A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Shamrocks and Shennanigans On The Pile

Tomorrow is the feast of St. Patrick's Day. This being an annual occasion to consume copious amounts of alcohol. Previously when my favorite truck, Fifty-One Do-It-All, was in service I would work these nights. Recently I would be spending these sorts of nights with The Steff, or The Nick, or The Ooompa Loompas, or The Pretty One becoming drowned at a bar and waking up in a gutter on the side of the road or parked in someone's car in someone's driveway.

This holiday will be a bit different. Seeing as how The Nick is working, The Steff has taken on a very busy schedule between both work and school, The Ooompa Loompas have babysitting and boyfriend issues respectively, and The Pretty One has given up alcohol for Lent (he's pretty, not bright folks) I will be finding myself with KC and a few of the guys from the Pack at an undisclosed location for a relatively highly illegal poker game. I have been assured that copious amounts of alcohol will be available along with the mandatory corn beef and cabbage.

Now while I will undoubtedly be playing poker until the wee hours of the morn, I will be sure to keep an extra $20.00 bill hidden for that cab ride home. Drinking and driving don't mix. While I know most people know this... well I feel the need to say it since some people don't know enough not to post your address on your MySpace page then they may very well not know that drinking and driving, especifically AFTER you've been drinking copious amounts of alcohol, can kill you. That is my public service announcement for the year.


I read this post about Tips for New Bloggers and found it really interesting. Especially the part about the money. I have an ad that runs in the sidebar over there... but believe you me I am not making any money off it. So is it worth it??? I'll have to rethink the whole ad thing the next time I decide to mess with the template. I think it'll go the way of the Do-Do bird... and since I never even got one little proposal for a new template... well I think I'll take the money, buy me some wine, and try and do it myself.


So anyway... news from The Steff... the New Guy isn't so new anymore... in fact he apparently has turned into a mope. We finally talked today for a solid 20 minutes... discussing a bunch of things... our insane schedules being one of them. On the bright side, she has a new New Guy. We'll consider him New Guy B. Apparently New Guy A aside from being turned into a mope, hasn't been around as much. New Guy B she met through my old partner Sir Shortness, and apparently they have hit it off. Her exact words were, "My God, he's like my best friend." Right... so not only has New Guy A been replaced... but so have I. Well, let's face it, it was bound to happen... it always does. So while The Steff is still talking to me, I guess I could add her to the list of friends who have moved on without me with Christine. I did try and make my reservations to break New Guy B's legs like I normally do... and she said the sweetest thing... she said, "Right after we're married and have kids." She likes him... she really really likes him.

One of the reasons we really haven't spoken is because I've been kind of avoiding the Izzy topic with her. Well... I've been avoiding the Izzy topic from here too. So let's just say that Izzy and I had a progressive relationship that went up, up, up and then plummeted worse than the stock market on Black Monday. Interesting analogy right? Well here's a better known fact... it's all because of me. Yes... I am actually to blame for the deterioration of the relationship... and I accept the blame as a man.

Where did it go wrong? While its very hard to pinpoint a moment... oh... bullshit... I can pinpoint the moment alright. It was the day after Billy Joel. I was woken up by a text message from her accusing me of ignoring her. At that moment... I became enraged, incensed, and just plain tired all at the same time. So from that point on that day... yes... I ignored her.

Of course what I didn't know was that The Nick had signed onto my computer at work causing my name to pop up on AIM... and Izzy's message to me was promptly ignored by The Nick... although I did get the 20 questions about Izzy from The Nick. So my enragement was unfair and wrong but I didn't know that at the time. But it did get me thinking.

Yes... I liked spending the time with Izzy... and I liked our conversations... but suddenly I was walking on eggshells... and I felt I had to do all these things no matter how I was feeling. I just didn't feel happy. Not a good sign two months into a relationship. So, I drew the line in the sand... and for all intensive purposes ended our exclusive relationship. Of course later when I found out the truth about the IM... I did feel bad... and very heelish. But to be honest I didn't rescind, or for that matter attempt to rescind the cessation of relationship activities. I've spent a huge chunk of my life being unhappy so other people could be happy... and I just can't do it anymore. I can't walk on eggshells and worry about what I say, or write, or do, or blog, or anything... because THAT makes me unhappy. Sounding selfish? Yeah... I think so too.

So now Izzy and I have agreed to be just friends. And on a friendship level we seem to work better. We haven't had a fight, and we've had some relatively interesting conversations... including the fact she has a drink appointment on Saturday. So of course today I tell The Steff all this... and of course I got what I expected... that I'm an asshole... but she understood what I was saying because... well New Guy A wasn't making her happy either. It isn't anything about them... or that they aren't worthy of affection or anything... just things not clicking.. Then of course she reminds me that she had said awhile ago that I will never be happy with anyone I can't consider my best friend. So... did I consider Izzy my "best friend"? No... unfortunately we never made it that far... so in the end what does this all mean in the grand scheme of things?

I haven't the foggiest but I'm sure you all have your opinions. So sound off!

UPDATE: Izzy did... oh and pissy Prince William, as much as I would like to go on a tirade about how you suck and a bunch of vulgarities... I know where your coming from. Believe it or not I know exactly where you and Jessica come from... and what's really sad is I agree with you about me. That's sinister isn't it? Just as a word of precaution... I may be outnumbered... but I'm never outgunned...

Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 3/16/2006 10:31:00 PM :: :: 2 Bones Added to the Pile

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