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Friday, March 31, 2006DynamicThis is much harder than I originally thought. After reading some comments as well as a few other blog sites it seems people respond best to frequent posts. Dynamic content was a term used often. I pondered on what type of dynamic content it was that I could provide. I was astounded by the fact that I could not think of anything dynamic enough that I think I can provide. I do not sit at home and watch television all day. I work as most other people do as well. In addition to working I also have friends and a life, none of which would want to become the unwitting stars in a soap opera for everyone's amusement. Besides, we really are pretty boring. There is usually large amounts of alcohol and poker when we get together. On those nights when I am not with friends I watch television. Luckily I am fortunate enough to have satellite television. Unfortunately there still is nothing on worthy of my attention. One would think with this gap in activity I would have plenty of time to write here about something dynamic. Still I can not seem to find a dynamic enough topic. I noticed that a few comments have been made regarding my previous writings. While perhaps not the kindest, then perhaps they would be willing to tell me what type of dynamic content it is they would like to see. I'm not a huge fan of audience participation, but considering how new I am to this then perhaps it would be a good idea. As for this Izzy's comment regarding my previous post about "Pudding", well to answer your questions I am roughly the same height as Watchdog with a leaner build. While his temper has been well documented, including in an incident report that is on record with the NYSDOH EMS Bureau, I really am not afraid of him or his "Uncle Louie". What you may not realize, is I have known him for quite awhile. In fact, I was at his wedding when he said "I do" to that tramp, although it was against everyone's advice including my own (we were much more civil back then) considering I have known her since working Woodstock '99 as a brand new EMT. Besides, if he ever chose to try and treat me like a common street thug, he will find himself greatly outnumbered. What is it that caused such a rift in our relationship? It is actually very simple. For years he was my mentor and friend, and I was proud to claim membership in the FODD. We were, as he would frequently say, the hardest, meanest, and baddest of the black sheep in New York City EMS. After September 11, 2001 a burning hatred began somewhere in him against the Fire Department of New York. He considered their leadership incompetent and the cause of the 7 EMS deaths that day. Needless to say, in January of 2002 my number was called, and I joined the FDNYBEMS. I became ex-communicated from the little group. In hindsight it really is fine with me. Working for the city has taught me the true meaning of EMS- Earn Money Sleeping.  
Thursday, March 30, 2006AddictionsI have read on numerous blogs that this is an addictive hobby. I stress the word hobby because this is by far only that. While the media portrays bloggers as money making freedom fighters, I have learned first hand that this is far from true. After continuing to peruse blogs I have come to the conclusion that there are three types of blogger. There is the "mommy blogger" who dedicates her life to wiping the snot off the child's nose and writing all about it in a paisely formatted page. Equal to these mommies are the "daddy" bloggers who show us that daddies have become mommies with an added appendage. To me, there is nothing like a traditional father taking his belt off and whipping his child bloody... just like my old man used to do to us. Instead these blogs feed us lines of parenting woes and meandering thoughts on what it is like to be a child. To these people I wish to alert you to the fact that you were once a child. Of course there are those "mommies" and "daddies" who's "child" happens not to be a homo sapien. To these people I wish to recommend reading Stephen King's Cujo and then tell me how cute you think Fluffy really is. There is the "bitch" blogger who dedicates her life to telling the world how much of a bitch she really is. I believe this is unique, as only here can we find someone promoting themselves as a person no one in their right mind would want to be with. They are proud of their anti-social behavior and wave it to what they consider the world with posts full of curses or words they don't know the meaning of amidst a graphical interface with cartoon women giving what I have come to know as the universal EMS sign for peace and love. First, go get your own universal sign of peace and love, stop using ours you unsightly wenches. Then go and leave that darkened bedroom you exist in and try walking down the street using the same vocabulary and see where it will get you. In truth, were they truly bitches worthy of the title, they would be in jail and would be considered as someone else's property. I really haven't seen any "bastard" blogs which is surprising, or maybe not considering the male sex is usually much more grounded in reality than our female counterparts. The final type of blogger is the "crazy" blogger. That includes the silly fool who once wrote here about his PTSD and depression. Well you know what? I would be depressed as shit too if my wife left me to become a lesbian like his did. That would depress me so much, that yes, I might very well just end it all. Yet he didn't. So therefore it couldn't have depressed him that much. Yet everyone else has a blog where they are "depressed" or "schizophrenic" or "multiple personalities". The best are the ones who write how they don't take their medications. If you are in New York and diagnosed with such a disorder that means that as per NYSDOH Part 800 section 75 which is the Mental Hygiene Act of 1986 an instant mental health warrant is issued and it is up to EMS to bring you in for your meds. Personally those are my favorite jobs, cracking the nuts. Obviously there needs to be more moderation and stricter guidelines on the crazies in the world, and these blogs are just evidence of it. Someone made mention that this site is dying because I am not the original author. Well if you don't want to read what I want to write then that's absolutely fine. I will find people who do, or let this place shrivel up and die in the void of cyberspace.
