A Pile of Dog Bones


“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!!!

Halloween has finally arrived! There will be ghosts, goblins, and all sorts of evilness in the streets tonight! For one day out of the year death, destruction, and mayhem become common place! For one day... I won't feel so damn out of place! Did I mention that there is free candy involved???

Some of you may remember the photo above being mentioned in a previous post this month. It is the grave of a very famous person... specifically on Halloween. So if you missed Denise who had answered the question of the grave correctly... well you can see a better picture of it on my photoblog... and it is in fact the grave of Harry Houdini. So those are two people who you may not have known fascinate me... Jack The Ripper and Harry Houdini. I suppose in a way I like the fact that both kept their secrets from the world... and in the process have become pretty much bigger in death than they were in life because of that.

I'll be honest... originally I was going to blog about Harry and how he rose from poverty and obscurity to be one of the biggest names in the world... but you can just read the Wiki article on him if you feel the need to know more. But I was actually on the phone with someone for 88 minutes Sunday night who said something that gave me mental material to ponder, besides the fact that when I quit smoking I may no longer be able to drink coffee. Even though they will say I can speak in coherent sentences, well they're just wrong. Something they did mention though was how they don't really know me.

It wasn't in a bad way or anything, but we always say how we really don't know the people who's blogs we read or those who comment. I'm sure everyone knows what I mean... so I won't get into a long drawn out soliloquey about the difference between online personas and real life personalities. It made me ponder just how much I really know myself. So yeah... this post is going deep so turn back now if your not feeling it.

Honestly I have to admit that I never thought I would have been able to maintain this blog. I had tried doing one back in 2004 and scrapped it after around 4 or 5 entries. I did so because ultimately I didn't feel it was conveying what I wanted to say and I was limited with my computer access at the time. It became easier to write in a $7.99 blank journal for those 3 or 4 months... which in the end I think has been some of the absolute BEST writing I have ever done. Of course, what happened to that book is neither here nor there. It came from the soul and was infused with the person I am... or perhaps the person I was. I believe the person it was meant for got the message I was trying to send... and although the outcome of it was not what would some may have deemed as desired... in the end I think it was a success in saying what my soul so desperately needed to say.

Now that book is lost to me so going back to it isn't possible. However luckily I have this blog and these archives. Looking through it I have to ask myself how true have I really portrayed myself here. Is this really me... or is this just another Halloween mask I'm wearing. This is what I pondered a little less than a year ago. This is what I pondered at 5:00am this morning while also looking at pot roast recipies. This is something I may still ponder 5 years from now wherever I may be.

I don't think there is a yes or no answer to this question as simple as it may sound. On a post by post basis I can say, "No, this isn't the real me." Collectively however, it is far easier to say, "Yeah, this is me. Warts, blemishes, FOADs, and all." I am quite a few different things here whether you may realize it or not. Yet I tend to think that I may be more than 396 blog posts... hell I hope I am. Otherwise there is all there is about me to know. How mundane and boring. I sincerely hope that deep down there is something else waiting to be discovered... to be awakened...
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The beep was not a harsh sound. It was a constant, never wavering, and steady beep. It was lingering in the back of a mind. Whose mind?

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. My mind. But who am I?

A new sound. This was not a harsh sound either. It was also constant, never wavering, and steady with the rise of his chest. My chest is rising every time I hear the Whoosh.

Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh Beep. Beep. Whoosh Beep. Beep. Whoosh Beep.

A new sensation. In his left hand. Softness. Smoothness. Slight pressure. An irregularity on the fourth finger. It was a hand squeezing his. Naturally he tried to squeeze back. Then the softness was gone. The smoothness had disappeared. The irregularity was a figment of his imagination.

Light. Bright and white. Harsh. Voices drowning out the beep and the whoosh. The feeling of coldness on his chest causes a scream. Yet there is still only the sound of the voices and every now and then a beep or a whoosh. The voices are harsh too. Separated. Scattered. Back to black.

“… two months…”

“… swelling is down… more time…”

“… damage may b…”

“He did squeeze my hand.” Not that voice. No, no harshness there. Softness. Clarity. Tenderness. Vanilla. Then silence.

Beep. Whoosh. Beep. Whoosh. Beep.
So tonight is Halloween. The world will don masks and parade in the glamour of being anyone but themselves. Tonight I will no longer be out of place. When the day is done everyone else will take their masks off. Perhaps with some determination, desire, and of course a little luck... maybe I'll take mine off too and those who do not read this blog... who cannot see the collective as a whole... perhaps they will see me for who I really am. Maybe... just maybe... I may see myself for who I really am for the first time in a long time without the aid of a computer screen.

And in the end if I can't take it off... if I continue to be like Harry and Jack to the world... then so be it... because at least I can always look at myself here.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/31/2006 12:10:00 AM :: :: 9 Bones Added to the Pile

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Monday, October 30, 2006

Ooogle Monday... The Ripped Edition

WARNING: This post contains graphical gore and hellish images. If you are squeamish, if you faint at the thought of blood, or if you are frequented by nightmares of Ooompa Loompas eating your pie then go here today and come back tomorrow

So since we are on the eve of All Hallow's Eve I will be dedicating this Ooogle Monday to the man who for many years inspired me to question the obvious, to look beneath the layers of skin that cover our bones, and to develop such a keen sense of self survival. What many people probably don't know is that for many years I studied this man with admiration... both for his tenacity as well as audacity. The man I write of I often refer to as Mr. Saucy... but you probably know him as Jack The Ripper.
Finding Polly

So in honor of Mr. Saucy... I give you the one... the only... Mary "I Got Ripped" Kelly...
Ms. Mary Kelly... the final Ripper Victim

For those of you who also may be interested in Jack The Ripper be sure to go visit Casebook: Jack The Ripper... undeniably the most comprehensive Jack The Ripper database on the 'net.

Also during this week I'll be running a "Death Series" over at my photoblog. I do assure you though... none of it is gory like this.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/30/2006 12:39:00 AM :: :: 9 Bones Added to the Pile

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Sunday, October 29, 2006

Cotton Mouth Sunday

Yeah. So the clocks fell "back" last night over here on the east coast. The only benefit to it really is that for one night out of the year the bars stay open an hour later. Luckily last night was The Hills 35th Dinner... so the bar actually didn't close at all.

Needless to say I got home at 7 this morning... which was really 6. I have since woken up with an incredible hangover and very little recollection of the events of last night. I know the last few weeks there has been some discussion as to what The Steff would be wearing to the gala event. So here is a picture that I don't remember taking but was in my camera this morning. Yeah... she was gorgeous as always. I do remember that.

The Steff

It has also been reported via third party that they actually served dinner there. Well, I missed that. I might have been unconscious somewhere. I don't even really know. In fact I ate nothing which undoubtedly has caused me to be in the condition I am in. I've also heard that at some point I was given an award for some crap about service and dedication. I don't remember that... and I haven't found anything with my name on it that resembles an award.

Here's what I DO know. I know the bartender's name was Maria. I know she had no Jack Daniels (which is actually a good thing since JD makes me violent) so I had Dewars and Coke. I know I gave her a $50 tip. I know she did her job. How do I remember that? I don't need to. This horrendous cottonmouth I have tells me that. The photographic evidence in this picture backs that up. Notice the straw coming out of the glass in my hand. I don't remember using it. See the smile on my face? Well I never smile so I must have had a good time.

