. : Black Hearts Inc. : .
. : About me : .
Name::New York City's Watchdog
From::New York City, New York, United States
View my complete profile
. : Fresh Meat : .
Frances, your password was successfully reset
. : Old Bones : .
. : Daily Reads : .
. : Links : .
. : Awards and Accolades : .
. : Blog Roll : .
. : Credits : .
. : Visitors : .
Wednesday, May 31, 2006Finally!!! It's here!!!
Of course if for some reason my Life Status bar goes black... well... chances are I'm gone and buried already. At that point Luin needs to get Flava Flav back in action for my wake. I want a 21 blog salute... and someone needs to put this bitch out of her misery for me... small penis... hmmpf... if she only knew the damage my mighty mile monstered purple helmeted warrior of love would do... she wouldn't be so Sassy after that... more like Bo-legged.
For those of you living in Hurricane prone states... don't forget about flood insurance... and even though FEMA gaffed it up last year please read their recommendations for this year on preparedness. I've been following their releases for awhile, and they seem to have gotten an awful lot of ground covered in a short time... but there are still miles to go. The first step is personal preparedness... are you ready?
I quite literally had a good post to go here. It was about Christine who you haven't heard about in awhile but she had some important shit to say to me this morning over coffee about The Steff and The Donkey, my life, her life, and the lives of others who insist on intertwining. It was deep. What was deeper was what we were talking about at The Forums today because it was kind of related. It was profound. What was more profound was this recipe I got for Bananna Pudding from her. Is there anything that could be more profound than Bananna Pudding? She can be... and she isn't me.
But now I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off really for no reason... and maybe for all the right reasons... but I am just fucking pissed. I just wish people for once in their lives would do as their told. So go see her while I get unpissed... her dance card is almost up.
Oh and for the wise-ass who asked me if I talk like a trucker and throw the finger around my kid... well here's some more peace and love for ya...
Straight from the hand of the puppy!!!
Monday, May 29, 2006I knew It!!! Wicky Wicky!!!
I am fuming. I just did a BOTB with Honest Citizen. I lost 10-5. Now ya know what... I can take a loss... hell I have a TON of losses. But this post showing is why I am so heated.
Allow me to explain. A few months ago I did a posting on BOTB. In fact... it created quite a stir as I remember because I came out and called it how I saw it. Now when I did it I left everyone's names out of it. Why? It's called class. That's right you fucktard calling yourself Honest Citizen I have class when compared to you. See Honest Citizen reposted some e-mails between some of the "supposed" people involved. What is worse... he copied it from another blog. Notice how at the bottom of the post it has two different "Posted by" lines:
So this guy thinks he "is in the know". He thinks his blog "Where theres truths not voiced by most, thats where I come in. I gauge my correctness by how many people respond to my posts, so please show me that I'm correct." HELLO FUCKTARD!!! How honest can you really be if YOU HIDE and post NOTHING but ANONYMOUS comments. How honest are you when you COPY OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS WITHOUT EVEN LINKING!!! How honest are you when YOU ARE A MEMBER OF THE SHOUTBOX BOTB GANG!!! Don't think I don't know... I have the IPs recorded asshole... yours... their's... oh and your OTHER BE ACCOUNTS TOO MORON!!!
Here's my suggestion Honest Special Ed Ambiently Stupid Piece of Turd Citizen... I suggest you educate yourself a little bit more before you start throwing names around. I also suggest you stop copying other people's posts. Why you ask? Because anything you have to say from this point on to me is not worth the binary code it is translated from... and I will make it my personal crusade to burn your cowardice ass to the demons of stupidity and let everyone know you LACK in the HONEST department.
The fact that you rely on the 1 or 2 comments you normally get shows something... that for the most part you are wrong. Oh... and if your thinking of starting a flame war with me... let me get a jumpstart on it so you can't say you weren't provoked you plagarizing ass:
Sunday, May 28, 2006Ooogle Monday
Today is Ooogle Monday as you all know. So this is an Ooogle specifically for Lysie who has had a bad run in with another fellow asshole of the male gender. Well here's something for you Lysie to take your mind off that monster...
And for all us guys out there who need something to look at to take our minds off the train wreck we have caused in a relationship...
And finally... a big FOAD to Nextel... my phone is still saying INSERT SIM CARD even after you guys claim to have fixed it... asses...
Friday, May 26, 2006Honoring Thy Tenant and Landlords, The Friday Drama Update, And X-Men 3
TGIF! As it is tradition on Friday... and so that this bitch (yes... I am a bitch folks... let's face it just because I have a penis doesn't mean I shouldn't be called what I am... especially by like-minded redheaded on hiatus fellow bitches who are bitter and better than I) always has something to blog about on Friday we will now honor my Tenant and my Landlords.
First is my tenant Laci of Long, Slow Beautiful Dance... who had a nasty little car wreck. In fact... if you want to see a picture of her mangled body click here. That's right... we're talking about Rotten.com material here folks... really nasty stuff. Did you click yet? Well what are you waiting for, a mention of the Fluffers? Hurry and go now before she takes them down.
Well... were they worth it? No? Of course not you sickos... geez... you guys are SO predictable. Hey... you... get your hand out of your pocket... no pocket pool while reading my stuff okay? If you want to play pocket pool do that here. See that... gotcha again didn't I? Boy... I'm good.
So now for those who were kind enough to take me and my FUBAR thumbnail in for the week. Yes... it still is FUBAR. Maybe my FOAD thing to BE wasn't such a good idea huh? To hell with them if they can't take a serious statement... corporate mongering spazs.
So first mention will go to my practically guaranteed Slumlord of the week... Paper Shell. Yes... 11 hits, 8 unique hits, and 0 clicks all around with only 3 days left of me being there... right, these bastards couldn't even click on me themselves. So here's what I want you guys to do. Go to Paper Shell... tell them their a Slumlord... in your words say why... all I need is one of you to do it... and they will have received more hits from me than I from them. Why do that you ask? Because I want to enlighten these idiot savants to the way things work here in the blogosphere. I will SO be over there when my rental is done... but you can go now.
