A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Results Are In...

... and no I'm not talking about the RFS Blog Awards (only one more day to vote my bitches... and I think I'm getting pummelled by that Mama Duck Quacker and the OTHER Fab... so if you haven't gone and done the right thing... wtf are you waiting for? The fucking rapture or something? Get a move on bitches!). I'm talking about when they scanned my cat with the radioactive dye inside of me.

Guess what?

I'm normal!!! For the first time, in my entire life, I have been determined by a scientific procedure to be considered normal!!! Woo-hoo!!! Yeah... right... who the fuck am I kidding. Let's remember that it was the radioactive stuff that made Bruce Banner into the Hulk, Peter Parker into Spider-Man, and made Sue Storm into Invisible Girl (who's brilliant idea was it to make the hot chick invisible??? Oh right, Stan "The Man" Lee... who btw was the bus driver tonight on Heroes which makes me feel really sad that he didn't get a cool power... like the power to write a better show!!!!). Right... so when radiation says your normal... your really just fucked to the hilt but it thinks your a-okay.

Of course now I get to go for more tests, both on my leg and my body in general. This is what my doctor thinks is going to happen. So when I stop answering the phone calls from the missed appointments do you think he'll get the hint?

I hate doctors and yeah, I hate hospitals. One hell of a profession I chose huh? Actually we figured we only spend around 20% of our time in the hospital. The rest of our time is usually 5% going to the call, 5% going to the hospital, 5% going to our "place at rest", 20% onscene time, 10% getting chased by "bosses", and another 35% anywhere other than where we should be... like Dunkin' Donuts or Taco Hell. Yo quiero!

So yeah... I'm going to hell in a handbasket. On a positive note... I have ceased drinking soda. Totally. Like cold turkey. I've been kicking it with the water and only two ice coffees a day. Considering I used to consume around 3-4 liters a day of soda, or pop as it is called in some places where my words are read to the throngs of gerbils, that's pretty outstanding.

Of course it also means I've been falling asleep in the recliner more often. No caffeine to kick me awake... and that's been wreaking havoc on my back. My back has really never been the same since Texas... and it sadly has nothing to do with the rescue operations down there... it was from riding the mechanical bull... all 1.2 seconds. Yeah. Only 6.8 seconds to go. Yeah.

There's other stuff I could randomly write about... but I know your bored. I suck today. I REALLY sucked yesterday because I totally blew Mistress Yoda's Birthday... so I have to make it up tomorrow... and ya'll know what tomorrow is dontcha??? It's cereal time... and argh, wha a jolly ole time she'll be...


Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 2/20/2007 12:20:00 AM :: :: 5 Bones Added to the Pile

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