Monday, June 05, 2006

06.06.06 - Number of the Dog


Today is the sixth day, of the sixth month, of the sixth year. It has been "prophesized" that the numbers 6-6-6 mark that of the Devil or the so called Anti-Christ who will bring about the end of the world. So on this date, to those who consider themselves on "missions from the Lord", he is supposed to be born. A word of warning to pregnant mothers... watch out for nuns, priests, and bible beating zealots standing at the doors of the maternity wards.

So then tonight I was on the phone with The Steff and we were talking about something obliviously retarded like we always do... and somehow "nicknames" came into the subject. I call her Paper... I know... sounds stupid... but there is a long story behind it with a simple explanation... I can read her like one. Then we were talking about Zooted & Polluted, and the Ooompa Loompas.

Then she has this moment of wisdom and says to me, "Ya know... Dog spelled backwards is goD." My favorite English Doctorate bound blondey locks had a revelation! Where does she get this shit from? Oh right... college... a school of "higher" learning. So after a few more minutes of idle chit-chat we conclude Monday night's English language lesson and I start to thinking... which is always a dangerous thing.

Maybe... just maybe... I am the anti-christ? Maybe I am the son of Cool Hand Luke himself... and his roomie Joshua is really a long lost cousin! Wow... but how would I know? I don't see any numbers on me anywhere... but what if it doesn't show up until tomorrow under the light of the full moon?

So I did the next best thing and the ONLY thing any self-respecting evil suspecting blogger would do... I did a meme test. To test this theory... I did a test at a place where everyone from the forums is running to these days... and here's what I discovered:

You Are 100% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

Surprised? I'm not... not since I answered the questions honestly and didn't fudge at all. So just to make sure... I took another test to see how bad I really am...

How evil are you?
Now I know I have always had a dark side. I am a strong believer in Yin-Yang theories and the carnal animal within each of us. Well that's 2 for 2 meme's that agree I am Purely 100% Evil which tosses Yang out of my Yin. So was The Steff onto something? Am I going to miraculously transform into Hellspawn at midnight? Well shit... I better get ready.

So I opened up my template and went to a BTOD layout again. I was kinda feeling it... not totally though... so then I decided to declare that 6-6-6 is now the number of the doG. I then declared it my holiday as any good self preserving son of Satan would. In addition I then decided I will use all my credits if need be to Battle any Christian Blog on a Mission from the Lord. Then I found out I have my own church... and it's right here in NYC! Now if that isn't cool, I have my own cheerleading squad of hot little goth girls! Unfortunately... they're in Austin, Texas. But really, no big deal... once I bring about the apocalypse and wipe out the world... well I can have as much oil for gas as I want and I can just drive down there and pick them up!

That's when I realized something. If I bring about the Apocalypse... well then everyone will be dead. That makes my career choice as an EMT a poor one. Damn. This son of Satan thing was sounding pretty cool. So what do I do now?

Well I guess I won't be bringing the Apocalypse... I won't be having my own cheerleading squad of little freaky goths... and I don't have my own church. It is a little disappointing... especially the cheerleader part... but I can get over it real quick. Nothing like sacrificing a chicken on a rotisserie spit with a side of mashed potatoes and corn to take the sting out of losing out on that ego booster.

On the bright side... I can still smack the crap out of the religous zealots right? Oh hell yeah!!!

So while I am off being evil... go visit this angel... she is divine in more way than one.
Posted by New York City's Watchdog :: 6/05/2006 11:00:00 PM :: Permalink :: 4 Bones Added to the Pile

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