVS two nights ago. Now I understand the whole thing about having to check ID for smokes and entering it into the register. I can even understand that my 14 year old picture really does not do my beauty much justice... but if you're going to ask me for a second form of ID and I give you my work ID, well that should be enough. But oh no... you wanted more because one photo has me wearing glasses and the other doesn't. Then when I get pissed and whip out my 13 security passes which are the only photo IDs I have left for her to flip through and take her pick she comes out with this smart ass remark of, "What do you think you are? A rockstar?" Perhaps I shouldn't have replied, "No bitch, if I was a rockstar you'd be sucking my dick instead of selling me smokes," but she pissed me off. So then when she gets all upset and calls security, well WTF was this bitch thinking? This is CVS security we're talking about... not an armored car. These guys stop little teenagers from shoplifting lip gloss... they don't stop nicotine fit enraged men. Needless to say they just stood there and didn't come within 25 feet of me. Finally some sort of manager came from the back and told her to just give me my smokes and let me be. Peace and Love you dumb bitch.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007Cereal Wednesday
So today once again is Cereal Wednesday! Today I am covering my most favorite cereal in the whole entire world!!! I'm sure this will probably shock and amaze you...
So if there is a cereal you want to see here on Cereal Wednesday, just leave a comment so I can remake my list. Thanks.
Labels: Cereal Wenesday
Tuesday, January 09, 2007For The Love Of It...
One of the things that KC and I passed Friday night was the scene on the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) where purported graffitti artist Ari Kraft met his end at the ripe old age of thirteen. In truth, Kraft wasn't a true graffitti artist in the true sense of artistry. Kraft was a tagger plain and simple. We had the opportunity to see the supposed "art" at around 3:00am when one of the local denizens stumbled into the scene and needed a cab ride to sobriety. Really, what he was being credited with was pretty bland.
There really is not artistry in tagging, in fact true graffitti art has taken a turn for the worst since 1989's Clean Train Movement by the MTA when the murals that once adorned the urban jungle vehicles have been wiped out through a combination of paint free surfaces and better security and enforcement in the train yards of the city where the packs of professional bombers would roam. Perhaps it is because I have more of a taste for the classical graffitti format that made the mundane unique instead of this apparent new rage that can only be compared to classic graffitti in a post-modern form.
No matter which way you do it, if Kraft truly was an artist who supposedly was known "for his graffitti" then he probably had some love for it. In an ironic turn of events his family will now be suing the LIRR for the hole in the fence that lead him onto the tracks. Yes, you read that right. His parents feel the railroad made him do it. The held a gun to Kraft's head, marched him up an embankment, through the hole, forced a can of paint into his hand, and made him technically break the law by vandalizing LIRR property which lead to his demise.
Is it just me, or is that just utterly ridiculous? In fact it is so ridiculous, I am contemplating researching Kraft's shitty tags, photographing them in the community, and then suing his parents for the vandalism and reputation damage he has contributed to graffitti art. Really. Parents who have failed to educate their children in right from wrong will blame anyone but themselves. These parents apparently plan to become rich (considering where they live... richer) off of it. In reality they should mourn their son and try to go on with their lives without thoughts of lawsuits, but in todays society it seems to be the norm to sue anyone we can for our children's missed steps and improve our personal wealth for it.
The worst part of all of this though is not the constant protection afforded to those who fail in raising their children. It is not the lack of respect shown unto the property of others or the continual de-evolution of an art form. The worst part is that one would think that Kraft fancied himself as an artist. The fact his family is using his death for a lawsuit is in fact the selfish prostitution of his life and therefore his art form... an art form he did for the love of it... and for no other apparent reason.
File this under as one more reason why those who can procreate shouldn't necessarily be doing it.
Monday, January 08, 2007It's Ooogle Monday!!!
So this is the first Ooogle Monday of the new year. Remember, Ooogling gets the blood pumping and in the end will lead to better health for all you stagnant souls.
Candy is definitely dandy in this pic...