Steff and Dog

So I need to shower, re-hydrate myself, get dressed, return the tux, and at some point I need to try and explain what tantric sex is before I go to work the overnight tonight. All this plus my vacation time next week apparently wasn't approved. Yeah. I'm in a righteous mood today.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/29/2006 02:20:00 PM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Office

So Avitable did this post that he was inspired to do from another blogger who does it. I have therefore been inspired by Avitable to do a similar thing. I also thought it may be interesting to those who filled out The MeMe From Hell and have never been in an ambulance. I didn't do any titling on it or anything so it's just me in my "office".

So there it is... my office.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/28/2006 04:01:00 PM :: :: 14 Bones Added to the Pile

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Friday, October 27, 2006

The MeMe From Hell

I've been trying to do this meme now for a few days... but something ALWAYS happens. So finally here it is. The first time I saw it was in the Secret Layer of the Blogger Formally Known As Miss Ann, and then Avi had it, and then Dramedy had it, and a bunch of other people as well... so here's mine...

DO YOU SNORE?
When I sleep on my back, yeah.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
Fight first and be lovey later. Make up fucking is the best.

WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR?
My worst fear is that no one will remember my name.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
Absolutely not! I was THE LEGO MASTER!!! I actually apprenticed when I was 12 for a week with a guy named Hans who built a White House and Capitol Building model that toured malls around the country.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?
I loved The Real World and Road Rules. Notice I used the word "loved". Like everything else it has become a commercialization ploy and I find it annoying.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
Not really, but I do chew on toothpicks.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Define cute. I'm was the antonym.

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
It was once... maybe it will be once again.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Black and silver with white letters and yellow LEDs.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
No way.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
I was not allowed by their insurance company.

ANY SECRET TALENTS
I bake.

WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
A country farm in the south near a plantation. This way I get my southern fix, my honey's in the hoop skirts, and some PEACE AND QUIET.

CAN YOU SWIM?
Doggy paddle. Duh.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
Mmmmm... maybe. Was there a talking dog in it?

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Does the Ozone give a damn about me? Right... the feelings mutual.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
297 with a wet tongue. 463 with a dry one. Don't believe me? Try it.

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I'm not dyslexic... and I'd prefer to stay that way.

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
Electric. A manual pencil sharpener to me is a pocketknife.

WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
As far away as possible. I don't have a problem if the hunt is actually for food... like when Porkman hunts the gators for the gumbo... but I'm not feeling guys who just hunt for the trophies.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
It could be if I found the right woman.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah... even though no one in the world can read what I write it makes it kinda cool... like my own secret dialect.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Ambient Stupidity. When people exhibit it my limbs shake violently and I foam at the mouth.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU” ?
Yesterday.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
No way. Those are happy occasions. One less single guy looking for a piece of the pie.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
I used to have an egg allergy. Ever since I discovered I outgrew it (last year) I don't care... I just like them cooked.

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Some are. So are some brunettes. The only people who are ahead of the game are the redheads. I've never met a dumb one.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Sock heaven... where all the good socks go.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
1450.

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Yeah... and its what I'm writing under right now.

IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING?
Compared to the other shit I've seen people eat... no.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
3 hours ago.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
I LOVE BATHS. But my tub isn't big enough for a good one... so it's a massaging showerhead.

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
This is something I could make into one of those long winded philosophical posts. I won't though... not yet. In short the answer is maybe.

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Yes. But I LOVE having my ears nibbled on. Drives me wild.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Ha! The dark is afraid of me.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Diet Coke. French Vanilla Ice Coffee. The smell of vanilla. Of course the Internet and my favorite blawgs!

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Creamy and smooth...

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
Amongst other things... absolutely. I crack it probably every two hours. It's a stress thing.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Ha! Yes... in fact I've ridden in every seat AND on the stretcher.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
Sure... if its for you. That also means no Tylenol, Aspirin, or Thera-Flu. If your going to promote yourself as Drug Free then be it... don't be a hypocrite.

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
I can be... it really depends on how much sleep I got the night before.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
It's okay. It has been better. It has also been worse.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
I think I might have something with my dreams... some of them come true every now and then.

HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE?
Yeah. I wasn't crazy about it though.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Nope.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Yeah. And no... I'm not sorry for it.

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
No... but I can sit in the jacuzzi at the lodge real well.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Yeah, its okay. I did quite a bit of it as a kid in the scouts, so it doesn't bother me like it bothers other people. In fact... it can be quite funny when you go with people who haven't done it before.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
Well a snort is an air intake move... I'm usually expelling air... so I don't snort... but I may snot.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
Absolutely!

ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND?
Absolutely not. Man is Dog's best friend... and needs to remember his place. Now give me my supper!

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
I did not believe in divorce... until it happened to me.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Nope.

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
I'd like to think not... but the ones I do I can recognize them as mistakes.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
It's okay. No big deal.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Beef brisket and mashed potatoes from Ms. Kim's.

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Not anymore.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW?
I like a lot of people. I love very few. I hate fewer. Then there's a whole herd of people I have no feelings for what so ever.

WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
Jarod and his Subway Sandwhich commercials. Total bullshit.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
No. Their shit isn't even made in America. Not even Mexico.

FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Serial Thrilla by The Prodigy... I know its old, but that's the type of mood I've been in this week.


Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/27/2006 06:03:00 PM :: :: 5 Bones Added to the Pile

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Hold The Honors... It's All Just Drama

So normally my posts get written around 11:00pm or midnight and posted for the day. Well that didn't happen because I had to do a striptease for the Master of PHP via webcam. Sorry for all of you who inadvertently were blinded by it. Then I had some other stuff to do and some Netflix movies to watch and the next thing I knew it was 5:00am and bed time. So for all of you who need your APODB fix first thing in the morning... well if it ever happens again just go watch an episode of the Teletubbies... they're more interesting anyway.

Fridays I generally honor my tenant and landlords. Well as some of you may have noticed... I have no tenant since Delilah left. My stay at IT2M also came to a close so I'm really not staying anywhere either. I think I'm coming to a close with the Rent-My-Blog phenomenon. The concept of it is nice... but I think people place the value on it in the wrong way. I'll leave the code for now... and maybe one day if I'm really bored I'll open myself up again for a week here and there... but I don't plan on it becoming a regular thing.

.:*:.

Now on to the Drama. So it turns out that last weekend The Donkey took The Steff dress shopping after he heard I was taking her Sunday. So this is the dress she got. I think it's nice... but considering how EVERYBODY liked the simple dress as opposed to the dress I liked last week, well I guess I just don't have THE fashion sense.

Wednesday night, as many of you may have noticed by yesterday's rant, I went to the bar with some of the guys from The Hills. The Steff met us there, and over black and tans and amaretto sours she confided that she was really unhappy about the dress. She is a girl in the makeup and hair sense but she absolutely HATES dresses and skirts. I sort of knew this was coming... considering that in the 3.5 years I've known her I have seen her in a skirt zero times. Everything has always been either jeans, slacks, or pantsuits.

