A Pile of Dog Bones

“In each of us two natures are at war… the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, but one of them must conquer. In our own hands lies the power to choose. What we want most to be we are.” – Dr. Henry Jekyll

Sunday, September 10, 2006

To Each Their Own


I'm sure some people are wondering why I put that warning up there. I put it there because I don't want someone to read it not knowing what it is going to be about in case they don't want to read it. It's an option I've decided to employ... and of course there is a reason behind it.

To be totally honest, Monday's post was going to have eight names on it asking you to remember them with a graphic I had done back in September 2001 that eventually became a memorial patch that I wear on all of my uniform shirts. It will be posted at 9:59am, which is the time determined that the South Tower collapsed. I quite literally will be hitting the button to send out the tone across the frequencies signalling sixty seconds of silence and the Publish Post button at the same time. That's the whole reason why while I support the 2,996 Project I am not partaking in it. I couldn't choose one name over the other seven and I couldn't NOT mention them and instead talk about someone I didn't know. That just wasn't going to happen.

Aside from those eight names I was going to also post about the WWE event that night at MSG. RAW will be live from the Garden and fuck it I'm going. In fact, Monday is a very busy day for me... which is actually really good because when I'm not busy my mind wanders and while I usually don't mind it I am apprehensive of it on that day. So yeah... that was going to be my post.

Then I started thinking that maybe I should do more. I started thinking that maybe... just maybe... I should write about that clear blue Tuesday 5 years prior. What made me think about posting about it? Well... there was this comment that I read somewhere... and then I commented... and in hindsight the comment I made wasn't the smartest and as usual I stuck my foot down my gullet... so then I had to explain myself further. In attempting to do so, I started thinking that maybe my original post idea is not the greatest.

Here's the thing. There are 4 people on this planet who I have ever spoken to in detail about that day who were not actually there. They would be Pudding, Christine, my mom, and my therapist. When I go out of state and people find out I'm from New York they usually ask, "Were you there?" Sometimes they mention the date... sometimes they don't. The look on their faces tells all. My answer is usually, "Yeah, I was there." Sometimes if they persist a bit I'll go as far as telling them, "I was at Albany and West Street" or "It was numbing" and leave it at that. If they keep persisting I tell them "I don't talk about it and that's all I'm saying." Twice I've had people not take that as an answer... and once out of those two times I almost got locked up when my flying paws of fury were unleashed. Bottom line is, I don't talk about details. I don't know why that is, it just is.

The truth is that there are people who don't want to be reminded of 9/11. They don't want to watch movies, read books or for that matter blog posts about it. They want it to be like every other Monday with Ooogles, Click & Comment, and Jerry Springer. Instead they'll get tribute posts, undoubtedly someone will post one of those slideshows, and while I'm not sure about outside of NY I know that inside the local stations will be carrying the memorial service live. They don't want it to be anymore than a footnote in history just like Pearl Harbor has become. Honestly... I do not blame them one bit.

That may sound strange coming from me... I think most people would think I am all for all these memorials, candlelight vigils, and special edition Time magazines. I'm really not. I can understand why people get sick and tired of hearing about it. I remember one of the guys I worked with telling me the same thing on November 11, 2001. I told him it would be around until something bigger happened. The next day Flight 587 crashed in Far Rockaway... and we thought this was the "bigger". Within two weeks it was out of the news but the WTC was still in it. I guess we were wrong.

Just so I don't get totally muddled here allow me to quickly insert the point I am trying to make that I had actually made earlier and relatively easily:
I just think everyone should deal with it in their own way. If it’s doing the 2,996 thing, great. If it’s posting an “anti-tribute”, great. If it is avoiding every post on 9/11 or about 9/11, great. And yes, if it’s ranting about those who do it and how you feel it is being forced down your gullet then fantastic.

Although they are all sending very different messages it’s all the same. It is dealing with it in your own terms and on your own conditions for which there is nothing wrong with. The wrongness comes into play when you think you can’t do any of those things or that you MUST do one of them because to do otherwise would be socially unacceptable.

I do have some serious reservations about diverting from my original plan. I don't want it "out there", ya know? I don't want someone looking and saying I'm exploiting something, or that I'm self centered. I would feel a lot better about it if I could make it a private post... but this is Blogger we're talking about... I'm lucky if my blog even loads with them at the helm.

I made a choice 4 years and 10 months ago to remember that day by wearing a 9/11 memorial patch on every uniform shirt I own. Now of course that decision was slightly slanted since I helped design the patch... but that was a decision that I made for myself as a way to pay tribute to the person who's name is on that patch. To be honest I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow... but whatever it is I assure you it will be the right thing for me.

I hope you make the same decision.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 9/10/2006 02:54:00 AM :: :: 16 Bones Added to the Pile

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