Monday, March 27, 2006Seems Harder Than It Should BeFor some reason, it appears that traffic through the site has dropped off. Less traffic means less ads which results in less funding. It seems that while the world makes blogging seem like the quick track to fast money, that is hardle the case. So what have I been doing as the seeming popularity of this site continues to dwindle? Reading. I've been doing alot of reading. Aside from actual books on the subject, none of which I found impressive enough to mention, I've read a slew of other blogs and this one as well. What I can't seem to understand is what type of interest Watchdog garnered by this dribble? It seems that if he wasn't professing how his relationships were going he was finding the stupidest and craziest things on the Internet to fill the void that his own life has left. While I have found a number of other blogs that do the same, at least there are others that seem to serve a purpose like this Mystickal Incense stuff. At least that blog person is promoting themselves for monetary gratification. I wonder how well it works? I wonder how hard it is to make candles? I can't see Watchdog's purpose in all this. Post after post about the pettiest of things. In all honesty, how many people reading this actually believe that his friendship with Christine was strictly platonic? I know Christine personally... and I assure you... I would be willing to bet there was more going on there than he let on. I agree with his opinions on Louis though, and while he and I rarely see eye to eye on things anymore, I would gladly partake in throwing Louis a blanket party as well. Then there is this "Steff" person. I admit, I never met the girl so perhaps I should not judge her so harshly, but it is hard for me to tell who sounds like the bigger loser there. Is it her because of her boyfriend issues, or is it Watchdog because he continues to be madly infatuated with her and deludes himself by saying they are only friends and he can accept that. That's garbage. Call him in love if you believe in that sort of thing, but she doesn't and above all won't return the feeling because it is far from mutual. If anything, she has used him for his money and to get a better job than she has ever deserved and the fool he is just plays along. The "Nick" is a seemingly other enigma. She seems to me to be another one using him for what he can do for her and never recipricating. From the entries on her alone, he seems a bit wiser about her behaviour, but the truth of the matter is that he is still smitten by the other one so of course she suffers from a secondary type of view. If this "Steff" person disappeared then I bet it would be the same all over except with "Nick" in her place. This "Izzy" person is another interesting case of an entirely different nature. She apparently actually liked him. In fact as I discovered she too keeps one of these blogs. Here's the funny thing about that, and I only know this because of the covnersation at the poker game... she put down the job. To people like Watchdog, and I will count myself in that number, our jobs are to a large degree our lives. They are our unknowing legacies and we protect them like they are our children. The loss of that love and desire for saving lives and the job in the new jacks was what promoted Watchdog and X-Man to found the Fraternal Order of Death's Destruction. If your First Responders aren't willing to make it happen then I ask you who will? That was her mistake. That and working for the forsaken of the airline industry. Then there are all these other references and obscure items. With the exception of the red dot thing, everything else is trash. How is this interesting to anyone? Are there really that many people out there without something to fill the void that need to resort to this kind of stuff? So since this is what seems to drive traffic to blogs, this will be my contribution to the cause. For all of you ladies out there here is your guide to the perfect husband. I am the one with all capital letters in case you were wondering: 
Tuesday, March 21, 2006Under New Management It is true. This blog is now under new management. I, Dartanion the Hell Hound, took this blog in a game of No Limit Texas Hold'Em from the NYCWatchdog. It has taken me a little while to figure things out... and I will undoubtedly continue to do so. Why gamble my laptop for a blog? Easy. I had him beat, and I read alot of magazines. They all talk about how blogs can make money. That's what I want to do... generate cash. To be able to do it on a platform NYC once owned is just the icing. Most people here I think don't know our history. I am Darth Vader to his Lord Sidious. I was a student EMT that studied and trained under him. Eventually I moved on, and although we remain relatively friendly, we can be at odds. Especially when it comes to certain things like those people he bends over backwards and every which way and they just cast him aside. What a sucker. I'm sure I can spend a whole week writing about him and picking him apart... and from there I'll decide what I should do to generate some traffic here. Some of the conditions of winning have been that I cannot change the "blogroll", and that he cannot appear in the "blogosphere" anymore. I did allow him to write his own obituary... edited a bit by myself... but I think it is a fair representation of all his accomplishments... which amount to not much. A shame such talent was wasted upon the mundane. I'll finish picking his bones... and then move on to something else. This will be a new experience for everyone... and I will be bringing this blog into profitability. Stay tuned as developments continue.
Saturday, March 18, 2006In Memoriam- NYCWatchdog Rest In Peace  The co-founder of the radical EMS Fraternal Order of Death’s Destruction organization and enigma blogger known as the NYCWatchdog died on March 18, 2006 at 5:36am. His life was cut short by two silver bullets, the Ace of Clubs and the Ace of Spades. The hand ended not only the all night poker game and the loss of a pot worth over $3,000 in cash, but also his G-Shock watch and all rights to all his blogs. His dying words were, “This is not over. I’m not a midget lover.” The shooter, Dartanion the Hell Hound, collected his winnings and left the broken corpse behind on the beer stained felt. Born into the blogosphere on November 8, 2005 he had been slowly gaining momentum in overcoming a terrible affliction of writer’s block. As the self-proclaimed King of All Drama, the NYCWatchdog could be found commenting across the sphere and discussing topics that if not were personally related that then affected the blogging community at large. Some of his posting achievements include The One Hundreth Post, The Battle of the Blogs Controversy, The World’s Greatest Blonde Joke, The Greatest Game, and the proverbial classic Red Pill Blue Pill. With an adoration of the archaic banner ad, a multitude of 468X60 banners that would circulate throughout the blogging world advertising the current "hot topic". His penultimate crowning achievment was an award winning post on Love. Surviving him are all his bloggy friends in his blog roll. Memorial services will be held in the comments section of this post.
