A Pile of Dog Bones


“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Answering The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit's Mail

Have you ever wondered what happens to all those letters addressed to the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit? Well believe it or not the US Postal Service deliver those letters to North Pole, Alaska. Letters with return addresses actually get responded to with an authentic North Pole Postmark.

Once a very long time ago I had to do some community service for some not so cheerful things. My community service included composing letters from the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit. We got the letters, read them, and then responded on official letterhead. All those letters were packaged up and sent to the North Pole, Alaska post office for the post mark before being delivered to the houses. It really is interesting how one can be whored out by the criminal justice system as a youth.

However, if I was the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit, I would be more careful with where I got my elven workers from. Below are a few examples of my community goodness on behalf of the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit...

The letter Santa received-
Deer Santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy
The response Santa gave-
Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa
The letter Santa received-

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah
The response Santa gave-
Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
Isn't community service grand??? More letters tomorrow.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 12/19/2006 03:15:00 PM :: :: 7 Bones Added to the Pile

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