My next landlord is really nice... she's Gina from One Writer's Rambles. She has a very nice place... very clean... in fact so clean I just got my paws manicured and am constantly wiping them on the mat so as not to track mud in. She did a really nice write-up for me... and although I blend with her background I've gotten quite a bit of exposure. Go see Gina and give her your love for having me over this week.
My final landlord seems to want to de-throne the Queen. It's the one and only Kentucky Gurl. If there was ever anything you needed to do... it's to feel the soft blue grass of Kentucky between your toes while staring at the ocean from Muscle Beach in Cali. I've read her for awhile... come to think of it I read an awful lot of Southernesque women... and I can honestly say that she has a good template, a great style, and a super heart... her occasional foot fetish Fridays aside. She's on track for the crown so go over and wish her well on the quest.
Now for the drama. I am a bad doggy. See, The Donkey and The Steff are continuing in their blissful relationship. She's still happy... so life is good. Life is better because The Donkey is a bit of a jealous fuck... so for those 10+ years of torturous comments from him asking, "So how's my son?" and "Is Pudding home? I left my sneakers under the bed." and "Have you seen Caesar Chavez?"... it's mofo payback time. First... there is the issue of The Hills 35th Anniversary Dinner. Legitimately, back in January, The Steff said she would go with me... to that and the Christmas part this year since she backed out last year. Well I'm holding her to it. This is killing him. He is quite upset about it... and has even offered to pay for an escort for me to go with. Tough shit. Well... in reality I know that she'll end up going with him and I'll end up taking her Madame, an Ooompa Loompa, or Zooted and Polluted... but why let him off the hook SO easily.
Then I did something I know destroyed him. See... she is atypical computer illiterate. Zooted and Polluted even had to do her MySpace page because she doesn't know an HTML tag from a price tag. So one of the things I was going to do for her was change her template on MySpace. So last night, he didn't sleep over. We were chatting over IM when she told me this... so I told her hey, once he goes, I'll come over, do your MySpace page, you can pay me back *WINK* *WINK* and life is good. He of course goes a bit ape but whatever... and we end the conversation a few minutes later.
It took me 5 tries at her password to get in. Predictable. So... I changed the page. Nothing too wacky mind you... well... okay... I did put this banner up there to drive home what she was paying up with:
I made a few other changes here and there... and it looks better but of course needs more work. Needless to say when he went online today (well yesterday really)... he lost his mind. He called me every name in the book and then called her... and she laughed her ass off at him because she thought he was kidding. Then she saw it. Laughed her ass off some more and told him how she "lovingly repaid" me last night. I think he was going to cry... and then he accused her of giving me her password. She denied it of course... which was true... and in the end I fessed up that I haxxed it.
I don't know what's better... the fact I can twist him over her like a pretzel... or the fact that she enjoys it and helps out. She's always liked guys to be over protective of her and up her ass... totally not what I would want... but she is still young... and to each their own... sick little bitch that she is.
The Nick has been having her own set of issues. She's been stressed and pissy once again. Apparently going back to school in September isn't fleshing out for her so she's having a bad week. She's been pissy with me all three nights... and tonight when the computers crashed at work I thought I was going to put her through a window.
Not that I have helped her pissy mood... because she is also planning for her friend's visit from Canada. I keep telling her I need 15 minutes in the itinerary that is jammed packed with stuff at clubs and stuff. Why? Because I need to do a Canadian. It's on my list of things to do before I die... and I want a go at it. This drives her nuts... and I'm sure is not helping with everything else she has going on right now. But hey... what are friends for?
Finally a word on X-Men 3. It was weak. I will not spoil any of the plot or outcomes... but what I will say is they need to make another to atone for this one. Also... for those of you who don't do it... you should sit through to the end of the movie. There is an add on that is a little shocking if all you do is watch the movies... but is taken from one of the comic story arcs that could be used as a basis for a fourth X-Men.
For those of you who plan on staying out of the blogosphere this weekend... have a nice long holiday one... just don't forget why you all have Monday off... and why I'll be working.
Thursday, May 25, 2006New Tenant and FOAD Thursday
So Some Girl has left the building. I always love having her over... looking into those big beautiful eyes she has... talking about some things and some ones and some places... how it really is some life we lead... and she makes the place smell good to! For those of you who weren't smart enough to figure out what made her stand out amongst all the rest last week... well the truth is she's a redhead. See how easy that could have been to win credits? Silly Bloggers...
So when I walked her to the door... below the street light I saw a beautiful girl slowly dancing down the street. As Some Girl walked past her, she twirled herself into my place and continued to Waltz around the living room. Her name it turns out is Laci and her blog is Long, Slow, Beautiful Dance. I know I made mention of it earlier... just don't remember when. It's is a really good read. Her blog was only started last month... but her posts are full and entertaining. Now granted... she is a follower of the Thursday Thirteen Meme... but we won't hold that against her. Go see her and see what all the dancing is about.
So now it is Fuck Off And Die Thursday time. I love FOAD. Of course I don't necessarily store my FOAD's up. See yesterday I felt like total crap. Today... not much better. So this may be a little harsher than normal but so be it.
My first FOAD cry goes to dentists who DO NOT USE ENOUGH NOVACAINE!!! Especially when they are TWISTING A CORKSCREW INTO YOUR SKULL!!! And then the absolute worse ONLY GIVE YOU THREE VICODIN'S FOR THE PAIN!!! You dentists need to learn that we do not want to see you. We have to because of health reasons and social acceptance of perfect teeth and the such... but we really DO NOT WANT TO FEEL IT!!! Next time I tell you I need more... don't be a cheap bitch... just give it. Oh... and remember that book with Oprah, Little Pieces of Me or some shit by that fictionalizer James Frey. Well ya know what... the way he described it... it is FUCKING TRUE!!!