Now I can't stand it when she's unhappy. So guess where I'll be tomorrow? Yeah... shopping for her for something to wear tomorrow night that she likes and will be happy in. This shopping expedition of course will happen after my 10:00am hair appointment for my dye job. Why am I stressing about my hair so much? Well last Saturday was the eldest wolf's confirmation. So there in the middle of Spulmoni Gardens with everyone listening, Pudding says, "Boy Dog, no wonder you can't find a girl, you're going all gray."

Right. The fact that most of the gray hairs comes from her and the insanity she spontaneously puts me through was mentioned in my defense however by, of all people, her girlfriend. So I guess everything is not as peachy as it would seem in rainbow land. Go figure. So this has driven me to examining my head pretty much everyday. I don't think I'm a vain person... but the thought of gray hair makes me bonkers. I'm a Toys'R'Us kid... I don't wanna grow up...

I've had my hair dyed before with mixed results. Christine has done it a few times for me, my mom did it for me twice, and Pudding did it for me when it was her wifely duty. So now tomorrow morning The Steff has made an appointment for me with her salon friend, who is also responsible for all her dye jobs, Marissa. So for the first time, in an effort to conquer the encroaching gray in my quaff, I'm having it done by a pro.

Getting old sucks.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/27/2006 11:34:00 AM :: :: 0 Bones Added to the Pile

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It's Another FOAD Thursday At The APODB

Thursday is upon us. Let the FOADs begin with a vengeance...

First to Blogger and their outages. I lost the big meme that everyone has been doing lately. I was doing it because I was severely bored at work... and well it was pretty cool once you got to around question 15 or so. Of course, Blogger had an outage today and listed it in PDT. Of course I miscalculated and lost the entire thing. So Blogger... here's yet another FOAD for you to endure.

My next once again is aimed at BE. Now to be fair, BE service has improved over the past few weeks. The banners for my Photoblog were approved in 18 hours. The load times have been pretty good, and aside from a hangup on the Rent-Your-Blog code that occures occasionally its been pretty good. Then Monday I submitted the banners I made for my day as a bitch. I mean hey, I made them and everyone seemed to like'em, so they should be seen in my opinion. So I uploaded them Monday morning and assigned some credits so they could start rotation. So far... nada. So this FOAD is more because BE falsely gave me hope as far as returning to a somewhat decent service as opposed to just being them. At this point I honestly feel if they went the way of BlogClicker, although every now and then you find a gem in the pile of stones, they really wouldn't be doing anyone a disservice. The sad part is there are people who volunteer their time over there and get discouraged when they see something like this... but it isn't about the vollies... it's about the people who are making money off the site. So FOAD BE.

FOAD work. Just FOAD and the beauracratic bullshit that has consumed the business of making a difference in people's lives.

My next FOAD is aimed at the manager from Dunkin' Donuts... not Julio. Well it turns out the manager found out about the pics I took of Julio... and decided to suspend him. Needless to say I got into the manager's face about it because that shit is wrong. I don't care if Julio is illegal or not and gets paid under minimum wage so they feel he isn't a real employee, but to punish him for something I did is fucking wrong. So I invited the manager to punish me in the parking lot... which he of course declined. Julio was back to work the next day... AND he made my shit right! The manager still needs to FOAD. Oh... and the Labor Board will be there next week. I hope that manager can explain how three of the four people behind the counter aren't being paid the proper wage... much less on the books.

Finally I have some Peace and Love to spread. I need to show Peace and Love to those who believe that this blog, or their own blog, is the end all be all of the world as they know it. Your nothing but an Internet addict and need a fucking intervention. Peace and Love to those who think that because you read this blog you think you know enough about me to judge me as a pedophile or as someone empty and lonely. Lonely, sure... but empty? Fucktards I'm at the 275 lbs mark, so I'm full of something. Even if its shit its still something. Pedophile... HA! I fucking proof the girls before looking. As for talking... well we've been down that road.

Peace and Love to those who think that a bad word and negativity should be ignored. Fact of life people... negativity exists for a reason. It exists to balance out the world otherwise we would all be shiny happy people with bowl haircuts, white picket fences, and 2.5 kids playing with Fido in the backyard with absolutely no civic liberties left whatsoever. In other words, negativity is a version of an opinion that adds diversity to the world. Deal with it... don't shut it out and delete it. Otherwise you become delusional and aren't able to deal with the occasional harsh truth that you are in fact delusional to a fault because the world is not the peach you thought it to be. Take it all in... evaluate it... and decide what you find to be bullshit or not. There is truth in everything... it just isn't necessarily obvious.

You can say the glass is half full all you want... to me and mine it is half-empty and we're looking for the container to refill it. When everyone says, "Oh my god that accident is so bad they must be dead!" me and mine are saying, "I got the tube!" How much jollier can we fucking be? Nothing is impossible... it just takes longer. But the secret to that success is being negative as well as positive, because if you get your hopes up every single time and have them smashed when you're not used to it... if it matters you won't care anymore. Not caring isn't negativity. Not caring is being apathetic. At that point you might as well be dead.

Peace and Love to the shiny happy people who think there doesn't need to be a balance in the universe and who are stupid enough to think that lightpoles kill. The worse they do is send you into a coma, allow you to sue a city, and then have a baseball players plane crash into the condo on the upper eastside that you bought with that money... which will lead to just another lawsuit and undoubtedly more money. It really isn't that bad a deal when you think about it.

Oh... and if this seems wacked out, confused, and disturbed... yeah... I've been drinking... so FOAD if that makes a difference to you.

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Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/25/2006 11:45:00 PM :: :: 13 Bones Added to the Pile

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Story Of The Day

So for 6 hours tonight I spent being tortured by the EMO group Story Of The Day. Well... okay, so they were the headliner of a four band line-up over at Irving Plaza tonight. I ended up on the job at the last minute because the Secret Squirrel needed it covered emergently. I should have asked who was playing. The whole "Oh my life sucks having been born with a silver spoon in my mouth and getting everything I wanted and so now I'm going home so I can bleed out all the life my parents gave me" is fucking old. Granted, most EMO chicks I find cute... but I used to roll Goth style, so its all in the eyeshadow really... but I would need to check their ID before talking to them. What really made my blood boil was the encore. Their curfew was at midnight. So at 12:04 they decided to do a 9 minute rendition of Metallica's Enter Sandman. What. The. Fuck. If you're going to encore do one of your own songs. If your going to cover Metallica... make sure your drummer has, let alone play, a double bass drum and make sure your singer knows the fucking words. Duh.

But you see that isn't the real Story Of The Day. Nope... not by a mile. Today in New York City a milestone court decision was made. It really is a landmark and changes the way I will be going to the bathroom from now on. Ladies and gentleman... or specifically those of you who CONSIDER yourselves either a lady or a gentleman but biologically are both... Transgendered Sexual people may now use whichever restroom of the gender they decide to be. Shocked? I'm thrilled. Now granted this decision really only affects the MTA bathrooms, but it will in all likelihood become a standard citywide. It's only a matter of time.

