A Pile of Dog Bones

The Final Ooogle, The Final FOAD... The Day The Dog Died

2007-02-27T04:40:00.000-05:00

That's it.

It has been a long and arduous road here since November of 2005. Coming off the high that was Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita into the crashing reality that my life had gotten away from me in more ways than one... this place gave me something to help my focus. So it has been here that I sat... going through this old dog's bones... plucking off the meat and sucking out the marrow.

I'm done.

This may come as a huge shock to some of you, but if the truth must be told I am long overdue. There just comes a time when one has to grow, and move on or become a stagnate puddle of disease. I'm sure so many of you have felt the same way at some time or another... as virtual slaves to the blog. I need to break these chains. There is only one way I know how, and this is it.

I love you all... more than I ever thought would ever be possible had you told me about it back in 2005. This is harder than you think, but I hope you will all understand. I hope you will all know me well enough to be happy for me, as I would be happy for you if you were granted this freedom.

As a parting gift my beloved little droogies... I will be leaving you all this final Ooogle...

... which is also the last and final FOAD... to Blogger.

Take your Beta. Shine it up. Turn this whore sideways... and... well... you know what you can do with it.

Be good to one another... remember me fondly... see you when I see you*.

Mr. CFP... let the firing of the EMP Strike against Blogspot commence.

*Which will be when YOU read the shirt CAREFULLY... or just click it... bitches.

Today Is All About 1993...

2007-02-26T01:00:00.000-05:00

I am sure that for most people today will be about a myriad of things. Perhaps it is snowing where you are now, and today will be shoveling and salting and cursing the Groundhog for lying. Perhaps you will spend the day talking about last night's Academy Awards, and the upsets and surprises that it encompassed. Perhaps today, for you, is about today and the start of a new week.

For me, while it will include a few of those things, today is also about February 26, 1993... the day the WTC first got bombed. It has been 14 years since that day when I sat watching the news coverage. I was still in college, and working on a writing assignment that day... with no writers block in sight may I add. People leaving the building with blackened faces from the smoke and soot and streaming into the streets was all over the television.

One of the visuals I remember clearly from that day was the fleet of ambulances and fire trucks beneath the pedestrian passage over West Street. I remember thinking that doing that may be a good thing in my spare time just in case there was another attack. Eight and a half years later it would be that same pedestrian passgeway that I can credit with saving my life... and left me wondering why I ever wanted to do this to begin with. Funny how things change over time.

Six people were murdered that cold day in February. Six people, who most of the world will forget, were the first true victims of Al Queda on American soil. Six people... who in my mind for as long as it is mine... will never be forgotten.

Smorgashboard Sunday 16

2007-02-25T01:06:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another edition of Smorgashboard Sunday... where I offer up the tastiest morsels from the week in my blogosphere. Let the linking begin...

The Mistress Yoda is hosting the Mother of all Battles at her blog this week. You need to register and vote. In fact you need to vote Love Actually. Do it now... or I will be upset
How much does it cost gorillas for a haircut? Well Avitable paid $55 for his new look. Of course... it took a New Yorker to do it
Miss Misery came clean about her commitment issues... and why they call her "Thunder Fingers"... so who here is a perv and clicked the last link first?
While we got ice, Denise got snow... and her kids rawked it. I am so jealous of them
Jane has declared herself independant from America... at least on Thursdays
Luin was kind enough to thoroughly voice opposition to comment spamming. I agree wholeheartedly and wish I had included that in my FOAD Thursday
One more reason I wish I was Fab... he finished his first draft... and did it in the time it has taken me to finish one half chapter and stare at the blinking cursor
The truth is out. Joe is really a Dirty Whore. In fact... he's been crowned one now twice
Dawn may have discovered why the slang "lips" is used to describe a woman's labia. It's all about the cream
Leave it to Frankie to barey get V-Day out of the way before getting set to swill the green beer on Saint Patty's with a new desktop
Finally... I found this video on YouTube disturbing... is wholesome Apple becoming Gateslike or what???

So that has been the past week in my blogosphere. I also want to take a quick second to say thanks to everyone who wished DJ well and to assure me that I don't suck. He's alive and well... and quite literally it is as small as can be. Part of my panic is undoubtedly because of Pudding's description of it... because she was an EMT too and I would think that she actually would know what it was... but I guess those years of true heavy bleeders (the kind you need a hose to wash out the back of the ambulance with) has worn off... or its different because this is actually your own... I don't know.

As for sucking... well I think it may have been my subconscious taking root. Tomorrow's Ooogle Monday will be postponed for something that has happened every year since 1994... and a day I don't easily forget.

Puppy Monster Down

2007-02-24T06:23:00.000-05:00

Yeah... it was bound to happen. He "fell and cracked his head open" was how Pudding described it to me last night. Of course... this happens on the day when I am down two of my Communications Specialists on the evening tour... which in effect left me to deal with 63 units by myself while taking incoming emergency calls. Anyone see a problem with this? Yeah... I do. At least my emergency call receiver stuck it out with me even though I yelled at her for doing a Mr. Freeze earlier in the day.

The problem is that it is because of instances like this that I utterly hate and despise my job. What should have happened is that I should have left work and taken my son to the hospital. What did happen is I had to stay at work until a good 6 hours after the accident and a good 3 and a half hours after my shift end time. I did ask Pudding if she wanted an ambulance to which she said no... some bullshit about the cost which I quickly reminded her that since it is one of my companies we won't be getting a bill (not that that would matter because I do have health insurance).

So she took him. Two staples in the nogin. I'll see it later today... not that today matters... because it was yesterday that counted. Hell... she got home with him before I even left work.

Then people wonder why I have little to no sympathy when they get stuck on a late job.

Then I wonder why people can't seem to love me.

I really don't wonder anymore... I know why.

Its because... yeah... I suck.

It Should Be Easier

2007-02-23T02:26:00.000-05:00

But it really isn't... blogging that is... or thinking of stuff to blog about. Well that's not really true... I suffer the same as most which is why I probably suck again this week... I get all these ideas but yet I am far away from a computer. The fact my creative side is a little divided doesn't help much either.

I also have a few other things going which are on my mind. I spoke to my lawyer today... and probably within the next month I will have filed for the big "B" word. The house... gone. I've actually spent the last few weeks kind of liquidating stuff and buying useless shit. I think the ladies call it retail therapy... but it really hasn't been too therapeutic.

I don't know. I suck. I know I do. If I can think of something better to talk about that has nothing to do with Britney's nervous breakdown or Anna Nicole's soon to be pay-per-view funeral... well I'll try to write about it. Until then... I'll just sit here and suck.

So be it.

FOAD Thursday... I'll Be Ya Huckleberry

2007-02-22T12:32:00.000-05:00

So things are afoot in my blogosphere. I'm still trying to sort a bunch of it out... and while it momentarily causes me to reflect upon the inherent dangers of the internet... well I really couldn't give two fucks because last time I checked, broadband works both ways. I was happy to confirm that although I lack good hate mail and trolls, that I have been found (at least to one person) to be offensive. So hoo-rah for me! Anyway... let my offensiveness continue with this FOAD Thursday...

An FOAD goes out to my dear friends at none other than Dunkin' Donuts. Now that I have given up soda (or pop as so many of you kindly pointed out) I rely on my large, French Vanilla, ice coffee, light with cream, and four Splendas to wake me up in the afternoon. Tuesday... I received *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG*. I absolutely hate it. Now understand that my ice coffee comes to $2.38 cents. I usually give them $3 and let them keep the change for their tip cup... I know 62 cents is not a lot... but I expect the right syrup to get pumped, ya know? So I turned around and went back. Yes... this made me a little late for work... but I NEED my ice coffee and I absolutely cannot drink *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG*. Guess what... they wanted to charge me again. I nearly lost my mind, but calmly asked to speak to the manager. The manager agreed with the clerk that I had left the store and therefore I needed to be charged again. So I left. I will never return to that Dunkin' Donuts again... so an FOAD goes out to those asshats... and I really hope *GAG* Hazlenut *GAG* stains. Ya dig?

An FOAD goes out to my dearest friend Christine... who refuses to speak to me over the red rose incident... even after forwarding her the e-mail where I ordered YELLOW. I know in like a month we'll be back to normal... but for some reason... I'm really tired of it right now.

An FOAD goes out to whoever it was who flagged one of my YouTube videos as having "inappropriate content". In truth, it was a crappy vid, and the person who flagged it is probably the same person who was drunk in it... so wtfeva. FOAD and next time you go to a bagel party and don't invite me to butter some buns then your cut the fuck off. Maybe I can re-upload it to LiveVideo??? Yeah... just FOAD mind numbing twit.

An FOAD goes out to whoever in their right mind thought that having Stan "The Man" Lee make a guest appearance in Heroes. That was so damn disturbing, its been giving me nightmares.

An FOAD also goes out to whatever it is that is causing me the newly found arm pain. No... it isn't from rubbing a few too many out... in fact it might be carpal tunnel because it affects my wrist and shoots right up my underarm to my shoulder. So... I guess I won't be avoiding the doctor like I had hoped. Oh, and Denise... if you come to kick my ass... fly JetBlue, k? *SMOOCHES*

As for Peace and Love this week... well I have none... at least not MY form of peace and love.
I do want to tip the red hat to Shelli... who has been named Sweetheart of the Blogging World by the RFS Blog Awards. So the Family Fab has officially whooped my ass and destroyed my hopes and dreams of glory. But that's okay... and I want to thank everyone who voted for me, and my favorite blogger (she knows who she is, k?) for nominating me... and I want to thank those who voted against me too... because it is not their fault they don't really know me.

I may have lost this battle, but hey... they can't take my Time Person of the Year away from me.

Cereal Wednesday

2007-02-21T02:01:00.000-05:00

Arrr, today is Caral Wednesday. Aye, today we're featurin' the scourge o' the caral aisle, Cap'n Crunch, argh! Ahoy, or is he????

The answer is he isn't. In fact, Cap'n Crunch isn't a pirate at all. He would be one of the regular Navy enlisted to fight pirates. People always make the same mistake... and while it may be romantic to think of him as a pirate, in reality he actually represents a very positive cereal role model for the youth of today. Of course you won't hear them clarify that he isn't a pirate, because then no one would eat him. Heh.

Have a good one.

The Results Are In...

2007-02-20T00:20:00.000-05:00

... and no I'm not talking about the RFS Blog Awards (only one more day to vote my bitches... and I think I'm getting pummelled by that Mama Duck Quacker and the OTHER Fab... so if you haven't gone and done the right thing... wtf are you waiting for? The fucking rapture or something? Get a move on bitches!). I'm talking about when they scanned my cat with the radioactive dye inside of me.

Guess what?

I'm normal!!! For the first time, in my entire life, I have been determined by a scientific procedure to be considered normal!!! Woo-hoo!!! Yeah... right... who the fuck am I kidding. Let's remember that it was the radioactive stuff that made Bruce Banner into the Hulk, Peter Parker into Spider-Man, and made Sue Storm into Invisible Girl (who's brilliant idea was it to make the hot chick invisible??? Oh right, Stan "The Man" Lee... who btw was the bus driver tonight on Heroes which makes me feel really sad that he didn't get a cool power... like the power to write a better show!!!!). Right... so when radiation says your normal... your really just fucked to the hilt but it thinks your a-okay.

Of course now I get to go for more tests, both on my leg and my body in general. This is what my doctor thinks is going to happen. So when I stop answering the phone calls from the missed appointments do you think he'll get the hint?

I hate doctors and yeah, I hate hospitals. One hell of a profession I chose huh? Actually we figured we only spend around 20% of our time in the hospital. The rest of our time is usually 5% going to the call, 5% going to the hospital, 5% going to our "place at rest", 20% onscene time, 10% getting chased by "bosses", and another 35% anywhere other than where we should be... like Dunkin' Donuts or Taco Hell. Yo quiero!

So yeah... I'm going to hell in a handbasket. On a positive note... I have ceased drinking soda. Totally. Like cold turkey. I've been kicking it with the water and only two ice coffees a day. Considering I used to consume around 3-4 liters a day of soda, or pop as it is called in some places where my words are read to the throngs of gerbils, that's pretty outstanding.

Of course it also means I've been falling asleep in the recliner more often. No caffeine to kick me awake... and that's been wreaking havoc on my back. My back has really never been the same since Texas... and it sadly has nothing to do with the rescue operations down there... it was from riding the mechanical bull... all 1.2 seconds. Yeah. Only 6.8 seconds to go. Yeah.

There's other stuff I could randomly write about... but I know your bored. I suck today. I REALLY sucked yesterday because I totally blew Mistress Yoda's Birthday... so I have to make it up tomorrow... and ya'll know what tomorrow is dontcha??? It's cereal time... and argh, wha a jolly ole time she'll be...

Ooogle Monday

2007-02-19T00:01:00.000-05:00

Seeing as how we are starting a fresh week, it is once again time for your weekly ocular exercise known as Ooogle Monday. This week is officially Oscars Week in Los Angeles, so we will once again have an Academy inspired Ooogle...

The beautiful Penelope Cruz is up for Best Actress for her work in Volver. Personally... I'm still all about her in Blow.

The former King of the July 4th Box Office, The Fresh Prince himself, Will Smith is up for Best Actor after an outstanding (and aging) performance in The Pursuit of Happyness. It's always nice to see one of the old school rappers make good. Now if only the Academy would recognize Ice Cube for all of his work, then I can consider myself officially old.

Fantasy Tangent: Since they haven't, I just wish Ice would release Fuck The Academy already and let's dig up Eazy-E's muthafuckin' bones and do an NWA reunion tour already. Hell, I'd even PAY for that show. Yeah... I smoka da crack pipe...

Have a good week!

Smorgashboard Sunday 15... The 500th Post Edition

2007-02-18T00:51:00.000-05:00

Today is a very special edition of Smorgashboard Sunday. It is special not so much for the wonderful content highlight's I've had this past week, but more because once I subtract a few unpublished drafts and T's little day here at the APODB, this become's the 500th post. Pretty cool huh? We'll lament on it further down in the post, for now on to the past week (and nauseating lovey dovey stuff) in my blogosphere...

Casanovitable has supplied a step by step guide on how to please your beloved. With methods like that, it's no wonder all he was a handshake
My deep thinking video love has found herself a good old boy. He seems to have it all... I'm just waiting for her to be introduced to his immediate "family"... the hunting dogs.
Another one of my loves is leaving me in the cold. While the rest of us were comiserating in loneliness, Mistress Yoda was hanging up her whips and chains and will soon be known as Mrs. Yoda to the world. At least now KY has that warming jelly...
Melanie received some important V-Day news of her own. Sadly, I probably wouldn't have understood her either... men can be so dumb.
Are you a chef? Need to be pampered? Red Betty is now a Pampered Chef consultant and has an online booking going on right now!
Monique has a pyrotechnics expert as a very close family relative. Now I know who to go to when I can't find my lighter...
Mr. Fab posed a wonderful question regarding life next to a cemetary to his readers. I've lived next to one for over 30 years... that could explain alot.
Dawn has announced her platform for Stupid People Laws. To hell with Hilary, Webmiztres for President in '08!
Dan over at All That Comes With It pretty much pictured how I feel every time I get put through a decon shower
Finally, and certainly not least in anyway, shape, or form... if you use yarn... I have an in with the emergency yarn provider for the world. I love being connected.

So that has been the past week in my blogosphere.

.:*:.

I don't know where the number 500 fits in with the blogging world. It sounds like a lot of posts. There are times when I can be pretty damn wordy, and other times when I'm really not. If we assume that I averaged 250 words a post (which is about 5 paragraphs worth), then I have posted 125,000 words to this blog. That translates to a roughly 400 page paperback novel. Yeah... I basically wrote a book here. Of course, the whole reason I started this was to get past the writer's block I was having, but that has been highlighted in my previous post.

One of the things I never realized was what exactly I would find during the time I wrote those 500 posts. There are a lot of great people out here on the Internet. There are also a bunch of idiots. Now I know it may not be PC to call them that, I mean they are entitled to their own opinions and all that. I also know there are times when I spew what seems to be "hater" speech... when in reality it is more of a "rager" mentality... but in the end this is still a personal blog about me. It is also very good cheap therapy.

I also like reading what other people have to say and the variety of lives that are lead. I like the rawness of it, and the honesty to it all. I never really read personal blogs before writing here... but to be honest, before writing here, there were a few blogs I did visit... you know, the "professional" blogs. Like Gothamist.

I've been reading Gothamist for awhile. I like the style on most of their articles, and I also like the way they have branched out into other cities while keeping the same sort of feel as the original. While the majority of Gothamist is derived from the dailies, they also do have original content. In fact, to be honest, their daily recap called Extra, Extra was the inspiration for Smorgashboard Sunday. One of the things I like is they highlight a picture of New York from amongst a wide variety of city Flickr images.

So imagine my surprise when on the eve of my 500th post, the Extra, Extra at Gothamist showed this...Yes, that is a picture of the Empire State Building with a plane hand drawn and appearing to crash into it.

Fucking bastards who dare to call themselves New Yorkers.

So for the 500th post here at the APODB... we would like to send Gothamist a resounding Fuck Off And Die. I know it isn't FOAD Thursday... but ranting and raving about the stupidity out there on the Internet is somewhat a staple here as much as the drama in my life and the cereal I talk about. Their level of "professionalism" in my opinion has plummeted to the lowest there is.

Something In The Way...

2007-02-17T05:46:00.000-05:00

It was a quiet night last night. Lots of licks, but no bites of damaged humans to mend or cab rides without the meter. So while KC and I cruised through the chalky white wind whipped streets, our conversations ranged from the Rage Against The Machine Reunion to the further development of RSS Feeds and what they mean to content over format. This last bit was along the lines of the thinking I had been doing about reverse engineering, which is another post all its own which maybe one day will come about once I gather everything I can find on the subject.

Eventually, it led me to thinking about the things in my way... the bricks in the wall so to speak... that are preventing me from finishing off my project and getting it to a few friends to shop around in the market. The bricks, in my mind at least, once were many. Now they are fewer, but the wall seems no lower. It stops me from reaching the level that I need to reach.