And of course for the ladies... a little Pitt stop to fine tune those engines...
Everybody have a good week!
Labels: Ooogle Monday
Sunday, January 07, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 9
So it seems the pulse of the blogosphere is almost back up to normal levels after the holidays. Here's a recap of this week in my blogosphere:
Saturday, January 06, 2007Amateurs Do It Better. I Also Got A Girlfriend. WOO-HOO!
NOTE TO SELF: Be sure to mention at some point in the near future about the price difference of a regular brown hot chocolate vs. the new "white" hot chocolate from Dunkin' Donuts which originally what this was going to be about.
As most of you may notice today is Saturday. Imagine my surprise when I got home this morning after a summer like overnight in The Hills to find some new comments on my FOAD Post. So apparently the blogger known as Paula has seen it and decided to respond with a post of her own. I truly find it one of the better pieces of comedy written this year.
So basically here's what she has to say about me:
I posted about her yesterday, but didn't link cuz I was trying to be nice and all. That's changed. :) Virginia's BIG BAD BOYFRIEND in New York City has now come galumping to the rescue by posting a steaming load of emo dumbfuckery in a pitiful attempt to save his widdle bitches from the studded whips of Evil Writers. Gotta love his many manly ellipses though, doncha? ;)So apparently, Virginia is my girlfriend! Just when was someone going to tell me this? Why have I not received home cooked meals? What about sexual gratification from this relationship? More importantly, where is my cheese and sausage gift box? I will also be taking bets to see how long it is before my Cherry Pie renders her a paraplegic. Checking on the connecting flights from Florida, I'm betting on Monday.
So allow me to clarify a few things from that post:
1) On my use of ellipses, and directly quoted from Wikipedia:
Ellipses- in linguistics refers to any omitted part of speech that is understood; i.e. the omission is intentional. Analogously, in printing and writing, the term refers to the row of three dots (...) or asterisks (* * *) indicating such an intentional omission. This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot.I have never anywhere claimed the mantle of "professional writer" as the blogger known as PJ did on Virginia's blog. In fact I think those who have read me for awhile understand that my writing here is not truly writing, but rather having a conversation through the keyboard with all of you. Therefore, based on the second paragraph that I bolded from the Wikipedia entry, the periods of ellipsis are in fact used properly and more importantly in the proper setting. Jealousy over my extensive understanding of the English language in both the offline and online worlds will get you nowhere. Neither will using 1980 style smilicons.
2) On my FOAD post being a "steaming load of emo dumbfuckery" I will once again turn to Wikipedia:
3) Finally in reference to the "ass slurping", well the fact is that I am for all intense purposes a very acquired taste. Those who read me and comment a statement of opposition are more than free to do so. In fact I generally invite it. I do not delete comments or moderate them but I will stop bashing from my commenters onto another commenter for their view. The simple reason is that this blog is about me. This is not about my commenters, like it or not. I am a self-absorbed bitch that way.
By now everyone is pretty tired of reading this but I still have to address a few more minor points.
We will return to a conversationalist tone once again tomorrow. Points of ellipses and all....
Friday, January 05, 2007The Good Vs. Evil... And Stuff Inbetween
So I need to be honest... I still am in that FOAD state of mind. In fact, I'm brushing off redoing The Steff's resume until I calm down a bit because I'd end up writing something like, "And if you want references, suck my dick." While it in fact may be pretty hilarious to see the look on her perspective employers face... nevermind the fact that she doesn't actually have a dick... I don't think that'll get her the job. So instead here I am... still in that FOAD state of mind.
So I figured while in this state of mind I would mention a new project I have that is currently developing. Some of you may remember my years of youth with Black Hearts Inc. that I mentioned in this post. So it has always been one of my contentions that team blogs like IT2M and the former BR4W... aside from being able to use a number in their abbreviated names... often provide readers with a better experience due to diversity. In fact, it became a focal point for an hour in a 4 hour conversation with someone I met on the 'Net.