Now I bet a bunch of you are wondering why I would be thrilled. Don't misunderstand me... I'm a man and proud to be a man (well, except when one of us "men" do stereotypical stupid things) and have no plans on changing my gender. However, over the years I have developed somewhat of a small set of man boobs. I had them as a kid... lost them when I was weight lifting... and slowly they've returned.

Therefore I have decided that when I need to drop the kids off in the pool, if I need to look in a mirror to see how badly my hat looks, or if I want a cappuccino (because we all know those makers are standard order in all women's bathrooms... what else could you all be doing in there for so long?) I will consider myself a woman.

Hear me rawr!!!
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/25/2006 01:29:00 AM :: :: 2 Bones Added to the Pile

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Monday, October 23, 2006

Back To Being Just A Bastard

So my day as a bitch over at IT2M has come to an end. I have to say it was a blast. Everyone seemed to like the banners, and I even got my own psycho hosebeast blogger who has gone so far as to ban my IP from her site. Boo. Hoo. So I guess I created some controversy. Ooops... not. So thanks to everyone who stopped by and thanks to them for having me

It was a good change of pace and an important exercise in deadlines. Some of you may have noticed, or not, that I have started blogging every day including Saturday and Sundays. It isn't due to sever boredom. I'm in training. Yes... in a little more than a week I will start my first NaNoWriMo. One months time needs to result in 50,000 words for me to be considered a winner or completionist or whatever it is they call it. So doing those reviews with a deadline was important even though it may not have seemed it.

One of the interesting things about NaNoWriMo is that it requires you to start from scratch. I'm not sure how well I can do with that part. One of the basic things I've been taught over the years is that you should write what you know. So if I do that... is it really truly starting from scratch?

Meanwhile, my so called "passion" project continues to linger. It really was a simple thing... 20 chapters, 5,000 words a chapter, about something I know intimately how to do with a few turns and twists in it. While ultimately it was fiction, there was some real life basis to it too. I originally wanted it out to the agents by this past August... but that hasn't quite worked out. I even figured out that had I done that by August, well I had until November to get it into IUniverse if I decided to self-publish. November is next week. I'm 75,000 words short. Not gonna happen.

So why do NaNoWriMo? I don't know to be honest. Change of pace maybe? It could be that hopefully by doing this I can finally break my block. Maybe I can get a publishable novel! In most likelihood I'll get 50,000 words of shit I can add to my "Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda Done Better" pile.

.:*:.

On a slightly related note there is a Standford Study that says that 1 out of 8 Americans show problematic Internet Addiction. Not too surprisingly, Internet Addiction is no longer limited to porn or gaming websites. Blogs are now considered addictive as well. I'm really not that surprised... it's true that there are some sites I feel a NEED to read over others. I'm just wondering how addictive I am to other people... and no mom you don't count.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/23/2006 11:03:00 PM :: :: 15 Bones Added to the Pile

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Sunday, October 22, 2006

No Ooogle For You!



Yep... it is the end of the world as you know it.

And if you don't "get" the banner...

Do you "get it" now? If not then simply click here.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/22/2006 11:43:00 PM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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Another Lazy Sunday...

So yesterday I had to attend the oldest of the Wolves ( wolves=step kids... for Miss Britt and Dawn) confirmation ceremony inducting him as an adult into the Roman Catholic Church. Allow me to say this... I am SO glad I no longer regularly attend services because of the blatant hypocrism of the attendees who profess to be believers in the faith, Pudding excluded even though hers is "loud and proud". However I do believe Church ceremonies may be in my future... because there were so many sluts walking around I had to keep checking my wallet to make sure I wasn't paying for their services. I can't figure out why priests like little boys when they could easily pluck one of these slutty sheep from the congregation to do the Lord's work for them. So today is going to be a lazy day for me. I may troll some of the baptisms and masses going on looking for a date for the Hills Dinner next weekend.

In the meantime I want to share with you one of the coolest things I honestly can't wait for. Even though Halloween hasn't arrived yet, there is talk in the city of Thanksgiving. Some people may find this a little bit odd... but here in New York City our holidays are synonymous with one commercial name. Macy's.

While the Fourth of July fireworks are always nice, and seeing Santa on 34th Street is too... well nothing compares to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I have a long history with this parade. My father would have you believe the first time I saw the parade live I was 6. In reality all I saw was the ass of some woman who thought it was her god given right to wear spandex in front of me because he refused to lift "the fat one" onto his shoulders. I actually marched in it back in I think 1986 or 1987? The one with Ben Vereen in it singing that song that came out on the BSA Album "Give A Little Love". I actually have that album on vinyl somewhere... only because I was actually on the back cover... but I am severely digressing. I've seen it a few times as an adult and sometimes it was fun... but mostly being in those thongs of people in the cold when I could be home eating a chocolate turkey and see it ALL... well I'm more likely to stay home.

So every year for the past decade or so I've made it a point to go see the Balloons as they get blown up. It had been a friends affair that morphed into a family affair that changed into a me, myself, and whatever other idiot was in the ambulance at the moment affair. I always ignored the floats and went straight to the balloons. This year that changes.

One of my favorite channels to watch is The History Channel. They will not have a balloon this year that will need to follow the new balloon safety protocol, since last year's parade and the 1997 parade were marred with the scandal of balloons crashing into lightpoles and hurting parade observers. So here is what they are doing...

Tell me that doesn't look cool! It's a big toy!!! I can't wait!!! This may ACTUALLY force me to be there live to see it this year. Chocolate turkey's are portable don't ya know.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/22/2006 11:15:00 AM :: :: 5 Bones Added to the Pile

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Saturday, October 21, 2006

My Concession

So as you all know I've been trying to do the write in thing for the King of Porn '06 title over at the RFS Blog Awards. Well I lost because I didn't have a chance since write in ballots apparently aren't accepted. To be honest I had this long winded post going on and on about how write ins for a category that only has one nomination really should be allowed because otherwise you might as well forget about voting in that category and just crown the person. So I wrapped 1,400 words into one sentence right there. Whatever.

So I would like to congratulate Mr. Fab on his win. I know he has said he'd nominate me himself next round, and I truly appreciate that, but apparently the award categories aren't repeated. Which is another reason I cut my diatribe down because the Bitchiest/Biggest Asshole blogger has also been handed out... so really what was the point.

So in honor of Mr. Fab's win... I give you my last bit of inter-species porn...
As part of the concession there will not be an Ooogle Monday. That's right ladies... I am in mournful defeat... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't stay tuned... because there will still be something world ending for you to see...


Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/21/2006 02:39:00 AM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Honoring My Hawt Tenant, My Bitchin' Landlord, and Some Drama!!!

So today is once again Friday. As is my honorable tradition I will be paying honor to my lovely tenant Delilah. One of the things I cannot be held resposible when staying here is the changes that... errr... may occur. For instance, her stilleto heels have remained in the corner of the room while she runs around in my oversized furry sneaker slippers. I can't be held responsible for a woman finding comfort in my footwear. I also can't be held responsible for the alien abduction of her daughter. Really, not my fault. Don't pay any attention to the Galactic Death-Ray I received in the mail the other day either... it's all good. So if you haven't gone to see Delilah, well you better do so quick.