Thursday, March 16, 2006Shamrocks and Shennanigans On The Pile Tomorrow is the feast of St. Patrick's Day. This being an annual occasion to consume copious amounts of alcohol. Previously when my favorite truck, Fifty-One Do-It-All, was in service I would work these nights. Recently I would be spending these sorts of nights with The Steff, or The Nick, or The Ooompa Loompas, or The Pretty One becoming drowned at a bar and waking up in a gutter on the side of the road or parked in someone's car in someone's driveway. This holiday will be a bit different. Seeing as how The Nick is working, The Steff has taken on a very busy schedule between both work and school, The Ooompa Loompas have babysitting and boyfriend issues respectively, and The Pretty One has given up alcohol for Lent (he's pretty, not bright folks) I will be finding myself with KC and a few of the guys from the Pack at an undisclosed location for a relatively highly illegal poker game. I have been assured that copious amounts of alcohol will be available along with the mandatory corn beef and cabbage. Now while I will undoubtedly be playing poker until the wee hours of the morn, I will be sure to keep an extra $20.00 bill hidden for that cab ride home. Drinking and driving don't mix. While I know most people know this... well I feel the need to say it since some people don't know enough not to post your address on your MySpace page then they may very well not know that drinking and driving, especifically AFTER you've been drinking copious amounts of alcohol, can kill you. That is my public service announcement for the year. .:*:. I read this post about Tips for New Bloggers and found it really interesting. Especially the part about the money. I have an ad that runs in the sidebar over there... but believe you me I am not making any money off it. So is it worth it??? I'll have to rethink the whole ad thing the next time I decide to mess with the template. I think it'll go the way of the Do-Do bird... and since I never even got one little proposal for a new template... well I think I'll take the money, buy me some wine, and try and do it myself. .:*:. So anyway One of the reasons we really haven't spoken is because I've been kind of avoiding the Izzy topic with her. Well... I've been avoiding the Izzy topic from here too. So let's just say that Izzy a Where did it go wrong? While its very hard to pinpoint a moment... oh... bullshit... I can pinpoint the moment alright. It was the day after Billy Joel. I was woken up by a text message from her accusing me of ignoring her. At that moment... I became enraged, incensed, and just plain tired all at the same time. So from that point on that day... yes... I ignored her. Of course what I didn't know was that The Nick had signed onto my computer at work causing my name to pop up on AIM... and Izzy's message to me was promptly ignored by The Nick... although I did get the 20 questions about Izzy from The Nick. So my enragement was unfair and wrong but I didn't know that at the time. But it did get me thinking. Yes... I liked spending the time with Izzy... and I liked our conversations... but suddenly I was walking on eggshells... and I felt I had to do all these things no matter how I was feeling. I just didn't feel happy. Not a good sign two months into a relationship. So, I drew the line in the sand... and for all intensive purposes ended our exclusive relationship. Of course later when I found out the truth about the IM... I did feel bad... and very heelish. But to be honest I didn't rescind, or for that matter attempt to rescind the cessation of relationship activities. I've spent a huge chunk of my life being unhappy so other people could be happy... and I just can't do it anymore. I can't walk on eggshells and worry about what I say, or write, or do, or blog, or anything... because THAT makes me unhappy. Sounding selfish? Yeah... I think so too. So now Izzy and I have agreed to be just friends. And on a friendship level we seem to work better. We haven't had a fight, and we've had some relatively interesting conversations... including the fact she has a drink appointment on Saturday. So of course today I tell The Steff all this... and of course I got what I expected... that I'm an asshole... but she understood what I was saying because... well New Guy A wasn't making her happy either. It isn't anything about them... or that they aren't worthy of affection or anything... just things not clicking.. Then of course she reminds me that she had said awhile ago that I will never be happy with anyone I can't consider my best friend. So... did I consider Izzy my "best friend"? No... unfortunately we never made it that far... so in the end what does this all mean in the grand scheme of things? I haven't the foggiest but I'm sure you all have your opinions. So sound off! UPDATE: Izzy did... oh and pissy Prince William, as much as I would like to go on a tirade about how you suck and a bunch of vulgarities... I know where your coming from. Believe it or not I know exactly where you and Jessica come from... and what's really sad is I agree with you about me. That's sinister isn't it? Just as a word of precaution... I may be outnumbered... but I'm never outgunned...
Wednesday, March 15, 2006B, Monique's Shoes, and MySpace StalkingFirst things first… for those of you who haven’t done so, go see my renter B at AllNight.org. Your failure to do so is bringing down my boast of having a bigger fan base than that fool who started crap with Mystickal because SHE had been cruel and unusual to a renter. Do the right thing and show that I have the biggest and bestest fan base because I am the KING OF ALL DRAMA… and tell her to tell Wolf I said hi. Second things first… you guys need to go see Monique’s favorite date shoes. They are a VERY nice pair of leopard prints that she got from DSW. With a pair like that, how can any guy follow the “chart”… Grrrr!!! .:*:. Now today’s social debacle comes to you courtesy of Fox 12 in Oregon who reports that a mother in the area feels that MySpace.com has endangered her 15 year old daughter. Yes… that’s right… MySpace.com has traveled through cyberspace into the real world and is stalking her daughter. Oh so NOT true. I know there are a lot of people out here who trash MySpace.com and view its users as pathetic uncreative fools who just copy and paste HTML code for icons and blinkies and stuff. I think it is important to keep in mind that MySpace.com started out as a way for musicians to network with each other and their fans. It has evolved into a sort of cyber social club. Perhaps I am dating myself by calling the ethereal realm we all dwell in as cyberspace… with spheres of people floating in it such as the Blogosphere itself. So maybe I shoudn’t have a MySpace.com page… but I do… and am a member of the MySpacesphere as well. MySpace is a lot like blogging. You’ll get out of it what you put into it... especially if you put TOO much into it. So when someone says that MySpace has brought a stalker to their doorstep… that is because whoever used MySpace did so in an unsafe manner. They probably put up information that allowed someone to pinpoint where they lived, went to school, and of course what they looked like with pictures. I remember similar incidents when the Web (the www you type in a URL btw stands for World Wide Web, the official name for what you are in right now) was new and people were using GeoCities for personal homepages. Again, because information was put out there a few people with perversion and social dysfunction used that information for ill doings. Does this mean that MySpace, the Web, the Blogosphere, and everything else we do are all evil and should be shut down??? Absolutely not. At some point we need to take a little bit of responsibility for our own actions, including making sure our teenagers aren’t giving out our home address to the world through a MySpace profile. It also might help if instead of becoming a totalitarian parent we take an interest and provide some input into what they are doing… even if it means putting down the most recent Danielle Steele book and reading MySpace for Dummies instead. Let’s face it, kids do some crazy things, including posting pictures of themselves and their friends smoking from a bong that any law enforcement agent would LOVE to see (yes my little zooted and polluted minions... this is directed at you!). Is it because they don’t know better or because they think that what they are doing is an ethereal plane that can’t possibly affect them in real life? I tend to think it is the latter… because I know quite a few bloggers who have done the same thing and have been run out of the blogosphere because of it. Those bloggers by the way are over the age of 15. I myself have let a few things slip here that in hindsight may not have been the smartest thing… so to a large extent we may all be guilty of it in some form or another. Luckily there is probably a ratio of 1:1,000,000,000 psycho sickos to internet citizens. It is unfortunate for those who do fall victims, but do we blame the system? Do we sue a city or home builder when we are robbed because we decided to leave the front door open? No, because we need to be cognizant of our actions or inaction. Don’t blame the system… blame the users for misusing the system. The fact is that information is power. Now write that 100 times on the blackboard and remember it the next time you do something that requires input from you. Empower yourself... no one else. TAGS:Privacy, MySpace, stalker, information, blogosphere
Tuesday, March 14, 2006Surviving Single MomI saw this entry over at Surviving Single Mom and I laughed so damn hard that the soda I was drinking came spewing out. No... it isn't a joke... but when you read it you know that a) It was written by a woman and b) The woman who wrote it really knows men because it is the absolute truth... Personally... the woman who decides to make me into wine needs to be wearing stilletos though... lol...