My next FOAD command goes to BE who once again have screwed up my thumbnail! Even after I did a support ticket... was replied to it was in the que for an update... and now it STILL isn't fixed. WTF people!!! Corporate mongers from hell!!! Fuck off and die!!!
My next FOAD goes to the idiots who denied me a spot in the Tac EMS Refresher. I've been Tactically certified for the last 6 years. In those six years I have literally had to suit up 5 times... and one of those times was for a parade. I should have gotten into the November class last year but I was a little busy in Texas. So now... because the class is only offered twice a year (and in Jersey of all places) I needed to be in the June class. My certification already lapsed back in December, but I have 6 months to get into a refresher so June 30th was my deadline. Now that I have been denied that class... I would have to re-take the entire week long course. My issue really isn't even taking that class... it's PAYING for it. A whopping 5k for the original as opposed to $500 for the refresher... and for what? You have to bring your own tactical equipment to begin with... and you end up in a dorm that smells of piss and is rat infested. Like I said, I suited up all of 5 times, so that's about 1k per suit up. Last time the company did reimburse us... but that won't happen this time. It wouldn't piss me off so much except that I know for a fact that these guys know my predicament and felt it was better to give the spot to some volley than to someone who is career! So FOAD you maggots!!! I'll go to Black Water if I decide to do it all over again.
My final FOAD really isn't an FOAD. It's more of a FOAB... Fuck Off And Blog... to those bloggers out there with spring fever/whoa is me I have such a boring life and nothing to blog about/oh my template sucks/oh no one will rent to me/oh my life will be so busy I'll have to let the blog go/ oh my readers just don't matter to me/ oh this and that and the other thing and so on and so forth. It seems there has been A LOT of that going on. While I sympathize with everyone going through it because there are times when I too go through it... at some point it's put up or shut up... shit or get off the pot... stop thinking your short and fat when you're 5'11" and 115 lbs... do the right thing.
Understand where I'm coming from when I say this... but posting something about nothing is better than posting nothing at all. Do you have loyal reader's? Sure you do. Do you care about them? Sure you do... because if you didn't well you wouldn't even say anything about the terrible strain you're under... you would just... vanish. I don't think personal blogs should be chores. I think they should be fun and entertaining and an outlet for the blogger. I think an awful lot of people take it way more seriously than they should... and I will include myself in that group. There are some days... like today... when I push myself to do the blog thing even though my mouth is still driving me crazy from that damn dentist. There are some days I know my posts are crap like yesterday and today. There are some really thought out posts in here too... and this one will be number 234. Almost at the 250 milestone... and don't think I haven't been planning for that. Hell... I've been planning that one since March... and for me it'll be HUGE. For me bloggin is oart of my routine because if I can make this routine... hopefully I can make my other writing routine. I blog anything because for me it is therapy. For everyone else... it is what you want it to be.
For those of you who think your disappearance doesn't matter... well it does. I still haven't gotten over Frodo Corleone leaving suddenly. Will I eventually? Sure I will... the same way I got over when Peppermint Patty told me no when I asked that bitch to marry me 11 years ago. Time heals all wounds... and sure there are always new blogs to read and new bloggers coming onboard right now... but to a certain degree longevity has its privledges. I'm not saying to be a happy blogger because with Joshua Herman Christus as my witness I am not. I'm not saying not to whine about having nothing to blog... because after all that IS something to blog. What I am saying is don't write blogging off. I'm saying Blog Anything... because that is always better than the nothing.
I have a really simple theory on the whole thing... in fact it is more of a life mantra or a battle cry or whatever you want to call it. Back in the day I used to play a laser tag game called Q-Zar (I know... athletic aren't I?) and my team was called the Black Nites (original, weren't we? and yes... that is how we spelled Nites) and our motto was "Tag them all and let the ref sort them out!" When the game would begin our captain would scream that in the arena and we would enter our "berserker" rage. As my life progressed I would take that saying and change it a little bit here and there. At Woodstock '99 it became "Transport them all and let triage sort them out!"... at the bar it became "Drink it all and let the porcelain god sort it out!"... and now here in the blogosphere I have changed it once againe too...
Blog It All And Let Technorati Sort It Out!!!
If your an FOAD Blogger you can link here if you want...
Wednesday, May 24, 2006Wordless Wednesday
Seeing as how I am preparing to visit my favorite torturer the dentist... I have decided to go with my favorite video game character and a Wordless Wednesday...
Go see Some Girl before her clock here runs out... she's been the bestest guest ever... and anyone who can tell me what is SO special about her and leaves it in this comment gets 100 BE credits. Also go see the old wise one... she's in search to the answer of the neverending question... why do we blog?
And for those of you who don't like the fact I titled this Wordless Wednesday and then spoke... Peace and Love knuckleheads...
Monday, May 22, 2006Ooogle Monday
As promised... since we did hit 50 members... mostly due to all the ladies so they're coming first this week... here is your Ooogle Monday for your blogging health... Ooogle hard...
Hmmm... ya know... those glasses look awfully familiar...
Eric Bana as Hector from Troy... one of the only reasons it made money was him half-naked
Tim McGraw... as previously promised...
So now that the ladies are taken care of... here ya go boyz... a little Tequila named Tila...
For those guys out here who live under rocks or use Apple IIC's to cruise the 'net and therefore have no idea who she is... Tila Tequila is the number 1 girl in StalkerSpace... she has over 1,050,777 friends... and yes... I am one of them... jealous??? Well go be her friend and MAYBE I'll intro you... MAYBE...
We made 50!!! In fact... we made 51... so my blogging strike is officially ended. While I can understand the insignificance of a two day blogging strike versus Ghandi's salt strike... well I still feel like I have overcome some unknown obstacle and made T's dream (well at least this normal one) come true! So thanks Frankie for being number 50... and Ethel for being number 51 over at Did I Say That?
Memberships by the way are still available so don't be shy...