Now the person I am speaking of I really can't mention by name because... well... he isn't sure what he's going to call himself yet. So for now let's call him Mr. Z. So I actually met Mr. Z back in 2004 when I was first getting back online in a forum I used to frequent. Mr. Z and I have certain things in common about our personal lives and for the last 2+ years have spoken about a number of different subjects aside from our commonalities.
So one of the conversations was about diversity in dating. He contended that he could only date one girl at a time, having nothing to do with looks, but with just the fact that he couldn't see himself being able to enjoy the experience of many women. I on the other hand disagreed, and said that diversity makes everything better. So one of the examples I used was a Team Blog. Needless to say it turned into an hour long discussion about why Team Blogs are better than single person blogs especially since at one point he also had a blog but had fallen into despair because he felt he was talking to himself.
So last month Mr. Z brought up the whole team blog thing again and we started talking about how, what, where, we could do it and what it would be. After a few weeks of kicking around ideas we decided to indeed launch a site called... Black Hearts Inc. Now while he's the one to explain what the site is about... well I'll tell you the way I view it.
Pure unadulterated evil.
Yeah, that's it. Now don't go getting all bent out of shape... I'm not sacrificing virgins or having inter-species relations (I'm saving all that for somewhere else)... but it's basically where we choose to be evil. You're probably asking yourself, "Choose? Huh?" If you are... then obviously you don't read blog taglines because mine has been the same since day one.
So since virgins and animal sex have been knocked off the list, you're probably wondering what kind of evil will be there. Well... I know I'll be doing some videos, probably some stories about the things that have burnt me, probably some poems (stop snickering fuckface), and hopefully some cool pics. I don't know what Mr. Z plans... well... okay... I do to a degree. Anything else, I have no idea simply because, well, we don't know who else is going to want to join it. That's actually what we came to the conclusion of this morning at 5am, that we will would allow other people to contribute as well. So instead of trying to develop a Team Blog, somehow its becoming a Community Blog.
I honestly don't know how well it'll work... but its something I'm working on. Originally we had thought we might be ready to launch on January 1... but in reality we set the new date for January 14 with a decisive reason in mind. We'll basically be bashing Single Awareness Day that will be in February so we wanted to start it off with a bang... and what bangs louder or harder than the sound of broken hearts?
Even if it crashes and burns... well I think it'll be interesting to see how it develops. We're experimenting with a few different things to make it unique as compared to everything else out there... and yes... one of those things would be a forum section.
So while I'm developing this project, don't think things are changing here because they really aren't... but I won't be doing ANY linking between the two... because lets face it... Google is not my friend. So if you want to see it... remove the spaces and add a com at the end of Black Hearts Inc.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007FOAD Thursday... The First Dose Of Peace And Love For 2007
Today is the first Thursday of the new year. So with that comes the first FOAD Thursday of '07!!! Let's start dishing it out then, shall we???
If you didn't answer, "Yes we muthafuckin' shall!!!!", then FOAD. We're rollin' hardcore up in here today and if you don't like that I got two words for ya... SUCK IT!!!
Let's start the New Year right with a big FOAD to Dunkin' Donuts. Now one of the things I got this past Christmas was a gift card for my beloved large French Vanilla ice coffee, light with cream, and four Splendas. Now even though the store sold the cards during the holiday season... they apparently do no accept them. To do so requires a credit card machine... and this store owner has opted not to invest in one. So to Dunkin' Donuts, for either not making credit card machines and the acceptance of their gift card a requirement for franchisement or for not enforcing such a regulation, well just fuck off and die.
My next FOAD goes to that little bastard who happens to be married to my best friend and decided to give me Oliver Stone's newest release starring Nicholas Cage on DVD. I shall not name said movie and while I know its not the gift but the thought, well that little prick can FOAD.
My next FOAD goes to the videomakers at YouTube who advertise their video as one thing, and in reality it is something totally different. You know the ones... they advertise Britney Spears tonguing down Lindsay Lohan but in reality its a PETA Infomercial. That's false fucking advertising you asshats... so FOAD.
