Thursday, December 01, 2005

I AM NOT A MIDGET LOVER!!!

I AM NOT A MIDGET LOVER

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate midgets.  They don’t bother me at all.  So… perhaps in my social life I have had more of a tendency towards those who are vertically challenged.  But does this make me a midget lover???  I certainly don’t think so!!!

So this is what I have been accused of by my 5’10” LJ (Leggy Jamaican).  This is why she says I’ll never date her… yet, we’ve been to bars, “made out”, and even went to dinner together where afterwards we held hands.  Are these signs I wouldn’t date her???  Even now… right this second we sit 10 feet apart shooting IMs to each other about “midget loving” and “upward reformation”… and here’s the real killer… I ask her to dinner, she blows me off 75% of the time… I ask her to IHOP and get blown off 60% of the time… I ask her to go to Atlantic City and she blows me off so far 100% of the time.  Now keep in mind, those are all times when she originally says yes but then something comes up… and then SHE has the nerve to complain about ME being a “midget lover” and not willing to date her.  Mind games?  Yes… perhaps they are… but they are relatively fun and do pass the time.

The thing is that eventually I’ll tire of the game… get pissed off because I’ve been pissed on… and move back to the vertically challenged.  So although girls as tall or taller than me have been a no no… I’m willing to give this one the chance.  Blondes are another big no never nunca for me… everytime I got into a relationship with a blonde it ended with me losing a big chunk of myself and if that ever happened again, I probably wouldn’t be here.  Then of course there’s the whole religion thing… not being a church goer means anyone who has any sort of religious conviction is going to be hard pressed to go out with me… being the anti-organized religion fanatic I am.  Am I picky?  No, I don’t think so… but if I’m willing to change my preferences “upward” then why can’t she?

In other news, The Steff seems to be getting back together with Officer Crumb.  Am I happy about this?  No… not at all… even though it may mean the words I crafted worked and there may be a future for me in writing professional love letters for people.  The new guy was nicer to her than Crumb ever was, and at least I got to threaten his life.  This creepy little bastard… if he thinks he’s going to do the same thing… treat her like crap, and break her little heart for me to put her back together again… I’ll glue her back with the excess cement after sinking him into the bottom of the east river.  Of course… the chances of me coming face to face with Crumb are slim to none unless I decide to make it happen independently.  The Steff knows I won’t tolerate this kinda crap... and will undoubtedly try to shield him from me in every way possible.  In happier news with The Steff though, she’s going for an interview at a hospital for a job.  While I would like to be able to claim no hand in it… well I did rebuild her resume from the ground up, I did happen to write a smashing reference letter and I do happen to know the administrator at the hospital.  So… trying to claim no influence is kinda pointless.

Finally… my writing… well… here’s where I’m writing.  I really haven’t been able to do anything else… partly for lack of a place and partly for lack of a decent computer.  So this is about all I’ve gotten done.  I do have a few other things working… but they work really really slowly.  But hey… slow isn’t necessarily bad… look at the world’s best barbecue… over 30 hours to cook a rack of ribs!

And all that cal my little droogies… all that cal…
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 12/01/2005 06:05:00 PM :: Permalink :: 0 Bones Added to the Pile

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