You'll make her mad!!!
Saturday, May 20, 2006Blogging Strike
Throughout the course of history world leaders have done a number of things to garner attention to their cause. Well... this one is mine. I am therefore going on a blogging strike until 8 more people sign up for the forums at Did I Say That? See... T was hoping for 50 people by Monday... and I'll be darned to heck if I didn't do everything in my power to try and make that happen... if not for her then for her daughter who turns the big old 3 on that day.
So if you haven't come over and hung out with us at the forums... which by the way right now has over 1,500 posts which just PROVES we are a chatty bunch... well then get over there. If you are over... well start getting your friends involved too. I will remain silent here at APODB until the 50th member is signed up... which if I'm as popular as I think I am may be a really long time... but you should also remember that this will be endangering Ooogle Monday... and what a Monday I had in store for you all!
Go sign up here now... or at the very least go see her because she isn't striking and is already a member.
So the Rent My Blog Analysis got a lot of feedback which I think qualifies for an update rather than going in and just editing the original post. The two things this update will do is 1) Better explain the formula I devised and 2) Address a few things some people pointed out.
The Formula Redeux
For those of you who don't know Miss Ann Thrope... well your missing out. I suggest you click and become familiarized with her and take some lessons. Miss Ann felt my formula was fatally flawed and that she in fact would not measure up to anything higher than a slumlord. In fact, her exact comment to be summed up was, "So pretty much for 15 credits, my average of 60 unique clicks and maybe a mention or two sucks. Somehow i don't think so. "
Luckily, she rented to me for a week so I could see first hand what it was like to stay at her place (which is really nice by the way... mega soft pillows and plenty of pussies for me to chase around the yard).
So I will now demonstrate the formula step by step using my rental time at Miss Ann Thrope's. The Rent My Blog Stats for that stay are as follows: Hits: 1226, Unique Hits: 361, Clicks: 91, Unique Clicks: 65, and Credits: 15. Now over the course of the week Miss Ann mentioned me in 3 different posts with the Rent My Blog link. I was mentioned on 5/13 "It's an Aries Thing", 5/14 "Couple of Things", and 5/16 "Could be worse, could be... errr". Now for those of you who read those posts... look at the end for comments about "cool bitchy dude" and look at the link. It's the rent code. Some people may say "Oh, but she didn't mention your name or say anything real about your blog"... well besides the point that I made in my original analysis about people linking to their renter's secretly, I think being called a bitchy dude is probably the absolute best description I have heard of myself in almost forever... which is just proof she knows me. So total number of mentions is now 3.
So now let's start plugging numbers with their values. The Hit numbers get thrown out. If someone wants to advertise on a site for impressions then they'll be using a 468X60 banner and not a 150X150 square. Hits have NOTHING to do with Rent My Blog other than it show the % of traffic clicking through.
Clicks: 91. I subtract the number of Unique Clicks (65) from the total number of Clicks (91) to give me the number of repeat clickers of 26. Since those are repeat clicks they do not get a full credit, so it is multipled by .5 which gives me a non-unique click value of 13. We will call this Variable A.
Unique Clicks: 65. A Unique Click has a value of 1. It's a 1:1 value deal. We will call this Variable B.
# of Mentions by Entry: 3. As I pointed out above I was mentioned and linked to in 3 separate posts. The value of 1 mention is 25, so in this case 25 multiplied by 3 equals a total mention value of 75. We will call this Variable C.
Now we will pull the formula together. We start by adding A+B+C=D... D is now a variable equal to the Total Value. Using the numbers from this rental it becomes 13+65+75= 153. Now to discover the percentage of return we take the Total Value, which is variable D, and divide it by Credits which in this case is 15. So the equation now become D/Credits. In this case it is 153/15= 10.2. Now we make it into a percentage by moving the decimal point two places to the right... which makes 10.2 into 1020%. For those of you curious about hits... simply divide the number of Unique Clicks by the number of Unique Hits. In this case it is 361/91=.180... move those decimal points... and the click through % of Unique Hits at Miss Ann Thrope's is 18%.
So for a cost of 15 BE credits I received a total of 91 Clicks, 65 Unique Clicks, three mentions as a "cool bitchy dude" which resulted in a 1,020% return on my initial investment. This makes Miss Ann Thrope the Queen of Rent My Blog. Long Rent the Queen!!! So there ya go Miss Ann... there's your ranking and your explanation. I hope it was thorough enough... and if you decide you still don't understand then let's try this novel idea... just trust me that I do know what I'm talking about and that your the Queen of it all!
Some Random Arguments:
Friday, May 19, 2006Honoring Thy Tenant and Landlords and The Friday Drama Update
It is once again that time of the week where I honor my tenant. This week's guest of honor is Some Girl. Have you figured it out about her yet? Well you should be looking closely... VERY closely. Just don't get too close because she has now joined a Kickball League... and she packs Some wallop!!! Go see her and tell her how much you love the fact that she's staying with me!
Unlike last week, I have quite a few people I'd like to thank for letting me stay at their places. I guess my outcry worked a bit because Angels and Demons, The Adventures of Doghouse Reilly, and my current roomy here Some Girl all took me in this week. The first person to take me in last week as I was teetering on tired paws was Miss Ann Thrope. Miss Ann had mentioned the fact that she had read my Rent My Blog Analysis and wanted to know how she ranked. Well my stay over there isn't over yet... and I will be providing an update to that expose'... but preliminarily I have to saw WOW!!! I think we will be having a new Queen of Rent My Blog.
Finally... I want to make mention of another blogger who I really feel for. Stephanie over at I Ended Up Here... How? has had problems renting space on blogs. I know how that feels... I'm about a 1 rental for every 10 bids I place. So go see Stephanie, seeing as how she's a bit homeless right now... or even better... if she bids on your blog give her a home! Her credits are good!!! Really!
Now for the Friday Drama Update... which I know no one really cares about but me... but that's okay because this is my blog and I'll write about it if I want to!
