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Wednesday, November 09, 2005It's Just Like Camping
So a friend sends me this e-mail in an attempt to make me laugh…
The Guys' RulesAt last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, theguys'side of the story.(I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear "the rules"From the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!Please note.. These are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!
1. Yes, and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That'swhatwe do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the waysmakes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say duringcommercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. Wehave no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act likenothing'swrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a q question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answeryoudon't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Isfine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared todiscusssuch topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, golf or camping.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Now see… it’s really pretty funny… except for the last line… see… cause I sleep on a damn futon every night. I don’t have a bed, or a room of my own at night… I crash at my mom’s. Now… the really crazy part is I own a house. My house unfortunately is 2.5 hours away from me… and my job remains here in NYC. Hence one more reason I need to break the block… I need my own place.