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Wednesday, November 09, 2005Breaking The Block
So… why Blog… why have I decided to start writing on the Internet about meaningless stuff to the rest of the world except to myself? I was told I had to do it… well actually I don’t HAVE to do anything. I’ve proven that time and time again.
So here’s basically what happened. Monday, I realized I couldn’t write anymore. Exactly… I slammed into a brick wall of writer’s block. The problem is, I didn’t exactly slam into it on Monday. I’ve been slammed into it for the past 4 years. Yes, I know, 4 years is a long time. It wasn’t a total block… just a block on the most important things I wanted to write.
Like my memoirs. I’ve written this 20+ Chapter Memoir about the time I’ve spent in my local volunteer ambulance corps… but yet it sits and lingers now for over 4 years with nothing. I also had another novel I had started… 750,000+ words in… and now stalled for the past 4 years as well.
What have I written within these 4 years? Well, actually I’ve written quite a bit of Policy and Procedure. I’ve written some gaming articles for Scrye Magazine. Everything else… well… it seems it can’t come from my mind. It seems I’m stuck writing from my heart. It’s as if the first two words aren’t “Dear X” (insert female name where X is… female name of your choice, for I know the few I am stuck on) then it just won’t work. See, even now… although you won’t see it… those two words are at the top of the page.
Yes… I said a few. I have an ex-wife I still care for, even though she can be a total horror show. A friend from high school who is my “ultimate love”, you know the one who will never be. A friend from work with a piece of crap boyfriend, who of all the insane and torturous things I do to myself, I help HER write love letters to HIM hoping he’ll take her back when they break up. I have an ex-girlfriend who I still write and talk to… I even helped her and her husband move to New Jersey, so no, nothing more than platonicness there. Finally, the mysterious pen pal in California… who says she’s twenty-four but with my luck is probably a fifty-seven year old dude playacting.
So what have I not been able to write? Well, all the articles I got ideas for over the past four years for JEMS… Journalof Emergency Medical Services is where I want my writing. There… and Playboy… and wherever I can so I don’t have to continually watch over my back and worry about getting fired for being the outspoken, brash, get’r’done type of person I am in a corporate environment of hand holding while placing the execution mark on your head.
I want freedom. I need to break this block. I need to write. I need a place and a purpose to do these things from. I need to be able to feed my son, keep the ex-wife happy, find my friend a new boyfriend who loves her, get my ex-girlfriend and her husband season tickets to the Jersey Devils (just one reason we broke up… I’m a Ranger fan), and eventually fly to California to meet Ms. Mystery and hopefully to play in the Bay 101 Shooting Star Poker Tournament. This is what I need to do… and so if writing here and posting will help me break this block… this is what I’ll be doing.