My next FOAD goes to the "new owners" of BlogExplosion. Oh fucking hello? Is anyone home there anymore? I seriously think the site has been abandoned by its owners/admins for that idiotic Lonely Blogger site. Why do I say this? It has been over 3 months since the front page message has changed! The "new owners" have remained in the background, and lord knows whatever happened to the "Lewis & Melissa" show. BE is officially and totally in the shitter people... and its all their fault. So to the super secret "new owners" of BE... FOAD. In fact, FOAD twice for not accepting three of my awesome banners and not wishing us a Happy New Year. Bitches.
Finally... I need to show some Peace and Love. It was inspired by this post and then the ensuing comments just proved that inbreeding in America happens with bipeds too. See, the whole post is basically about how Pit Bulls maul children. Now I will be the first one to say that ANY DOG that mauls a child should be shot between the eyes in Doggy Town Square and their owners should be held responsible because somehow they were neglectful unless the kid basically pounced on the dog in its own house or something... which still begs the question how the kid got into the house but wtfeva.
The post to be honest is not really the part that bothers me so much. Sure, its uneducated. Sure, its assumptive. Sure, its slanted. For all of these things, the most the poster deserves is to be dropped into a pen with 10 half starved Shitzus for half an hour to see exactly why its all those things. However, it was really the commenters that annoyed the piss out of me. Okay, really it was the ASS KISSING (I would say COCK SUCKING, but unless she's gonna grow a penis like CP dreams of then that's not entirely possibe) of the commenters. In fact, they kissed SO much ASS that after my love Virginia posted an entry contrary to her post... this fuckface asshat went over to her blog and left a little bit of a nastyass comment saying her "...attitude is for shit..."
Oh. Hell. Fucking. No.
You want a shitty attitude? You want a shitty attitude shoved down your gullet? I'LL GIVE YA A SHITTY ATTITUDE YOU COCKROACH EATING MAGGOT PUSSWAD! Here's a newsflash: There are fifty-two (52... in case you can't read numbers you inbred) different breeds that can be attributed to dog attack fatalities worldwide. I STRESS worldwide because the attack highlighted in the original post, whether the poster was smart enough to figure it out or not, happened in merry old England. Drug dealers and dog fighters breed aggression into Pit Bulls, the same way the Germans did into German Shepards and Dobermans. Akitas and Rottweillers are the new drug dealer dog of choice, and in roughly 10 years time there will be more breed specific legislation about them just like today its about Pit Bulls and German Shepards for most of the 20th Century. Fuck, the continent of Australia banned Shepards from their land mass! Does this mean they are not good dogs?
Go tell the blind people who have Shepards as seeing eye dogs that they aren't good dogs and need to be banned. Go tell the Search and Rescue Teams that use Shepards that they suck and need to be banned. Go tell the K-9 police units that Shepards are overly aggressive dogs and need to be banned. They'll laugh at you as I laugh at you now. Why?
Simple really... a dog is as good as its owner and its bloodline. During my mission through Saint Bernard Parish over a year ago, we were literally surrounded by a pack of dogs that had been abandoned by their owners. Rabid little animals, they were all sorts of dog including Labs, Shitzus, Terriers, one obnoxious Chihuahua and yes, a few Beagles. There must have been twenty (20) of them ready to maul us alive after spending 3+ weeks without food or water fed to them by their owners... and what was our saving grace? Two American Pit Bull Terriers who's part of the mission for us was protection. The owners were deputies in a neighboring parish that used them for just this reason. So yes, asshat, they do have other uses and if you were in our situation you would have been plenty happy to have them.
Are there bad dogs out there? Sure. They become that because of a variety of factors, such as their owners and how they are bred. You are a prime example of inbreeding gone bad, so why do you think it would be any different for any other species on the planet? Oh... shit... 'cause your inbred.
So to the Inbred Looney... I give you Peace and Love...
...Oh and please Looney... come and play... I'll be ya huckleberry...