A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Hottest Mom In America

So during my travels yesterday I stopped by the Hottest Mom In America auditions. Now I went there in search of a date for the 35th Anniversary Dinner coming up, for which I HAD a date, but now she has a boyfriend so blah blah blah. So I decided to troll the auditions for a hot mom.

Now there are two problems with this. The first is that the moms may not be single. The show is for Hottest Mom In America... not Hottest Single Mom In America. It really wasn't that much of an issue except for one guy who felt I was stalking his "girl". Yeah, what the fuck eva idiot. Public street, public corner, oh and by the way when she goes in there and if she makes the show then there'll be 5 million of us looking at her tits, k? Of course I didn't mention this to the Goomba wannabe... who tried to intimidate me while I explained to him that I was a freelance journalist and that I was doing both this and The Real World Auditions. Of course he wanted to see ID... so I showed him my shield. At that point he walked away but made sure to hover over his "girl"... but I got a picture of her anyway. In fact it is on this page... guess which one in the comments.

The second problem is my own problem. Well... I don't talk. I find it very hard to be sociable and talk to strangers. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous... but I am terribly shy. Would ya ever have guessed it? So that may have been what led Goomba to think I was stalking, but like I said before, what the fuck eva.

So the auditions started at 8:00am. When I got there around 10:00am there must have been around 100-125 women lining the block. The auditions were at Shelter Studios located by W 54 Street and 8th Avenue... which happened to be closed for a street fair today as well. There was quite a mix of ladies in there... each one an individual in their own right. There were the hot clubbing moms, the cute petite moms, and the trainwreck moms. I have to give them all a lot of credit for having the self-esteem to go and audition. Some of them were there rightfully so, some were there with somewhat of a chance, and the rest must have been smoking some serious Gourmet Oregano that morning.

There was one thing I found extremely suspicious. Well... all these ladies were moms... yet there were very very few children. I literally saw 3 kids there. Compare that to around 30 or so husbands/boyfriends/pimps and you have to wonder what the bloody hell is going on there. I mean the whole pre-requisite is that you have to be a mother. So where are the kids?

This to me, if I was the producers of Hottest Mom In America, would be very important. It's one thing to be good looking, sexy, and work hard at being a MILF (if you need an explanation for that acronym then you need to go see American Pie because I'm not going to be explaining it) that all the neighborhood can love and adore... it's another thing to raise a child. I truly hope people realize that Hottest Mom In America doesn't necessarily make them the Best Mom In America.

I do however have a pick on the winner... and someone I am rooting for. Once again, because of my shyness I never got her name. However she was constantly on the phone with someone regarding her child, and probably got off the line three times ready to leave because she might have been needed. It was pretty obvious, or at least seemed obvious to me, that this was probably her "day away" from it all and that she decided to do something that she would be able to talk about. It is, in the end, about the experience... much like motherhood itself. So here is my pick.
Now some of you may know that as a rule of dating law I do not date blondes ever since the whole Peppermint Patty incident in my late teens. Yet, I picked a blonde. Just because I have ruled out the lighter hair color doesn't mean the rest of America has. So to you Blondie Locks... good luck and I hope you win.

If she does, just remember you read it here first.

Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 10/15/2006 05:49:00 AM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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