A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Steff, Hellboy, and Mr. Grumpy

I am so drained. Friday has just taken the gusto out of my sails. I spent over six hours on the boards today, which in itself will suck the life out of you. Tonight I have 8 hours on a truck in the Hills, which I actually look forward to. Of course, there’s also the “drama” as Princess Pottymouth had put it.

So last night I got home late. Around 1:00am I’m climbing into bed… my head is hitting the pillow… and I’m done. At 2:00am the c-phone rings that wonderful song, “Breaking the Habit” by Linkin’ Park. It’s The Steff. She’s just calling to say hi… because ever since she started working again she’s gone totally nocturnal. She tries to hurry up and say goodnight because she knows she has once again woken me up… but I slam the brakes on her and press for what’s bothering her. Bottom line: Officer Crumb. She’s still hooked on him. So I listen… and I sympathize because I know what that’s TOTALLY like… and tell her how much better off she is without him

She admits she’s in her moody ways… but I know no matter what I say it won’t help even though she says it does. We end up talking about her friend, and her relationship. I give her my standing advice on it (all men suck… but if you want it bad enough… you can get it) and we say goodnight.

Now it is 2:30 in the morning… and I’m laying awake looking at the ceiling… thinking about so many things that ultimately weigh on my mind. My relationship with The Steff… my relationship with Christine (who I still haven’t heard from)… my relationship with The Nick… and the list just goes on. So what do I do? Right… I turn on the television and fall asleep in the middle of Hellboy.

Hellboy is a great movie. I love the music when they pull up in the garbage truck to the museum. I loved Selma Blair in it… ever since Cruel Intentions I’ve had a thing for her. I find Hellboy the ULTIMATE love story… and someone I can relate with. The part where he’s trying to write Liz (Selma Blair) and tell her how he feels… me. The part where he’s on a rooftop spying on her… yeah, me. The part where he breaks off his horns and forsakes his true nature to save her… yes… me as well. To me, that is true love. That is unconditional love. Yet… they are never meant to be.

So, as the familiar music played in the background, and I drifted off to sleep… I questioned if all of this was never meant to be…

…And I woke up still wondering. Then of course... the day ran its course... and now I'm tired... sitting at work. The Nick decides to start her stuff again. When I say that... I mean she starts teasing me. The whole "I need a massage", followed by "We need to go shopping" ended with "Well, Monday's no good because I'm playing the role of the good daughter". Right... see... that's the thing... she's teasing. She claims to be a commitment phobe. Maybe she is... but then why whine about not having a boyfriend to lift a tv??? I was in no mood to play our usual antics tonight... so I called her out on it... and she did her loopy reply... which I came back at her hard reminding her that all of this was her choice... and that was that. So she's mad at me now. Oh well. I call it how I see it... and never promised to fudge on anything I ever said or did. To a large extent there are times when I am brutally honest... but more to be brutal than to be honest. This was one of those times.

I don’t think I feel as lonely anymore… although I know I’m as alone as ever. Maybe I’m just getting used to it again. Which also means I’ll probably become grumpy again… something to watch out for. Actually… I think I may already have started.

By the way... Happy Friday the 13th everyone... glad to see my luck hasn't changed any...
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 1/13/2006 09:19:00 PM :: :: 0 Bones Added to the Pile

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