This of course reminded me of one of the last episodes of Dead Like Me, which if you have never seen is really a wonderful series even though it only ran two seasons. The episode's first reap was a girl in a military academy who had to scale a wall. Once she scales the wall, well of course she dies by falling off of it and getting entangled in the ropes.

I think in a way that is what continues to irk me. Once I scale the wall, I'll fall off of it. While it doesn't mean I would physically be dead... emotionally I would be. That is why I often refer to it as my "passion" project... because emotionally, I still am VERY passionate about... well I'm just very passionate.

Okay... now that I have made totally no sense to anyone but myself... I'm going to bed now. When I wake up I'll be trying to catch up on my blog reading and commenting and other stuff. The recent rash of long hours has caught up to me... and even though I know there is something in the way... I won't get past it in this state of mind.

I Suck

2007-02-16T18:08:00.000-05:00

I am a horrible, horrible, horrible, blogger. Another late night last night, add on the fact I sent yet ANOTHER dispatcher to the hospital which then caused the need for me to be at work mad early... not that it helped because I still hit a critical backlog by 1400. Gibberish sounding? Yeah... well... the pint is I suck... because I went to bed, woke up, and damn near almost let Friday slip away. I've been going daily since I think before November... so why break the chain now?

Anyway... here's a little preview of what I think will be my new favorite love story...
Okay... the Ghostrider trailer sucks 'cause it broke my template. Just click here for the "LOVE STORY" one
... and YES... it is a LOVE STORY!

I hope I don't cry into the popcorn.

Out Of Sync

2007-02-15T13:19:00.000-05:00

So I am terribly out of sync today. There will be no FOADing and it has nothing to do with working long ass hours yesterday, getting home late, sitting down with that empty feeling, and then promptly falling unconscious in the recliner once again.

No, it is because 6 years ago today, I officially was bestowed with the title of dad. Yep, DJ turns the big Zero Six today... of course he's going on 25, but who's checking. So tonight I get to go have cake with him and the Wolves and Pudding of course. So I shall not be spewing any venom on my son's birthday. Want venom? Check the FOADT site and pick someone from "The List".

.:*:.

UPDATE on Papi Chulo Bear:

MASPETH, NY, US	02/14/2007	5:01 P.M.	DELIVERY
	02/14/2007	7:42 A.M.	OUT FOR DELIVERY
	02/14/2007	4:51 A.M.	ARRIVAL SCAN
SECAUCUS, NJ, US	02/14/2007	3:47 A.M.	DEPARTURE SCAN
SECAUCUS, NJ, US	02/13/2007	11:36 A.M.	ORIGIN SCAN
US	02/12/2007	8:40 P.M.	BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED

So apparently Papi Chulo Bear was delivered ON TIME. Amazing. However... there is a small problem with the whole thing. Papi Chulo is a VERMONT Teddy Bear... NOT a NEW JERSEY Teddy Bear... ya know?

Oh... and yeah... Christine isn't talking to me because yeah... her roses were red too. *SIGH*

Two tears in the bucket... fuckit.

Cereal Wednesday... And V-Day Bear Watch '07

2007-02-14T02:37:00.000-05:00

Today here at the APODB it is traditionally Cereal Wednesday. Now I know that the United States at large is currently celebrating the lovey-dovey Valentine's Day holiday. I do recognize the importance of this holiday for couples, and have therefore done a somewhat special Cereal Wednesday in honor of this auspice occasion... but that's not the only thing special about this edition as you'll soon see...

So there you have it! Yeah... that was a pretty special edition now wasn't it?

So a Happy Valentine's Day to everyone... and another big ass thank you to Miss Ann for the awesome big ass bowls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.:*:.

UPDATE on Papi Chulo Bear:

SECAUCUS, NJ, US	02/13/2007	11:36 A.M.	ORIGIN SCAN
US	02/12/2007	8:40 P.M.	BILLING INFORMATION RECEIVED

Your package is on time with a scheduled delivery date of 02/14/2007

That is the latest update as of 2:26am. So according to UPS the bear is on time. Funny part is... I don't see anything about Vermont in there. What's up with that?

Now amazingly enough... according to 1-800-Flowers, the roses to both Christine and The Steff have been delivered already. Unfortunately... they are a bunch of fuck-ups.

I sent both of them yellow roses. You know... yellow meaning friendship. So tonight, apparently The Donkey was up in arms because red roses showed up. Add in the fact that my signature for The Steff is a relatively unique and ambiguous one, although I've been using it for a few years with her, well I guess there was a shit storm. I did explain it to him... and even went so far as sending him a copy of the confirmation order form when I ordered her roses. He really should be over it.

However, now the problem I have is with Christine's order. If red roses show up at her house... I tend to think that Louis will be relatively perturbed and I see it going one of two ways. Either a) He'll rant, rave, and do something stupid which will end up with me in jail or b) He'll rant, rave, and she'll be pissed off because she'll think I did it on purpose... which okay, in past years I have but I SWEAR not this year... and she'll stop talking to me again.

Don't you just love these holidays?

TAGGED!!! By Denise

2007-02-13T16:30:00.000-05:00

I guess my post this morning didn't satisfy Denise's needs. She can be so demanding sometimes... but I still :pink puffy heart: her, so...

The game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs!

So here it is...

1) My favorite colors are red and black. I do however maintain that orange is the new pink.
2) Red and black happens to be the paint color for the Battletech Mercenary Company known as Wolf's Dragoons, who are descendants of Clan Wolf, who happens to also be the parent to the faction I used to play in MechWarrior known as the Steel Wolves.
3) I'm really not a big cereal eater. I just play one on YouTube.
4) My truck is an antique... it's a '99 Ford Explorer Sport which makes it from last century. The rumbling sound isn't from a hole in the muffler... that's because I had it OCCed... so there.
5) When I worked in the church I used to eat the unblessed hosts with peanut butter and jelly.
6) During the first two years of high school I wore vests like Parker Lewis. That ended when the show started airing and people though I was imitating the show. During my last two years I turned to hats, and haven't seen my hair since.
7) When I go to the movies I get a packet of Twizzlers and Hot Nacho Cheese. Yeah... I eat dangerously.
8) I have a night light. It's a lighthouse that glows. STFU.
9) I bought a black flight jacket back in 1991... and I still wear it today.
10) While Love Actually is my favorite movie of all time, my favorite love story is Hellboy. Which btw will be challenged for its place in my heart by Ghostrider this weekend.

Now I'm supposed to pass this on and tag people... but I don't do that because I think if you want to do it, then you should do it and I'm not one for forcing stuff down people's gullets. Of course... if you do it... let me know so I can see the weird stuff about you.

"Shot" And V-Day Bear Watch '07

2007-02-13T10:30:00.000-05:00

I know, I'm off schedule today. I got home last night. sat in the recliner, and promptly fell asleep under the orange APODB afghan while Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip was on. I completely missed Heroes. I woke up about 2:00am and went the six feet to bed. I was just shot both emotionally and physically... and no I don't mean I have a bullet lodged in my body somewhere... I was/am just exhausted.

I'd like to chalk it up to a low swing on the thyroid, but I doubt it. It feels more like the depression creeping back in. Add in the fact I woke up this morning drenched in sweat with pillows and blankets all over, a sign the PTSD is acting up, and I think this next Presidential Race is going to be a bitch. All I ever seem to read in the news is different stories of how we're all coming down with diseases and dying. They probably had another one of those stories on last night while I was sleeping, so maybe I absorbed it sub-consciously.

I'd feel alot better if someone other than Clinton was making the Health Registry their priority, because I really don't see her winning. It isn't because she's a woman, but rather she's a woman who allowed her husband to get a blowjob in the Oval Office and did nothing about it. To me that shows weakness on her part. She should have made him sleep across the street or something for a few weeks at least. At least with Rudy, I know he sucked up some of the same shit I did, so we're in the same boat.

Of course tomorrow isn't helping matters. In fact I've already felt two or three waves of nausea over the sappiness I've seen some people exhibit. I like the day after the best though... all the candy goes on sale for like 50% off. Then the seasonal aisle in the drug store will change over to Easter stuff. Lots of bunnies, chicks, but most important are the Peeps. I may very well be a choco-addict, but the Peeps are great. I love their squishyness and bounciness. As either a treat or a projectile of rage, Peeps rule at work.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more substantial to say this morning. I'm just shot. Maybe if I think of something sphere-shattering I'll post it later. Maybe I won't. It's just one of those days...

.:*:.

UPDATE on Papi Chulo Bear: Billing information has been sent to UPS. Check site later for updated shipment status or contact shipper for more details.

Yep, no change in status as of 10:26am this morning. This leads me to believe one of two things since the storm is expected to hit the East Coast sometime this afternoon, 1) Papi Chulo ain't gonna make it on time which is more evidence that UPS sucks or 2) Papi Chulo is already on his way onboard a super secret experimental plane that cannot be tracked by radar. While I would like to say, "Aye Papi, a patriotic bear he is!" in truth I think I'll be saying, "UPS sucks."

Yeah... I may be the next Nostradamus.

Ooogle Monday And V-Day Bear Watch '07...

2007-02-12T00:01:00.000-05:00

Another Monday is upon us... its time to rise and shine my fellow bloggers... and its time to get your little tickers pumping with excitement over Ooogle Monday!!!! Since the rest of The Academy Nominees kinda, well, suck... here's an actress and an actor from the movie Children of Men that has received technical nods.

On to the Ooogle...
Not only does he save the Britons from the Saxons with Keira Knightley at his side... Clive Owens is saving the entire human race in Children of Men. So... who needs some savin'???
Of course in the movie he has the lovely and beautiful (and redheaded) Julianna Moore. Recently she's been in some not too popular flicks, but she is one helluva an actress in my mind.

Of course, since I mentioned Keira, I had to show her... you know... for me...Not my most favorite look... but hey... it's Monday... so it works.

Finally... today is Christina Ricci's birthday... and she surely is super in my book!She's now 27. Oh how time flies when your smitten with Casper's best friend.

Have a good week!

.:*:.

UPDATE on Papi Chulo Bear: Billing information has been sent to UPS. Check site later for updated shipment status or contact shipper for more details.

Now keep in mind... there is apparently a storm system over California that they expect to bring snow on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. It is considered the first "real" storm with potential for city snowfall. Will Papi Chulo Bear make it through Kentucky in time for Wednesday? Will there be another weather delay? Let's see what happens...

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 14

2007-02-11T00:15:00.000-05:00

Did you see me glow? I'm still filled with gamma radiation from my little scan yesterday morning. Even though it was quite an obnoxious experience I know your all dying to hear about, today is Smorgashboard Sunday and it is time to offer you the best morsels of the past week in my blogosphere...

The Superbowl was once again broiling with controversy. As Joe The Troll points out, it wasn't the actual NFL or their hired entertainment... it was one of their paying sponsors that created the biggest buzz. Personally I was all for the Doritos commercial.
Gary from Warped came up with a bunch of fun facts. More proof Minnesotians are crazy... and this has nothing to do with electing Jesse "The Body" Ventura as Governor. At least he isn't the Governator...
I've always felt sleep is overrated, and it seems that Avitable agrees with me. With the exception of the dance video, great minds think alike. Scary.
The Madam of Blog Whores did a post with more than just pimping us out... it turns out she likes the "good boys". Heh. If she's an example of Mid-Western tastes, I don't have a shot in hell in Kansas.
I was never one of the "popular" kids in high school even though I worked out and threw shotput with the defensive squad of the football team. Miss Misery is having a similar experience. There was only one picture of me in my yearbook... the homeroom one. Go figure.
Mistress Yoda has found why we never hear about illegal Canucks crossing the border. Pretty funny, eh?
Need a new sexy hair do? Girl Dislocated has the answer to the sexiest hair imaginable. Come to think of it, I spend alot of time where she does... does that mean I have sexy hair too?
Certifiable Princess has developed a dislike for cattiness. Personally, I'm all for the drama, which may be why I'd rather surf the 'net than watch television.
Billy Boy summed up what this Wednesday will undoubtedly be about. *GAG* Get a room so I don't go into convulsions from the sappiness, k?
Jedi Mind Tricks aren't just for Jedi anymore... they're for Miss Ann too! Pacifism is overrated.
Finally, remember the YouTuber Trixie Pixie Dixie I mentioned last week? It turns out she found me "inspiring", and decided to do a regular blog of her own. So go be nice social people and go say hi... but don't be all nasty and criticize her template or I'll break your fucking legs. She's new, k?

And that my dear friends has been my week in the blogosphere. By the way... believe it or not... partially because of my tirade on Friday, I'll be breaking post 500 sometime this week. Unless of course I mutate into a puddle of gook.

Oh, and the bear at the top... he's begun his journey to The Steff. I love tracking packages sent via 'net... hopefully he won't get delayed in Louisville or take the long way like last time.

Why I Get Up In The Morning

2007-02-10T05:35:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling alot better this morning as compared to yesterday... but that really just means I'm feeling blah instead of aaarrrrgggghhhh. I'm actually swallowing the nuke pill this morning because I moved my appointment since my shifts got all screwy... so maybe I won't be feeling blah for much longer.

So how did I spend my night you might be wondering? Well working of course... but this being Friday night/Saturday morning, I actually worked on a truck. My normal partner KC was out sick... so I ended up working with The Steff and The Donkey. She drove, and I made him sit in the back... for a few reasons but mostly because, shit, I didn't want to spend the night in the back with nothing to see.

I love driving around and seeing stuff. I'm such a people watcher. I find it WAY too interesting... but that's a different story. This story is about Bobby. A little background though... now while most people think a motor vehicle accident is a motor vehicle accident, we have classifications. There's the MVA property only (no need for us), the MVA with injuries (most likely All-State-Itis but occasionally a truely hurt person), the MVA roll over (where your wheels are most likely not on the asphalt where they belong), the MVA with entrapment (doors don't open and the occupants are trapped in the vehicle... likelihood of injury is high), and finally the MVA pin job (where part of your car has been physically pushed against you and effectively "pinning" you in the car).

So at around 2:00am the pin job came over on the Long Island Expressway. I was looking for blood... and here was my chance. The Steff weaved us to where the job was supposed to be in under 2 minutes. There was a Sanitation truck right where the accident was supposed to be. We got out and while looking at the front end of a car wedged underneath the truck, the driver told us that the accident was actually behind us. Of course, we were about half a mile ahead so we had to flip around. While doing so, we came neck to neck with one of the other units. The fucking race was on... and they were sucking her diesel fumes. I was proud. Really, I was.

When we pulled up, there were two cars into the middle divider. One had a smashed front end... and one was missing its front end. Bingo. Fire Suppression had already dropped a flare pattern, so The Steff tossed us into the safe zone ahead of the accident and we walked back. The first car we came to, the one with the front end, was unoccupied. The second car we came to, the one without the front end, was also unoccupied... but there was an elderly man standing next to it.

This was Bobby. He was the driver who miraculously was not pinned in the vehicle. 911 calls rarely come over right anyway... so this wasn't too surprising. After a brief conversation about aches, pains, and complaints (I won't bore you with the dialogue) it was agreed upon that he would go to the hospital. We immobilized him, rapid takedown style, and got him over to the ambulance. He had a minor cut on his hand which I bandaged, we vitalized him, and proceeded to go through the assessment.

I'm not going to bore you with all the details... but here's the bottom line... he was driving home from work when he got rear-ended and pushed into the truck. Most likely by a drunk driver or a street racer. He had very little wrong with him historically, a little high blood pressure and some diabetes that was diet controlled.

Here's where I found him HIGHLY interesting. He works for a tabloid newspaper here in the City. Most of you have probably heard of it, it is a Daily and it spreads the News. He has worked there for... 43 (forty-three) years. Yes. Forty-Three years. I asked him if he loved what he did... since I found it astonishing that he would work for them for that long. His reply, "I love the people who benefit from what I do. That's enough." I was pretty wowed by that statement. Normally someone either loves their job or considers it the method of putting food on the table. Never do they say they do it because they love someone else.

He really was an interesting guy. We had more conversation... he's a Yankee fan, has a son who lives in Westchester, has a wife of over 35 years, and likes to go fishing. His attitude, considering he was wrapped in a collar and strapped to a hard ass plastic board, was really pretty great all things considered... but it was that statement that made me really think.

In truth there are a lot of people who benefit from what I do. Those are the people that matter. Not the people who see fit to criticize how I do it. Its true... I'm pretty unorthodox in my methods and with each day more people consider me to be outdated and perhaps antiquated... but that's okay. The job needs to get done or people suffer. I get the job done. I make it happen.

No one can tell me otherwise and have it be true.

Tomorrow... a special Smorgashboard Sunday... it'll be a glow in the dark edition as I radiate gamma rays all Hulk style and shit.

The Definition of Ambient Stupidity

2007-02-09T19:12:00.000-05:00

Apparently there is confusion regarding my choice of words for my previous revelation. I will now explain it a little bit further.

Main Entry: ambient
Function: noun
1 : an encompassing atmosphere

Main Entry: stupid
Function: noun
: a stupid person

Normally I use the term ambient stupidity to describe someone who has been encompassed from all sound reasoning by their stupidity. In the case of being ambiently stupid I am all encompassed in my own stupidity.

All I will say further on the matter for now is thankfully I get to work a truck tonight. I need to rock some traumas, maybe get into the middle of a good stabbing, and get this tension out of the system.

No place has ever given me what I need except death, pain, and misery... but thankfully that's what I thrive on.

I Am An Ambiently Stupid Person

2007-02-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

I am an ambiently stupid person.

That is all.

Finally Friday...

2007-02-09T00:19:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest... I'm fighting to stay awake until my normal 3:00am bedtime so that I can get back on schedule. The changed shifts this past week has thrown my body out of sync. I felt blah before... but now I'm blah and cold. Yeah... the weather is catching up to me.

I never used to have this issue. In fact, most winters I would work in short sleeves throughout with maybe a sweatshirt for the zero degree nights. This winter... well I've been wearing sweatshirts since December even though it wasn't so cold on the nights I worked. It must be a sign of aging. Oh well.