Monday, March 13, 2006Danger NYC!!! Danger!!! Well good news... Stephanie still lives and was apparently unaffected by the tornadoes. As what was a probably scenario, she's been a little pre-occupied with her house guest. So life blogs on over at Mystickal Incense. So this brings up my next topic of danger... or perhaps perception of danger. I always wish I had one of those robots like in Lost in Space that would say, "Danger NYC!!! Danger!!!" I figure it would come in pretty handy in quite a few situations... such as driving, home repairing, working, and of course dating. Being an EMT one of the most dangerous things we do is carrying people up and down stairs. Guidelines say each EMT should be able to lift 150 pounds, so that means that combined they should be able to lift 300 pounds. Obesity is overtaking America, and the scales are tipping on the side of disease. Tonight my Ooompa Loompas (Barrista and Jen the Red) called me up from an apartment building. They told me they had just done a 320 pound woman on a five flight carry up. Now... keep something in mind... I call them my Ooompa Loompas for a reason... in fact, I refer to them over the air as Ooompa Loompa 1... so imagine my shock when they told me this. Then... through the miracle of cell-phone photos they sent me a picture of the patient... I warn you the photos may shock you... They will awe you... And I assure you... They are as real as anything you'll find on the internet today... This is a danger to all EMTs for some pretty obvious reasons... Especially Ooompa Loompa EMTs... So without further adieu... I present to you... What a 320 pound woman... Looks like... Keep scrolling...
Gotcha didn't I??? This is a picture of a reported 320 pound woman who lives The world is full of scam artists and immitators... and the internet is a breeding ground for them that is right up their alley. So before you buy into the scam or the gag... do the right thing and think twice. Do you really need to forward the 7 foot tall woman? If you feel the need... then at the VERY LEAST do a virus scan first. Now if only I had that robot when opening e-mails to sniff the real stuff from the B.S....
Ok... so today is Monday. For those of you not in the know, the Mid-West got hit with some serious tornado activity. There has not been a FEMA alert that I am aware of, but I do have a few concerns. Yesterday was Sunday, and over at Mystickal Incense it is usually Kudos Day... but there has been no word from Stephanie at Mystickal since Saturday. Now while I know Springfield, Illinois was virtually decimated, there has also been some severe damage in Missouri... which is where Stephanie and Gareth reside. Those of you who are familiar know that Stephanie blogs almost religously and on a VERY timely schedule. Maybe she doesn't do it at any particular time... but she NEVER misses an entire day. Now of course... it may just be because Gareth's best friend from England, Dave, flew in... and they ended up until the wee hours of the morn in the pub going over all those old English futball stories and what have you... but... seeing some of these pictures makes you wonder. Of course I have a packing slip from some candles I ordered from her... but seeing as how I'm at work... I don't remember where in Missouri she actually is. Now I don't know your religous preference, whether it be prayer, chant, incantation, or rubbing the rabbit's faux foot (that's my personal choice btw since the Big Man and I are not on speaking terms) but whatever it may be... just do it and hopefully everything is okay and she just has a REALLY bad hangover.
Sunday, March 12, 2006New Tenant and "Blog" SnobsBelieve it or not, in New York City people actually have names. Yes, full blown parent given names that people call us by contrary to the popular belief that everyone is a "G" (pronounced GEE which usually is short for "Gangster") or "T" (pronounced TEE which is usually short for "Tough guy"). Of course I did have a partner who I called "D" (pronounced DEE) simply because he was from Guyana and I would do nothing but mispronounce his name. After a year of that I pretty much settled on calling him Freakzilla... for reasons that will remain undisclosed. Now that I set the NYC record on names straight, allow me to shine a spotlight on the city of Baltimore, Maryland. That is where my renter for this week, called "B" (I believe it is pronounced BEE) comes from. Her blog ALLNIGHT.ORG is one of the many regulars over in BE, and usually trounces all over me in BOTB. Why? Well she is very witty, has some good stories (including some spooky ones), and interesting opinions. Personally, I think the real reason is she has her dog Wolf as the graphic header... and for some reason the German Shepard in me just can't bring down that Alaskan mix of hers. So... do the solid... click over to B and tell her I said "Waaaaaaaassssssssuuuuuuuuuppppppppppppppp!" For all of you who bid, but who's bids expired, I apologize. I got caught up Friday night in an all night poker game with the boys from the Pack in the shop. 22 hours later I walked away up a solid "G" (pronounced GEE but meaning "Grand" as in $1,000) and proceeded to fall into unconsciousness. When I looked at the bidders there was only two left who hadn't expired... ALLNIGHT.ORG and Plaid Toaster. Since "B" and Wolf were very familiar to me... well of course I'm renting to those I know to provide good quality blogging... but as it turns out Plaid Toaster is from Melanie who did the redesign of my friend Monique's blog... and is currently renting from her. So here's what you can do in addition to visiting ALLNIGHT.ORG:
.:*:. On another note... it seems Kentucky Girl made a post and then had her hands full of some of us Blogspotters who took offense. Now... I won't defend or attack anyone who has a black background and white text purely from a personal choice basis *COUGH* *COUGH*... but for someone to actually think "Fuckity fuck" is intellectual property that was "stolen"... well that is just stupid. In fact... my grandfather was FAMOUS for saying that. For example:NYC: Hey Granpa where's Grandma Grandpa: She's a fuckity fuck fucking up the laundry again with the fuckity fuck fucked up starch NYC: Well did you tell her you don't want your clothes starched? Grandpa: She fuckity fuck fucking won't listen NYC: Well... is her hearing aid in with a working battery? Grandpa: Of for the fuckity fuck love of the fucking lord Joshua Herman fucking Christus boy do you expect me to fucking do every fuckity thing? Sadly that is an actual conversation we had a few (EDIT: few... mmmm... more like a dozen... wow... I'm old...) years ago. I once asked my father why my grandfather spoke differently than the rest of the family... and my father said that he was raised as an orphan of the Confederated States of America. In other words... he was from the south and although raised as a southern gentleman, had been corrupted by the frontier in New Mexico. Right... to hell with that... he was just a crazy old coot. Here's the bottom line. Even if you use Blogger, and are on Blogspot, that doesn't mean that the standard templates are going to appeal to people. The whole "I blog for me and not for you" attitude is great... I'm the same way... but I know that I can do better than the standards template... and even those need some editing. Get the EDIT-ME links off the damn screen and stop your insanity. Oh and btw... if it WAS true you just blog for yourself... well you wouldn't have Adsense ads on your page would you? Or for that matter make the blog public would you? Or for that matter even do a blog... because a journal would fit your hermitidic mentality oh so much better. Personally... I'm waiting for someone to call me a blog snob now... that would really take the fuckity fucking cake.
