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Tuesday, July 25, 2006Breaking News... The Identity of Princess Pottymouth Uncovered!!!
For those of you who don't know... I have been on a secret mission. You see... all the bitches at IT2M have "other" blogs... and I had two of the "Big Three" (Ms. Chatty, Bitter Bitch, and Princess Pottymouth) pegged after a marijuana related revelation. Only Princess Pottymouth remained elusive.
It started late one night when Luin (who has moved her blog by the way and you really should visit) and I decided to kill 6 hours trying to figure out the "real" blog of Princess Pottymouth from IT2M. We browsed, surfed, and compiled lists of suspects. We did grammatical syntax analysis, side-bars were scrutinized, and color matching was performed. We codenamed her "Rainbow Brite" so that we could leave any spies wondering what our true subject was. We formed the Center for Princess Pottymouth Research, based in the Pacific Northwest and ran our evidence through biologicl tests, exams, and centrifugical whirly things.
After weeks of searching we came up dead ended. We were stalled. The path had gone cold... and our scientists filled with despair and a desire to return looking for Sasquatch. Not for nothing, if you fuckers are reading this, Sasquatch has been around for BILLIONS OF YEARS and will probably be around for more. Princess Pottymouth however has only been around since October 26, 2005... and could totally "disappear" at any moment.
Then it happened. The Bitches at IT2M went on strike. In fact... they rioted outside the headquarters of Douchebag Fucktard Bloggers International... where this photo was snapped...
Do you see her? Right there... in the front row! So this photo was sent to the CPPR for analysis. To be honest, the results were not quite what I expected. First, what they did was take a closer look at her hands...
See those? Right... fucking man hands. A shitload of fantasies just went right out the door with that close up. Now they scanned it, measured it, and yes... were able to get a partial print on it!!! We have Princess Pottymouth's hand print!!!
Sweet mother we were close. I could smell the vanilla... okay, well the vanilla came from some new candles I got but anyway... we ran the print through the Blogging Imbecile Agency database (we refuse to allow it to be used as an oxymoron) for a match. Nothing. So then... we ran it through Interpol. Nothing. By a freak coffee accident, it got run through the General Motors Known Union Laborers database, and we had a MATCH!!!
It was not what I expected. I asked for verification three times. Three times it came back the same. Now I was faced with a moral dilemna. Do I turn around and publish this... my own personal blogging Holy Grail? Surely the Bitches will place an order for execution on my head. I would be the Blogosphere equivalent of Salman Rushdie. Or do I hide this information forever in a code that only Velma from Scooby Doo could crack with the use of centrifugical whirly thingys? It was something I sat long and hard thinking about...
I have always been a proponent of the truth. I have always let the shit fly no matter the consequences in 97% of the matters here... I mean sure I haven't raged as to why I had to shave my goatee off... but that's because I believe I may have been compromised by the others... but this... this... this is huge. Gigantic. Enormous. This is something I need to do for self satisfaction after being haunted night after night by Rainbow Brite and her Stallion Minions.
So, ladies and gentleman, the search for the true identity of Princess Pottymouth has come to an end. This, as certifiable by the CPPR, is a picture of Princess Pottymouth...
And this is her blog.
The IT2M death squads could be knocking on my door at any moment. Luin, keep the Ben Franklin, just get Flava Flav to the memorial, and this time have it at East Fordham and Webster... that's where my peeps will remember the The King of All Drama best.