So as I mentioned previously I got nominated for the Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards (RFS). A quick look over at the site tells me I'm gonna get railed by the Fab family again... unless you my most beloved harem go and save me from the humiliation. In fact, while your there... vote like this...

1) Satan for Most Romantic Male Blogger
2) Beauty and the Beer for Most Romantic Female Blogger
3) Miss Ann Thrope for the Blogger Who Swears More Than Seven Times
4) Pointless Drivel for the Blogger Most Likely To Blog On The Toilet
5) Pile of Dog Bones for Sweetheart of the Blogging World (that's me!)
6) Stupid Human Tricks for the Blogger Most Likely To Quit in 185 Days
7) IT2M for the Happiest Place On Earth (really... it is)
8) Avitable for the Blogger Most Likely To Get A Handshake For Valentine's Day
9) Fuck 101. 'Nuff Said.
10) Miss Britt for Blogger of the Month

Yeah... vote like that... you can even copy and paste it if you want. I live to serve. For the record though, Avitable will get more than a handshake from his cell mate when he's arrested for stalking Britt, Satan wines and dines Beer all the time, I don't count Mr. CFP as still blogging because a post a week does not a blogger make, Mr. Fab does more than just blog on the toilet and Fuck 101 knows this firsthand, and finally... I curse WAY more than Miss Ann does... and she knows it too. She knows other stuff too but as usual... she's torturing me 'cause she's jealous that I can craft the word fuck into a grammatically correct 15 word sentence 8 times.

It's tough being me. Really.

.:*:.

So for those of you with no clue about the social events calendar in the place they call the real world, next week is *GAG* Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day. I just do. Oh sure, its going to be a usual Valentine's Day for me... Pudding and Blinky get the Godiva, Christine will get her dozen yellow roses, The Steff will get her Vermont Teddy Bear and probably yellow roses too since I really feel the need to piss Donkey off and I didn't get a picture of us while I was wearing my "I Taught Your Girlfriend That Thing You Like" sweatshirt to give to him. It's a standard Valentine's Day with one small minor exception. It is also Wednesday... which means it will be Cereal Wednesday.

Now I already know the cereal I'm doing since I recreated the list... but I want to do something with a pop to celebrate the day. Should we get a guest for it? If so... then who? Should we call Miss Ann so she can ask me off cereal questions again? Maybe we should take it on the road? It's something I've been thinking about... but then I got to thinking about reverse engineering and stuff and now... well... I'm looking for opinions and ideas. So if you have one... now's the time to share it.

I live to serve.

It's Thursday And I Got Four Words For Ya...

2007-02-08T01:05:00.000-05:00

So today is once again Thursday. It is that lovely day where I take all the things that have pissed me off, gotten on my nerves, crawled under my skin, and screeched the chalkboard with their fingernails... and I tell them, "Hey, I got four words for ya... Fuck Off And Die!" While it may seem juvenile to some... it's a helluva lot cheaper (and safer for me) than therapy.

However before we go onto the tirade... and understand that's exactly what this is especially since I am not working my usual shift but am on an overnight... I need to point out that I have been nominated for an award. Yes, that's right, little old me has been nominated over at the RFS Blog Awards. Now my loyal harem will remember when I first tried to get myself written in over there on their last round for Porn King '06. Afterall... I do give ya'll Ooogle Monday every Monday... but I lost to the Lemur Pimp Mr. Fab. To be honest, I was more miffed over the fact that they wouldn't count my write-in campaign than the actual loss. Add to the fact that awards mean... well... jack shit to me... it really wasn't a big deal. So imagine my surprise when I received the comment that I had been nominated this round!

It turns out that my most beloved blogger thought I would conquer all in the category of... yeah, I almost choked to be honest... Sweetheart of the Blogging World. Yeah... I kid you not. At first I really thought that there had been some heavy duty gourmet oregano usage on her part... but after awhile I can kinda dig it. I mean, c'mon, how many Sweethearts do you know that every Thursday have four words for ya? Right... very few. Now I'll be honest here... my competition is very, very tough. I'm up against another Fab, a Kept Woman, the Organizer Herself, and of course they had to throw in the ONLY other blogger who probably has Four Words for Y'All... and not just on Thursdays. Yeah. I'm definitely the underdog. I'll talk more about this tomorrow with my picks for the other categories, unless I have something else important to say, but I just want it out there that yeah, I got nominated... so keep me in mind.

Now on to be therapized...

To my dear animal rights activists who protested Groundhog's Day... FOAD. Those Groundhogs have THE LIFE! They really do. So for you to protest their "captivity" for "entertainment" purposes, well you really need to get laid and loosen the fuck up. I love me Groundhog's Day and they don't need saving. Why don't you go save the Turkey from Thanksgiving. If any American animal holiday icon needs your help, it's that one.

To the dear little snob bitch at the mall the other day... I will admit my appearance may not be as upscale as some of your other clientèle, seeing as how I actually WORK for a living. I will admit that maybe leaning on the glass counter was not proper etiquette. However, for you to come out of your face and tell me that the watches in that case were "probably" out of my price range was totally un-mother-fucking-called for. Which is exactly why after you pissed me off, I bought two from the other associate working the counter with you. In cash. FOAD dumb stereotyping bitch.

To idiots armed with Nextels... FOAD. It is really simple... I put out a schedule every Friday for the following week. Generally, if I am on the schedule for a 7:00am shift, why would you chirp me at midnight? For those of you who don't use Nextel, if you just press the button and release it without talking it "chirps" the other person so they know you are calling. I hate that. I hate that with a passion. So when you chirp me at midnight, and I'm due in at 7, which means I'm up at 5, is it really wise to then PISS ME OFF MORE by asking me the stupidest question that was already told to you 50 gazillion times? The answer is no. Hence why I am now working your tour... and your not. I hope you like that dip in the paycheck idiot.

Quick shot FOADs to YouTube for not allowing me more than 10 minutes to spew about cereal, BlogExplosion for still not allowing me to do BOTB even though my trouble ticket is 3 weeks old, and to Vermont Teddy Bear who does not allow for scheduled delivery but instead you need to time your order to coincide with the holiday. They are all plotting against me... and no... I'm not paranoid.

Finally, it is time to show some Peace and Love to a brood of nitwits that reside here in the blogosphere. It started this past weekend over at the blogosphere's official Hotbed of Controversy. So there's a new "review site" out there for blogs... called So Many Blogs, So Little Time... and yes I am linking them because I know you're all lazy. It turns out that they basically are another rag-tag group of phonies who copied IT2M in everything from the cartoon avatars, to calling themselves bitches, to literally the IT2M TOS verbatim. Real fucking original. I hate that to begin with, because I find it to be the absolute WORST offense committable by a blogger, which is something I hold over from the writer in me, but whatever. That's not why they are being shown Peace and Love.

So you know... Monday was slow for me... and for whatever reason the rest of the sphere was eerily quiet... so I left a comment. They deleted it. I left another one. Then they deleted the post I left it on. Then they made another post, referencing my comment they had deleted. So I left another comment. They deleted that one too. So I did it again. Finally they came back and tried to get all snarky and bitchy with me. The thing is... it felt mad familiar... and mad old. So I tend to think they researched people who have snarked or bitched at me and probably copied it. So now... what do I hate more than Frosted Flakes? Yep... comment and post deleters. So to the wanna be blog review tyrant whores with the un-original ideas and concepts... Peace and Love...
... and that's Doggy Style baby!!!

Cereal Wednesday

2007-02-07T02:12:00.000-05:00

So it is once again Wednesday... which means it is yet time for another edition of Cereal Wednesday. This edition was especially nightmareful for a few reasons I'll talk abou after the video...

So besides the fact that Grape Nuts caused me some intestinal distress, tasted like crap, and made me gain about 30 pounds from three spoonfuls... the original video I did was 11 minutes and 15 seconds long. Stupid me... YouTube has a 10 minute limit on videos uploaded. So after a failed upload... I needed to re-cut it and re-render it for YouTube acceptance. I could have gone to LiveVideo who would have taken it... but I'm still messing around with how the videos come out on LiveVideo. So I ended up cutting some vogue shots, cutting down the opening, cutting down the ending, but the meat of Cereal Wednesday remained.

So now I need to be up in 3 hours after this debacle... because I actually filmed it Saturday and had it cut Sunday because I knew I had to go to work mad early this morning... but you have Cereal Wednesday. It's all for you. I live to serve. I live to get constipated for 3 days. Really.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling so blah?

Blah

2007-02-06T01:44:00.000-05:00

So I've been feeling kinda crappy lately. Most of the time I'm feeling rundown... and other times I'm hyper as all shit bouncing off the walls. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday morning. I have to swallow a nuclear pill and get my cat scanned.

Alright, so it isn't really my cat, and that's a line we use on CVA patients to explain what's going to happen to them, but its pretty damn close. So I've come to the conclusion my body is breaking down day by day. I know what I need to do about it. Quit smoking. Lose weight. Do more than Ooogle Monday for my exercise routine. Stop being so blah.

On top of the blah, the world is decorated with red hearts. I fucking hate this holiday. I hate it with a passion. Yeah. I suck tonight. If I get inspired maybe I'll post something in the morning.

Ooogle Monday

2007-02-05T03:24:00.000-05:00

So today is the beginning of the blogging week... and it is time to get our weekly heart thumping exercise of a good Ooogle to keep the ticker motivated...The former American Idol and current Supporting Actress Nominee for The Oscars, Jennifer Hudson... while the robe may cover up what we normally Ooogle, there are times when the imagination can work true wonders.So Mark Wahlberg received a nomination for Best Supporting Actor on his role in The Departed... but that to me still does not wipe away the blemish of Planet of the Apes.

So that my dear friends is Ooogle Monday... Ooogle hard and have a good week!

Smorgasboard Sunday The Thirteenth

2007-02-04T04:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to another edition of Smorgashboard Sunday where I give you a random smattering of the past week in my blogosphere. Hopefully this will hold you over until the chips, dip, and crackers hit the TV trays when the Superbowl begins tonight.

JoeFish proved to the world once again that he can predict the fall of an empire... now if only he could pick those Lotto numbers, he'll be okay
HCG tipped all of us bibliophiles on a cool website that tracks books... kinda like Where's George? only this one is for people who can actually read so they may track better
After the Cereal Wednesday "Honey Backlash" I think I'm better just sticking with B and her HNT posts. If your a pet lover, you should think about sponsoring her in the Maryland SPCA Walk
Jade participated in National Wear Red Day... which makes me wonder why the US is so against orange. Its the new pink I tell you
Jane had a serious blanket hog problem
From now on I'm going shopping with only one person... Denise the Bargain Hunter
Miss Britt has joined the StickCam Nation... now if she can do it, well you can too, k?
The word alternative has taken on new meaning for me ever since reading Mr. CFP... apparently flannel is not required. Damn.
The Mistress Yoda had a run-in with a bagel... and people wonder why I get my bagels at the bagel store
Soda was showing off some bedshots of her new hotty... and people said Honey was scandalous. Heh.
Finally, I found this YouTuber Trixie Pixie Dixie. I like her for two reasons. One, she does her videos in Black & White and as a former film major nothing makes us *SWOON* more than well done videos in Black & White. Secondly, even though she's young, she's learned one of the most important rules of this whole blogging/videoblogging phenomenon as evidenced by this video and that makes her wiser beyond her years...

And that my dear friends has been the week in my blogosphere.

Wanna know who I'm picking for the Superbowl? Well that should be obvious... The Bears. Now, that may change when I actually find out who they are playing. Really... I'm all about the commercials and have zero interest in an hour long game that takes 4 hours to play. So yeah... oh and the food... I'm all about wings too. Yeah... I have my priorities straight... I LOVE me some wings. Well, have a good Superbowl...

So It's Saturday...

2007-02-03T07:06:00.000-05:00

... and last night was a full on moon. I am tired as all hell. So here's a video I did over at Live Video where I joined up... and the reason is explained there...

RE: Book of Questions Episode 2

Now one final question... since this is Super Bowl Sunday... what do you think?

Will GoDaddy.com continue as the King of Superbowl Ads or will Budweiser finally pull their heads out of their asses and take back the crown???

While I want to say GoDaddy.com... I'm rooting for Budweiser for no other reason than the whole Bud Bowl Legacy.

It's Groundhog's Day!!!!!!!!

2007-02-02T00:25:00.000-05:00

After a whole year... it's here!!! Finally!!! I LOVE this holiday. Last year I had more of an overview of the day... but I won't repeat myself here. I do however want to put out there my reasons as to why Groundhog's Day is my FAVORITE holiday...

No money needs to be spent
If you don’t get something then feelings aren’t hurt
It involves a cute and cuddly furbuddy… even if he does want to bite your nose off
It is NEVER featured in the Seasonal aisle at CVS or Wal*Mart
It is as innocent a holiday as you will ever find… and innocence is good

So yes... today is my FAVORITE holiday... so you better wish me a Happy Groundhog's Day... or your cut off. Yeah. That's it. No more APODB for you!

Oh... and I so do not want a shadow... with the warm year thus far... the sooner Hurricane Season comes... the better my chances are for a Category 5.

UPDATE: There was NO shadow today!!! Early spring!!! But Blogger still sucks ass b/c it took me 6 hours to log in to do this update.

FOAD Thursday... Dunkin Donuts Take Heed!!!!

2007-02-01T01:08:00.000-05:00

Do you know what day it is? It's Thursday baby! It's time to Fuck Off And Die!
/Axl Rose Impersonation

Rapid fire FOADS:

People who drive in NYC with plates from North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and Florida... your not fooling anyone you inbred mindless twits... we know your drug dealers bringing the rock down south... so FOAD
A resounding FOAD goes out to the Little Twerp that shouldn't have... you've called down the thunder... and I'll be a coming when you least expect it... FOAD in the meantime and save me some energy later on
Another FOAD goes to the now SEASONAL batting cages... WTF? Last year you were open year round... this year no more? Just because its isn't baseball season doesn't mean that no one needs to pound a few balls when Little Twerps start shit for no reason... so FOAD... I'm going to Chelsea
An FOAD goes out to little blonde bimbos who need attitude adjustments... its coming... but FOAD for now
Finally an FOAD goes out to all the "Internet Playas" (IPs) out there... these scum have expanded out from the Evil Empire and are invading places like YouTube now too... FOAD... 'cause I said so

Now... what you have all been waiting for... Peace and Love goes to the Corporate Mongers at Dunkin' Donuts. DD has just come out with the new "White Hot Chocolate". Now I am not a big white chocolate fan... in fact I prefer Special Dark whenever possible... but KC is a fan of it. We happened to notice while at New Guy's DD that there is a fifteen cent price difference between the new White Hot Chocolate and the old Brown Hot Chocolate... the White one being more expensive.

I take this a step further... there are three other DD I frequent... two happen to be in East New York. Now in the one other in Queens (New Guy's is also in Queens) the price difference was only fifteen cents on the really big one. Both Large and Medium had a ten cent difference, but the small had an eight cent difference. In East New York... the small had a fifteen cent difference, the Medium and Large a twenty-one cent difference, and at one DD the XL had a twenty-five cent difference while the other a whopping thirty-cent difference.

What the fuck is the deal with that? Really now... if you want to talk about racism well here it is. Not just because the price difference in the poorer neighborhoods was greater, but because they have placed this price difference on the WHITE hot chocolate. Are they trying to make them pay for the "privilege" of drinking the WHITE one??? What a crock of shit!!! I did ask one of the managers, and all they could tell me was that the price difference was set by the store based on what the corporation charged them. So a DD in a poorer neighborhood gets charged more money for the product so they pass that on to the poorer people??? Oh HELL-FUCKING-OH!!!

What is wrong with Corporate America today I ask you? The problem is that those in charge have NO clue what is going on out there in their businesses. We all know that the White Hot Chocolate is just a different syrup... in fact it should be cheaper because there is no need for food coloring to be added... but no. If its white... it must be "exotic" and therefore more expensive. So to Corporate DD of America... Peace and Love bitches...

... now take your hot chocolate, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up your candy ass!!!

Cereal Wednesday

2007-01-31T01:35:00.000-05:00

So it is once again Cereal Wednesday. I do want to forewarn you... if you have any papooses (aka children) there is 30 seconds of explicit video. Before you say, "Oh why? Why?" think about who you are talking to... right. Exactly.

One other thing that I probably have not made clear enough is that Cereal Wednesday was not my idea. The truth is it came from my favorite blogger in the whole world who has inspired me to such greatness... so it was time to give credit where credit was due...

And that is this week's Cereal Wednesday. I'm still fine tuning the opening and ending sequences with the new software... so hopefully I'll have them fine tuned by next week. Remember... if your a YouTube member... be sure to rate it over at YouTube!!!

I'm becoming such a YouTube Whore.

Scattershot

2007-01-30T00:26:00.000-05:00

Here's a bunch of things I've been wanting to blog about but haven't had the time, energy, or intellect to do so...

Working with me is high stress. Working for me is probably the highest stress imaginable. Yeah... I put a dispatcher into the hospital Friday. The best part? I wasn't even in yet! So that brings my hospitalization total to 7. I have, without physical violence mind you, put 7 people into the hospital. My old quartermaster, the Dark Lord of the Sith, did have quite a few trips at my hands... but I only count him as one 'cause he just has a shitty ticker. So yeah... I've got the power. Hear me rawr!

.:*:.

Saturday night was the OAR concert at the Garden. Now I'll be honest, we knew it wasn't going to be a picnic because of the last show they had there... but it was more like a day on the Island of Misfit Toys compacted into 4 hours and riddled with issues with the Apple and Dog tower elevators. There were two things that made me shake my head... one was the sheer volume of under 18 year olds (fact is, most were 16 or 17) totally intoxicated and the second was the distances these kids came from.

