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Tuesday, February 27, 2007The Final Ooogle, The Final FOAD... The Day The Dog DiedThat's it. It has been a long and arduous road here since November of 2005. Coming off the high that was Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita into the crashing reality that my life had gotten away from me in more ways than one... this place gave me something to help my focus. So it has been here that I sat... going through this old dog's bones... plucking off the meat and sucking out the marrow. I'm done. This may come as a huge shock to some of you, but if the truth must be told I am long overdue. There just comes a time when one has to grow, and move on or become a stagnate puddle of disease. I'm sure so many of you have felt the same way at some time or another... as virtual slaves to the blog. I need to break these chains. There is only one way I know how, and this is it. I love you all... more than I ever thought would ever be possible had you told me about it back in 2005. This is harder than you think, but I hope you will all understand. I hope you will all know me well enough to be happy for me, as I would be happy for you if you were granted this freedom. As a parting gift my beloved little droogies... I will be leaving you all this final Ooogle...  ... which is also the last and final FOAD... to Blogger. Take your Beta. Shine it up. Turn this whore sideways... and... well... you know what you can do with it. Be good to one another... remember me fondly... see you when I see you*. Mr. CFP... let the firing of the EMP Strike against Blogspot commence. *Which will be when YOU read the shirt CAREFULLY... or just click it... bitches. Labels: blogosphere, FOAD, Ooogle Monday  
Sunday, February 18, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday 15... The 500th Post Edition Today is a very special edition of Smorgashboard Sunday. It is special not so much for the wonderful content highlight's I've had this past week, but more because once I subtract a few unpublished drafts and T's little day here at the APODB, this become's the 500th post. Pretty cool huh? We'll lament on it further down in the post, for now on to the past week (and nauseating lovey dovey stuff) in my blogosphere...
.:*:. I don't know where the number 500 fits in with the blogging world. It sounds like a lot of posts. There are times when I can be pretty damn wordy, and other times when I'm really not. If we assume that I averaged 250 words a post (which is about 5 paragraphs worth), then I have posted 125,000 words to this blog. That translates to a roughly 400 page paperback novel. Yeah... I basically wrote a book here. Of course, the whole reason I started this was to get past the writer's block I was having, but that has been highlighted in my previous post. One of the things I never realized was what exactly I would find during the time I wrote those 500 posts. There are a lot of great people out here on the Internet. There are also a bunch of idiots. Now I know it may not be PC to call them that, I mean they are entitled to their own opinions and all that. I also know there are times when I spew what seems to be "hater" speech... when in reality it is more of a "rager" mentality... but in the end this is still a personal blog about me. It is also very good cheap therapy. I also like reading what other people have to say and the variety of lives that are lead. I like the rawness of it, and the honesty to it all. I never really read personal blogs before writing here... but to be honest, before writing here, there were a few blogs I did visit... you know, the "professional" blogs. Like Gothamist. I've been reading Gothamist for awhile. I like the style on most of their articles, and I also like the way they have branched out into other cities while keeping the same sort of feel as the original. While the majority of Gothamist is derived from the dailies, they also do have original content. In fact, to be honest, their daily recap called Extra, Extra was the inspiration for Smorgashboard Sunday. One of the things I like is they highlight a picture of New York from amongst a wide variety of city Flickr images. So imagine my surprise when on the eve of my 500th post, the Extra, Extra at Gothamist showed this...  Yes, that is a picture of the Empire State Building with a plane hand drawn and appearing to crash into it.Fucking bastards who dare to call themselves New Yorkers. So for the 500th post here at the APODB... we would like to send Gothamist a resounding Fuck Off And Die. I know it isn't FOAD Thursday... but ranting and raving about the stupidity out there on the Internet is somewhat a staple here as much as the drama in my life and the cereal I talk about. Their level of "professionalism" in my opinion has plummeted to the lowest there is. Labels: blogosphere, FOAD, Smorgashboard Sunday
Sunday, February 11, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 14 Did you see me glow? I'm still filled with gamma radiation from my little scan yesterday morning. Even though it was quite an obnoxious experience I know your all dying to hear about, today is Smorgashboard Sunday and it is time to offer you the best morsels of the past week in my blogosphere...