So The Nick has been having some health issues lately. Saturday was a migraine, Monday was the sniffles, last night and tonight a full blown cold... so she's been miserable. Not really miserable to me... but just miserable in general. Monday night, while hanging with the Pyro Guys Reid and Kevyn, well the three of us (she wasn't included) decided we will no longer call Musclehead by Musclehead. Instead we will now call him Goldberg... after Bill Goldberg the former wrestler. Needless to say... he is still being held at bay. However, tonight I was privy to a text message she received. It was short, sweet, to the point of I miss you... from Reid the Pyro Guy. I sense an explosion waiting to happen.
Things with The Donkey and The Steff continue to progress. For the first time in a long time I sense general happiness from her... which is very important. What is more impressive, is that she met his mom. Now what you have to understand is that NO ONE meets Mama Donkey. I met her once 8 years ago by chance... and in the 11 years I've known him I can honestly say I've never been over his house. So the fact that she met his mom is HUGE. She did admit that they almost got into a borderline fight over their meeting.
The Steff is very sensitive about these types of things (families... she is very very very family oriented)... and Mama Donkey also seems the nervous type. So that night Donkey's sister wasn't feeling well and called in dead from going to dinner with them... which made Mama Donkey flinch... and The Steff hyperventlate thinking Mama didn't want to meet her. Luckily, The Donkey pulled the rabbit out of the hat and instead of going out to dinner, they just brought some carrot cake home. As predicted by myself while stirring some tea leaves Mama Donkey loves The Steff and vice versa.
Now for a final bit of drama... remember The Steff's New Guy B who got deaded awhile ago? Well he was best friends with my old partner Sir Shortness's boyfriend. So Sir Shortness calls me yesterday. She's been out for a few months now with a back injury... and it turns out that she needs surgery. Not a simple procedure either... the type where they cut her throat open, push aside her trachea and esophogaus, and then repair her damaged vertebrae that way. It's a C3-C4 compression fracture for those who care.
So of course I tell her not to worry about going to and coming from the surgery... hell I only have 150 ambulances at my command on a daily basis so I think I can get her a ride... but then she starts crying on the phone. She's scared. Oh hell... I'd be scared too. She does tell me that her and her boyfriend are still going, and she says that he isn't up her ass like her past boyfriends and that's good, and I know she's lying. She needs him to be there... and he isn't. We finally get off that topic and onto her cat Jack, and a few dozen other things... and then she mentions The Steff and asked if I still talk to her... idiot I am doesn't realize it and says, "Oh yeah at least once a day." (which is sort of true... well... we talk to each other's voicemails alot)... and then I realize what's next... New Guy B. So as she starts asking me about The Steff I signal to eVil... and he pages me overhead for a STAT... phew! That's a conversation I hope to avoid for a long time.
In non-drama related news though... this week was National EMS Week. Tonight there was an awards ceremony... and seeing as how I LOVE those... I boycotted. I did hear from my other old partner and long time friend Freakzilla that I got a standing ovation though and they threw a classic picture of me in front of the Hemphill Town sign up on the screen. Of course I had provided the picture but didn't know what it was being used for. No one had bothered to check if I would be there... and it took a minute for them to realize I wasn't there. I find it incredulous that these people really have absolutely no idea how I am after 12 years.
Of course by the time they realized I wasn't coming, Freakzilla had taken to the stage to accept on my behalf. His acceptance speech was very eloquent and this is EXACTLY what he said, "On behalf of Dog I would like to accept this. He wants to thank all those who went with him and a big A-WOOF to everyone who he hopes to see in twelve days and counting for the next season!"
That's my nigga. I wouldn't have said it better myself.
Thursday, May 18, 2006FOAD Thursday!!!
So today is Fuck Off And Die Thursday! Finally! Where should we start...
Let's start with the moron in Dunkin Donuts. Every other day I'm there and I order the EXACT same thing. Every time you have to ask me three times what I want... and still you give me milk and not cream!!! Tomorrow... if I don't get the cream... your getting the coffee... IN YOUR FACE! So FOAD Dunkin Dipshit!!!
Now let's move on to random drug testing policies. It is truly amazing how certain people will come up on the "computer" the day after they called the Purchasing Agent a cheap bastard (well... if the shoe fits... then leave it and get the one that doesn't for 50% off asswipe). So after 12 years suddenly the number comes up! FOAD computer... which by the way EVERYONE knows still is not working... so we know the "computer" is a breathing being who just happens to have lunch EVERY DAY with the Asswipe Purchasing Agent!!! And on that subject FOAD all idiots who KNOW that randoms can happen, but decide to smoke a joint anyway 'cause "it's there"... and then REFUSE the test because it violates their "belief system". Newsflash idiot... we deal with peoples LIVES here... so if you can't do it straight... don't do it!!!
To those people who don't think that us Cr@ck@ @$$3$ can't be pimps. Well I got news for ya'll... it's hard out here for a pimp... but it's harder out here for us Cr@ck@z... and ya'll need to show some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! Ya'll need to R-E-C-O-G-N-I-Z-E!!! And stop being up our @$$3$ over EVERYTHING!!! We wiznill not go quietly into tha nizzay . Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this.. We will not be wiped from tha face of this earth coz of tha color of our skizzay . You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. We will not be sent ta our beds witout our baller... or fo` tizzle motherfucka witout our dessert whizzich means yo woman!!! Dizzy blame us coz we treat our ladies right n dont pusha KFC as 5-star din'n!!! So FOAD all you h@t3rs!
Finally let us say FOAD to those people out there who feel the need to know EVERY LITTLE DETAIL of something I'M DOING. There is a REASON that I AM the one DOING IT. If you need to know about it then I will tell you... otherwise... Fuck Off And Die!!!
If you too are a FOAD Blogger and keeping it real... well link up here...