For instance, I met a girl from Saratoga. She was a thin petite little thing with red hair that came down to hover right above her shoulders, and these fucking huge green eyes. She had been crying, having been abandoned by her friends, and the one rule I have is the one I TOTALLY stole from Tom Hanks, "There's no crying at concerts." She refused to give us any info, and of course she asked me my name when it was my turn to interrogate her. So I told her it was Dog, which is what I tell all the kids, and then I crack a joke about that Honolulu Bounty Hunter and how I have a lawsuit pending against him. She smiled, and said "Then you can call me Bitch." Shit. She sounded just like my mom. She looked nothing like my mom, but sounded like it.

Eventually we decided to call her the "Saratoga Racing Bitch". She was an interesting conversation... she had originally passed out, but by the time I got around to her she had pretty much sobered up sitting in the corner. She seemed a very average teenager. She "writes a crapload", she is a "pizza pizza girl"... and apparently her father likes to beat the shit out of her. Right. Well guess who security had called up in Saratoga? Yeah... daddy. He was on his way. Needless to say she was hysterical... and I felt genuine sorrow for her.

I know... people are going to say, "Oh, it was the red hair." or "Oh, it was the green eyes." or "Oh my fucking god! She's only seventeen you fucking pervert!"... but it was none of those things. It was because she said I could call her Bitch. What can I say, I love chicks with 'tude. I almost got her out of going... but dad was already on the way and there was no way of getting a hold of him. As it turned out... I put her into a truck to go to the hospital... after having security take her to look for her friends, and calling their cellphones, and a whole bunch of shit that we wouldn't normally do... and away she went to await her father... or maybe not.

Let's face it... at 17, to travel across the state on a train to see a band takes more than a few brain cells. She was a smart girl, whether she knew it or not. Her parents... well... obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket to allow it. I wouldn't doubt it if she slipped out the back hallway, hopped a subway to a train, then took a plane, and is somewhere drinking Seattle coffee right now. I wouldn't doubt it... but that's not what I hope for.

I like to think that to a large degree her story was just an exaggeration. I like to think that under her bulky clothes there wasn't a mark on her. I like to think that she'll go home and write about Dog the Fat Fuck EMT who sent her to the hospital where she was examined, her father was questioned, and then released sometime Sunday with no proof of the physical harm to give her story credibility. In honest, I like to think she was a liar... because in New York we are mandatory reporters... and if she wasn't lying... then hopefully she's getting the help she needs.

.:*:.

Dunkin' Donuts... that's coming this week... promise.

Ooogle Monday... The Academy Best Edition

2007-01-29T00:12:00.000-05:00

So as a new week dawns upon the blogosphere... I present to you the blood pumping Ooogle Monday pieces of eye candy for your blogging health... this week is an Oscar studded edition...

First up is Leonardo DiCaprio... who was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his role in Blood Diamond.

Finally, the beautiful Kate Winslet... love the red hair... and her Oscar nomination was for Best Actress in Little Children.

And yes... those are my winning picks. Have a good week and blog hard!

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 12

2007-01-28T03:01:00.000-05:00

So today is once again Smorgashboard Sunday... and it is time for a sampling from this past week in my blogosphere... indulge and engorge yourselves...

The mighty coder known as Joefish has formed a little group that will be having a contest on the outcome of the 2007 Academy Awards. Keira Knightley wasn't nominated this year... so the world is safe from my wrath
Chad and his world are eagerly anticipating the same dark ancient setting movie I am. I tend to think that I will still be waiting for the first movie to portray the ancient Roman Coliseum with historical inaccuracy, where the Christians have the home field advantage over the Lions, for a few more years
Janda had a bit of a scare with her mom who is a dialysis patient. Dialysis patients, in my opinion, really get the shit end of the stick... but they are resilient as all hell. That's some good genetics she has
Pass gas much? Miss Misery had a very interesting post about the art of the "fluff". Word of caution... do not come to Taco Bell with me. You will be sorry
Avitable turned 30 this week. That means he's like what, 210 in gorilla years or something? One word... Viagra
NYC Journals has just released a new skin for the ambulances so they have FDNY on them. Now as soon as they have all the OTHER ambulances doing calls around these while they sleep on the corner, then their simulation will be truly lifelike
Sadly, Mr. Fab has rejoined the work force of normal and ordinary people. When will the world learn? The world cannot handle such Fabness without those really thick oven mitts
Got WP? Don't know how to upgrade to WP 2.1? Want Fantastico to do it for you? Dana will tell you how to fool Fantastico into being your upgrade slave. Now if only she would do an instructional on how to make the girl behind the counter at the bagel store as obedient, I'd be groovy
Tabletop Gaming News delivered the inevitable news that GenCon SoCal has been cancelled. Do you care? No, of course not. Do I care? Fuck yeah... 'cause I'm a dork that way
Finally, my most beloved blogger in the whole world, may soon need my professional expertise. Yes, you use frozen peas and yes, little blonde bimbos break when you hit them with Louisevilles. I'll show you if you need peas. Promise

And that... ladies and animals... has been my week in the blogosphere.

.:*:.

Reminder to self- blog about my Saratoga Racing Horse Bitch when awake an not smelling like puke from the OAR concert.

Also how I apparently made one of my dispatchers have a heart malfunction.

Also how the Dunkin Donuts White Hot Chocolate pricing is biased.

Also... oh fuck it. I'll get to everything soon enough.

Self Control Or Getting Old

2007-01-27T05:21:00.000-05:00

It has always been said that the older you get, the wiser you become. The vast majority of my life has seen me as a brash and aggressive individual. This morning, for whatever reason, was different.

The first thing that happened is something that has only happened one other time in my career. Tonight, a patient rapidly descended while being transferred to the stretcher. To make matters worse, said patient had been shot in the head. Guess which ended descended rapidly? Right. Normally I would have lost my mind, pushed the incompetent one out of the way with a boot, and taken it from there. Instead I remained calm, still got them out of the way, and got the job done.

The second thing that happened is something I see too much of and have zero tolerance of. It was, to put it bluntly, disrespect. I wasn't the one disrespected, the person asking for guidance in doing something was disrespected and wrongfully so. The truth is I could understand their confusion because I had created an unusual situation in my actions and to get through it they just needed a little guidance. Under normal circumstances that would have resulted in a physical altercation because I not only find it disrespectful to this person, but to myself as well. It downright pissed me off... but I bit my tongue and withheld myself.

So now I am left pondering what it is that has occurred. Have I matured and developed self-control? Or is it just that I'm getting too old?

It's The Academy, Dear Watson

2007-01-26T01:42:00.000-05:00

So some of you may or may not have realized that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced the nominees for this year's Oscar Awards this past Tuesday.
Now I need to be really honest about this... but I really am not impressed with this years nominees. For whatever reason, this past year seems to have sucked for cinema.

With the possible exception of The Departed, pretty much none of the other movies nominated were real blockbusters either financially or on the news front. This seems to be an increasingly popular academic trend. Last year's Best Picture was Crash, which really only gained financial equitability after the win. Last year also saw the snubbing of Tim Burton for The Corpse Bride in the animated category, and the elevation of Three 6 Mafia to legendary status with their "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" winning for Best Original Song.

One of the things I keep hearing is people complain about the nominations. Mainly because most of these movies have not been seen by the masses, the masses can't believe they would be any good. On the other hand, I generally make it a point to see all the movies the Academy does choose for at least Best Picture either on the big screen or the little.

Here's the thing... the Academy is made up of those who are in the business. Anyone who has a creative career path will tell you that while it may be an honor to receive accolades from your bosses and the public... it means more when it comes from your fellow artisans. It is in a very primitive form validation of your art, and at its most complex it is an acknowledgment of superiority in your field. In general, they know what they are talking about.

There are instances where I freely admit, the Academy members must be seeing stuff I am not seeing. Animation was a sticking point for me last year because I thought The Corpse Bride was by far a better movie, but this year I don't see how Cars can lose and in my opinion rightfully so. Of course if either Happy Feet or Monster House win, well I can understand those too. This isn't the People's Choice Awards though, so I can understand losses.

Unless of course it was Keira Knightley. If she doesn't win... and soon... then I'll be castrating Oscar while the Academy burns.

*SWOON*

FOAD Thursday... The Calamari Edition

2007-01-25T01:50:00.000-05:00

I know today is FOAD Thursday... and I need to be a tyrant, stomp my paws, and spit venom on the masses while telling them to Fuck Off And Die. Unfortunately, I'm feeling pretty good tonight. I got to have some good fried Calamari with some good friends... and so my venom is more like apple sauce. So, sorry if this is short, sweet, and to the point.

To every single ignorant idiot who drives on the Interborough Parkway (now formerly known as the Jackie Robinson Parkway) at 60 miles an hour with ice on the road... yeah... just FOAD... or better yet go 70 without a seatbelt so when you crash into the wall you'll eject yourself and die. Really. Promise.

To all the Chinese take out places... fortune cookies are not a privilege... they are a right. If I order the House Special Lo Mein, ignore the fact that the cat is missing, and get it without fortune cookies, I'm going to be pissed off and rightfully so. You have denied me my lucky numbers. Assholes. FOAD.

Finally... a little Peace and Love that is really on behalf of a friend but it pisses me off more than soggy Frosted Flakes... has to go to home based businesses that promote themselves, take orders, and then leave their customers high and dry. I know from experience the difficulties home based businesses face... in fact I operated three of them. When I shut down my videographing business, I made sure all my clients knew about it and received either the product from my hands or I outsourced, and once at a loss, to another vendor to videotape their weddings/christenings. I didn't have the same problem with my button making business or my "name on a scroll" business... but I still made sure everyone was satisfied. This was my DUTY since they had taken a chance on me as a home based business.

As a consumer it is relatively hard to justify supporting such a business when this seems to be the working modus operandi of so many. What makes it generally worse with businesses such as these is that to promote it, you operate under the guise of a friend. Yes... you will garner support and specifically "make friends" to help your business thrive... and then you will abandon them. Bastards. So in honor of your despicable inability to send a personal e-mail to those who await products you apparently are no longer making... I offer you Peace and Love... original atomic style bitches...
Oh, and if anyone hosts at this service: Hosting WAHMS ... then let me know, 'cause after I disown you for giving them money... I will still take you back and help you find a REAL host when hosting no longer is convenient for them. Oh... and just in case your wondering why I have SO much Peace and Love for them... this used to be their URL: http://mystickalincense.com/blog . Yeah... go see what's there now. Traitor.

Cereal Wednesday

2007-01-24T02:30:00.000-05:00

Is it hump day already? I almost can't believe it... but it must be simply because I have a big old bowl of cereal here which means... yes... another edition of Cereal Wednesday!!! So here ya go...

Okay, so now I have to be really honest... this was by far the hardest Cereal Wednesday I have ever done, and for a few reasons. First, I was expecting a guest and he was a no call/no show. Typical... but whateva.

Then I was using this new software which is chock full of bells and whistles as you may be able to tell by the graphics. In fact, I did the graphics yesterday after playing around with it for a few hours Sunday. The thing is that my home system gets... well... taxed by using it. So not only am I still learning about the trims, fades, and cuts... but the system is moving s-l-o-w.

The best part came when I rendered it. Now my camera shoots the video in Apple's .MOV format. To use Windows MovieMaker I would convert it to a .WMV, import, and edit. I don't need to do that with this at all, which is great. I also got to choose what settings to render it in... so I chose the YouTube recommended settings. Then it came to file formate, but MPEG4 isn't an option as YouTube suggests... so... I rendered it in .MOV. Two hours and 5 GIGS later, I had something unuploadable much less watchable. So then I rendered it again into a .WMV. An hour later... I finally had something uploadable AND watchable.

As for the quality... well other than the effects and graphics there isn't a huge difference in my opinion which kind of disappointed me. I had figured with the higher frame rate per second and the smaller render size the quality would have been a bit sharper. Oh well... I tried it out.

So that is the saga of Cereal Wednesday: Crispix. Enjoy...

To Catch My Dreams

2007-01-23T01:25:00.000-05:00

Most people find it rather odd to believe that I was pretty big into the beliefs of the Native Americans, namely the Sioux, when I was younger. They also find it odd that I have quite a few dreamcatchers where I sleep. I have even gone so far as to make a few myself. While dreamcatchers aren't traditionally attributed to the Sioux... I like the Lakota legend the best out of them all...

Long ago when the world was young, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain and had a vision.

In his vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and teacher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider.

Iktomi spoke to him in a sacred language that only the spiritual leaders of the Lakota could understand.

As he spoke Iktomi, the spider, took the elder's willow hoop which had feathers, horse hair, beads and offerings on it and began to spin a web.

He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life ... and how we begin our lives as infants and we move on to childhood, and then to adulthood. Finally, we go to old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle.

"But," Iktomi said as he continued to spin his web, "in each time of life there are many forces -- some good and some bad. If you listen to the good forces, they will steer you in the right direction. But if you listen to the bad forces, they will hurt you and steer you in the wrong direction."

He continued, "There are many forces and different directions that can help or interfere with the harmony of nature, and also with the great spirit and-all of his wonderful teachings."

All the while the spider spoke, he continued to weave his web starting from the outside and working toward the center.

When Iktomi finished speaking, he gave the Lakota elder the web and said..."See, the web is a perfect circle but there is a hole in the center of the circle."

He said, "Use the web to help yourself and your people to reach your goals and make good use of your people's ideas, dreams and visions.

"If you believe in the great spirit, the web will catch your good ideas -- and the bad ones will go through the hole."

The Lakota elder passed on his vision to his people and now the Sioux Indians use the dream catcher as the web of their life.

So yeah... I've been having some pretty weird dreams lately. The one last night is another reason I still haven't gone to bed. I just get that ominous feeling. I should just call them what they are... nightmares.

I don't know why they've started again. It's only been going on for like a week or so. They're all usually the same... I'm standing on a street corner... people I know pass me by, but no one speaks to me. I try to speak... but no sound comes out. So, of course I panic... and start running around. Somehow I end up in a park. I continue to try to scream but I can't. Here's where it goes wonky. Sometimes someone takes my hand and we sit under a tree and write on a pad. Other times I get pushed from behind, end up on the ground, and get dragged into the street. Still yet... and the more disturbing to me of them all... is that while I scream... the skies darken and it rains... but it doesn't rain water... and I can't breathe. The one last night though was totally different... and I think that's why it freaked me out.

So yeah... my nightmares are making a comeback. I used to have them alot a few years ago. I'd wake up screaming, sweating, and shaking. I know it's gonna sound corny... but Pudding got me a dreamcatcher and I finally got a good night's sleep. They actually stopped for quite awhile. When I wouldn't have the dreamcatcher... oddly enough they would return.

I'm thinking I should add a few more dreamcatchers above my head.

Ooogle Monday

2007-01-22T02:58:00.000-05:00

As the blogging week begins, we here at the APODB believe we should start it off on a good blood pumping note since most of us live a very sedimentary lifestyle. So for your viewing pleasure, and more importantly for your blogging health, I give you Ooogle Monday...
This is Grace Park (aka Boomer/Athena)... being shown here in honor of the return of new episodes of BattleStar Galactica. Now I will be honest... I really was looking forward to watching it last night... but due to a dramatic issue that needed my presence for resolution... I missed it. So therefore... DO NOT TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT... yet...
To continue the honor to BSG... here's a nice pic of Jamie Bamber (aka Apollo). I kept looking for the "space towel" pic of him... but this was the best I could do ladies... I hope it meets your satisfaction.

Have a good week!

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 11

2007-01-21T03:30:00.000-05:00

Well today is once again Sunday... and although the calendar says we are starting a new week, I'll be recapping the past week in my blogosphere...

Sadly it seems that Georgie from Being Five and I share some quality traits
The ambidextrous Avitable has voluntarily added himself to the list of people injured by the Nintendo Wii. Just remember... no pain... no gain
Miss Britt decided to finally come out of the closet. She did it, of all the places to do it, on MySpace
Poor Geeky Dragon Girl was a victim to an exhibitionist 4X4. Truck nuts aren't anything new... but who knew they would be so blue?
On an additional Miss Britt note... this past week was also her birthday. Know who else had a birthday? The Ice Chewing Queen herself... KentuckyGirl!!! In fact, it was the SAME DAY. The universe has a funny way of balancing out...
Monique has had a brush with fame in the form of a real, live, author! I. Am. Jealous.
Denise owes society only $720.60. I'm wondering where the $.60 comes from?
Mistress Yoda has dispensed the absolute best advice to people like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan
Ever wonder where FOAD Thursday started? Well Red Betty finally came clean. Blame her if I trash you and wish your doom upon you. I SO *Pink Puffy Heart* her
Homeland Security nearly neutralized the newest terrorist threat... Lisa. Yeah... Clusterfook says it all about that recounting of a simple trip turned hellish

And that pretty much wrapped up my blogosphere for the past week.

.:*:.

I'm Funny

2007-01-20T07:07:00.000-05:00

So I opened up my mailbox this morning to see that I got a bunch of new subscribers over at YouTube. I'm wondering what the hell is going on that I seem to have garnered so many viewers. Tori answered that over at DIST. I was the "YouTube User of the Day" on a YouTube show called The Skinny. Why was I featured? Well for Cereal Wednesday of course...

Pretty cool huh? Abigdaddyof2 thinks I'm funny. Maybe I should take Cereal Wednesday on the road at comedy clubs. The truth is, the guys who do The Skinny are a helluva lot funnier than I am.

So if your a YouTube User go over to The Skinny and Rate It, Comment On It, and Subscribe To It.

Of course this honor would not be possible without all of you who encourage Cereal Wednesday... especially Miss Ann who inspired it from the beginning... even if it is in focus, but out of context.

In Focus But Out Of Context

2007-01-19T02:01:00.000-05:00

For the first time... in quite awhile... I have a bit to say but not sure how to say it. I really can't consider it the curse of the block that has been dominating my other writing... but perhaps I am trying to find a context to put it in to make it understandable.

Life, like the internet, is full of glimpses and snippets of things that when put together make up the whole. Yet it is hard for us to be able to put these pieces together to form the bigger picture and to be able to see all the things that they have to present to us. We may find someone's words on a blog... but never come across their photo gallery. We may find someone's photos... but never come across their videos. We may find someone's videos... but never come across their poems. We may find someone's poems... but never come across their posts on a forum. We may find their posts on a forum... but never come across their blog.