Friday, March 10, 2006Eviction PendingUnfortunately, Stephanie is in her last few hours of renting here on the Pile. I just want to say thanks to her for being a great tenant, for picking up after herself, for feeding the Cat, taking out the trash, and for being just an all around lovable person. She also makes wonderful scented candles and other stuff that I fully endorse to all of you in my aromatherapy fan base. If you haven't clicked on her yet... Thanks...
Thursday, March 09, 2006BEWARE OF THE DOG Guess which one I’m choosing on this post fucker? Now find out why my bite is worse than my bark...well... by next week hopefully! Be prepared. Two very simple words that have been drilled into me since I was 12 years old in George Bley’s Boy Scout Troop 119. It is the Scout Motto. Whether it be rain, sleet, snow, or sun you should always be prepared for everything and anything. It was a concept I was unfamiliar with but adapted to quickly with a little guidance and an educational experience of Murphy’s Law. Seven years later, those words appeared on a screen in my original EMT class in bold red letters like this: BE PREPARED. There is no excuse for not having what you need to get the job done. Get ‘R Done is the other popular EMS concept. If you don’t have what you need, then be prepared to get it and in my business that means right then and there. Trauma dressings, oxygen, stair chair, and of course a stretcher are just some of the things we use on each and every call. Does that mean that a size 8 French suction catheter should be overlooked because it is not used daily even though it is on the "800" or checkout sheet? Oh hell no! That tracheotomy patient is coming, and you better have that catheter ready to suck the shit out of their windpipe… and if not then you need to be prepared to suck it out with a straw from your soda if necessary. If you’re not prepared to get the job done, somebody dies. That is not acceptable. Simple stuff right? So then someone needs to explain to me why it is that no one else understands these concepts. My particular example is what happened to me this morning at the dentist. As some of you may know, I’ve been undergoing some extensive oral work. I’ve had six root canals and the top four front teeth I have are being replaced with individual crowns and posts. This is not cheap. In fact when all is said and done I will have in all likelihood paid out well over $20,000 for this wonderful experience. Now I know that perhaps had I taken care of my teeth a bit better it would not have led to getting the front four cracked and broken while in NOLA. I know that by putting off having them fixed right away has also led to my dilemma. So now today was a big day. I have one post and temporary crown in, and the other three were supposed to be put in today. Once that’s done I get impressions or something done and permanent crowns. Then there is only one more root canal, a back molar root that needs to be removed, a few fillings on the bottom, and then I am pretty much done minus a cleaning. So today I get into the chair. I get the gas. I get my shots. My mouth is numbed.  I feel relaxed. The drilling starts. The grinding continues. He’s working feverously with sweat. The suction is sucking. Then, he calls for the posts. He asks for the “red, flexible flanged”. His assistant shows up with a tray. She hands him one. He starts putting it in and then stops. He takes it out and says, “You brought me the wrong one. I need the red flexi flanged.”From the corner of my eye I can see her look at him from behind the blonde wisps of hair with hollow eyes, and in the thick Eastern European accent says, “That is it. That is the red one.” The suction is sucking cold air into my mouth causing slowly building agony on my back molars that are exposed and not numbed. He becomes agitated and repeats, “I need the flanged one.” Turning back he begins to re-drill or grind whatever had been altered by the imposter post. She scurries away and returns a minute later. She unwraps whatever wrapping there is and hands it to him. He’s about to put it in when he stops and says to her, “You brought me the wrong one again! I need the flanged one!” The air is getting colder on the back molar… and the agony is growing. “There are no more,” she replies bluntly. “There are no more?” he asks while the suction continues to suck the cold air past my back molar sending me into a tizzy. “No. They were used yesterday and re-ordered, but will not be here until next week,” she replies sharply. Okay… SOMEBODY GET THIS DAMN SUCTION OFF MY FUCKING TOOTH! Well needless to say… he drilled me, ground me, put holes in me, and now HAS NO POSTS!!! So now my three teeth have been ground to the gum line and they are sore as all hell. On top of this, since he couldn’t do the posts, he did the last root canal which by far has been the absolute worst one. Food… what food? How am I supposed to eat for the next week??? Right… now do you see why I am in the mood I’m in? Be prepared. Really simple concept there people. Now if someone could teach that in dentistry school maybe we’d have a lot less patient on dentist assaults. Lucky for him I didn't sleep well last night and was too damn tired.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006Cyber on K-IRBSo for those of you who don't know... my renter this week Stephanie is the newest DJ over in K-IRB. Now because I am a male sex fiend I took a screen shot of the Aussie giving Stephanie some cyber: 
So Stephanie will be on every single Wednesday night... be sure to check it out!!!
