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Thursday, April 20, 2006Happy 4.20 Zooted and Polluted
So I figured in honor of such an auspices occasion, I will dedicate this day and post to the beloved Zooted and Polluted. Hi. It's me. Your sister's buddy. And yes... I'm about to fuck up another one of your highs. Just as a brief sidenote... Zooted refers to the "euphoric" stage of consumption (keep reading if your wondering), and Polluted refers to the 8 weeks afterwards it stays in your system.
So let's talk about Cannabis, also known as marijuana, grass, weed, ganja, Mary J, and more popularly known as pot. In fact, we will henceforth refer to it as pot because I am old and that's what I called it when I smoked it. Yes people... I have smoked AND inhaled pot to my knowledge. Now if that makes me evil, then so be it... otherwise give me a cigar and an intern and I'm ready to go!
Alas, I digress... where was I? Oh yes... so let us speak briefly of the plant. This is a plant that is green and leafy. For some non-specific examples go to the place around the corner from your house called THE PARK. Now pot can be grown a variety of different ways which will affect the product you therefore are going to be inhaling. There is indoor growing like in a greenhouse, outdoor growing on something like a plantation, hydroponics growing which is usually in a fish tank, and now I have also heard of aeroponics growing where the roots just hang in the air for all to see in a mist of water and nutrients... kind of like you know who's breasts in that picture on MySpace where you guys are lighting a bong... which btw is SO DUMB! Anyone can see that... including the cops (which in case you were too zooted to notice is ALL your sister brings home). I'm telling your mom.
Again I have digressed. So now that we have a brief description of the plant and a little graphical example to go by... let's talk about what we do with the pot. Well... basically we burn it. We pay some damn good money to some perpetrator out there (who will probably use the money to buy more drugs to sell which is therefore funding goddamn Al Quaeda... but hey... what's between friends right?) so we can light it up. Now... I don't want you to think this is all we do... throwing money away... because the intelligent ones like myself will inhale the smoke.
Why inhale said smoke? Well because the smoke from the pot has properties that causes us to feel "euphoric" for quite some time. After awhile however, this "euphoric" feeling converts into a craving commonly referred to as the "munchies". Is the euphoria worth the damage to your lungs (which are dying), your brain (which your killing), and your metabolism (which is slowing down) that you are causing? Is anything "euphoric" ever worth that much?
So now little Zooted and Polluted allow me to let you in on a secret... and consider this the only way I can think of getting through your head that smoking so much pot daily will only lead to misery and heartbreak... and you mooching off your parents until they are dead and buried... because you see I smoked so much pot when I was younger... more than even you now... that I have ended up with an eternal case of the "munchies"... luckily I realized what I was doing and stopped smoking... so my brains are intact... my lungs just suffer from nicotine... but I still have those munchies... see...
Love you guys!
On yet another quick sidenote... today apparently is also Bitter Bitch's Birthday. She turns 30 today. So go over to IT2M and wish her a Happy Birthday... and to stop being so damn bitter over the whole thing... and I'll hook her up so she can go hang with Zooted and Polluted and smoke a blunt!