The Internet, like life, is full of glimpses and snippets of things that when put together make up the whole. It may all be in focus, yet it is out of context.

.:*:.

Now that I've babbled enough... in Pudding news there has been the loss of a relative on her side of the family. Please, don't be offering condolences. Life happens. So does death. This is something I am all too familiar with... but I'll be spending the day tomorrow eating pizza and watching videos with the Wolves. Maybe I'll come out with something more interesting and less cryptic. Eh, maybe not.

FOAD Thursday... The Blooger Edition

2007-01-18T00:04:00.000-05:00

So I got my Diet Coke... I got my chocolate covered raisins... the calendar tells me it's Thursday... and I got that feeling... that someone out there needs to Fuck Off And Die...

It really isn't a big secret, at least to us in the business, that the lifestyle of most law enforcement, fire service, or emergency medical service personnel revolves around long hours sustained by shitty food. Some people make the serious attempt to remain healthy, but ultimately at 4:00am in the morning your options are pretty limited unless you bring food from home. Now I am all for people bringing food from home. I generally stop off at a deli and bring lunch/dinner/breakfast and my soda for the day with me during most months except for summertime. Bringing it from your actual home in tupperware containers and your own utensils is fine too. Really. One small thing though... when you leave, take everything with you. Don't bring your food and then go leaving a used metal fork where it might stab someone else. Don't leave behind your tupperware to grow goddamn penicillin and then have the nerve to COMPLAIN that someone threw that shit out. Oh... and when you complain and talk shit, I highly suggest you do it about someone who won't call you out on it in front of EVERYBODY. Yeah. Tupperware ho, FOAD.

I often wonder about the whole illegal immigrant debate while sitting in food establishments. While last night was tentative plans with The Steff for karaoke and Black & Tans... it turned into 1:00am dinner/breakfast with Christine at a twenty-four hour diner around the way. Now this diner is named after a very PEACHY state... in fact it has a gigantic neon peach on its sign. Therefore, you would expect a certain level of sweetness... maybe even a little southern hospitality. However, this of course is New York and the closest thing to anything southern are the KFC/Taco Bell stores (yes, I call them stores, because they really are not restaurants). Why does this bring the illegal immigrant debate to mind? Well, I am a fickle person while Christine really isn't. My order was clearly in English and made to an English speaking waitress. In fact, she is a citizen who was born and raised not to far from this establishment. Don't ask me why I know these things, I just do. So when I order a chicken kebab deluxe (chicken on a stick w/pita, fries, and Greek salad) and I SPECIFY "no salad, and absolutely NO Feta cheese", I expect... well... no salad and absolutely NO Feta cheese. So when the server comes back with a plate with salad and... yeah... Feta cheese contaminating my chicken, I sent it back. However... I did not send it back with server. When I told her this, she placed the plate down and said, "Well just take it off," and left. So there I am looking at this cheese... smelling this cheese... vomit in my mouth about to come out... when sure as shit the little illegal came, took my plate, and five minutes later brought me a new one that was Feta free. I kid you not. Hell, if we in America can't serve our own kind... maybe we do need the illegals. So FOAD lazy ass waitress bitch.

Do you burn candles? I do. In fact, I burn quite a few various sizes. I've always liked jar candles, tea lights, and votives. I do also burn pillars but I have a hard team keeping them from self-destructing at some point or another. Now one of the things I do with my candles is a light them using one of those Multi-Purpose Lighters from Zippo. I also have a collection of Zippo lighters (I can even read the stamp on the bottom), so having a Zippo MPL is only natural. In fact, I have one for lighting candles and one with my emergency response gear just in case. I also only buy Zippo fluid or Zippo butane. It may be a few cents more... but my lighters are worth it. So when I go to the store, and I specifically say, "Zippo butane can"... that means I want the butane made by Zippo. Simple right? So why does every single smoke shop/drug store/convenience store clerk feel the need to try and sell me mutha-fucking Ronson? Are they getting kickbacks or something? So to the Duane Reade employee (yeah, I've been avoiding CVS... better let things cool down a bit since last weeks incident) who shoved the Ronson butane fuel in the bag, which I admit I didn't double check, and then charge me for the Zippo fuel which is a dollar more... well FOAD. Not only do you not listen, but then you can't even ring the shit up right.

While pigs, waitresses and clerks are topping my FOAD list this week, we also can't forget the drivers who cut me off on the Interborough again (different drivers, same road), the newest Dunkin' Donuts addition (they have shitty retention... I wonder why?) who fucked up my FVIC, and the idiots who have to be told repeatedly how to do their jobs day, after day, after day. I mean how hard is it to go somewhere, pick someone up, and then drop them off somewhere else? FOAD idiots... just FOAD.

Finally... Peace and Love this week goes out to Blooger. Anyone notice anything different? Yeah... my blog is now on the Blooger Beta mode. This is the reason, if you read me through RSS, I probably puked all over your feed reader. Basically what they've been doing is taking resources away from the Old Blooger... meaning if you didn't switch it was taking a month and a day just to get to your dashboard. Fuckers. So how do you like me now? All beta like and shit? I haven't seen a change on the front, while the backend is still pretty much the same but with rounded buttons as opposed to the squares. I haven't fucked with the template because... well... I know it'll go wonky and break and shit. So thanks Blooger... Peace and Love you bitch whore sons of Google... Peace and Love...

Cereal Wednesday

2007-01-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today is once again Wednesday. Wednesday isn't just any day here at the APODB... it is in fact Cereal Wednesday. Inspired by none other than THE Miss Ann Thrope... the Queen of the Pop-tart Cult... this is the great length I go through to please her...

Now if that isn't love and devotion... then I don't know what is.

Since I know you all will agree with me that Frosted Flakes is horrid... check out this new recipe blog I found. They even have a recipie for homemade Cheezy Poofs. Good stuff I tell you.

Multiple Personality Disorder??? Not Really... But The Noose Tightens

2007-01-16T01:21:00.000-05:00

So a few months back I had mentioned that I was asked by one of my friends if indeed I "blogged". Admittedly, I basically lied to her face (which is something I never did until that moment) and told her no. I would look for the post... but to be honest I'm too damned tired to go cruising through my archives. It's back there though. Really.

I justified my answer in the end with the theory that the person she knows, and the person who write this blog are two different people. Yeah. I basically told myself that because she asked *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* if he has a blog, and he said no, well... that was true. Why? Because this blog is authored by, quite clearly I might add, NYC Watchdog. See... it says that on each and every post. So that was how I justified my answer to her, to myself.

Now the fact that *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* and NYC Watchdog both have the same opinions, the same life experiences, extremely similar friends, and practically the same personality traits is just a coincidence... really. The fact they also wear the same underwear is... well... okay, a little disturbing.

I highly doubt this crisis would be considered having Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). That's something Kat knows more about infinitely better than I do... and from all she's written I really don't qualify. Perhaps it is a mid-life identity crisis? That might explain an awful lot... but since I believe I won't make it to see forty my mid-life was twelve years ago so I am hugely late for it.

To be honest, I don't even see this as a crisis. In fact, I see it rather as enlightenment to my true divinity. Wondering how I can pull this off? See, *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* is the father, NYC Watchdog is the son, and Little Dude In The Red Hat (LDITRH) is the ghost. Heh. This Holy Trinity thing is actually easier than I thought. So who's better than me? Yeah... ok... so the list is long and illustrious.

So now you may be wondering what has brought on this "straight from left field" post about my divinity. Well my little faithful blog readers... the noose has tightened... and the outside world closes in step... by... step. It seems the same person who asked me about the blog has also found my YouTube channel. Yeah... so the big question in her mind is, "What's all the cereal about?" Heh. I never knew Rice Chex could harm me so.

Now most people would be like, "OMFG! DELETE! DELETE! MUST RUN!"... however for whatever unknown circumstance... I am feeling very Zen like... and am at peace with my blog. Now don't think this means that I'm all gushy with Blooger, 'cause even now it's giving me problems. I'm not unhappy with my template... I love my Tangerine Nightmare look. The content is... well... whether I like it or not it is me. Granted it is at times a different side of *INSERT REAL NAME HERE* under the guise of NYC Watchdog, and LDITRH definately gets more action than both of us combined in real life... but in the end it truly is me.

So I have come to the conclusion that if this friend does find it and for whatever reason can't be as understanding and accepting as Christine and The Nick have been about it... then they have truly never understood me, accepted me, or loved me as I have them.

Dark sides and all.

That, my dearest droogies, is the prospect that saddens me the most.

Tomorrow... I'm doing the absolute most hated cereal I have ever tasted... so be sure to be around for another edition of Cereal Wednesday.

Oh... and that tattoo... Avitable did it. He's a tattoo artist too dontcha know?

Ooogle Monday

2007-01-15T00:03:00.000-05:00

So here we are about to start another week in the good old blogosphere. To start the week off right, let's get some blood pumpin' with a little Ooogle Monday...

This is the beautiful Elisha Cuthbert. Yeah... ever since seeing her in The Girl Next Door... I've been enthralled.
This of course is Kiefer Sutherland. The new season of 24 is starting... so you can catch him in all his Jack Bauery goodness. Personally I preferred him in Young Guns... but whatever floats the boat for the ladies is all that matters to me.

.:*:.

So on yesterday's Smorgashboard Sunday, Miss Misery asked if it was a bad thing that she was mentioned. I don't think its a bad thing. Basically all I'm doing is puking out the last week and the items I found of interest on the blogs that I read. The only way to make Smorgashboard Sunday is for me to actually read you. So I would say no, because at least you then know I read you. Now, while I have a biased opinion because it is afterall MY Smorgashboard, what do you guys think? Is it bad when I mention you on Smorgashboard Sunday?

Have a good week!

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition X

2007-01-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

So today is Sunday, and yet another week has gone by in my dear old blogosphere. Here are the highlights from this week...

Kudos has to go to Denise who turned around and scored a perfect 100 on her first test back to school. Scooby snacks for her.
Jeff had a touching tribute to Yvonne De Carlo, who was best known for her role as Lily Munster. However, he points out that she in fact had a career and one helluva set of puppies prior to taking on that role.
As an added motivator to quit smoking, Jane did a post about all the cool things you get with the money you save. Aprons really aren't my thing, but little plastic robots are.
Mistress Yoda has brought Pilot out of hiding. Then she showed a video of him chasing his tail. Phewww. Now... has anyone seen Ted?
Independent confirmation has just been received that California is truly the Island of Misfit Toys as the Ice Chewer herself proves. Now as soon as that tsunami from Japan hits there will be oceanfront property in Nevada. Really. Run Ted. Run.
Virginia has finally been craving meat. I knew the hippy in her was going to convert. Its all about the chez.
CP suffered from an '80s flashback. How I miss the '80s. How I regret not knowing CP in the '80s. Just sayin'.
The secret to geek success in the area of getting laid was revealed by Dawn this week. All we need to do is spend $4.00 a minute in PERSON instead of on the phone. I feel enlightened mentally... and financially.
JoeFish fell in love after witnessing a shocking on the weird/professional side. The things people do to get on television will never cease to amaze me.
Miss Misery caught the tail end of National DeLurking Week. That is until next month when some blogger is scared they are writing for no one and once again declares it National DeLurking Week.
Finally, the biggest news this week, there is a new bitch at IT2M. I love the whole strawberry blonde thing going... and she's bitchy too. Duh-huh.

So that has been my week in the blogosphere. I decided to call this Edition X because unfortunately my asshole of a partner, X, decided it would be smart to go a month without his diabetes medication. So he's spent the last week in the hospital. The fact I only found out last night... well that's a different story. Feel better bro.

The Post That Should Have Happened

2007-01-12T22:28:00.000-05:00

The following is the post that should have happened this morning... but due to Boogle being all fucked up... it never happened.

Watchdog Crushes On... French Vanilla Ice Coffee

Yes, I am a habitual drinker of French Vanilla Ice Coffee (FVIC), light with cream, and with four Splendas. It is in fact the only coffee product I drink. That's right, I don't drink hot coffee. Even in the dead of winter, that large, sweaty, light, creamy, FVIC goes down my gullet like silk. It's true... it's sweeter than chocolate when made right. So I have this huge sweet tooth thing going on and it is just more evident by my choice of frosty beverage.

So how did I start drinking FVIC? It happened during the summer of 2004. I was working 12-16 hour days running a garage, and one of my afternoon clerks called me on her way in one hot afternoon and asked me if I wanted anything from Dunkin' Donuts. I told her I don't drink coffee, and to get me something cold. She said she would just pick me something up that she thought I might like. That, my dear friends, is exactly what she brought me. I haven't strayed from it since.

My day just isn't right without one of these large cups in the holder of my truck as I rock my way to work. Additionally, the cups I get I then use all day long. I'll fill it up with my cans of diet soda... which are usually warm... and I let the ice chill it. An added bonus is that there is a slight hint of vanilla then mixed in with the soda. Yeah... I know... I'm a vanilla freak.

There have been a few people to point out that drinking such a large cup would make me visit the bathroom more frequently than usual. The truth is, I have a killer bladder, and have never found myself going more frequently because of the coffee. I know in theory it's partially a natural diuretic and therefore I should frequent the bathrooms more often... but I don't. I guess I'm lucky that way. I just hope its a sign that I will be Depends free for a long time.

In the end, I love my FVIC. It is my constant companion into the shit at work. It is the drink I last sipped leaving New York in the summer of 2005, and the first drink I drank when I got back into town. In fact, my good friend Squirrel met me at the Parkway exit with it. It is the nectar that soothes my damaged soul. It is the suave on my wounds as I fight the infectious disease known as life. FVIC... I love you...

Blooger Friday.

2007-01-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

Blogger sucks.

I know its free and you get what you pay for and all that other stuff.

Blogger still sucks.

FOAD Thursday... Peace And Love For Everyone

2007-01-11T09:43:00.000-05:00

Hey... wanna know a secret? Well, okay, it really isn't a secret... but did you know that today is Thursday? Yeah... believe it or not it is! Do you know what that means here? No silly... no list of 13 different reasons why I hate Thursday Thirteen... it's FOAD Thursday!!! Let's start spraying the venom then shall we?

First I'd like to send a big old FOAD to the Corporate mongers responsible for selling merchandised goods of items with the logos of the services belonging to the City of New York... they are also known as NYC & CO. It's a Bloomberg thing, this whole trend of selling city logos on baseball hats and t-shirts. It seems the most popular item has become a Department of Sanitation hat... that happens to come already pre-chewed like it got run through a hopper. To me, this is worse than the street vendors selling the tacky t-shirts simply because this is a government agency selling this stuff... and they're purposely making it look like it came from a homeless guy. If your going to sell city goods, at least make them neat and cool... and not chewed the fuck up.

My next FOAD goes to people with temporary resident plates. Bitches, you may have just moved here but that doesn't give you the right to drive like an asshole. Red means stop. Green means go. Colorblind freaks. Just FOAD, k?

Finally I'd like to send some Peace and Love to the girl behind the counter at CVS two nights ago. Now I understand the whole thing about having to check ID for smokes and entering it into the register. I can even understand that my 14 year old picture really does not do my beauty much justice... but if you're going to ask me for a second form of ID and I give you my work ID, well that should be enough. But oh no... you wanted more because one photo has me wearing glasses and the other doesn't. Then when I get pissed and whip out my 13 security passes which are the only photo IDs I have left for her to flip through and take her pick she comes out with this smart ass remark of, "What do you think you are? A rockstar?" Perhaps I shouldn't have replied, "No bitch, if I was a rockstar you'd be sucking my dick instead of selling me smokes," but she pissed me off. So then when she gets all upset and calls security, well WTF was this bitch thinking? This is CVS security we're talking about... not an armored car. These guys stop little teenagers from shoplifting lip gloss... they don't stop nicotine fit enraged men. Needless to say they just stood there and didn't come within 25 feet of me. Finally some sort of manager came from the back and told her to just give me my smokes and let me be. Peace and Love you dumb bitch.

Cereal Wednesday

2007-01-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

So today once again is Cereal Wednesday! Today I am covering my most favorite cereal in the whole entire world!!! I'm sure this will probably shock and amaze you...

So if there is a cereal you want to see here on Cereal Wednesday, just leave a comment so I can remake my list. Thanks.

For The Love Of It...

2007-01-09T01:52:00.000-05:00

One of the things that KC and I passed Friday night was the scene on the Long Island Railroad (LIRR) where purported graffitti artist Ari Kraft met his end at the ripe old age of thirteen. In truth, Kraft wasn't a true graffitti artist in the true sense of artistry. Kraft was a tagger plain and simple. We had the opportunity to see the supposed "art" at around 3:00am when one of the local denizens stumbled into the scene and needed a cab ride to sobriety. Really, what he was being credited with was pretty bland.

There really is not artistry in tagging, in fact true graffitti art has taken a turn for the worst since 1989's Clean Train Movement by the MTA when the murals that once adorned the urban jungle vehicles have been wiped out through a combination of paint free surfaces and better security and enforcement in the train yards of the city where the packs of professional bombers would roam. Perhaps it is because I have more of a taste for the classical graffitti format that made the mundane unique instead of this apparent new rage that can only be compared to classic graffitti in a post-modern form.

No matter which way you do it, if Kraft truly was an artist who supposedly was known "for his graffitti" then he probably had some love for it. In an ironic turn of events his family will now be suing the LIRR for the hole in the fence that lead him onto the tracks. Yes, you read that right. His parents feel the railroad made him do it. The held a gun to Kraft's head, marched him up an embankment, through the hole, forced a can of paint into his hand, and made him technically break the law by vandalizing LIRR property which lead to his demise.

Is it just me, or is that just utterly ridiculous? In fact it is so ridiculous, I am contemplating researching Kraft's shitty tags, photographing them in the community, and then suing his parents for the vandalism and reputation damage he has contributed to graffitti art. Really. Parents who have failed to educate their children in right from wrong will blame anyone but themselves. These parents apparently plan to become rich (considering where they live... richer) off of it. In reality they should mourn their son and try to go on with their lives without thoughts of lawsuits, but in todays society it seems to be the norm to sue anyone we can for our children's missed steps and improve our personal wealth for it.