One of the tragedy's of blogging is that sometimes people you don't want reading it do. Take for example poor Julie who is at Julie's Life in a Nutshell. Today she posted up Julie's Life in a Nutshell: My Blog is Moving!.....New name....new home because it turns out her roommate... who she blogged about... reads her blog. Now as if that wasn't bad enough... the roomy called her on somethings she had written... and then after the roomy promised not to read it anymore she was found to still be reading it. THE POWER OF THE TRACKER LURKERS!!! The chance of discovery is higher here in the blogosphere than say that journal in your dresser drawer. Yet, it seems that is what we are most drawn to... the participation of other people. In a relatively short time we have seen Humpty Lumpty press the self-destruct button, Hat3 abandon his People On The Internet, and now Julie is going undercover. By nature we all seem to be social writers and talking about things so frankly does put us at a certain risk... and what it may cost us in the end is something we may not be ultimately willing to pay. I often wonder what would happen if certain people I know would read this blog. Some would surely think me certifiable, others I'm sure would be angry, and yet there are those that would end up secretly lurking about waiting to see how far down my throat I would be willing to stick my foot. Well newsflash for those fools... I can sustain a steady diet of Timberlands if need be... and if you doubt that just ask Izzy. Thankfully Julie is not leaving the blogosphere as a whole... and that is something I am happy to report... but I will not be reporting where she goes. I don't know her roomy's IP Address but chances are she might very well be reading this... and I will not be party to compromising someone in the Blogger Protection Program. So do the solid people... and all you lurkers out there... and give Julie the motivation to continue in the blogging world... visit her one last time and admire the awesome new template Stephanie had JUST done for her... and that she is now forced to abandon because a "friend" could not keep their word.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006Croaker's CornerAnyone who cruises Blog Explosion comes across Croaker's Corner at one time or another. A very cool and hip blog with one of the coolest headers I have ever laid my eyes on... and extremely well written. Well today I came across this post over there and after reading it I began to seriously think about evolutions. I used to have a bunch of different journals throughout the years. I had a spiral in junior year of high school, a marble in my senior year, and in college I graduated to one of those specifically designed books made for journaling with the faux leather cover. In fact, I became a journal connieusser. I bought way more blank books than I ever wrote in... and there were at least half a dozen I started but never finished or continued past the 5th or 6th entry. Travel journals, wine journals, movie journals, game journals, life journals, and of course the journal journal. Of all these journals there is one that stands out amongst the rest. I'm not sure if you would call it a Love Journal or not... it was written by both myself and my ex-wife. It was one of those black sketchbooks enveloped in a green leather cover with Celtic Knots decorating it. What we would do is write something in it, and then leave it somewhere such as the nightstand or the pillow or the computer or the kitchen table where the other would find it... and write something in it. Odes of adoration, poems of love, and of course the whimsical "What were you thinking?" This went on longer than I realized, at least a year. In that year life between us was not easy. I know that flipping through the pages you can see exactly where the fights occurred... obvious by either the lack of writing or the quality of the writing. During our first real break-up, before we were married, she took it away from me. After that we were married, and then divorced, and yes... I stole it away from her. It was, is, and probably always will be the best journal I had ever written... or maybe I should say co-written. Of course this is a post of evolutions... and to leave out my second favorite journal would be wrong. I wrote it from September of 2004 to December of 2004. I had just separated from Pudding, and this gave me a non-destructive focus. I wrote in it every other night at the very least... often filling up 5-6 pages at a time. What did I write? Letters. Not letters like the alphabet, but they were for all intense purpose individual letters. Some of them were humorous letters, some were sad letters, some were happy letters, but all of them were written with love from my heart. It was the easiest thing to do... a way to focus my writing by starting every entry with "Dear...". It was all written to a girl I loved deeply. Then I did something else with the journal... something I needed to do as a personal reset. When I was in my early twenties I wrote this horrible piece of junk called Radioland that can still be found on Amazon today. I had published it in the beginning of 2001 as a way to close out my past and move forward with Pudding. Well I re-opened the past... and wrote another chapter in the "saga" it had become in the neighborhood. I layed it out, and then pasted it in backwards and upside down from the original journal (which I only wrote on one side). Of course the ending to the story for her was sort of along the lines of "Choose your own adventure"... the classic Red Pill or Blue Pill argument. So what did I do with the second favorite journal? I gave it away to the girl who had inspired it. Call it cliche' but I gave it to her as a Christmas gift... as a testament of my love and adoration. Okay... you can all barf now. Originally she red pilled... but then she blue pilled. Was my heart broken? Of course it was... but not so much over the girl... over the fact I had lost probably some of my best writing never to be seen by my eyes again. So now we come to my next serious journaling/writing attempt after a few more false starts and a serious writing block made of bricks... this blog. It too has evolved from the very beginning int something more than just a place to jot down odd thoughts and work on some writing to break the block. I've surprisingly maintained it pretty well... and even have a few beloved loyal readers (Hi Jessica... I know your there... don't try to deny it) who for better or worse see what goes on here.
I guess in closing... we all continue to evolve... both as people and as blogs. Yet we should not forget that before the blog... was the journal... who itself was pre-dated by the diary. And all the pretty pictures... all the pretty links... all the delicate words cannot compensate for heart.