This week I am also staying at another blog. Okay, that really isn't true. I'm staying at THE blog. Yep... I finally got my paws into IT2M. I'm right there on the left... in the sidebar... do you see me? Isn't that cool how my orange totally classes with the purple? Yeah... and if you thought one female blogger makes the blog smell good... well holy shit does it smell heavenly over there! Granted every now and then I get this whiff of Lo Mein mixed with bannanna that has been smoked, but it really isn't bad at all. Yeah... my Rent-My-Blog dream has finally come true... I'm sleepin' with the Bitches (and...er... those other guys) for a week. Heh.

.:*:.

So there has been some recent drama developement lately. Before I get into that, Miss Britt pointed out that she really doesn't know anyone I tend to talk about. I tend to forget things like that. In fact, a lot of times I find that I'll say something that I know about and no one else has a clue and they get all "Huh?"ey about it. I don't really have a cast page, or a page of who is who. That's actually a good idea and something I'm going to have to work on, but in the meantime here is my 100th post, where I talk about some of the people more indepth.

So anyway it turns out The Nick has a little mini-vacation planned. She's leaving Saturday morning and flying to Chicago. Now what could be so special about Chicago you ask? Well apparently there is a guy there who is paying for her trip. So while she's telling me this one of the guys we work with, Spyder, chimes into the conversation about how he hopes The Nick knows she's gonna have to "put out". Now you have to understand something about Spyder and where he comes from. He is around 6 foot 7, 350 lbs, has lived in the PJs his entire life and if he stood outside at midnight the only way to see him would be if he smiled. I'm not joking... we've tested it.

So The Nick of course is all "Nuh-huh." Spyder is all "Uh-huh." After hearing that intellectual conversation for about a minute I told The Nick very simply that if she continues in this practice of using men for their money, "I'm going to wife you up if I don't get my cut." I know... it was extremely non-PC of me, very childish, and makes light of a serious problem in this country known traditionally as domestic violence. Of course this illicited a howl from Spyder, and then everyone got into the chant of "Pimp Dog's gonna wife her up! Pimp Dog's gonna wife her up!"

Yeah. She's not talking to me right now... even though I did give her Sunday off so she could go.

So the other night I was talking to The Steff. We were talking about the dresses she was looking at for the Hills Dinner coming up. Then we were talking about The Donkey, and how he's been sick all week and refused to go to the doctor. Then when he finally did go to the doctor he got some pills and was told to go rest. Instead, he went to the bar to watch baseball (he's a Met fan... the idiot) which she was aggravated at because she doesn't want him dying... particularly she doesn't want him dying in her bed. I can understand that... I mean she'd need to buy new sheets and stuff after he went.

But the bed of roses isn't done yet... she's pissed because they go out all the time to eat. Yes, I wrote that correctly. The Steff, who did nothing but complain about how Officer Crumb never took her out and how they never did anything, complained that they currently do too much. She wants to save money so they can move in together, and he just wants to go out to the bar and to eat. I know I was wrong... but I laughed and pointed out the irony of it. Well, she didn't get as pissed as The Nick did, but she was serious. She wants life to move on and she realizes that going out every night for dinner isn't going to further that progress.

On one hand I was really happy about that coming from The Steff, because it shows that she was looking to move things in a positive direction instead of letting herself get carried by the current. On the other... well I sort of sniffled... it meant she was acting like a grown up... and that will mean eventually I'll be non-existant.

She did send me two dress possibilities today. So which one would you guys pick?













Personally I'm all about the first one. She thought it might be overdressy... but all of us guys are getting tuxedos for pete's sake! Which by the way, I got fitted for mine tonight... and have decided I once again need to go on a diet.

Finally... today is also the last day to vote at the RFS Blog Awards... so if you haven't done that yet then go do it... and don't forget me for Porn King '06... afterall, Spyder doesn't call me a pimp for nothing.

EDIT: Apparently I was wrong with the timing, the RFS Blog Awards have been announced. Congratulations to Mr. Fabulous as the Porn King '06 winner! Thanks to everyone who voted for me even though it wasn't counted. I'll make a more formal concessions speech tonight.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/19/2006 11:39:00 PM :: :: 9 Bones Added to the Pile

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

It's FOAD Thursday... The Coffee Edition

Today being FOAD Thursday, my favorite day of the week by the way, means that I normally let loose a slew of societally categorized obscenities about things that have pissed in my proverbial corn flakes and talk about how the idiots they hire at Dunkin' Donuts can NEVER get my order right. It has been recommended to me that I need to be more constructive in my criticism of others instead of just growling like a hungry bear looking at a honey sandwhich. So... that is what I have attempted to do.

So at Dunkin Donuts this morning I placed my usual order, a large French Vanilla Ice Coffee light with cream and with four Splendas. When my barista Julio began walking towards the actual ice and coffee with way less cream than is required, I stopped him. I instructed him as to how much cream there actually NEEDS to be in there. Julio was a tad bit surprised, but as you can see he did as he was told. Good Julio. Good.

The next step in this process is the ice and the coffee. Now no one can really mess this up. It's simple really, just fill the cup with ice and pour the coffee over it. Julio never has a problem with this step. Now when he reached for the sweetner I watched intently as he took two yellow packeted Splendas. I stopped him again and made him count with me. Uno. Dos. Tres. Cuatro. Yes Julio, that is four Splendas I require in the 24 oz. cup. That is a 1 Splenda to 6 ounce ratio. Very good.

Now the next step is what I consider one of the most important. The blending of the ice coffee is as important as its production. Perhaps it is the super secretive side of me that requires the ice coffee to be shaken and not stirred. The fact is no one actually stirs it anyway. What they do is swish it around in a circular motion using their wrists. Now I realize that while this builds up forearm muscles for those of us in need of them, all it really does is pull the sweetner to the sides so unless your straw is against the wall it's like it isn't even in there. It needs to be shaken... as I instructed Julio to do.

And that my dear friends is how you make me my standing order of a large French Vanilla Ice Coffee light with cream and four Splendas. The real test of course is if Julio will retain the knowledge I have bestowed upon him in an effort to free myself, and you of course, from hearing about how horrible a job they do.

This is however FOAD Thursday so I should tell a few people what they need to do. Those people would include the Goomba from the Hottest Mom In America auditions, the asshat from the Grand Concourse who did not seem to understand what the One Way sign is for, the girl behind the counter at Barnes & Noble who INSISTED the 2007 Edition of Writer's Market was coming out NEXT year (yes you were cute with the green eyes behind the librarian frames... but dumb baby... very very dumb), and finally to the teachers in the NYC School System who instigated panic over the possibilty of chicken pox when in reality they were just mosquito bites because YOU LET THE 5 YEAR OLD OUTSIDE WITHOUT HIS JACKET AFTER THE RAIN. So all of you just fuck off, take the wazikashi and disembowl yourself, but don't hold your breath for me to be your kaishakunin. Your disgrace is your own fault. Peace and Love will be awarded later on in the week.

I'd also like to forewarn the New Jersey City of Hackensack that there is the possibility of a declaration of war over this incident... so I suggest you make it right and do so quickly. Nobody fucks with OUR Mayor's Lexus except us. Nobody.