Ladies and Gentleman... Mrs. T has left the building. It was a very tearful goodbye actually. We sat and talked while she packed her leopard skin bag. I begged her not to go... but Mr. T wasn't having her spend another week with the Dog here at APODB. It's almost as if he thinks I was pimping her out or something while wearing a red pimp coat and fedora... makes you wonder right?
So we get to the door, I give her a goodbye lick (on the hand you pervs!) and off she went. She hadn't even hit the curb yet when the mob started. Apparently word is out that this is the place to be. Maybe it's the cheap rent... maybe it's the flat screen tv... maybe its the free licks I give you while your here... probably because everyone knows I'm a pimp and it's hard out here for us ya know?
I saw an awful lot of familiar faces and this was really the first week where picking someone actually took some time... and of course while I was deciding more people showed up and caused a scene right out of MTV's Super Sixteen show. Through the crowd though... one face stood out to me... it was someone I've read for awhile... someone who is sweeter than cherry pie (and everyone knows how I love me some pie)... someone who was there for the Dog when the Dog was down... that's right... it was Some Girl.
So I've been reading Jul *COUGH* *COUGH* Some Girl for awhile now. At first glance she gives off the impression of just being some other blog, by some other girl, in some other town, and living some other life. There is alot more to it though... and maybe not everyone can see it... so go over there and be sure to look closely. For those of you who don't get it... well I'll tell you when her time's up if you MUST know.
Unfortunately, I had to turn these nice people away... so do the right thing and go see them... and tell them not to worry... the space will be open again in only a week.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006Did I Say That? Are you Sure???
See what happens when I get bored? I swipe avatars and mess with banners. It's as if I have nothing else better to do... oh right... there is also the time I'm now spending at Did I Say That? It's T's new forums... and they rock! It's a very relaxed and laid back atmosphere with oodles of topics to choose from. The forum isn't for Bloggers specifically so anyone can go over and contribute. That means you... yes you sitting there drooling over the hot avatars. There are already 30 members... and the good times are just starting to roll so come on over and tomorrow you too can ask yourself, Did I Say That?
So on the way home I was mentally making a list of things I wanted to get done. Number one on the lost was to work on the novel that I have in process. Then I figured a little poker, a little blogging, some foruming (did I mention the new forum at Did I Say That?), and hey maybe I'll even get around to playing a little Red Alert 2 online! Right.
So here's basically what I've done. I have discovered that the Westwood Servers don't like my version of Red Alert 2. I need to play Yuri's Revenge to get a game... but big surprise it doesn't work on here for some reason. I also discovered that play money is not as much fun as real money... but it comes back a helluva lot faster and there seems to be more of it so going all in with the Dead Man's Hand isn't so painful. I also discovered that most people actually SLEEP at night... and with the exception of Stephanie (yes... there is yet another one) I was basically sitting on the forums looking at my little green name. As you may have noticed... I am blogging... so check there. What's missing? Oh right... that pesky little novel project.
I kind of new this would happen. I knew once I got the 'Net back at home it would be like this. I am such a damn procrastinator it isn't even funny. The page is sitting open on the desktop but I just don't seem to be able to find the words I want.
So because I continue to procrastinate on that and will start my new regiment tomorrow, allow me to tell you about something I've been wanting to mention for the past two days but have also lacked the words for. Sunday night The Donkey, The Steff and I went to see United 93. Now some of you may remember my previous mention of the movie.
I have to be honest, it was quite eerie watching it... especially when they showed the views of the Twin Towers. In my opinion the movie was done both respectfully and carefully to avoid causing any type of political uproar. Where it was not gentle was in the portrayal of the FAA and the Military and their incompetence.
As for the end of the movie... well... I knew the end. It would be kind of like going to see Titanic and wondering what was going to happen to the boat (duh... it sinks for those of you who live under rocks). Yet... I still had that hope that in the end the plane would pull up. As the screen blackened the familiar emptiness filled me up. Luckily by the time we had walked outside it had already began to dissipate as opposed to the three years it had been there before. Those fleeting moments did make me reconsider the fact that when Oliver Stone's movie comes out... well maybe I won't be going to see it after all.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006The Court of Sebastian, Some Loose Ends, and Sickos
So as I may have mentioned, last night Sebastian Bach was at the GNR show. For those of you who don't know... Sebastian used to front a band called Skid Row. They were for all intense purposes a metal hair band. Skid Row by the way has reformed as well... only without the prescence of Sebastian Bach.
See Sebastian has serious ego issues. He continues to think he is the king of the hill. I made brief mention about him holding court outside the back of the Hammerstein. So why does a guy like this feel so, well, powerful? Because of hot and sexy women like this. Her name is Vixen... and she is the Head Fluffer for this agency here. See Sebastian buys his women. That's right... his ego is fed through money and buying women. What he does is hire one or two of these Fluffers... then he "holds court" so everyone can see him with them. They then conveniently go to the bathroom... and all the real women come up and oogle and ah him. Now that his plastic women are gone... he gets to pick and choose a regular woman for a reduced price, because no matter how much he pays these Fluffers aren't going to allow him anymore than an arm around their shoulders.
It is usually moments like these where I seriously have to question not only the celebrity and their status... but the fans as well. Are people so easily star struck that they cannot see behind the deception of a has been? The whole thing to me seems utterly ridiculous to me... yet some people continue to partake in the practice and will even forsake the lives they are in for a "moment" with their "idol". It's not something I understand... but something I needed to vent about.
So I got tagged with this thing about listing 10 things you would say to people. There's nothing in it about how many people to tag... so I won't be tagging anyone... but if you want to do it then feel free. Here's the rules as I received them and my 10 things:
List up to ten (10) - or more - things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are and do not confirm or deny any ‘comment speculation’.
10) No matter what they say, what you hear, and what you may be shown... my death will always be greatly exaggerated... because I may always be outnumbered... but I'm never outgunned.
9) One day your going to go blind if you keep that up.