The worst part of all of this though is not the constant protection afforded to those who fail in raising their children. It is not the lack of respect shown unto the property of others or the continual de-evolution of an art form. The worst part is that one would think that Kraft fancied himself as an artist. The fact his family is using his death for a lawsuit is in fact the selfish prostitution of his life and therefore his art form... an art form he did for the love of it... and for no other apparent reason.

File this under as one more reason why those who can procreate shouldn't necessarily be doing it.

It's Ooogle Monday!!!

2007-01-08T02:27:00.000-05:00

So this is the first Ooogle Monday of the new year. Remember, Ooogling gets the blood pumping and in the end will lead to better health for all you stagnant souls.

Candy is definitely dandy in this pic...

And of course for the ladies... a little Pitt stop to fine tune those engines...

Everybody have a good week!

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 9

2007-01-07T02:53:00.000-05:00

So it seems the pulse of the blogosphere is almost back up to normal levels after the holidays. Here's a recap of this week in my blogosphere:

The great Dance Off over at CP's was a rousing and educational experience of things I would never do. Both Avitable and Mr. Fab danced their asses off... and Avitable was declared the Lord of the Dance
Newsbitch has discovered that the new type of celebrity in a socialized medicine society are surgeouns. Paris ain't got nothing on them when it comes to preferential treatment
Dave discovered that health bars aren't all they are cracked up to be nutrituionally. In fact, I think his discovery has inspired me to start comparing Coke to other products deemed "healthy"
Soda has unveiled a new template for the new year. I am orange with envy
Sadly Luin discovered that evil is spelled IE. If only Microsoft would get it right the first time around
B over at ANO got some new members to the family. I never realized there was a difference between Russian Dwarf Hamsters and American Dwarf Hamsters. Apparently hers drink vodka while the Americans drink Bud
Miss Britt has turned to the dark side. Now it looks like we need more cookies
Mistress Yoda continues with awesome daily quotes and is showing off her portfolio. Personally I want more Pilot
Dawn doesn't just attract the loons at work... but it seems she gets them on that web voice service too. Ringling Bros. should hire her as a recruiter for freaks and maybe they'd fill some seats
Finally, all the breed specific legislation controversy that Virginia started can now be seen on numerous blogs across the sphere, including over at Mark's who thought this week's expression of Peace and Love was hot. I aim, as always, to please. Of course the truth is I'm a pretty shitty shot. It's okay Ralphy, I'll shoot your eye out

That has pretty much been the wrap up of the week in my blogosphere.

Amateurs Do It Better. I Also Got A Girlfriend. WOO-HOO!

2007-01-06T07:15:00.000-05:00

NOTE TO SELF: Be sure to mention at some point in the near future about the price difference of a regular brown hot chocolate vs. the new "white" hot chocolate from Dunkin' Donuts which originally what this was going to be about.

As most of you may notice today is Saturday. Imagine my surprise when I got home this morning after a summer like overnight in The Hills to find some new comments on my FOAD Post. So apparently the blogger known as Paula has seen it and decided to respond with a post of her own. I truly find it one of the better pieces of comedy written this year.

So basically here's what she has to say about me:

I posted about her yesterday, but didn't link cuz I was trying to be nice and all. That's changed. :) Virginia's BIG BAD BOYFRIEND in New York City has now come galumping to the rescue by posting a steaming load of emo dumbfuckery in a pitiful attempt to save his widdle bitches from the studded whips of Evil Writers. Gotta love his many manly ellipses though, doncha? ;)

None of that would be remarkable except for the fact that Virginia and her mewling pack of poodles, who had previously stuck their snoots in the air and gone on about the horrors of my gang of flunkies, are now over at BIG BAD BOYFRIEND'S slurping his ass as he rabidly froths over Looney.

Those dogs are PWNED!

So apparently, Virginia is my girlfriend! Just when was someone going to tell me this? Why have I not received home cooked meals? What about sexual gratification from this relationship? More importantly, where is my cheese and sausage gift box? I will also be taking bets to see how long it is before my Cherry Pie renders her a paraplegic. Checking on the connecting flights from Florida, I'm betting on Monday.

So allow me to clarify a few things from that post:

1) On my use of ellipses, and directly quoted from Wikipedia:

Ellipses- in linguistics refers to any omitted part of speech that is understood; i.e. the omission is intentional. Analogously, in printing and writing, the term refers to the row of three dots (...) or asterisks (* * *) indicating such an intentional omission. This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot.
An ellipsis is sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence (aposiopesis). Ellipses are often used in this manner for internet chat, email, and forum posts.

I have never anywhere claimed the mantle of "professional writer" as the blogger known as PJ did on Virginia's blog. In fact I think those who have read me for awhile understand that my writing here is not truly writing, but rather having a conversation through the keyboard with all of you. Therefore, based on the second paragraph that I bolded from the Wikipedia entry, the periods of ellipsis are in fact used properly and more importantly in the proper setting. Jealousy over my extensive understanding of the English language in both the offline and online worlds will get you nowhere. Neither will using 1980 style smilicons.

2) On my FOAD post being a "steaming load of emo dumbfuckery" I will once again turn to Wikipedia:

Emo (music), a music style previously known as "emotional hardcore" or "emocore"
Emo (slang), a slang term used to describe a wide range of fashion styles and attitudes somewhat affiliated with emo music.

I really do not understand why people would prove their ignorance by just using labels currently in fashion. There is a long history behind Emo, longer than most people would understand. The truth is that the word started as a term to describe the Washington D.C. music scene in the 1980's. Unfortunately I am not from Washington D.C. nor have I ever considered myself someone who is Emo. The truth is, generally I would be classified under the genre of Hard Core Rap. While I know it may be hard to believe but the two constant themes I persist the most are physical harm (Hard Core attribute) and using the middle finger associated with the word fuck (Gangster Rap attribute to be exact). This cross breeding does in fact label me as Hard Core Rap. Perhaps if my blog was dressed in flannel then I would be considered Grunge Core Rap which, ultimately, is what I myself believe I would be labeled. This of course is only true if you are someone who believes in labels. I myself do not and therefore would not label the blogger who accused me of this to be a Golden Oldies Fogey.

3) Finally in reference to the "ass slurping", well the fact is that I am for all intense purposes a very acquired taste. Those who read me and comment a statement of opposition are more than free to do so. In fact I generally invite it. I do not delete comments or moderate them but I will stop bashing from my commenters onto another commenter for their view. The simple reason is that this blog is about me. This is not about my commenters, like it or not. I am a self-absorbed bitch that way.

By now everyone is pretty tired of reading this but I still have to address a few more minor points.

My statement on Virginia's blog that PJ was unreadable is in reference to her poorly designed template. The bright white with the large thin font and her inept use of italics and non-use of blockquotes made this post into a wavy mess. Therefore it was rendered unreadable, not that I would read it anyway. I would recommend some designers, but since she does not know what PWNED means and did not even think of Googling (which by the way means using the search engine called Google(a search engine allows you to find things out through research)) it, I think she is better off with the VCR Owner's Manual so the clock stops flashing.
Joe The Troll posted an excellent article dealing with the very subject that sparked this debate. He also left a comment wondering, I think, about the timing issue. The funny thing about it is that my post has been up since 1:00am Thursday morning, in fact I forgot to change the date and time since I started drafting it Wednesday afternoon. Believe it or not it was not ALL about the goings on regarding that issue. There are a lot of things that get under my skin and generally Thursday is my day to air my grievances about them. What you may also notice is that comments, including your own, happened 36 hours after my original post. This is actually something I've been debating with someone else, regarding comments and being on a horrible platform like Blogger that doesn't send you comment update e-mails. As for the whole thing about being on the receiving end and seeing much worse than this, I agree. At least as far as seeing it but that's usually because I'm the one dishing it out.
To Don who also posted a comment, well I disagree about the ass kissing. While I may be all for the dick sucking (especially from my newfound girlfriend with the hot boots) it really isn't my preference. Unfortunately my resident regulator, Denise, is taking care of some business but I am sure she'll be here smacking me around next week sometime. Just so you know, I am against breed banning, the assault rifle ban, the seatbelt laws, the helmet laws, the trans-fat ban, and pretty much anything else that will contribute to the government dictating lifestyle to us and elongating a life span of the ambiently stupid. Which also is why I am all for the legalization of Marijuana, euthanasia, and the Do Not Resuscitate home kit. However, I try not to be political here so that's pretty much the political dose of the month.

Finally, and I do mean it this time, I apologize from the diversion to my regular readers. I also apologize for the tone of this post. It was done intentionally so that pompous windbag "professional writers" understand it. They should also understand that if they are indeed "professional writers" then it is no wonder that publishing companies and magazines are turning to the non-professionals. The truth as they have proved thoroughly is that amateurs do it better. We do it with heart. In fact it is a pink fluffy one.

We will return to a conversationalist tone once again tomorrow. Points of ellipses and all....

The Good Vs. Evil... And Stuff Inbetween

2007-01-05T00:47:00.000-05:00

So I need to be honest... I still am in that FOAD state of mind. In fact, I'm brushing off redoing The Steff's resume until I calm down a bit because I'd end up writing something like, "And if you want references, suck my dick." While it in fact may be pretty hilarious to see the look on her perspective employers face... nevermind the fact that she doesn't actually have a dick... I don't think that'll get her the job. So instead here I am... still in that FOAD state of mind.

So I figured while in this state of mind I would mention a new project I have that is currently developing. Some of you may remember my years of youth with Black Hearts Inc. that I mentioned in this post. So it has always been one of my contentions that team blogs like IT2M and the former BR4W... aside from being able to use a number in their abbreviated names... often provide readers with a better experience due to diversity. In fact, it became a focal point for an hour in a 4 hour conversation with someone I met on the 'Net.

Now the person I am speaking of I really can't mention by name because... well... he isn't sure what he's going to call himself yet. So for now let's call him Mr. Z. So I actually met Mr. Z back in 2004 when I was first getting back online in a forum I used to frequent. Mr. Z and I have certain things in common about our personal lives and for the last 2+ years have spoken about a number of different subjects aside from our commonalities.

So one of the conversations was about diversity in dating. He contended that he could only date one girl at a time, having nothing to do with looks, but with just the fact that he couldn't see himself being able to enjoy the experience of many women. I on the other hand disagreed, and said that diversity makes everything better. So one of the examples I used was a Team Blog. Needless to say it turned into an hour long discussion about why Team Blogs are better than single person blogs especially since at one point he also had a blog but had fallen into despair because he felt he was talking to himself.

So last month Mr. Z brought up the whole team blog thing again and we started talking about how, what, where, we could do it and what it would be. After a few weeks of kicking around ideas we decided to indeed launch a site called... Black Hearts Inc. Now while he's the one to explain what the site is about... well I'll tell you the way I view it.

It's evil.

Pure unadulterated evil.

Yeah, that's it. Now don't go getting all bent out of shape... I'm not sacrificing virgins or having inter-species relations (I'm saving all that for somewhere else)... but it's basically where we choose to be evil. You're probably asking yourself, "Choose? Huh?" If you are... then obviously you don't read blog taglines because mine has been the same since day one.

So since virgins and animal sex have been knocked off the list, you're probably wondering what kind of evil will be there. Well... I know I'll be doing some videos, probably some stories about the things that have burnt me, probably some poems (stop snickering fuckface), and hopefully some cool pics. I don't know what Mr. Z plans... well... okay... I do to a degree. Anything else, I have no idea simply because, well, we don't know who else is going to want to join it. That's actually what we came to the conclusion of this morning at 5am, that we will would allow other people to contribute as well. So instead of trying to develop a Team Blog, somehow its becoming a Community Blog.

I honestly don't know how well it'll work... but its something I'm working on. Originally we had thought we might be ready to launch on January 1... but in reality we set the new date for January 14 with a decisive reason in mind. We'll basically be bashing Single Awareness Day that will be in February so we wanted to start it off with a bang... and what bangs louder or harder than the sound of broken hearts?

Even if it crashes and burns... well I think it'll be interesting to see how it develops. We're experimenting with a few different things to make it unique as compared to everything else out there... and yes... one of those things would be a forum section.

So while I'm developing this project, don't think things are changing here because they really aren't... but I won't be doing ANY linking between the two... because lets face it... Google is not my friend. So if you want to see it... remove the spaces and add a com at the end of Black Hearts Inc.

FOAD Thursday... The First Dose Of Peace And Love For 2007

2007-01-03T16:05:00.000-05:00

Today is the first Thursday of the new year. So with that comes the first FOAD Thursday of '07!!! Let's start dishing it out then, shall we???

If you didn't answer, "Yes we muthafuckin' shall!!!!", then FOAD. We're rollin' hardcore up in here today and if you don't like that I got two words for ya... SUCK IT!!!

Let's start the New Year right with a big FOAD to Dunkin' Donuts. Now one of the things I got this past Christmas was a gift card for my beloved large French Vanilla ice coffee, light with cream, and four Splendas. Now even though the store sold the cards during the holiday season... they apparently do no accept them. To do so requires a credit card machine... and this store owner has opted not to invest in one. So to Dunkin' Donuts, for either not making credit card machines and the acceptance of their gift card a requirement for franchisement or for not enforcing such a regulation, well just fuck off and die.

My next FOAD goes to that little bastard who happens to be married to my best friend and decided to give me Oliver Stone's newest release starring Nicholas Cage on DVD. I shall not name said movie and while I know its not the gift but the thought, well that little prick can FOAD.

My next FOAD goes to the videomakers at YouTube who advertise their video as one thing, and in reality it is something totally different. You know the ones... they advertise Britney Spears tonguing down Lindsay Lohan but in reality its a PETA Infomercial. That's false fucking advertising you asshats... so FOAD.

My next FOAD goes to the "new owners" of BlogExplosion. Oh fucking hello? Is anyone home there anymore? I seriously think the site has been abandoned by its owners/admins for that idiotic Lonely Blogger site. Why do I say this? It has been over 3 months since the front page message has changed! The "new owners" have remained in the background, and lord knows whatever happened to the "Lewis & Melissa" show. BE is officially and totally in the shitter people... and its all their fault. So to the super secret "new owners" of BE... FOAD. In fact, FOAD twice for not accepting three of my awesome banners and not wishing us a Happy New Year. Bitches.

Finally... I need to show some Peace and Love. It was inspired by this post and then the ensuing comments just proved that inbreeding in America happens with bipeds too. See, the whole post is basically about how Pit Bulls maul children. Now I will be the first one to say that ANY DOG that mauls a child should be shot between the eyes in Doggy Town Square and their owners should be held responsible because somehow they were neglectful unless the kid basically pounced on the dog in its own house or something... which still begs the question how the kid got into the house but wtfeva.

The post to be honest is not really the part that bothers me so much. Sure, its uneducated. Sure, its assumptive. Sure, its slanted. For all of these things, the most the poster deserves is to be dropped into a pen with 10 half starved Shitzus for half an hour to see exactly why its all those things. However, it was really the commenters that annoyed the piss out of me. Okay, really it was the ASS KISSING (I would say COCK SUCKING, but unless she's gonna grow a penis like CP dreams of then that's not entirely possibe) of the commenters. In fact, they kissed SO much ASS that after my love Virginia posted an entry contrary to her post... this fuckface asshat went over to her blog and left a little bit of a nastyass comment saying her "...attitude is for shit..."

Oh. Hell. Fucking. No.

You want a shitty attitude? You want a shitty attitude shoved down your gullet? I'LL GIVE YA A SHITTY ATTITUDE YOU COCKROACH EATING MAGGOT PUSSWAD! Here's a newsflash: There are fifty-two (52... in case you can't read numbers you inbred) different breeds that can be attributed to dog attack fatalities worldwide. I STRESS worldwide because the attack highlighted in the original post, whether the poster was smart enough to figure it out or not, happened in merry old England. Drug dealers and dog fighters breed aggression into Pit Bulls, the same way the Germans did into German Shepards and Dobermans. Akitas and Rottweillers are the new drug dealer dog of choice, and in roughly 10 years time there will be more breed specific legislation about them just like today its about Pit Bulls and German Shepards for most of the 20th Century. Fuck, the continent of Australia banned Shepards from their land mass! Does this mean they are not good dogs?

Go tell the blind people who have Shepards as seeing eye dogs that they aren't good dogs and need to be banned. Go tell the Search and Rescue Teams that use Shepards that they suck and need to be banned. Go tell the K-9 police units that Shepards are overly aggressive dogs and need to be banned. They'll laugh at you as I laugh at you now. Why?

Simple really... a dog is as good as its owner and its bloodline. During my mission through Saint Bernard Parish over a year ago, we were literally surrounded by a pack of dogs that had been abandoned by their owners. Rabid little animals, they were all sorts of dog including Labs, Shitzus, Terriers, one obnoxious Chihuahua and yes, a few Beagles. There must have been twenty (20) of them ready to maul us alive after spending 3+ weeks without food or water fed to them by their owners... and what was our saving grace? Two American Pit Bull Terriers who's part of the mission for us was protection. The owners were deputies in a neighboring parish that used them for just this reason. So yes, asshat, they do have other uses and if you were in our situation you would have been plenty happy to have them.

Are there bad dogs out there? Sure. They become that because of a variety of factors, such as their owners and how they are bred. You are a prime example of inbreeding gone bad, so why do you think it would be any different for any other species on the planet? Oh... shit... 'cause your inbred.

So to the Inbred Looney... I give you Peace and Love...

...Oh and please Looney... come and play... I'll be ya huckleberry...

Cereal Wednesday

2007-01-03T01:15:00.000-05:00

Today gives us another edition of Cereal Wednesday. To start off the new year of 2007 right... we chose a "healthy" cereal, Kellogs' Raisin Bran...

Oh, and if you haven't seen the dance contest yet... well what are you waiting for? The summer tour? Hehehehehehehe.

