Sunday, July 02, 2006

The Age Philosophy

Remember as a kid how you became excited when your birthday was coming? You would lay awake at night thinking about how great it would be to turn this new age, and all the freedoms it would give you? I have for a long time held a philosophy regarding age. I will share it with you now so you can better understand where I am coming from.

• Birth- It's a big deal because your parents waited 9 months for you to get here... now your here. For baby girls we begin to wonder when we will be able to have children of our own to nuture as we are about to be nurtured. For baby boys all we want to do is figure out how to get back into where we came out from.
• 1 Year- This is a big deal because the likelihood of dying from SIDS dramatically decreases.
• 10 Years- This is a big deal because you are now in double digits, now a "decade" old, and now too big to play on the slide at the park.
• 13 Years- This is a big deal because you are finally now a true teenager. Your parents, ever so wise, prepare themselves by diverting your college saving contribution into stock in hair dye. You decide you want your hair to be purple and blue, making their investment a good one.
• 16 Years- This is a big deal to your parents because of some ironic tradition. Your a rotten teenager and anything but sweet... but they insist that this is your Sweet 16.
• 18 Years- This is a big deal because now you are legally an adult. You can vote, drive, be drafted by the Army, and sign your own Refusal of Medical Aids at the concerts you go to your parents don't know about. Additionally, unless your a student, you are now eligible for Medicaid since your parent's health insurance will no longer cover you.
• 21 Years- This is a big deal because now you can legally drink. Your 21st birthday will undoubtedly see you in the gutter off a drunken stupor. Now that it's legal... drinking loses 80% of its appeal.

Here's the messed up part... your happiness in aging is practically over. There are only two ages left that matter to anyone and should be celebrated.

• 25 Years- Your auto insurance removes you from assigned risk and you can finally afford not only the car payments, but the insurance to go with the car.
• 65 Years- You are now eligible for Social Security... if there is any left that is.

That is my age philosophy. That's right... for forty years you have absolutely nothing to look forward to. Now some people may argue that 7 is an important age because its a lucky number, or 30 because you can then be reminded that if you don't have a house with a white picket fence, a Betty Crocker cooking wife, 2.5 kids and a dog that you're a complete failure. Well I really don't care about those arguments because those are societal dictations that I find hindering upon one's assessment of age. My philosophy is based in the real world.

You may have remembered that on Friday I mentioned that The Donkey and I have a few things in common other than the obvious. So now keeping that in mind... tonight The Steff had a Fourth of July party which I went to after work. In reality it was a surprise birthday party for The Donkey who's birthday is Monday, July 3. A bunch of people were there from The Hills, from our respective companies, and of course a rowdy little NYPD/FDNY contingent which ensured we wouldn't get a noise violation or that the tikki torches engulfed the pool in flames. It was... mmmm... sweet. The Donkey got an ice cream cake with the chocolate crunchies... and of course I got a cherry pie.

It was also a bit of a reality check for me on a few things... things I won't go into now because your probably already dozing at the screen... but The Steff knows me... in fact I think she knows me better than Pudding ever did... and tonight that cherry pie made the next day and 33 years seem not so bad after all...
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 7/02/2006 01:40:00 AM :: Permalink :: 5 Bones Added to the Pile

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