A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Match Ignites

Okay… so maybe the Pickle was right… well… I guess Nikki from Match and I got into somewhat of an argument on Thursday night. I mean, ultimately my intention was to show her I trusted her. Big mistake. In fact, I told her something I haven’t mentioned here… and something I thought maybe would help her understand me a little bit better.

Well, anyway, it turned into this whole big thing. Well… she turned it into this whole big thing. Then last night, I got back from spending some time on the board, and she IMed me… I IMed her back. In the meantime, she had sent me 3 e-mails. The first was a usual one, the second apparently was a “WTF?” type of e-mail because she felt there was this whole big thing going on… and the third was a “Goodbye, Good Luck, Tata e-mail.”

Now I didn’t realize she had sent this third e-mail until she mentioned it… otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered. But hey… we chatted for a bit, and then it was time for me to go log on for my Friday night on the truck, and she gets all pissy and emotional. In hindsight, I should have saved that IM… but I didn’t. So she starts with all this stuff… and then when she finishes and I try to reply, she interrupts me. That pissed me off. So at that point, I really needed to go… and I’m not sure yet if I did the right thing or not… but I sent her the URL for this blog with the text “How well do you really want to know me?” Yep. I did. I mean, how better to know someone than read what they write about their life??? I mean... her version of a Blog is her best friend Jessica... so this is my "Jessica". Then I said goodnight. I went, logged on, and saved the borough of Queens from its drunken stupor.

This morning, I came into work where I am now because the AOD on call this weekend has a sick child and spouse, and knowing what that’s like told him I’d cover for him. So I open my e-mails, and found two from her. The first, basically blowing me up, and the second… well… she said maybe I could include it on the blog… so here Nikki… by your request… with some minor commentary:

This is a portion of what I sent to Jessica [her best friend…who she tells EVERYTHING too]...sort of an editorial maybe you can include it on your blog, a full circle moment, for closure to yet another chapter of your very public life...I'm sure it will bring many a laugh and increase your ratings [ratings??? Does she think this is tv or something???].

I don't even know where to begin...although I am quite sure you have already begun to roll your eyes at just the subject heading itself. [Unfortunately, that was not included… sorry… although I’m sure had it been included, my “ratings” would have quadrupled… so four times zero is… well still zero] Middle of December, match.com notified me that I had been winked at by Bigdoggy...so I looked over his profile and even with all the God damn common sense God gave me considering how well the first and last connection worked out...I thought why the hell not and winked back.

He emailed me a few days later, it was a relatively all right email and it sparked a somewhat interest...sort of the same way your eyes are drawn to road kill no matter how horrific...and so, I overruled my better sense of judgment and decided to return the email.

This however proved not to be as easy an accomplishment as sending actual email should be which by all rights should have been my first clue if not a major neon sign.

Since I am not a paying match.com member I cannot reply to email that I am sent so I therefore had to ask Jeanine to forward my response for me...and yet, this still was not enough to stop the train of destruction from leaving the station known as my life.

The email in reply to mine was entertaining enough to say the least and somewhere along the line I lost my head and stupidly took a chance and IMed him.

As usual I simply talked and rambled and babbled and up chucked any fuckin thought that came into my pee picking mind and in my infinite realm of wisdom actually thought that in return I was to a certain extent entertaining him as well.

This IMing process continued on a relatively steady basis as did my delusions of grandeur...for somewhere along the line I had come up with the insane notion that there was, for lack of a better term, a connection.

Then one night after a few over indulged conversations in which we totally left the beaten path and yes our minds wandered there, or at least, as usual, mine did [we're talking about SEX here people... now my ratings will be quadrupled... right... I know... four times zero still equals zero]...the tone began to take a drastic turn to the left.

After telling me that he was turning in for the night he released a small tidbit of information in a tone that I took as more accusation than sharing...he told me that [Sorry my adoring massesof the public… not ready to reveal that yet… saving that one for sweeps…I want to beat the whole "Who shot JR" thing] , blah, blah, lying women.

The eyebrow went up and I proceeded to jump down his throat in defense of my own sexual orientation to which he simply signed off in mid type leaving me talking to myself [not true… after telling her this we talked for 10 more minutes… or I should say 10 more minutes of her jumping down my throat for no reason that I could see… unless she had been caught fudging again]...on the upside we, myself and I, had a grand ole time trying to figure out exactly what the fuck had just happened. [I pressed the sign off button after saying good night 3 times… is that so hard to figure out?]

Now here is where all those months of therapy come into play, I actually apologized, me...why? [Probably because you realized you were jumping down my throat… like you said you did]

Because I for whatever fuckin reason automatically assumed that my choice in topics had unintentionally stirred up some very, ugly and disturbing memories for him. Almost as if I had taken on the blame for the fact that the guy had basically stepped into his very own Friends episode.