Tagged Already In 2007

2007-01-02T04:51:00.000-05:00

So I got tagged by my #1 blog love... so of course I am obligated to do it. Your supposed to answer them in the comments, and try not to skip any of the questions... but I'll understand if you do.

Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

Am I loveable?

How long have you known me?

When and how did you first find my blog?

What was your first impression?

Do you still think that way about me now?

If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?

What makes me happy?

What makes me sad?

What song reminds you of me (title and artist is preferable)?

If you could give me anything what would it be?

Do you consider me a friend?

How often do you visit my blog?

Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?

Would you make a move on me? (Me... not the cartoon little guy up top. He gets enough ass.)

Describe me in one word.

Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day? (If I do... what's your number... because obviously you answered affirmatively to question #15 and therefore I would like to afford you the opportunity to do so)

What do you like most about me/my blog?

What do you dislike most about me/my blog?

Now I won't be tagging anyone because... well... if you want to do it then feel free but I'm not shoving anything down your gullets.

State of the APODB

2007-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

My Fellow Bloggers and Readers,

As you gather here, without a doubt, I am somewhere else. Whether it be dredging the gutters for the drunks, looking down at a photo through tear stained eyes, or sleeping under the delusions of exhaustion, the fact is I am somewhere while you are here. Do not despair, for I will be returning shortly, at the very latest in time for the First Cereal Wednesday of 2007.

As we look forward to a new year we are entering it not just as Bloggers and Blog Readers. We are entering it as Time's People Of The Year. On the auspicious tailcoats of this honor it is up to us to prove that we will live up to such an honor. We here at the APODB will be doing our patriotic blogging part.

So for the year 2007, in an effort to prove the importance of the web revolution, I present you with the Official APODB Agenda:

Sundays- Smorgashboard Sunday: The Official Recap of Personal Blogs in my Bloglines
Mondays- Ooogle Monday : The best T&A this side of BlogExplosion
Tuesdays- OPEN: This will be an OPEN day where any OPEN topic may be covered
Wednesdays- Cereal Wednesday: Covering cereal for all breakfast eaters and treasure seekers
Thursdays- FOAD Thursday: It'll be Fuck Off And Die time every Thursday for all those who mistakenly pissed in my corn flakes thinking I'm a nice guy... heh... fools
Fridays- OPEN: This will be an OPEN day where any OPEN topic may be covered
Saturdays- OPEN: This will be an OPEN day where any OPEN topic may be covered

As you can see, the Agenda while full is also flexible. Some of you may be wondering what kernels of wisdom you will be able to discern from on those days. Here is just a small inkling of some items you will see appearing during the year:

The Official APODB Orange Afghan On ___________
The Search For Jimmy Hoffa
Readings from the Book of Aces and Eights
Amateurs Do It Better
The Adventures Of LDITRH At _________________
Watchdog Crushes On _______________

As you can see, we here at the APODB are taking this year in the spotlight very seriously. As you can tell from the choice of topics, it will be a very light-hearted year indeed. Of course, these are not the only matters we generally talk about here. There is indeed moodiness involved here, similar to the economy with its ups and lows. Will this be a roller coaster of a time? While stability is something most world leaders seek... I prefer Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to Its A Small World... so the agenda is always subject to change.

Additionally there will be some news announced sometime this week or next. While it is my intention that it will not affect things here at APODB... only time will tell just how consuming it actually will be.

When all is said and done... I say one thing to all of you my fellow blogizens to carry with you into this new year... blog it all, and let Technorati sort it out.

A Healthy and Happy 2007 to all of you.

And all that cal my little droogies, all that cal.

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 8

2006-12-31T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today is not only the last Smorgashboard of 2006... but it is the last DAY of 2006. Tonight 3.5 tons of confetti will be falling all over the Crossroads of the World. Oh where has this year gone? An even better question is where have the bloggers gone? This week was really pretty quiet in my sphere. Yet I did find a few gems from the hardcore bloggers out there...

Dave found the trailer for Fantastic Four 2 that is due out this summer. He even has some stills and one of his trademark cool Lil' Dave Toons getting all Herald of Galactus on us
That hawtty Red Betty showed off her too cool Hello Kitty Coffee Maker. She even made some goals inspired by my own... personally I'm all about #5... 'cause she rawks me that way
The lists continued with Miss Ann's instructional on the top 10 things that piss her off about bloggers... unfortunately anyhoo is no longer on the list... but she still rawks my world
Robin *COUGH* sorry... Mistress Yoda had a year in review. Personally I'm all about her contemplation on being *COUGH* I mean contemplation about the word SLUT
It's because of posts like this that makes me thankful for KG... validity that I am not the only person who has a shitload of nothing even if she is an ice chewing freak
Frankie is in the middle of crash-coursing all her skills just so she can stick people with needles and put garden hose segments down their throat... also known as getting an EMT-I certification. Thank god I gave mine up three years ago... I'd have to do all that crap again too in 3 months
Phil thinks he lost his blogjo... someone should e-mail him that it's from a lack of a comments section that his blogjo has fled 'cause I am way too fucking lazy to do so
SubwayBlogger highlighted the establishment of a new Subway Riding Record... if you've never ridden the NYC Subway then you can't fathom the accomplishment in riding it all in 24 hours, 54 minutes and 3 seconds on one single fare
The New Year will also see the very first "dance off" between bloggers. Somehow CP got Avi and Mr. Fab to agree to a video dance off to see... of all things... who would really give her the best blowjob. Don't ask... just read. Personally I think Avi has the advantage here... but Fab may pull it out. It will probably take a serious Silence of the Lambs version to be the winner. You can't make this stuff up folks. Really

So those were pretty much the highlights of this last week of 2006 in my blogosphere.

There's also some good news and bad news... bad news is I'm working a little over a triple today. The good news is for 16 of those hours I'll be surfing around somewhat... so this probably isn't the last you've heard of me for today. I know... more bad news... oh well.

The Loves Of 2006

2006-12-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

Love. For the most part in 2006 the sensation eluded me. It isn't that I don't love... or that I'm not loved back in varying degrees. Its more of a lack of a cuddle buddy that I have been severely lacking. I know, there's nothing like a good bed post thumping fuck... but afterwards... well its nice to be able to hold onto someone or be held by someone as a reminder that no matter what lurks in the shadows, they will be there to hold the flashlight. Go on, say it, I'm such a bitch. It's okay. I'm used to it.

I did have a relationship somewhat going with Izzy at the outset of the year. As with pretty much all matters that touch my heart, it crashed and burned in grand fashion. Surprisingly, considering my history, I walked away pretty much unscathed from it. Probably because of the lack of cuddling that brought the demise on in the first place or perhaps a level of emotional detachment where attachment had been made impossible.

Most people, when denied the touch and affections we all genetically crave in one form or another, tend to become angry and disgruntled people. I should know... I technically am one. Surprisingly though, looking back on this past year, I seem to have mellowed. Yeah... its true. There really is no explanation for this. In fact it all should be just the opposite. I should be polarized and ostensibly kept at arms length. I should be, in the immortal words of X, a grumpy tubby bitch.

There is only one possible reason why I am not ready to eat small animals and children for breakfast... and that would be Blog Love. Am I sounding corny yet? STFU. So anyway, let's face it, the interaction out here does more than stimulate intellectual thought and conversation. I also think it can simulate something like a cuddle... especially when you can relate to someone through their blog, and they yours.

So for the final Top Ten list of 2006... I give you my blog loves of the year...

10) Lisa always has these unique posts that you have to re-read. You're not re-reading them because they make no sense... you're re-reading them because everytime you do, there is another hidden truth revealed about the nature of being one of us... you know... humans.

9) Unlike most of the strange men who love her, I love Dawn not for her hawt body or ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol with little to no loss of equilibrium. I have to love her for her creativity and outlook on things that go on around her... because it makes me laugh my ass off at the stupidity she puts up with everyday. The fact she hasn't gone postal just proves there are angels on earth.

8) Yes, Virginia, I love you too. Even though I can't comment on your blog and it irregularly pukes all over my bloglines... well that's okay because I love you. Your strong sense of conviction to your beliefs, no matter how unpopular they are, endears me that way. I also have to love your photos, because people who can see with more than what their eyes see are few and far between and that is a gift you definitely possess.

7) Throughout my business I rarely work alone. I can only say that some of my FOAD success has to go to Jane, my partner in FOADing everyone who pisses in our cornflakes. It takes a certain person to be able to roll with me that way, and not everyone can stomach it... but she takes it all in with stride. Oh, and the weeks I'm not feeling it, well she blasts them better than I do so there is never a shortage of FOADing. Did I mention she is sweeter than a cherry pie? No? Well she is... and no... you can't have none.

6) Because I'm freaky, Mistress Yoda is a must. Excitement, adventure, she seeks not these things. Yet they find her anyway. She imparts the wisdom of the ages, provides thought provoking ideas, and best of all is she's a criminal at heart. She also has that gift for seeing more than her eyes show her... and inspires me to become better with that clinky little thing I call a camera.

5) I love toughies, and Denise is as tough as they come. She's not afraid to bitch slap me when I need it... and even though I could duck it by the time it reaches me because her DSL acts like dial-up, I kinda like it when she does. She's hardcore to the bone but... like the cherry ontop... she has a soft side. She has such a big heart... and no matter how many times it gets ripped out and trounced on... she keeps loving. That's resiliency if ever there was any... and I love that because it makes me want to be the same way.

4) While I'm a sucker for a redhead I'm a bigger sucker for people who create beauty out of nothing. That's why an artisan like Red Betty has me swooning. What converts the *SWOON* into a *PINK PUFFY HEART* is the fact that she is not only refreshingly honest about herself... but whether anyone realizes it or not we're very much alike in music taste, food taste, and situational living complexities. I have nothing but love for her and all that she does.

3) I've always had a thing for salt of the earth type people and southerners with their big poofy dresses... so I guess when you put a redneck in southern California... you get my ideal woman in Kentucky Gurl. Besides being a mutt of the most down to earth and sexy regions of the United States, she has the quirkiness that can usually only be found in SoHo. If it wasn't for the ice chewing, I could totally curl up on her feet and live a content life. So yeah... I have a Tedipuss complex.

2) One of my most endearing and long blog loves has been Monique. I've been reading her since before pretty much everyone else. She's endearing and cute and totally the girl you bring home to mom... and she's brimming with a passion that if you don't look close enough you'll surely miss.

1) If you haven't guessed it by now... you are a stupid asshat. My number one blog love would be Miss Ann Thrope. Snark? Check. Wit? Check. Common sense? Check. A moral fiber for honesty (brutally when necessary) running from her very core to her dainty lady like typing fingers? Check. She has it all both in the blogosphere and outside of it. I more than pink puffy heart this woman... it's more like red throbbing heart her. It's true... she rawks my blogosphere. If for some reason you're shocked or something... well you've obviously not seen my official APODB Orange Afghan... which I can cuddle with all night long.

Oh... and before anyone goes running to T and says, "Oh look, Dog no love you no more!"... well of course I love her... but... well... she stopped blogging.

Saddam Hussein Is Dead

2006-12-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

So it appears that Saddam Hussein has indeed been executed as reported at 10:11pm EDT. His execution happened a little before 6:00am Iraqi time, or 10:00pm EDT.

This is as reported by Iraqi television station Al-Hurra, which just so happens to be backed by the US.

The Reaper has him now.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Drama Friday... Or Things Not To Do In 2007

2006-12-29T03:41:00.000-05:00

So today is traditionally Drama Friday... or maybe not.

First and foremost however I would like to alert you to a current attempt to break the Class B NYC Subway Riding Record. Rapid Transit Challenge has an update blog on the attempt by 5 New Yorkers to break the current record of 26 hours, 21 minutes, and 8 seconds. Their attempt differs from the one this past summer in that they will be stopping at each and every station instead of just riding through it. I have to give these guys props on the attempt... simply because riding the subway can be a hellish experience on just a regular daily commute as SubwayBlogger shows time and time again. Best of luck to them!

.:*:.

So here is a list I did of Things Not To Do In 2006. I didn't do TOO bad with the list. I didn't crash an ambulance this year (yet) and I didn't quit my job... so I figured I would do the same thing for 2007 since I seem to do better with the list of things NOT to do as opposed to the lists of things TO do...

10) I will NOT allow my EMT card to laps- Meaning I need to sign up for a January refresher after I blew off the November one

9) I will NOT crash an ambulance- Maybe we can make it two years in a row! Woo-hoo!

8) I will NOT drink Jack and Coke in copious amounts

7) I will NOT have as great expectations when Hurricane Season rolls around, lest I be disappointed as I was this year

6) I will NOT allow myself to fall into a depressive state so as to require medication or therapy

5) I will NOT spend money I do not have anymore

4) I will NOT bring violence home with me- I only broke two lamps this year (and they were pretty shitty lamps at that)... so I'm definately getting better

3) I will NOT concern myself with things beyond my control

2) I will NOT torture myself about things done/not done in the past, but rather work towards a better future

1) I will NOT be posting about anymore drama... at least until I can do it right

Yeah... you read number 1 right. No more drama. I know this endangers my self-crowned title of the King of all Drama... but to be honest I have some good reasons behind this. Besides the fact that most people don't know the difference between The Steff and The Nick, Pudding and Christine, or Mel and the Ooompa Loompas... well I just think that it is probably better served being read by those I know to be reading it.

See... the fight Christine and I had before Christmas was about a few things I had written here over this past year. Surprisingly, or not, it wasn't anything written about her that was troublesome. Now you're probably wondering why she should care what I write about other people... but the truth is she is a very good friend... and being such a good friend she accused me of something that I vehemently deny. In fact, I still deny it to this very moment... even though I know deep down... she is right.

To try and resolve these issues I have, normally, I would blog about them. However, in light of her astute awareness of the truth behind my denials that was garnered from this very place, I really can't do it here. Not for fear of her... but if I am as transparent in it as she has made me feel... well out here in the open is not the right place to be transparent. This place is searchable to anyone who has a clue on how to find things... and while I like to think that those who will see through the denials aren't as 'Net savvy as I am... I'm sure that to a certain degree they're better than I give them credit for.

So there will not be anymore drama here... but you should know that the drama will be alive and well. In fact it has found a nice home in a journal I keep at the side of my bed. Perhaps one day my demons will be exorcised of it, or perhaps I will shirk the mantle of embarrassment from it, or even better... maybe I'll be able to make private posts where only a select few will be able to read it. Until then... the real life drama as it unfolds will not be seen here anymore.

Let the celebration begin.

FOAD Thursday... The Final 2006 FOAD

2006-12-28T09:36:00.000-05:00

Because the New Year is coming... and honestly it seems to be coming with a whimper compared to last year... it's also traditionally the time for lists. So this is my list of the top 10 people/things that needed to FOAD this year...

10) My neighbor and his fucked up cemented yard need to FOAD. If so much as an inch of water comes into the basement in 2007 I will be losing my mind. Promise.

9) Human Resouces... what an oxy-moron that is... for amongst other things including the memo in this post... ya'll need to FOAD.

8) Kevin Federline needs to FOAD. This idiot just does. Hopefully John Cena will kill him at New Years Revolution and save the rest of us from his ambient stupidity.

7) Half-assed bloggers who start half a dozen blogs and can't keep up like this blogger right here. You may recall her from this post. Not surprisingly, that blog she was so "defensive" about hasn't seen an update since August. Blogs are in a way children... and bloggers like parents... just because you can have one, or two, or three, or 67 doesn't necessarily mean that you should.

6) The religous zealots that feel the need to shove their beliefs down the throats of everyone around them. Just FOAD. This is a standing order you asshats.

5) My dense boss. 'Nuff said.

4) The United States Congress needs to FOAD. By banning online poker they have effectively crushed me dreams of being able to win the World Series of Poker. Bastards.

3) The new Blogger. Yes... just FOAD already. I don't want to go to your new system because it will undoubtedly fuck up my already shitty template. Stop trying to force these new things down my gullet. I know it is only a matter of time before I get forced over anyway... but I can hope the new version FOADs before then... can't I?

2) Blog Spammers like the moron highlighted in this FOAD. Blog Spammers all need to FOAD with their offers of Viagra, weight loss, and worst of all Link Xchange. If you made your shit interesting people would link to you. If you just want to get the word out... there are other ways to do that including making REAL comments on other blogs and doing the whole traffic exchange thing on sites like BE and BM. Blog Spammers truly need to FOAD.

1) The number one FOAD this year needs to go out to... the guys and gals at Dunkin Donuts who fuck up my shit on a daily basis. No, really, I am sick and tired of getting the wrong thing in a cup. I am weary of verbalizing the same order every single morning. I am fed up with the constant fucking up and have decided they all need to either do the right thing, or FOAD.

Cereal Wednesday

2006-12-27T02:30:00.000-05:00

Today is another edition of Cereal Wednesday. This is however a very special edition since I ran my first live Cereal Wednesday contest with a very special guest...

So let me know what you thought... and make sure you tell her how wonderful she is or she's gonna be mad at me and I'm gonna be in trouble...

Top 10 Things To Do In 2007

2006-12-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

There is a lot of relief in knowing that this holiday is over. One of the things that kills me about it is that the prep time is roughly about 3 months or so... and it lasts only 24 hours of which maybe 20 minutes is quality time. To know that it is over... well its a big relief.

Now the next big thing coming is New Years. There have been a few things going on in my life that have made me reassess where I stand and will undoubtedly affect me come the New Year... because well... shit has to change. So here are the Top 10 Things To Do In 2007:

10) Quite Smoking- Yeah... I'm going to try quitting again. I know I've failed this pretty miserable in the past... but this year gave me that little extra motivation.

9) Lose Weight- Yeah... same thing as above. My two hospital stays however have reminded me that yes, I am not only a mortal being, but I am an overweight one at that.

8) Become less aggressive and angry- Yeah... right... I'll probably be able to do that when the Pope gives up celibacy and gets some without paying for it... but hey... it's something I should try to do.

7) Work less and live more- Another pipe dream for those who truly know me... but it's worth a shot.