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Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/18/2006 11:01:00 PM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It Was Supposed To Be About The Books

I had a post planned out for tonight based on something I saw at Digital Life this past weekend. Basically it was about Blurb, which is a print on demand publishing service. Unlike IUniverse though, Blurb provides you the software to actually design your book. So tonight I was supposed to download it, play with it, and show you how cool it is supposed to be.

Instead I got a phone call from Pudding about DJ. She thinks he has the Chicken Pox and was freaking out. Why? Because her girlfriend hasn't had them. Right. So I went over and looked him over. It looks like he has hives... not pox. Of course she is still flipping out because now she doesn't know what he is allergic to. So there was a brief debate over what could cause it, what it is, and so on. Finally I had enough with the whining and the "What do I do now?" bit because he can't go to school and, this is the kicker by the way, now Pudding has a job! It's amazing to me... really.

So I packed him up and brought him home and will take him to the doctor in the morning. It was a little tricky to do so, because at first he didn't want to go, but then when her girlfriend told the Wolves it was bedtime he was more than happy to jump in the truck for the ride. Of course on the way home he fell asleep. I ended up driving and talking with The Steff (which btw means I will ACTUALLY have some drama to report) while he snored.

So tonight instead of watching one of my DVDs from Netflix, I watched Cartoon Network. At least it was Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends... and I can relate to that show. Personally I like Eduardo. He's my fave.

I'm sure I have bored the crap out of everyone and probably have lost all hope of keeping my readers. Go see Delilah... I'm sure she has something more interesting. I'll post about Blurb once I get the chance to actually mess around with it.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/17/2006 11:01:00 PM :: :: 5 Bones Added to the Pile

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Monday, October 16, 2006

I'm Whooped... So Beat Me K?

So my 22 hour marathon is over and done with. I have come to the awful conclusion that working 22 hours behind a desk is harder than 22 hours on a truck. Really, it is. At least on the truck the scenery changes, you can close your eyes while your partner drives, and you have a variety of stuff to keep you interested. Sitting behind a desk you... well... sit behind a desk. It is b-o-r-i-n-g.

So when I got home tonight I found this pair of red stilleto heels in the bathroom. Guess what? I got a new roomie! None other than THE Delilah from Volatile Lunacy. What? Never heard of her? Well you need to go see her now! She's one of those people who I lurk around. She's had a rough few days and needs to let the tootsies run free so she's doing it around here all week long. Know what the best part is? She makes the blog smell good too! Go see her and show some love would ya?

.:*:.

So because I am extremely tired I really have nothing else to say. However, in my last post I made mention that I suffer from extreme shyness. Jane of course thinks I should write a post and receive advice from everyone out there about it. Really it isn't that hard... I'm just an anti-social shy person in social settings. Part of it I think has to do with the fact that I stutter... which while I had many years of speech therapy... and still do on occasion today. I really don't do phones well either. I usually sit there and grunt while listening to people go on about stuff. Of course... I have also been told that once I get to know you... there are times I just don't shut up. Go figure.

So yeah... I'm shy which is why I suck at meeting people, why Journalism was a minor for me instead of a major, and I suck at talking until I really get to know you. Oh but at work, zero issues... but then again as someone once told me when I'm at work I bark so that really doesn't count. So any suggestions?

While your thinking of what it is that you can say to alter my life for the better... go here and vote for me as Porn King '06. Come on... I gave you guys Patrick Dempsey for pete's sake!!!
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/16/2006 11:01:00 PM :: :: 10 Bones Added to the Pile

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Sunday, October 15, 2006

Ooogle Monday and Campaigning

It is once again the most beautiful day of the week... at least here... it is Ooogle Monday! I will once again provide you with your weekly dose of something to Ooogle. However... before the Ooogle... a brief word from our sponsor:
Do you find yourself undetermined as to what it is you desire? Do you feel boxed in, drawn out, and confused by the world's sexual deviance around you? Whenever there is a doubt about what it is that you hunger for sexual gratification there is only one place to turn... APODB... the home of the NYC Watchdog. He blogs hard to guide you in your quest for gratification, he is always there every Monday with something new and bold, but most important of them all... he speaks to EVERYONE. That's right, whether you are a heterosexual male or female, a member of the Rainbow Army, or even an inter-species specialist, the NYC Watchdog is sure to gratify you in one form or another. His exploitation of the unknowing for your pleasure is unbiased in anyway.

The time has come for you to show your love and admiration for he who has googled over backwards for you... it is time to elect the NYC Watchdog as the King of Porn '06. Irregardless of the stance that the RFS Awards Organizer has taken regarding write-in ballots... if you show him your dedication and love... he'll surely show you his...

This message sponsored by The Committee of Lemurs For Equal Exploitation

So now that we have heard from our sponsors... on to the Ooogle...

Patrick Dempsey

That is Patrick Dempsey... as requested by Monique. And now a very special Triple Shot... of the girls from Maxim.com who were at Digital Life...

Maxim Honeys!!!


And finally I give you a star in her own right... straight from Tiajuana... recently starring in the blockbuster smash Clerks II... I give you the one... the only... Kelly...

Kelly the Donkey

Have a wonderful week... and don't forget to vote!!!
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/15/2006 11:01:00 PM :: :: 10 Bones Added to the Pile

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Hottest Mom In America


So during my travels yesterday I stopped by the Hottest Mom In America auditions. Now I went there in search of a date for the 35th Anniversary Dinner coming up, for which I HAD a date, but now she has a boyfriend so blah blah blah. So I decided to troll the auditions for a hot mom.

Now there are two problems with this. The first is that the moms may not be single. The show is for Hottest Mom In America... not Hottest Single Mom In America. It really wasn't that much of an issue except for one guy who felt I was stalking his "girl". Yeah, what the fuck eva idiot. Public street, public corner, oh and by the way when she goes in there and if she makes the show then there'll be 5 million of us looking at her tits, k? Of course I didn't mention this to the Goomba wannabe... who tried to intimidate me while I explained to him that I was a freelance journalist and that I was doing both this and The Real World Auditions. Of course he wanted to see ID... so I showed him my shield. At that point he walked away but made sure to hover over his "girl"... but I got a picture of her anyway. In fact it is on this page... guess which one in the comments.

The second problem is my own problem. Well... I don't talk. I find it very hard to be sociable and talk to strangers. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous... but I am terribly shy. Would ya ever have guessed it? So that may have been what led Goomba to think I was stalking, but like I said before, what the fuck eva.

So the auditions started at 8:00am. When I got there around 10:00am there must have been around 100-125 women lining the block. The auditions were at Shelter Studios located by W 54 Street and 8th Avenue... which happened to be closed for a street fair today as well. There was quite a mix of ladies in there... each one an individual in their own right. There were the hot clubbing moms, the cute petite moms, and the trainwreck moms. I have to give them all a lot of credit for having the self-esteem to go and audition. Some of them were there rightfully so, some were there with somewhat of a chance, and the rest must have been smoking some serious Gourmet Oregano that morning.

There was one thing I found extremely suspicious. Well... all these ladies were moms... yet there were very very few children. I literally saw 3 kids there. Compare that to around 30 or so husbands/boyfriends/pimps and you have to wonder what the bloody hell is going on there. I mean the whole pre-requisite is that you have to be a mother. So where are the kids?