So at this point, in addition to the anger from the last IM in which I was accused of being in the same league as his ex wife [never did that… it was me sharing a secret... one I might add that I told her was something I would share… but didn’t want shared… but as you can see, she once again told Jessica EVERYTHING] and then dismissed...I apparently felt traces of guilt which to say the least, confused the fuckin shit out of me but nonetheless, I swallowed my proverbial pride and left him with a "it's your call email".

And then as if I had not already pushed the "what the fuck" envelope enough, I IMed him to sort of feel the situation out and figure out exactly where we stood [stood??? I don't get it... WE NEVER EVEN SPOKE ON THE PHONE... and I sit when I instant message]. So when his away message popped up I took this as a sign and left him a polite "get out of jail free" card wishing him well in whatever endeavor he so chose to pursue. [Right… had I seen it… I would have taken it without hesitation… because the one thing I hate MORE than fudgers is quitters…]

Fifteen, twenty minutes later he returns the IM as if not a thing in the universe had ever occurred so I thought, fine [and why wouldn’t it be on my end… as long as your not jumping down my throat]...and went on as footloose and fancy free as him. An hour of chit chat later and presto, we end up in the same position as the night before...he announces he is turning in for the evening while at the same time he opens up the flood gates [what flood gates??? I asked you if the third e-mail was a quit e-mail… and if you were a quitter… so what flood gates]. Only there is a slight twist in that this time he manages to give up a moment [30 minutes… it was 19:30 and I had a 20:00 log-on scheduled] from his precious schedule to allow for explanations.

The banter goes back and forth for a few minutes during which he than casually informs me that he makes no allowances for regrets or apologies in his life [actually, I said that in the beginning… in case you were expecting me to apologize for something I didn’t see as wrong we could have saved ourselves what turned into 88 minutes of time lost on each other neither of us can ever get back]...how fucking noble and as if that were not enough of a swallow, just as we round the end of the conversation, he pops the question, "how well do you want to know me?"

At this point, in all my naive, yet confused, stupidity, I, in true blonde fashion, believe that we are just fuckin gathering enough momentum to overrun our first speed bump until I notice he has included a link within our IM.

It is a link to his very public Blog in which I as it seems have become not only an unknowing participant but an unpaid and ill compensated source of material for him to entertain his masses with [I'll give you 50%... but zero of zero is still zero... and I thought I was the one with the math problems].

Not only does he discuss me most affectionately as the dimwit from his match.com expeditions [where did I call her a dim wit??? I can’t find where I said it… but obviously she is fudging yet once again... she seems to do that alot more than she originally lead me to believe...] but it seems that our conversations have been used to basically kill the insufferable down time he experiences at work [Nope... I really don't have much down time... something she complained about with the long pauses between answers while I was dealing with stuff... so more fudge hits] and at that, they seem to have only continued because I, the moronic female that I am, failed to recognize his incognito kiss offs. [funny… I may have written you off after the fudge conversation… but never kissed you off… but don’t worry… that’s coming]

As if that where not enough to get my panties in a twist, I was then able to scroll down into a copy and paste of a portion of one of our many IM's...living proof that yes, my words actually do come back to haunt me.

So there I am, nailed to his blog for all of the cyber world to gawk at and comment on, a good laugh to be had by all...

But I saved the best for last for that is not the absolute most comedic part of it all, believe it or not, he actually had enough balls to end our IM (prior to my having reviewed the visual aid) by saying that we could talk later.

Look up asshole in the dictionary and there are two pictures...his and mine. [I hope it's my good side...]

So there it is. Do we think there is the possibility of reconciliation here??? Nah… I don’t think so either… nor to be honest would I want to. I mean, obviously she didn’t read this first post about her, nor did she read this one, or this one. I mean really… the turning point was the fudging... and she suddenly feels she's the star of this blog for my "masses"... give me a break and get over yourself. This blog get one or two random views from BE or Blogger... maybe Monique from When We Were Liars, Things Were Seamless stops by... a BIG maybe on Pickle... yeah... my "masses".

I think that in the end… she didn’t want to get to know me at all… and in a way… I’m really sad about that… ultimately she was fun to talk to and she might have been a friend at least… probably not on the level of The Steff or where Christine used to be... but at least in the level of the other Nick. Obviously that won’t happen.

For those of you wondering how I’ll be replying to this e-mail… well you just saw it. I will not be stooping to the grade school level and fire back salvo after salvo…I will send her a reply e-mail that says "As you wish..."... because she is the one who said I should post it.

This will not ruin the New Year for me… I mean technically I met her last year… and the fudge conversation was last year… and that was where I had originally written her off… so this is just tying up loose ends in my book.

Time to move on… so… on that note… *SMOOCH* … consider yourself kissed off Nikki… oh… and blocked on AIM. Have a nice life.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 1/07/2006 12:08:00 PM :: :: 2 Bones Added to the Pile

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