8) I value an awful lot of different things in a really screwed up way. One day you may even understand that and then you'll know why I am the way I am.
7) When you broke my CD player when you were five... well... I know I wasn't innocent either because I had broken your stick. So... I'm sorry.
6) You know that whole thing about beauty being more than skin deep? Tell that to Larry Flynt and see what you get.
5) At some point and time you will realize that relationships are two way streets and not just you giving and losing.
4) You know that the only thing that matters to me is your happiness. At some point, my happiness has to come into account too though... which inevitably will be when I say goodbye to you... although I will love you even after the pumper in my chest stops pumping.
3) I seriously need to smack some sense into you.
2) Really? I'll be your Huckleberry. You fruity crumbcake.
1) There will be a day, an hour, a moment when I no longer will walk this earth. Your life is the only proof that will remain that I was here. Live it well.
Finally... once again... I nailed you guys with the Fluffer bit. You sickos!!! How could you??? Well... I know how you could... because I would have too. So do the right thing since T's time is almost up and tell her how FABULOUS her blog is and how it really should be seen here...
Well tonight I worked at the Hammerstein Ballroom for the New Guns & Roses show. That's right... Axl is back. They're doing 4 shows that started last Friday, Sunday night, tonight (which is really last night), and finally Wednesday night before going to Europe. I'm sure a lot of people want to know how the show was. Allow me to say this... Axl continues to be Axl. His groove is back... his voice is back... his extravagant dressing room requests are back... but with the exception of Dizzy his band still isn't back.
Now don't get me wrong, it was a really good show. If your an Axl fan then you were probably overjoyed... like the 33 year old mother of 3 from North Carolina who ran her mascara all over my shirt because she was there to see "the love of my life" Axl... and was unhappy over the fact security pulled her from the crushing crowd as she went limp. .. oh and her husband was a pussy for not coming (well... uh... who was going to watch the kids??? duh!). If you are a fan of GNR... like the 43 year (and I swear... she looked fabulous for 43), who clambered out during the opening song Welcome to the Jungle, well it was okay. They opened with Welcome to the Jungle, did Patience, November Rain, Mr. Brownstone, had Sebastian Bach (what a fucking airhead) come up for My Michelle, and ended it all with Paradise City. Other favorites were peppered in along with some new songs... so watch out for a new album once Axl makes back some of the 14 million he had the record company spend in making it.
However, the real entertainment of the night was Reid and Kevyn... the Pyro Guys. See, Axl has this habit of doing things late. Although he was scheduled for a 9:45 performance... he did not arrive until 10:50. Since our call time was 6:00... we had time to kill. So we spent it with the Pyro guys at the backstage door as they greeted New Yorkers.
Here's a typical Pyro Guy routine:
"Hey how are you doing today?" asked Reid.
"Oh, I'm okay. How are you?" replied a startled New Yorker who slows down his walking.
"I'm gassy today. What's in the bag?" he would respond referring to either a shopping bag or a case that they were carrying.
At this point, the New Yorker would either tell him or clutch the bag and walk away faster.
A few conclusions they came up with were that orthodox Jewish men are the friendliest of all New Yorkers; short women are more likely to talk to you than tall womenl; no one likes Harry Connick Jr. (which is who they would tell everyone who asked who was playing); there are an awful lot of clothes being carried around New York, which means there are an awful lot of slumber parties going on; and that there are more men with man bags in all of New York than the rest of the world.
This went on for HOURS... and it really got crazy when the security guy pissed off an old Russian woman and Kevyn got the blame. I bet some people are wondering why I am even mentioning this. Maybe because it's now 5 something in the morning... and maybe I really need to go to bed... but the point I want to make is the Pyro Guys were a better entertainment value than the band.
Where are my priorities lately? Here they are.
Sunday, May 14, 2006Ooogle Monday
For years experts have said that playing video games will lead us to a health crisis. With the recent revelation by experts WE LIKE that ooogling someone for 10 minutes a day of the attractive sex will lead to a longer and healthier life has made leading a healthier life so much easier with her:
That's right ladies and more specifically the gentleman... I give you the First Lady of Video Games... THE Lara Croft. Lara can now be found countrywide in Tomb Raider: Legend.
Lara is not only the number one most played with female in the world... she also now has a Guiness World Record. This is a babe that has it all.
There is one downside to Ms. Croft... she's made of pixels. To combat this slight problem Eidos has done the right thing and recruited model Karima Adebibe to be the official Lara Croft Ambassador to the real flesh world.
Mmmm... yeah... good choice boys...
Playing video games has never been healthier since Atari's Kaboom! helped children with their hand and eye coordination...
... thank the lord for Kaboom!
Now for you ladies... a little something for you guys to get the blood flowing... and while I did think about giving you guys a treat to a Duke Nuke'em special, well I figured you would enjoy this better...
And if that wasn't up your alley... how about this...
Who loves you???
TAGS:Karima Adebibe,APODB,Ooogle Mondays
BBS. Three letters you never hear about today. It stood for Bulletin Board System. Users would dial directly in through a landline and reach a BBS where they had membership and could post about things and conversate. I was a regular at quite a few, Telamasca, Bigfeet, and Kryptonite Kondums to name a few. Then came the Internet and gobbled the independant BBS's up.
Over time Internet Forums developed to replace these same systems only with much more inter-connectivity. I got into forums that I found interesting. I used to be a big time poster over on the RealmWorx Forums (Bulleting Boards). RealmWorx basically specialized in building communities around games such as MechWarrior, Mage Knight, and DuelMasters. I am a tabletop gamer and as a Scrye Magazine freelancer it helped to hear what other people thought instead of just those at my game spot. These were very very topic specific forums... and always lacked variety in one way or another.
So the other day I got turned onto a really cool new forum with lots of variety. No... no giant battling robots or dragons being conjured up out of nowhere. The person responsible for putting the idea together is T... and with a little help from Miss Ann Thrope there is now Did I Say That?
