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Thursday, November 17, 2005Just another brick in the wall
Just another brick in the wall…
What a week. Besides the massacre performed on my mouth by my dentist Tuesday which has kept me down for a few days… there have been a few other ups and downs.
First… I’ve been entertaining the Steff’s happiness with the new guy… and her depression about everything else. The only cool thing is that she has me give her wake up calls in the morning… so I get to start my day off on a good note… talking to the Steff is always good… at least for me.
Second… work is a mountain of highs and lows. I no longer look long term… but handle things in the form of the short term crisis that occur… and I can’t do anything but go with the flow. My problem is serenity does not exist for me on the things I cannot change… I want to change them all. Inner peace is lacking… and will probably continue to be scarce.
Then of course there is Chris… my one true love… the one who will never be for reasons that are mostly mine rather than hers (and for the same reasons why I’ll never end up with any of them… and why my ex divorced me)… and the fact that after spending an hour sobbing to me last Friday… now I can’t find her.
I hate when people disappear. I should GPS all of them… simply because I know subconsciously that all of them… in one way or another… are bricks in my wall.
And so… when I see stuff and deal with stuff… I have to keep it in… because I’m a page turner and not a talker… and I wonder when this wall will come tumbling down so I can turn the pages again…
Hopefully this is helping…