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Thursday, August 31, 2006FOAD Thursday... The Cracked Edition
Today is Fuck Off And Die Thursday... as it is EVERY day in real life but represented in pure volatile benevolence here on this day. So let us begin...
I would like to send an FOAD out to the new girl at Dunkin' Donuts. I use the term very loosely, because to be honest I thought she was a man. It is very simple... really. Large... that's the big cup. French Vanilla ice coffee... that's coffee with ICE that has the French Vanilla flavor squirted into it. Light with CREAM... which means more than one of your grubby little fingers. Four... count now... one, two, three, FOUR Splendas. That's the yellow packet... not the blue, not the pink, and not the fucking spooned out container. I get the same thing everyday. Everytime you've made it has been wrong. You've been there what, a month? You need to FOAD.
My next FOAD goes to the girl in front of me on the line at Dunkin' Donuts. It's really easy... know what your dumb ass wants before you get to the counter. To change it from a small tea, to a tea chai, to a small iced latte, to a small orange drink, to a small regular coffee AND then complain about the price is just utterly fucking ridiculous. FOAD dumb bitch.
The next winner on the wheel of FOAD is Mayor Ray Nagin of New Orleans. Yes... I want you to FOAD Nagin... aside from calling Ground Zero a hole in the ground, aside from complaining that your not getting the help you need, aside from the fact there is STILL hurricane debris on public streets contrary to your belief... you are just an obviously incompetent buffoon. Can anyone say the mayoral version of Michael Brown? There is only so much whining and complaining that we'll take before we have to ask, "Well what have you done?" So you have whined and complained... whined and complained... oh, variation, made racially embarassing remarks alienating white people (..."New Orleans is a chocolate city"...)... more whining and complaining. You get the point. FOAD Nagin... do something for a change instead of whining how no one else is.
This is a future FOAD to the therapist I will be seeing at 10:00am in the morning. FOAD you undoubtedly pompous over charging prick. You will make me wait at least 15 more minutes in the waiting room with the seizing delinquent senior citizens, make me sit in an uncomfortable ass chair, ask me a fuckton of questions, decide like every one before you that I suffer from PTSD and clinical depression, tell me I need to be on meds, and maybe... and I stress maybe... I'll even let you write a script that I have no intention on filling anyway just so I can get the fuck out of there and to work on time instead of going on my tirade about how the meds fuck with me. Yes... FOAD therapist prick... you deserve it even though you don't know it yet.
Finally... I have Peace and Love to spread... and this is Peace and Love going to a very select few who fit into a much bigger category. This FOAD is for the family, friends, acquaintances, workplaces, and anyone else who we know... who will turn around and use a blogger's own blog against them. You know the type... the co-worker who outs your blog to your boss who you just wrote about his shitty toupe'... the bar acquaintance who passes out cards with your URL to the local drinking buddies so they can read your poetry about flowers... your friend who outs you to the group of friends you run with so they can read and find out your secret crush (who happens to be one of those friends) isn't so secret anymore... and that 21 year old family member who can't keep his/her mouth shut so your family can read exactly how much of a group of fucktards they are in your eyes which is only proven as fact when they excommunicate you and you're evicted from the family estate.
All of those people do not understand that there are more than one face to our personalities... that our uniqueness and individualism are only outshined by the variety of ideas we put out there for the world to read... and comment on. All those people think that we remain stuck in the mire of thoughts force fed down our gullets by them. All those people envy and hate us because we are able to purge ourselves of their shit... and release our own brand of thoughts into the world. Peace and Love you mindless twits... Peace and Love...