This is the forum for people who say anything. You really should come one over and check it out... bloggers and non-bloggers are welcome!
So a Happy Mother's Day to all the mommy's out there. This is going to be short and sweet and to the point. Last night after working at the Nokia Theater I went out with The Steff, The Donkey, and The Nick for a few drinks. Needless to say at 3:00am this morning I was Mother's Day shopping for Pudding, seeing as how I had already gotten my own mother something. DJ, being 5, really couldn't get out to go shopping.
So I in my drunken stupor I was looking at cards. At the same time my bladder was once again full. So I needed to hurry up... and I grabbed the first card I saw that looked okay which was a dog holding some cards and some poker saying on the front. So I got home and went to bed. This morning Pudding and the wolves came over for breakfast. Around 5 minutes before her arrival, as I was wiping the drool from my chin, I realized I needed to do the card. So I open it up and it says how, "You knew you were aces for winning this stud's heart" or some crap and then, "Happy Mother's day to my wife."
So... I did the only thing any exhusband in his right mind would do. I got a blank piece of paper, some crayons, drew a picture, and threw some money in with the card. The lesson to be learned is to be sure to read the cards you buy for your ex-wife before she show's up at your door with her new love interest.
She thankfully just thought I was being what she considers my normal cheap bastard self.
Happy Mother's Day!!!
Saturday, May 13, 2006Mega Powerful Post
This is a MEGA powerful post. Every now and then I read one of these and it puts a knot in my stomach because I can relate a little too closely to it. How do I relate to this one? I worked the South Bronx for 2 years. The thing about the South Bronx is that there is roughly 1,000,000 people living in a 15 square mile radius and 90% are on public assistance. The South Bronx has a higher birth rate than the entire borough of Manhattan. It also has the highest infant mortality rate. Read this post to understand what I'm talking about.
It has also made me think about a flip side to that coin. About the children who no longer have a mother. In that category... I am very lucky. My mom is still around to kick my ass and smack me upside the head when I curse at the dinner table. I can still buy her flowers and knick knacks and all the other things that mother's enjoy. There are others who can't say the same.
Thinking about you Kev... your mom is proud of you.
Some people may be seeing this and think that I am about to unleash a spew of hate and profane profanity on a person who is a blogger. Not true. What I am talking about is the platform upon which you are currently reading these words... Blogger the service. Believe it or not I have been a Blogger member since October of 2004. I had a typical little blog with a BTOD that I did for quite literally 2 months. I averaged maybe a posting every three or four days. Nothing spectacular and nothing involved.
Then in November of last year I came back to Blogger to try and exercise the demons of writer's block and knock out the bricks in the wall. To a degree my self therapy has had its success in that I am now writing every day... although not necessarily on the projects I want to complete quickly. I used Blogger because I already had it and it was easy to use. Another really nice feature I discovered was the Moblogging... where you can send an e-mail that will post itself to your blog. That for me is huge, especially if I get sent out on a deployment.
I always read about how people hate Blogger. Sure it has its faults... like downtime, crappy backlinks, slow loads, no way to subscribe to comments, crappy word verification letters that trip people up, and of course template limitations. Normally I become a gigantic advocate... I mean any service that is free is for me... and any service willing to host this Tangerine Nightmare template I cobbled together can't be all bad.
But I will be honest. I have been looking at other blogs. There are quite a few out there but the two I see most often are WordPress and Expression Engine. For some reason I just can't feel Movable Type at all... sorry. So after some serious thoughts and consideration... I am still left with a feeling of eh... which would I choose? Because now not only is it about choosing a platform but also about choosing a host and what not. WordPress does offer free hosting... but let's face it... they would have the same problems as Blogger and if I'm going to make the jump... I may want my own URL.
So here's the question... what do you think about Blogger vs. WordPress vs. Expression Engine? Why?
If you want to see some examples of some blogs that have inspired me to seriously consider this check out Miss Ann (who by the way has also taken me in for the week after hearing my sniveling cries for a place) for Expression Engine and Fat Penguin for Word Press.
Friday, May 12, 2006Honoring Thy Tenant and Thy Landlord
So today being Friday it is also a time to recognize and honor my current tenant, roomie, partner in bloggery, soul mate for the week, and just all around swell and sweet as hell person. That's right... now is the time to go see T (pronounced Tee for those of you with alphabet issues). Right now she is an alot of pain both physically and emotionally and needs your support.
Physically her back is killing her and if you have ever had back pain... well hell... you know it ain't right. I've given her warm packs, cold packs, and have even gotten out my set of acupuncture needles just in case... but so far she's kept me at bay with a Ginshoo knife she found in my kitchen. Emotionally she is still reeling from the whole AI thing with Chris... as are probably a good half of all American women. The other half are illegal immigrants who don't speak English anyway and think that Menudo will marry them and legalize them in one swoop. So do the right thing... go see T and tell her how great she really really really is.
Now another reason that I didn't do this earlier is because I have a few bids out to Rent My Blog. Okay... I had 7. Thus far 5 of those were denied. The 6 the day before also denied. The 4 the day before that was also denied. Are we seeing a pattern? Right. I have been blackballed... kicked to the curb... deemed an undesirable... I have become a Rent My Blog outcast!!! No one will feed me or provide me shelter from the rain and cold!!!
Well... except for AZJade. That's right... the only person to take this poor dog in was AZJade at Jaded Sunburns. So here I am... poolside in the warm Arizona sun... hanging with Jaded Sunburns. Talk about a great place! She has skinning options with a hot little blonde... and not only does the skin change, but the template does too from a 3 column to a 2 column while keeping all the contents. Another wonderful blog design on Expression Engine... but let's be honest here... her blog looks are only a hint at the wonders beneath the PHP... she's smart, witty, has idiots sending her junk mail, and makes AWESOME GRAPHICS!!!
Go see AZJade at Jaded Sunburns... thank her for giving me a place to rest my weary paws this week when nobody else wanted me...