This to me, if I was the producers of Hottest Mom In America, would be very important. It's one thing to be good looking, sexy, and work hard at being a MILF (if you need an explanation for that acronym then you need to go see American Pie because I'm not going to be explaining it) that all the neighborhood can love and adore... it's another thing to raise a child. I truly hope people realize that Hottest Mom In America doesn't necessarily make them the Best Mom In America.

I do however have a pick on the winner... and someone I am rooting for. Once again, because of my shyness I never got her name. However she was constantly on the phone with someone regarding her child, and probably got off the line three times ready to leave because she might have been needed. It was pretty obvious, or at least seemed obvious to me, that this was probably her "day away" from it all and that she decided to do something that she would be able to talk about. It is, in the end, about the experience... much like motherhood itself. So here is my pick.
Now some of you may know that as a rule of dating law I do not date blondes ever since the whole Peppermint Patty incident in my late teens. Yet, I picked a blonde. Just because I have ruled out the lighter hair color doesn't mean the rest of America has. So to you Blondie Locks... good luck and I hope you win.

If she does, just remember you read it here first.

TAGS:,,,
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/15/2006 05:49:00 AM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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Saturday, October 14, 2006

What A Day

So I've had a busy day. If I blogged about all of it in this one post, then I think Blogger will surely eat it because it took two hours just to get this up. So I'll be breaking it up across a few days and a few posts.

So today I was on the Isle of Manhattan. I did two major things, I went to the Hottest Mom In America Audition and I went to the DigitalLife Expo at the Jacob Javits Convention Center. So I will now talk about the most important aspect of the day... Final Fantasy XII at DigitalLife.

I am not one of "those" people who think that FF is the end all be all of gaming. I love my HALO, my Quake 4, my Command and Conquer, my MechWarrior and now after today I have a new found love and her name is F.E.A.R. However I've been playing the Final Fantasy games since the characters looked like Link from Zelda. Oh how far we have come.

The actual booth was setup very nicely with plenty of PS2s. I literally had to wait two minutes to get some gameplay in. I played for around 30 minutes, and let me say that the play was more fluid than I thought it would be. There are still some slight pauses since the combat is still turn based, but I figure after two hours of play someone would have the sequences down for battle. What's more important is the Gambit System which will allow pre-determined actions to be set for when conditions are met. A great example is setting a Gambit that says if you are down to 1 HP then you heal. When your character, whether player or AI controlled gets to 1 HP, they are going to heal. I didn't get a lot of time to toy with it, but from what I saw it will definately make certain things easier.

The makers of FFXII, Square Enix, are incredibly intelligent. They partnered with GameStop so that you could pre-order FFXII right there from their booth. There really wasn't anyone else with that kind of foresight (third-pary vendor handling orders). Let me just also say that the stair effect billboard they had up was one of the coolest booth advertisements I think I had ever seen. You saw it as soon as you came in and it completely overshadowed Microsoft's "Are You Part of The AfterLife" ad for Windows Vista... which by the way I was not impressed with at all.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/14/2006 08:38:00 PM :: :: 0 Bones Added to the Pile

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Friday, October 13, 2006

The Blood Has Been Spilt... Happy Friday The 13th

Did you really think the Halloween season was going to come and go without a template change? Foolish blog readers... orange is for the innocent and pure of heart.

So for the remainder of the month, whereas APODB stood for A Pile Of Dog Bones it will now stand for A Pool Of Dog's Blood. Slightly gorecentric, and nowhere nearly as professionally done as KG or Newsbitch, but it has been slightly tweaked to not only a new color but also rotating header images.

In honor of today being Friday The Thirteenth I have decided to list 13 Gruesome Facts About Me...

NYCWD's Friday The Thirteenth 13 Gruesome Facts About Me
1) I eat cold White Castle Cheeseburgers at 5:00am after waking up without a second thought
2) I use cans as ashtrays and sometimes... forget which ones
3) I hate shaving... and sometimes go a full 8 days without doing so
4) I don't eat enough fiber... hence sometimes the people in the bathroom after me will see "floaters"
5) I keep bottles of opened soda that's been half drunk in the back of my truck... and have no problem finishing them months later when I'm thirsty
6) I have a complete collection of serial killer trading cards
7) I have a photo album full of nasty dead people and crime scenes I've been to
8) I have another photo album with graves of dead people I may not necessarily know... but I thought they were cool
9) I wore the same clothes for 6 days straight last September... and had to burn them
10) In my younger days as a Goth I would eat dead rose pedals sprinkled on pizza... and tell people it was Oregano
11) I haven't walked onto a scene wearing latex gloves since 2001, even on patients I know to be HIV positive... most people consider it inviting a death sentence... I consider it showing my human side
12) When I was in New Orleans... I stuck my hand into the water... and I'm still waiting for it to fall off
13) I might have mentioned this... but everyone in EMS has a "weakness". I have walked through crime scenes where the walls were painted in blood, been in apartments filled with human and animal feces, been covered in vomit, been pissed on, been spat on (which just PISSES me off), crawled through the NYC sewers and subways... but my weakness I discovered one day was women... with facial hair. A girl who from behind was beautiful turned around to me and had a goatee... and I covered her in projectile vomit. I had eaten Wendy's chile that day
So there it is... 13 Gruesome Facts About Me. There will be some other gruesome things... and just wait until the ACTUAL holiday... it'll gore you away. Promise.

.:*:.

Today is still Friday so I need to honor my dark templated tenant, RockyJay. I have to tell you something about RockyJay... he has in more ways been an inspiration to me than most. He is one of the few male bloggers that I can read and know I'm walking away with a smile. Go see RockyJay and become enamored.

I didn't stay anywhere this week... and neither did My Eyes... there is really only ONE blog I want to rent from just so I can say that I was there... but everytime I try to rent they aren't up for bid or they already have someone. One day... one day I'll get there. Maybe then I'll quit this renting thing. I stress the word maybe.

.:*:.

Today is also the day for the drama update. Well I still haven't been my social butterfly self... but it seems The Nick has moved on to yet another new guy. She officially has been ditched by Mel as the baby's godmother... which is probably a good thing since she'd probably miss the baptism... and she apparently has found another part time job. How she expects to balance her regular job, the part time job, and the 29 gazillion "friends" she has is totally beyond me.

Ooompa Loompa #1 is still in school going after that white patch. She's a traitor to the kind, but she's a cute one so I can let it slide. Ooompa Loompa #2 finally came out of the woodwork the other night. We really didn't get into anything specific... nor did I really want to. There's only so much flirting I can put up with before it gets old and played.

As for The Steff, we were on the phone last night talking about Halloween costumes. She wanted to be a sexy Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I wasn't feeling it. We checked out some new bunny costumes she could get. She did complain that The Donkey was being a slug about it. She had a great idea to go as a bunny and he could go as The Heff, but he apparently wasn't feeling it and wanted to go as one of the evil flying monkeys from TWoZ. So yeah... he's becoming a little more like Officer Crumb with each passing day. I don't know if The Steff sees it yet... I just hope we can get past the holidays before it goes critical mass. I think he and I will need to have a discussion.

