Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Being a Goner, "Liberty" Wasn't Liberating, and State of Mind

I am the second person voted off the Island on BE Survivor. My tribe supported me though... and I fell severly short in the challenge. So I'm picking her to win it. Go show some fucking support would ya?


78% of my fleet was washed away. Still moved 600 patients in 6 hours. In the end I suppose it was worth it... but not liberating in any shape or form. I need the real thing. I need to feel alive.


I have that FOAD State of Mind right now. I am plenty of things. I can be immature, eccentric, brazen, bold, a fucker (not in the sexual sense), a moron, an idiot, and of course THE ASSHOLE. Hell... I can even be a chatty bitch. But ya know what? I won't turn around and chat about what kind of a BITCH someone else can be, how someone has some serious stalker qualities, how someone does nothing but snipe after practically everything you say, and of course let's not forget about doing a GOD DAMN GALLOP POLL about something you did which of course was her version of it anyway IN A PLACE YOU'RE CONSTANTLY AT and with people you socialize, either in real life or cyberly. Oh, and something else I won't be doing, is after all is said and done, I won't be going out WITH YOUR PARTNER OF 10 YEARS AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SAME THINGS I COMPLAINED ABOUT YOU BECAUSE JUST BY DOING THAT PROVES I OBVIOUSLY AM A STUPID FUCKING RETARD!!! I do a lot of stupid things including using the word "intelectually" instead of "creativity" (which is something entirely different that is now bothering me after some thought) but that one IS my fault, and I'll do my best to make it right... but that's all beside the point.

Why? Because no. I won't do any of those things. I could've. Hell, after the Gallop Poll I should've. But I didn't and I won't.

I hate that no place has ever given me what I need except for death, pain, and misery.
I hate that I continue to let it bottle up until it pops instead of letting it loose here. I hate that people still don't understand me. I've tried... really I have.

So be it... and all that cal my little droogies... all that cal... to the only one who has ever shown me true unconditional love back...



Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 7/11/2006 11:25:00 PM :: Permalink :: 3 Bones Added to the Pile

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