Oh, and the bear at the top... he's begun his journey to The Steff. I love tracking packages sent via 'net... hopefully he won't get delayed in Louisville or take the long way like last time. Labels: blogosphere, Smorgashboard Sunday
Friday, February 09, 2007Finally Friday...I'll be honest... I'm fighting to stay awake until my normal 3:00am bedtime so that I can get back on schedule. The changed shifts this past week has thrown my body out of sync. I felt blah before... but now I'm blah and cold. Yeah... the weather is catching up to me. I never used to have this issue. In fact, most winters I would work in short sleeves throughout with maybe a sweatshirt for the zero degree nights. This winter... well I've been wearing sweatshirts since December even though it wasn't so cold on the nights I worked. It must be a sign of aging. Oh well. So as I mentioned previously I got nominated for the Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards (RFS). A quick look over at the site tells me I'm gonna get railed by the Fab family again... unless you my most beloved harem go and save me from the humiliation. In fact, while your there... vote like this... 1) Satan for Most Romantic Male Blogger 2) Beauty and the Beer for Most Romantic Female Blogger 3) Miss Ann Thrope for the Blogger Who Swears More Than Seven Times 4) Pointless Drivel for the Blogger Most Likely To Blog On The Toilet 5) Pile of Dog Bones for Sweetheart of the Blogging World (that's me!) 6) Stupid Human Tricks for the Blogger Most Likely To Quit in 185 Days 7) IT2M for the Happiest Place On Earth (really... it is) 8) Avitable for the Blogger Most Likely To Get A Handshake For Valentine's Day 9) Fuck 101. 'Nuff Said. 10) Miss Britt for Blogger of the Month Yeah... vote like that... you can even copy and paste it if you want. I live to serve. For the record though, Avitable will get more than a handshake from his cell mate when he's arrested for stalking Britt, Satan wines and dines Beer all the time, I don't count Mr. CFP as still blogging because a post a week does not a blogger make, Mr. Fab does more than just blog on the toilet and Fuck 101 knows this firsthand, and finally... I curse WAY more than Miss Ann does... and she knows it too. She knows other stuff too but as usual... she's torturing me 'cause she's jealous that I can craft the word fuck into a grammatically correct 15 word sentence 8 times. It's tough being me. Really. .:*:. So for those of you with no clue about the social events calendar in the place they call the real world, next week is *GAG* Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day. I just do. Oh sure, its going to be a usual Valentine's Day for me... Pudding and Blinky get the Godiva, Christine will get her dozen yellow roses, The Steff will get her Vermont Teddy Bear and probably yellow roses too since I really feel the need to piss Donkey off and I didn't get a picture of us while I was wearing my "I Taught Your Girlfriend That Thing You Like" sweatshirt to give to him. It's a standard Valentine's Day with one small minor exception. It is also Wednesday... which means it will be Cereal Wednesday. Now I already know the cereal I'm doing since I recreated the list... but I want to do something with a pop to celebrate the day. Should we get a guest for it? If so... then who? Should we call Miss Ann so she can ask me off cereal questions again? Maybe we should take it on the road? It's something I've been thinking about... but then I got to thinking about reverse engineering and stuff and now... well... I'm looking for opinions and ideas. So if you have one... now's the time to share it. I live to serve. Labels: blogosphere, Cereal Wenesday
Thursday, February 08, 2007It's Thursday And I Got Four Words For Ya...So today is once again Thursday. It is that lovely day where I take all the things that have pissed me off, gotten on my nerves, crawled under my skin, and screeched the chalkboard with their fingernails... and I tell them, "Hey, I got four words for ya... Fuck Off And Die!" While it may seem juvenile to some... it's a helluva lot cheaper (and safer for me) than therapy.  However before we go onto the tirade... and understand that's exactly what this is especially since I am not working my usual shift but am on an overnight... I need to point out that I have been nominated for an award. Yes, that's right, little old me has been nominated over at the RFS Blog Awards. Now my loyal harem will remember when I first tried to get myself written in over there on their last round for Porn King '06. Afterall... I do give ya'll Ooogle Monday every Monday... but I lost to the Lemur Pimp Mr. Fab. To be honest, I was more miffed over the fact that they wouldn't count my write-in campaign than the actual loss. Add to the fact that awards mean... well... jack shit to me... it really wasn't a big deal. So imagine my surprise when I received the comment that I had been nominated this round!It turns out that my most beloved blogger thought I would conquer all in the category of... yeah, I almost choked to be honest... Sweetheart of the Blogging World. Yeah... I kid you not. At first I really thought that there had been some heavy duty gourmet oregano usage on her part... but after awhile I can kinda dig it. I mean, c'mon, how many Sweethearts do you know that every Thursday have four words for ya? Right... very few. Now I'll be honest here... my competition is very, very tough. I'm up against another Fab, a Kept Woman, the Organizer Herself, and of course they had to throw