Finally, Christine called me today while I was working. We talked about the whole thing that happened Wednesday. She had a unique perspective on it... and something I hadn't taken into account. Her view of it is that they needed me there for one reason and one reason only... because they have no idea what to do. So I suppose I should postpone my trip to Shady Acres where I can graze with everyone else who has been put out to pasture. Of course in an effort to save my ass from waking up mad early to find a date at the America's Hottest Mom Audition Saturday I asked her to go with me to the dinner. Of course she then also reminded me that she is still married. Damn. Well at least I asked.

Thus wraps up another Friday's Tenant and Landlord Honors and the Drama Update... with a little gruel thrown in for good measure on such an auspicous occasion.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/13/2006 11:13:00 AM :: :: 9 Bones Added to the Pile

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Mooo

WARNING: This post will be a relatively large diversion from our usual programming. If you can't deal with that fact for whatever reason go see RockyJay. Thanks.

.:*:.

Today is FOAD Thursday. Favorite blogging day of the week and all that. After today I should have a huge FOAD. But I don't. The reasons will become evident.

By now everyone has probably heard of the plane crash involving Yankee Pitcher Cory Lidle. The plane crashed into 524 East 72nd Street between the 30th and 31st floors. There is no doubt about it that this is indeed a tragedy for the families of Lidle and his instructor.

When the first call came into the Comm Center where I was working the first thing I did was to look for some sort of confirmation. It took me 27 seconds to confirm that there were at least six other reports of something. The initial report was that of a small engine plane. The same as it was 5 years and 1 month ago on that September morning.

It took me 15 second to send the alert, 45 seconds to receive verbal communication from my dispatchers, another two minutes to send out the perimeter coordinates for a cold zone based on wind and height, and then two more minutes to receive verbal confirmation that all units were thus accounted for with only one unit considered to be potentially in the hot zone.

At this point there was a verbal exchange between myself and someone with greater authority than myself... but who apparently was clueless to what was going on even though he was sitting in the same room. He then left the room. I then sent out a final list of standing orders to be followed. I picked up the phone and spoke briefly with the garage supervisor on duty and secured myself an ambulance.

As I walked towards the staircase to descend into the garage with the person I had recruited as my partner, I was once again stopped by the person with greater authority. I was asked where I was going. I was a little taken aback at the question, but I answered it anyway. I was then told in a matter of two seconds, "Your experience is best served here."

Inside I became enraged. I practically stomped back to my desk like the petulant child I can be. I sat at the desk as everything unfolded around me... without me. Sitting there was when I realized that after 12 years, thousands of MVAs, 500+ fires, 97 major concert events (79 of them where I was in the ICS), two plane crashes, two hurricanes, one ice storm, and a major terrorist attack... it took 2 seconds for them to put me out to pasture.

I feel so old.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/11/2006 10:02:00 PM :: :: 3 Bones Added to the Pile

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

You Need To Do The Right Thing, MILFS, and The Return of RockyJay

Big title means big post... you have been warned...

Okay, so today is Wednesday. That means there are less than 2 days to have me named as The Porn King 06 over at It's My Kitchen And I'll Throw Knives If I Want To... and YOU have not voted for me. How do I know? Because I just do! I've come to understand that inter-species relation pornography is what has earned Mr. Fab the nomination (people apparently have a fondness for his Lemurs). Well for that... I answer with this...

And this...


And for Avitable...

And of course there is my own favorite bunny in the animal kingdom...

So who's the King of Porn now? Huh? Go vote... and don't forget to write me in!!!

.:*:.

I so need to mention this because when I first heard about it... well I decided I'm going. A new reality show called Hottest Mom In America. Now everyone is probably wondering why I would be going to the New York Audition? Well... it's simple really. I'm a dad. I need a date for the 35th Anniversary Dinner of The Hills. So I need a hotty. Now don't think I'm a total loser or anything... because I DID have a date... then SHE got a boyfriend who also happens to be going to the same dinner. I know, that had I REALLY pushed it... she would HAVE gone with me... but that would have caused her problems which in turn would have caused me aggravation and therefore it really is not worth it. So I'm back TO square one... and I need a date.

So I said to myself, "Self, where can we find a hotty who might go with you?" Now Saturday I'll be in the city for Digital Life anyway... so then I saw this... and realized this would be a great opportunity to meet someone who won't have the problem most women seem to have about me... being a single father. Bonus! She'll be hot... I mean why would you try out for the show if you weren't? I just hope the husbands do their normal routine, and stay home to watch football. I better bring my health insurance card just in case.

.:*:.

So by now you should have voted for me to be the King of Porn 06. Now if you want to meet the King of the Blogging Pimps... you need to go see my roomie... RockyJay. He's been on hiatus for a little while... but he's feeling better... and he certainly hasn't lost any of his touch. I could find no better blogging example of a red blooded heterosexual intelligent male. Go see RockyJay... and be sure to vote in his bevy of polls and read his letters to the world of today.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/10/2006 11:47:00 PM :: :: 9 Bones Added to the Pile

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Monday, October 09, 2006

Tired... And At Peace

I am shot to shit. After working 27+ hours you can stick a fork in me. However... I am at peace. Why you ask? Because tonight I got to see Evanescence at The Hammerstein Ballroom in the Manhattan Center. While Babs The Diva Bitch From Hell was at the Garden, I was down the block reveling in the prescence that is Amy Lee.

Ever since their first album came out, and I saw them live at Roseland, they are by far one of my favorite bands. So yeah, the bass player quit. I guess he couldn't live in the shadow of a 5 foot tall brunette with the absolutely most PIERCING eyes. On her way downstairs to catering she looked right at me, and yes she sent chills down my spine that is still tingling... amongst other things.

The show was phenomenal. Their sound was tighter than hell on every song with the one exception being, of all songs, Bring Me To Life which was their breakout song from the Daredevil Soundtrack. For some reason the male vocals weren't all there and the song definately lacked its punch. The new songs Sweet Sacrifice and Call Me When Your Sober had an album quality. Of course Going Under and My Immortal sounded equally solid. The song for me that drove it home as one of the 5 best live performances I have ever seen was Whisper... they rocked it out and the entire place was alive. The energy was incredible... and although I'm tired as all hell... well I'm at peace. If they had only played Tourniquet, I'd be in orgasmic ecstasy.

Amy was wearing a black bodysuit with this hot pink hoop skirt, which by the way received a standing ovation when she asked the crowd if they liked it. She could wear a hefty garbage bag colored plaid and I would applaud. The guys dressed in black... oh so fashionable... but the stand out performance from them was definately drummer Rocky Gray. Lars Ulrich ain't got nothing on him. What TRULY made me smirk with satisfaction were the lights. There were two rows of rotating color spotlights scattered on the stage. The bottom ones would illuminate hot pink... and the top a fluorescent orange. Yes people... I keep telling you but no one listens... orange is the new pink.

I know I haven't done a proper intro yet... but go see RockJay who is back from convalescing from the horrible colonoscopy incident. Tomorrow I'll properly introduce everyone... but right now I need to rub one out while the image of Amy lingers.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/09/2006 11:56:00 PM :: :: 6 Bones Added to the Pile

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