Monday, March 06, 2006The Big WeekendSo for those of you who missed it, Crash was the “upset” Oscar winner over favorite Brokeback Mountain. For those of you wondering, I personally had picked Capote to trump them all but I was left empty-handed. Surprisingly (or maybe not depending on whether you actually watched the movie with its thirty or so minutes of sheep) Brokeback Mountain walked away with very little. It took Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Original Score, and Best Director went to Ang Lee. The absolutely most beautiful and poignant parts of the night came from George Clooney, who while on the red carpet admitted to E! that “I hate Ang Lee.” and then upon winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in Syriana, told the audience that “Well I guess this means I don’t win for Director.” Go George!!! Reese Witherspoon snuffed out Keira’s chances at bringing home Mr. Oscar… but compared to my English Muffin she was in rags… so here’s some well deserved drool time on Ms. Knightley… who I might add can bring home Mr. Watchdog any damn night she chooses:   So now that my oh so extensive Oscar coverage has concluded (sorry for all those who thought I was giving picks... maybe next year), let’s move on to what is really important. Me. Well… okay…so I really don't rank... but on to other things at least regardless of their importance.I rolled through the Hills with Mailman KC and Little Destruction Friday night. We did some pretty decent work, a legit congestive heart failure in an 80 year old and a cancer stricken 93 year old who was still weak and dehydrated after their round of chemo were the cookie ends of the evening. The 31 year old, well he was the cream. We found him at 4:00am outside a strip club with a head injury. KC and I looked at each other while listening to his “cousin” (I think she might have been one of the strippers because she was smokin’) explain how she had called 911 four times, he was beat up by bouncers, he didn’t drink at all tonight, blah blah blah. Finally KC interrupted her by saying, “So basically…” and that was the cue. The three of us concluded in unison “He got knocked the fuck out!” She seemed a little startled by our answer, and sure I can see from the outside how that was messed up or sick or ill or crass, but at some point in this job you lose some morality with the obvious liars and opt for the outrageous. So how bad was he? Well going into the trauma center he was a classic unresponsive. He was a GCS of 6… and to put that into perspective a normal person is a 15 and a dead person is a 3. Once the trauma team got their hands on him, his GCS miraculously recovered to a 12. Why? Two words: Foley Catheter. That’s right, one of the things they do is swab up the penis with some betadine, then take a rubber catheter roughly 6-10 inches long and half an inch in diameter, and shove it up the hole into the bladder. Now someone who is seriously injured will not feel a thing. Someone who is drunk however… well no matter how drunk you are your going to feel it… and you WILL react. Just like he did. Drunken fool. I got to see Billy Joel Saturday night… sort of. I worked the show but got to see a good forty minutes or so of his 135 minute performance. An entire third of the show without anyone becoming “ill”, which is pretty darn good for a show serving up beer and champagne like peanuts at a ballgame. Of course at the end we got all the intox patrons… probably all friends of his from AA… but who am I to criticize how much is too much. When in doubt… I’ll just go with the Foley. How was he? Well, he was Billy Joel of course. His performance was in my opinion very good even though he brought some guy named Chainsaw for Highway to Hell and he spent probably half the time on the rotating piano and the other half on guitar. One really nice thing about it was his show was “in the round”. Usually around 3,000 or so seats are shut off because of the stage set-up. His set-up reminded me of Metallica’s Load tour back in 1996 or 1997 where the stage was actually in the middle of the arena. Very fan friendly. After Billy Joel, I shot down to the Roseland Ballroom with The Nick to cover a rave. It was someone named VanDycke’s The Politics of Dancing 2. When we first got there, it really was not bad at all. The music wasn’t as loud as past raves, the crowd seemed older and less likely to become zooted and polluted, and most importantly security seemed maxed out. Something happened at 1:00am. I think someone slipped at the controller and sent the volume through the roof. This jump in volume, aside from sending a pounding wave through my skull, must have knocked around two dozen X pills into the beer. By 3:00am we were swamped with dehydrations. By 3:15 I had tackled my first zooted freakazoid who was trying to smack some girl into the next decade. It was somewhat downhill from there. Luckily it came to a quick conclusion at 6:00am… and only one person was transported. A very successful event in my opinion considering some of the others I have done. So that was the big weekend which kept me busy and offline so I didn’t get to do Sunday what I had wanted to do Sunday… so instead I’ll do it today… a little later on… so stay tuned.
Friday, March 03, 2006Newest Renter, Rainbow Pills, and AloofnessSo I have a new renter. That's right... Stephanie Davies of Mystickal Incense and More is staying the week. Some people may ask, why Stephanie again? Well my answer may come as a shock to all of you who don't look the the front of Blog Explosion, but they're putting it up for sale. That's right... BE is on the selling block. So, I figured before they sell out to a mega corporation who will assimilate it to their dastardly corporate deeds, I wanted to rent to my favorite renter. If your not going to click over and visit her, then click here and go buy some candles. They are delectable!!! Now, onto a few other minor things. This weekend looks to be busy. My partner KC and I are going to be rocking the hills this evening, and tomorrow night The Nick and I are going to be at MSG for the Piano Man. To wrap up tomorrow night, we're then going to be at a Rave at the Roseland Ballroom that should be running until Sunday morning or so. Busy packed weekend... which is why you probably won't see anything from me until Sunday. Yes... I got this over at Stephanie's too (I am just so damn thiefy today aren't I?) and I think it's pretty darn interesting. Hover your cursor over the colors and see what it says. I tried to figure out how to do it so you guys could rate me too... but this link they say should work apparently doesn't. Now why am I throwing this out here... because I am having some serious issues with the Izzy... or maybe I'm not. I can't figure out why it is we always seem to be getting into fights. Well, actually we aren't into a fight... yet. She did send me a long e-mail listing the 20+ odd things I do or don't do that make her question where I'm coming from because I seem "aloof and disconnected", and there are quite a few that are valid. Quite a few there that she was pretty much forewarned about beforehand too, which she does say she does listen. For awhile she considered me a FeMale because I'm a cuddly kind of guy. Well according to that test up there, I'm definately a man. See that light blue... that's masculinity. I'm low in the realms of empathy and extroversion, so does that lend credibility to the aloofness? Probably. She wants to talk. I want to think before I talk because apparently I don't do that and maybe I should. We'll see what happens. On a happier note as I previously mentioned on this very blog The Oscars are this weekend. I need to throw out a link to Keira Knightley who is up for and my pick for Best Actress. Yes Keira... ever since Love Actually... I want to have dinner, get married, and have lots of sex making many babies with you. Now if THAT isn't proof I'm a man... well hell what does?
So Cat's time here has ended, and we are sad to see her go but that means I am once again renting my blog out on Blog Explosion. When I was doing it this morning, I also perused some places that may have space for my little thumbnail. Now, I have made alot of bids, and maybe only actually rented space 4 or 5 times including this week with The Full Metal Attorney who was kind enough to rent me the space on his perversely interesting (it's perverse if you hate lawyers like I do) for 25 credits. In looking at what was open, I saw alot of high end offers by people who have run campaigns with VERY little results. Now I'll be honest... I don't have the highest traffic, and recently I've been averaging around 10-14 unique click-throughs for my renters, and my blog by far is not the prettiest... but how can someone in good conscience ask for 100 or even 60 credits and their renter only gets 3 or 4 unique click throughs? Sometimes I think the price I ask, 40 credits (of which I get 35), might be a little too high... but then I see these blogs and I wonder if I'm undervaluing myself. I think the price I ask is modest and fair. I will continue at that price unless I suddenly find my tenants getting 40+ Unique click throughs... then maybe I'll raise the rent a little... for the electric and all. If you have a blog (which in all likelihood you do), and want to rent some space here on the good old Pile, then go join Blog Explosion if you haven't already, and when you rent I'll even throw in a piece of cherry pie.