in the ONLY other blogger who probably has Four Words for Y'All... and not just on Thursdays. Yeah. I'm definitely the underdog. I'll talk more about this tomorrow with my picks for the other categories, unless I have something else important to say, but I just want it out there that yeah, I got nominated... so keep me in mind. Now on to be therapized... To my dear animal rights activists who protested Groundhog's Day... FOAD. Those Groundhogs have THE LIFE! They really do. So for you to protest their "captivity" for "entertainment" purposes, well you really need to get laid and loosen the fuck up. I love me Groundhog's Day and they don't need saving. Why don't you go save the Turkey from Thanksgiving. If any American animal holiday icon needs your help, it's that one. To the dear little snob bitch at the mall the other day... I will admit my appearance may not be as upscale as some of your other clientèle, seeing as how I actually WORK for a living. I will admit that maybe leaning on the glass counter was not proper etiquette. However, for you to come out of your face and tell me that the watches in that case were "probably" out of my price range was totally un-mother-fucking-called for. Which is exactly why after you pissed me off, I bought two from the other associate working the counter with you. In cash. FOAD dumb stereotyping bitch. To idiots armed with Nextels... FOAD. It is really simple... I put out a schedule every Friday for the following week. Generally, if I am on the schedule for a 7:00am shift, why would you chirp me at midnight? For those of you who don't use Nextel, if you just press the button and release it without talking it "chirps" the other person so they know you are calling. I hate that. I hate that with a passion. So when you chirp me at midnight, and I'm due in at 7, which means I'm up at 5, is it really wise to then PISS ME OFF MORE by asking me the stupidest question that was already told to you 50 gazillion times? The answer is no. Hence why I am now working your tour... and your not. I hope you like that dip in the paycheck idiot. Quick shot FOADs to YouTube for not allowing me more than 10 minutes to spew about cereal, BlogExplosion for still not allowing me to do BOTB even though my trouble ticket is 3 weeks old, and to Vermont Teddy Bear who does not allow for scheduled delivery but instead you need to time your order to coincide with the holiday. They are all plotting against me... and no... I'm not paranoid. Finally, it is time to show some Peace and Love to a brood of nitwits that reside here in the blogosphere. It started this past weekend over at the blogosphere's official Hotbed of Controversy. So there's a new "review site" out there for blogs... called So Many Blogs, So Little Time... and yes I am linking them because I know you're all lazy. It turns out that they basically are another rag-tag group of phonies who copied IT2M in everything from the cartoon avatars, to calling themselves bitches, to literally the IT2M TOS verbatim. Real fucking original. I hate that to begin with, because I find it to be the absolute WORST offense committable by a blogger, which is something I hold over from the writer in me, but whatever. That's not why they are being shown Peace and Love. So you know... Monday was slow for me... and for whatever reason the rest of the sphere was eerily quiet... so I left a comment. They deleted it. I left another one. Then they deleted the post I left it on. Then they made another post, referencing my comment they had deleted. So I left another comment. They deleted that one too. So I did it again. Finally they came back and tried to get all snarky and bitchy with me. The thing is... it felt mad familiar... and mad old. So I tend to think they researched people who have snarked or bitched at me and probably copied it. So now... what do I hate more than Frosted Flakes? Yep... comment and post deleters. So to the wanna be blog review tyrant whores with the un-original ideas and concepts... Peace and Love...  ... and that's Doggy Style baby!!!Labels: blogosphere, FOAD, Ground Hog's Day
Sunday, January 28, 2007Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 12 So today is once again Smorgashboard Sunday... and it is time for a sampling from this past week in my blogosphere... indulge and engorge yourselves...
.:*:. Reminder to self- blog about my Saratoga Racing Horse Bitch when awake an not smelling like puke from the OAR concert. Also how I apparently made one of my dispatchers have a heart malfunction. Also how the Dunkin Donuts White Hot Chocolate pricing is biased. Also... oh fuck it. I'll get to everything soon enough. Labels: blogosphere, Smorgashboard Sunday
Sunday, January 21, 2007Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 11 Well today is once again Sunday... and although the calendar says we are starting a new week, I'll be recapping the past week in my blogosphere...
.:*:. Labels: blogosphere, Smorgashboard Sunday
Sunday, January 14, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday Edition X So today is Sunday, and yet another week has gone by in my dear old blogosphere. Here are the highlights from this week...
Labels: blogosphere, Smorgashboard Sunday
Sunday, January 07, 2007Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 9 So it seems the pulse of the blogosphere is almost back up to normal levels after the holidays. Here's a recap of this week in my blogosphere:
Labels: blogosphere, Smorgashboard Sunday
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