Saturday, April 22, 2006

Dead Blogs

There was an interesting post over at T's this week about obituaries. The puppies were not mentioned so you perverts need to start drooling. In a nutshell she was saying how they print these pictures in the obits and the people look OLD (I know you sarcastic bastards... maybe that's why they're now DEAD). Of course she doesn't want a picture... and her husband has a full page ad reserved. So she asks the question if anyone has any Obit plans or arrangements made when they die.

Of course... I commented with :

My obituary has already been written. It gets updated every six months... along with my resume'. There is a picture where I have my trademark goofy grin, my thumbs up, and a can of Coke wearing my uniform on the scene of a horrific fire I did back in 2000. Proof that no matter how horrible life was... I always let the good times roll. This update occurs on January 3 and July 3 of every year.

As for my last wishes... I want my coffin to rest on the edges of a bunch of kegs. I cannot be buried until the kegs are empty... no matter how long that may take. I want to be buried on a hill in New Hampshire... a copy of the deed is with my obituary. I also want to be buried to a playlist I have compiled that includes Metallica's Nothing Else Matters, Fade to Black, and the PE/Anthrax version of Bring the Noise amongst other enlightening selections (Yanni's Aria is also on that list... believe it or not).

So no... I really don't think about death alot... why would I?

T then says:

NYC--Um, you're certainly prepared, aren't you? Sounds like you think about death A LOT.

So that once again woke the little hamster in my head who had just done a marathon over some sort of garbage regarding drug calculations... forced him onto his wheel... and thus the churning began.

The truth is, I don't think about death a lot. At least, not me dying. Other people on the other hand... well yeah. I see dead people all the time. In fact for awhile there, I thought I was spending more time with them than the live ones... and they sure can be nicer than the live ones. They're not noisy, listen to every word you say, and will never offer you bad advice. There are some downsides like the smell, the lack of interaction, and the fact they are heavy as shit... hence the term "dead weight" for all of you with dead hamsters in your heads.

Dead people have their pros and cons. So the hamster kicks into overdrive and I had an epiphany. With the hamster wheel smoking I realize that blogs and bloggers are a lot like dead people. Most blogs aren't noisy (except those with the damn auto-play music), a blogger will read everything you have to say (or so we might like to believe), they don't smell, there are quite a few degrees of interaction, and they're pretty light for the most part. As for never offering bad advice... well I think to a degree all advice can be bad... even the advice I offer... because ultimately it is just that, advice which is really just an opinion in disguise.

One other relatively nice feature... or maybe not so nice depending on how you want to look at it... blogs don't die. Sure there can be a file corruption or a loss of database, but if I died today this blog will live on and my words would be more of a testament to my existence than any keg party I throw in the funeral home for myself.

But how would my loyal reader's like Monique and Luin or my lurkers like Jessica know that I'm not here anymore? Well that's why I have a Life Status bar on the side. I used to have a button like this:

But I decided it was a bit too big and bulky for the new design. This way when I do go, after 90 days or so it will turn red and everyone can delete me from their blogrolls because I'll be really boring after that. I do look forward to appearning on MyDeathSpace though... and hearing how much people don't miss me and am glad I'm gone with blinkies and sparklies and all the other crackhead graphics they come up with these days.

So just as the Hamster was about to give out I came to the conclusion that the reason I am so prepared is because I don't think about death alot. If anything I'm looking at things more like Tony Soprano is... "Every day is a gift."

Granted there are plenty days I want to take and return... but there are also some I wouldn't trade for all the Snausages in the world.

Ding-dong. The hamster is dead.

Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 4/22/2006 01:27:00 PM :: Permalink :: 1 Bones Added to the Pile

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