Thursday, March 02, 2006Oscar Weekend Is Almost HereSo this Sunday the 78th Annual Academy Awards will be presented. The host this year is Jon Stewart of The Daily Show. Why do I bring this up? Why would I mention these awards in a blog that at most times purposefully shuns the rest of the world preferring to opt for my own and my own only. Believe it or not, I was a film major and journalism minor in college. Yes... I actually have some form of higher education... not that I put it to use. Although, I did discover this disturbing information: Best Picture Nominees:
Anyone notice anything special about this list? All the amounts are listed as Domestic Grosses from Worldwideboxoffice.com. Now compare that to, oh, let's say Star Wars Episode III with a $380.2 Million dollar domestic take. Right... where is George Lucas' nomination? For an industry that constantly and consistently is claiming to be in a box office slump, hence the reason for rising movie ticket prices, and that claims they lose all this money through illegal piracy... how do they plan on turning that around by showcasing these movies that the general population obviously has no interest in. For all its hype and publicity, even the great Brokeback Mountain has not broken the $100 Million mark. Maybe The 40 Year Old Virgin hasn't gotten any ass, and lord knows there was plenty of that on the Mountain, but at least even HE broke the $100 Million domestic mark. There will be those who say its all about the art and that is why there are People's Choice Awards. I think in reality, it shows just how out of touch the Academy really is with America. Instead of making political statements or adoption trips to Thailand, why don't you focus on making good movies AND recognizing them. I warn you Hollywood that continuing on this path of destruction will result in one thing and one thing only...
TAGS: Brokeback Mountain, Crash, Capote, Munich, Star Wars, Oscars
So Cat has about six more hours here at The Pile. I want to thank her for being a loving tenant, for cleaning up after herself, and for playing nice with the other kitties on the block (you know, the ones in her head). So why don't you go on over and wish her goodbye... and better yet... just add her to your bookmarks or blogroll or whatever... and then you can visit her whenever you want!!!
 BLOGMAD has gone "public Beta". I have to be honest... it is VERY VERY cool... it might even be cooler than BE. If you haven't joined up already, well you can only join by invite... and I happen to have a few invites here for those who might want to sign up... so if you haven't already, grab them before someone else does!!!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006Getting BonedI didn't realize I could market stuff so well. Since I was raving about Stephanie's candles, apparently it has inspired people to experience the same sort of pleasure that I did... which I assure you I will be doing again when the ones I have burn out (and probably some of that fabulous bodywash too, because lord knows I can stink)... but since I am such a marketing genius... well I'm marketing myself now... or at least my newest concept for a t-shirt...  Visit the Offical NYCWatchdog Boned Shop! That's right! You too can be "boned" by the Blog famous NYCWatchdog!!! I want someone to try to claim copyright infringement now!!! I've already lined up a few models for the clothing line... The Nick says she'll wear one... I'm sure Izzy'll wear one... and I can probably talk The Pudding into wearing one too!!! The only person missing from the stable is you... Now... if this isn't evidence that not only I am mentally unstable but that I am in DESPERATE NEED OF A BLOG DOCTOR... well I don't know what is!!!
I got home pretty late last night... around midnight or so. When I got home my plans were simple. I figured I'd drop the shitkickers in the hallway, grab some grub from the kitchen, talk to the Izzy for awhile, and watch some television. So I got so far as talking to Izzy and grabbing grub when I found a box on my bed. At first I didn't remember ordering anything... but then it dawned on me. They were the candles from Stephanie's store over at Mystickal Incense. So I opened it up. The box itself smelled wonderful! I had ordered three jar candles and a Mystickal Pillar... and for those of you who don't know I have a vanilla fetish... so yes, two of them were vanilla. So I opened one and lit it. Now I am not really into aromatherapy as other people are... but I have to be honest... I felt relaxed almost at once. So I burned the candle for about three hours. During those three hours I finished the chapter I had been stuck on. Not only did I finish it... but it was so EASY!!! Now for the best part... I blew out the candle but the vanilla aroma remained in the room as I laid down to sleep. Recently I've been having trouble sleeping... well... not so much falling asleep... but I don't sleep well. Usually its three hours here, and another three there. I haven't slept peacefully for more than four straight hours in at least three months. I slept from 3:00am last night until 9:30am this morning when my alarm clock actually went off. As I said before, I'm not a big believer in aromatherapy, but these candles certainly did something!!! Thank you SO much Stephanie!!! TAGS: aromatherapy, candles, Mistickal Incense, sleep
I guess it was inevitable... but I was tagged by Gidget with this meme thing... so in the fairness of fair play... 1. What were you doing ten years ago? I was an EMT with a year's experience ready to save the world from itself 2. What were you doing one year ago? I was an EMT with eleven year's experience ready for someone to save the world from me 3. Five Snacks I enjoy: M&M's, peanuts, raisins, chips and dip, Entenmann's Chocolate Chip Crumb Loaf 4. Five Songs to Which I Know All the lyrics: Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, Bring the Noise by Public Enemy, Paul Revere by the Beastie Boys, Raising Hell by RUN D.M.C., and Black by Pearl Jam 5. Five Things I'd Do if I Were a Millionaire: I would pay off debt, buy a new house, buy a new car, open a gaming store, and travel across the nation in my brand new RV while writing my novels 6. Five Bad Habits: Smoke, drink, gamble, cheap wine, overpriced women 7. Five Things I like Doing Travelling: writing, taking pictures, meeting new people, visiting roadside attractions, and listening to music 8. Five things I would never wear: loafers, anything silk, plaid pants, flip-flops/sandals, that goody Fargo hat 9. Five Favorite Toys: Xbox, MechWarrior CMG, DuelMasters CCG, my Ford Explorer, and my computer of course! So now I think I'm supposed to tag people with the same questions... I think I'll tag Monique, my landlord Kelly, and Newsbitch who is currently celebrating St. David's Day.
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