6) Take more pictures- I'm going to take more pictures. Along with that I'm going to work on my graphic skills... or what I should say is try to get some graphic skills.

5) I'm going to New Hampshire- I need to go see my aunt. She's at that age where I know the phone call is going to come that she's passed away. She's seen my son once... so he'll need to take the ride with me. On one hand I dread it... and the other I look forward to it. I just wish she still lived at the lake. It would make life a lot easier.

4) Make peace with God- It'll be going on 6 years since we've "spoken" other than my occasional "fuck you" comments. Maybe its time to let the past be the past. Even God's need to be forgiven... right?

3) Make peace with myself- Before I can make peace with Him... I need to make peace with me. I know... I need to be forgiven too.

2) Go on vacation- I need to go on a real legit vacation... one that doesn't include disaster MREs. Just take a week and go away somewhere far and exotic... like Ohio. I'm all about the coasters @ Cedar Point baby.

1) Finish my book- Yeah... I said this last year and look at the shit that has happened. I did make some headway, but nowhere near where I should be with it. I need to finish this book... to finish it and call it finished... so I can move on.

Those are the things that I want to do. I happened to look at my Top 10 Things To Do In 2006 list from last year... and sadly quite a few of them are the same. However, in keeping with number 8 both Officer Crumb and Louis are off the list. See... I'm making strides already!

Ooogle Monday... The Ho Ho Ho Edition

2006-12-25T11:19:00.000-05:00

So for the past month you've all been seeing my little elves in the header. Well... here they are for your viewing pleasure on Ooogle Monday...Pretty cute aren't they? Of course... I need something for the ladies to look at too...

Have a Merry Monday...

Bah... Oh What The Hell...

2006-12-24T15:32:00.000-05:00

Have a Merry Christmas!

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition Inebtriated

2006-12-24T02:09:00.000-05:00

So yeah... I am feeling pretty good right now... possible due to the copious amounts of alchohol I indulged tonight purely by accident. This is one of those moments where I should just be going to bed,.. but fuck it. Normally I do The Smorgashboard during the course of the week by saving posts in bloglines and saving drafts. Due to the emotional distress I experienced this week I never drafted anything... but I do know what's been going on in my blogosphere...

Annie made her debut at IT2M. Her reviews were not only witty and charming... but totally with the season.
Panther Girl has discovered the origins of those screaming kids from the BMW commercial. Of course... those little shits are capitalizing on their fame.
Geeky Dragon Girl mentioned one of my all time favorite games as a possible movie storyline. I actually got that game for Christmas one year... freaky huh?
Miss Misery did a nice little FOAD this week... where she expunges the myth that all school librarians are benevelont creatures.
Miss Britt made an interesting post about why she blogs. Personally... I think I have inspired the future leader of the enslaved world... but then again who am I... besides being the future leader of the rebellion of an enslaved world that is?
The Queen of all things Music (yeah... fuck you Fab... your already the King of Pr0n) had a very involved post about... music. While I think Eddie Vedder hit plenty of high notes... well she is obviously very well versed on the subject.
Red discovered that there are thieves on the Internet. It could always be worse dariling... it could have been on a real site and been taken seriously as someone else's.
The results from Mr. CFP's poll are in. Bottom line... men like pussies. No matter what they look like.
Finally... a dear friend was lost. I'm not sure what's worse... the fact this happened or the fact I feel worse about it than the passing of my own grandmother. Grandma always was a bit of a bitch.

That my friends will include this edition of the Smorgashboard Sunday. As I have previously mentioned... I have put this together while inebriated... so nothing will open in a new window until I have sobered up and can paste the _blank targets in the URL's. Deal with it.

This Is A Private Post

2006-12-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

This Is A Private Post. If you cannot see it either log in or just accept the fact that you are one of the "special people".

Yeah... I know... this is Blogger and they don't do private posts. Save your laughter for someone who doesn't have a clue... like yourself, k? My point is... if I could do private posts... this would be one of them.

Why? Because tonight is a two year anniversary of something that changed my life. I knew last year I wasn't going to share it. I thought maybe this year I would... but then changed my mind.

I guess there are certain things I am still not ready to do.

Here's a video you can watch for kicks though...

We'll be Smorgashboarding as usual tomorrow.

Some Final Letters from the Big Fat Man...

2006-12-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

A final few letters from the mailbag of the Big Fat Man...

The letter Santa received-

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,
Susan

The response Santa sent-

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa

The letter Santa received-

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

The response Santa sent-

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa,

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.

Long Dong Claus,

And now for the grand finale... this is the letter Santa received-

Dear Tubby Bitch,

Remember back in the 80's when I asked for a radio control car and you got me fucking Micromachines? You fat fucker. Time for some retribution. This year I would like two things.

First I want my assets unfrozen by the fucking courts from the credit card my ex-wife put me in debt for. As you may know I get paid electronically so for the last two weeks I have been without one fucking penny to my name... which also means said ex-wife is not getting the child support she needs and is starting some shit which will only get worse because while I have gifts for 4 out of the 5 kids, Blinky's Slushee machine had eluded me until this week. Unfortunately of course I was unable to liberate said Slushee machine from the retailers due to the frozen account. You need to resolve this with that magical little wiggling nose of yours so my fucking holiday does not go down as the absolute worse ever.

Second I want you to run my ex-wife over with the reindeer and leave grandma the fuck alone you drunk driving asshat.

If for some reason you are unable to deliver on these two items... you're done. I will go to the ends of the universe to beat your plump fat ass into a bloody mess with my second most favoritest gift I have ever gotten... my Uncle Louisville. Kabeesh?

Peace and Love,

The Puppy Monster

The response Santa sent-

Dear Puppy Monster,

I'd be careful about calling other people tubby if I were you bub. You ain't no slim thang ya know?

As for the assets, take your ass over to the bank with the Uncle and you should be able to get your money. I got a friend in the biz who pushed your release through. Consider that payback for the micro-machines. If not... use Uncle... and then tell Bubba that I got him what he wanted... a nice tight-ass cracker for breakfast.

As for that second bit with grandma, why don't you buy her some damn glasses so she knows where she's walking? It clearly states Deer Xing and yet every year her old bag of bones is on the path. How about this, next time don't fall in love with someone who's going to rip your heart out of your chest, shit down your throat, and lift your wallet at the same time? Oh, and yeah, that includes your current latent crush you fucking moron.

If you'd ever wise up I might take you on as my own ambassador of Peace and Love. I like your style and could use it at the homes of the leaders of those third world countries wanting stupid shit like food or a toilet. I'm tired of wearing the red... orange is the new red dontcha know?

Peace to your crew and your grandma too,

Satan

Yeah... so maybe there really is a Santa Claus...

FOAD Thursday... The Simple Edition

2006-12-21T01:04:00.000-05:00

I decided to make this week's FOAD very simple...

Yeah... it hasn't been a good week.

Thank god the new year is coming.

It better be a fucking better one.

Cereal Wednesday: Froot Loops

2006-12-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

Today is Cereal Wednesday... let's get a little Loopy shall we???

If anyone has a problem with watching the video, let me know. Thanks.

Answering The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit's Mail

2006-12-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered what happens to all those letters addressed to the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit? Well believe it or not the US Postal Service deliver those letters to North Pole, Alaska. Letters with return addresses actually get responded to with an authentic North Pole Postmark.

Once a very long time ago I had to do some community service for some not so cheerful things. My community service included composing letters from the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit. We got the letters, read them, and then responded on official letterhead. All those letters were packaged up and sent to the North Pole, Alaska post office for the post mark before being delivered to the houses. It really is interesting how one can be whored out by the criminal justice system as a youth.

However, if I was the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit, I would be more careful with where I got my elven workers from. Below are a few examples of my community goodness on behalf of the Big Fat Man In The Red Suit...

The letter Santa received-

Deer Santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy

The response Santa gave-

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

The letter Santa received-

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah

The response Santa gave-

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

Isn't community service grand??? More letters tomorrow.

Haunted

2006-12-19T01:23:00.000-05:00

So I stayed home from work yesterday. My stomach was in an uproar. It could have been a stomach bug. I want to think it was a stomach bug. I do have a doctor's appointment with the health registry next week. They're insisting I come in because of this year's seemingly mounting health issues. Maybe I should ask them about my stomach.

I tend to think though its stress related which is made worse by my recent lack of sleep. Even though it isn't Friday, the dramatic truth is Christine and I got into a huge fight Saturday... and ever since then I've been nauseous and jittery. We're actually a little early for our annual fight, but I think she might have instigated it on purpose to avoid last years fiasco with her husband. So because she instigated it I refuse to apologize... even though the more I think about it, the more it eats at me, and the more it makes me stay awake at night because she is probably right. This is what seems to be haunting me lately. I'll work it out on my own terms... eventually.

On top of everything else the New Years schedule came out. Since 1997-98 I have rung in the New Year either working on a truck or at one of the city's many special events. This year, while I knew I would be spending the day pressing enter on a keyboard, I fully expected to be on a truck or knee deep in overdoses at the stroke of midnight. I learned today that at midnight, I will in fact not be working. Most people would say that it is a wonderful thing, but of course that's not how I feel. Like many others I prefer to spend New Year's with my one true love... the Mistresses of Pain and Misery have always been there for me when no one else was, so it always seemed right to spend New Years with them. Now I don't know what I'm going to do this year... or for that matter the next.

One additional note... I added this SNAP feature to the blog. Basically any link you hover over it should give you a preview of the link in a little window. I don't know how people like it... I thought it was kind of cool. Let me know what you think... because if its too annoying I'll wack it off.

When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business?

2006-12-18T14:48:00.000-05:00

Due to being named Time's Person of the Year, its neverending calendar of engagements, and being home with a stomach flu, the multi-day post I had been planning is all right here... so just When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business? Read on to find out...

So I found an interesting post last week on the topic of When Is A Blog Too Personal? over at The Intuitive Life Business Blog. Does it seem that reading TILBB is a little out of place for me? Well yeah... it is. Of course it was spurred on with a phone conversation I had with Miss Ann.

It has always been my contention that females dominate the blogosphere. Most blogthings are female oriented, most pre-made designs are female oriented, and most comment sections seem to be female dominated. She said she had read somewhere that in reality, the blogosphere is dominated by male bloggers. In fact, while I found no hard statistics, I did find a number of posts about how female bloggers are trying to garner attention... so I tend to think that there is indeed truth to that statement.

So I decided to try and find my lost brethern... the male blogger. Oh sure there are quite a few like Avitable, Billy, Dave and Rocky to name a few, that I do indeed read and as far as I can tell are all men. Yet for whatever reason I get the constant feeling that for every 1 male blog there are around 6 female bloggers out there. Now I assure you, I am not complaining about this fact. However, as Miss Ann pointed out, it isn't so much the sex of the blogger but rather the TYPE of blogs that we read which would lead me to this erroneous conclusion.

So I searched out some other blogs to see who exactly is writing them. TILBB is one of those blogs I found, and the blogger is in fact a male. In fact there is a plethora of blogs out there authored by men! I bet you're wondering why I never noticed them before, aren't you?

Probably because watching paint dry is more exciting than reading these blogs. Really. I kid you not. For whatever reason the vast majority of them bore me to tears. Their designs are so... bland. They seem so sterile and stuffy its almost surreal to know that such things could exist in this colorful flamboyant world. As for the content, well the tech blogs can be kind of cool... but they talk about things I will probably not be able to get my hands on for years, if at all. Hell, I'm still waiting to get my Segway. Political blogs generally bore me because all they are is the same old propaganda in a new format. The news blogs, well I do read Gothamist... but I haven't found anything else anywhere near as interesting or well written. Blogs written by advertising people, businesses, or even some writer's are generally always trying to sell you something in each and every post. If I wanna buy it, I will. No need to shove it down my throat every single post.

So what blogs do I read? Well... I read the personal ones of course. As anti-social as I may be, well I think it is basic human instinct to require interaction with other people. The internet is a great place for people like me... we can socialize when we want and when we don't we press the off button.

I know I've drawn the ire of some people before because I am pro-forums and they seem so 1990, but a forum like Did I Say That? to me is like a virtual bar without the bill in the end. You go and have access to a whole bunch of people. Conversations fly left and right... and generally everyone knows your name. Hell, I got a shitload of cool holiday cards from everyone over at DIST. It is now safe to say my forum friends outnumber my real life ones.

Want a more personal interaction like a quiet dinner at home? Enter the personal blog. They speak their mind, you speak yours in comments, and move on. Of course in a way personal blogs are also like speed dating because there are other people having that quiet dinner with the blogger... but that to me is a great way to find other people to have dinner with. Generally, all the people you visit are like-minded with you in one way or another. Sure you may have differing opinions on some things, but for the most part you would find yourself in agreement. There are those who you may visit specifically because you are not like minded and enjoy the power of debate, but that's an entirely different story.

What drives the personal blogger is that they indeed have something to say. Sure there are times what they are saying is driven by what's happening in the world around them, but usually it involves the world they are actually in that everyone else tends to overlook. Let's face it, the current news outlets cover the major stories that THEY deem as important. Do they ask us what we think is important? Nope. Does this mean that what we think is important isn't important to anyone else on the planet? Nope. Chances are someone else cares about the exact same thing... and it provides an opportunity to get to know someone you may not have known in any other way a little bit better.

In my FOAD Post from last week, the lovely Miss Britt commented that I explained the best reason why we as personal bloggers blog. I think she means these two lines:

We put ourselves out there to meet like minded people who we find interesting and can relate to. We do it because we have something to say.

How else would someone who lives in New York City truly get to know a Kentucky bred Californian lip gloss addict, a future "Crazy old dog lady" from West Virginia, a Massachusetts hot latina, a future journalist in merry old England, or a woman of the world with more common sense in her pinky than most people have in their entire bodies? It is through the personal blogs that we get to know others better and become not only more educated about them but their ideas as well.

It is the part about having something to say that made me transform the question that When Is A Blog Too Personal? asked to When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business?

We've all seen the AdSense ads. We've seen some sort of ad agency named Performancing. There is PayPerPost and ReviewMe, the services that will pay bloggers for their posts or videos. Most recently we have seen the monetizing of RSS Feeds. We have seen all of this, on personal blogs. In the past it really hasn't bothered me, until I read the article at TILBB. If there is a problem with personal posts on business blogs, and the potential that you will lose a client because of these personal posts, then it has to be vice-versa with personal blogs losing readers because of the blatant advertising, right?

In literally breaking news, PayPerPost now requires their bloggers to disclose the sponshorship of a paid post. I wonder if their decision has anything to do with the discovery and backlash Sony has faced with their phony blog which they just recently closed down.? This is because of the nature of the blogs that they created... personalized marketing tools trying to appeal to people as other people when in reality they are corporations. Both of these actions are noteworthy in the type of backlash it has caused... because it is only a matter of time before this same backlash reaches out and smacks the Personal Blogger who has decided to shirk their personal posting in favor of product placement or ads in every nook and cranny.

What I find to be more horrid are the personal bloggers who will respond to a post like this with, "Well its my blog and I'll make money off of it if I want to!" type of attitude. Sure, it is your blog and you can do with it as you please, but you are also transparent in your insincerity of blogging for yourself or your readers, whichever one you claim to blog for. It has to be one or the other because otherwise you would not be a personal blogger. Which then makes you a professional blogger and as you can see from the other article, you'll be losing money if you keep up with the personal posts. Quite the quagmire you've just found yourself in isn't it? Face the fact... your personal blog has become too much about business and making money, and maybe you can save yourself. It is no longer whatever you originally intended it to be but what you make of it is still in your hands. No matter which way you go, you're either alienating readers, advertisers, or yourself. The choice, like your blog, is yours.

Here's the thing about personal blog readers. We're a fickle bunch. We put it out there in either our own blogs or your comments... and to a degree those we read need to as well... or we stop reading. You can place 900 ads on your blog, but if no one is reading them the advertisers will not be paying you. In fact, they will not be paying any personal blogger after a period of time where there is little to no return. I tend to think that period in time will be in about 2 years or so. That's just a guess based on none other than Time's Person of the Year announcement. Money and attention will be poured into us for the next year and a half but then reality will set in with the numbers. It's another dotcom bubble... one that will probably burst when those advertising dollars go to the stuffy and sterile professionally established in the blogosphere... or to social networking sites like MySpace and FaceBook.

When that does happen... and tumbleweeds blow through personal blogs inundated with worthless ads like ghost towns of the wild west... there will still be personal bloggers just like there are still personal websites today. We'll have lived through the "blogger boom" to tell about it in stories to our readers... who because we did not sell our souls, colorful templates or flamboyancy to become stuffy, sterile, or professional for a dollar that will undoubtedly drop in value at some point so you will still need another job... will continue to read us simply because we are who we claim to be. I have dibs on Obnoxious New York City EMT.

Ooogle Monday... The 25 Peeps Edition

2006-12-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

So you've all heard of 25 Peeps right? This is where people can literally whore themselves with sexy pics and get people to go to their blogs. So I decided since some people are willing to do anything for a hit... well I'm gonna be the pimp... so here's your Ooogle Monday with some whores from 25 Peeps...

So since the only thing this blog has on it is pictures of this chicky... comment over there and she'll give you a good time.
This is Sebastian. He's been house confined since December of 2005 with mono. So... kissing is out of the question unless you want to be confined with him... which I'll leave that decision up to the ladies!

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 6

2006-12-17T00:05:00.000-05:00

Another new week is upon us as the sun rises upon this day, known as Sunday to the world, and the Smorgashboard to us here at the APODB. So these are the specials from this past week in my blogosphere...

The most anticipated blog of 2006 finally launched... yes Mr. CFP is now online with his Stupid Human Tricks. Some people may not know his true origins... but she knows all too well.
Good news for the Bear Drive that Rachael has been doing... she's reached 201 bears. A bit short of the 10,000 I wanted to see... only because I always wanted to see a house stuffed with bears the way popcorn filled Professor Jerry Hathaway's (William Atherton) house in Real Genius. That would have been hot.
Greg is also doing good this season... and E-Bay turned out to be his savior in the quest for a Superman doll. So now where does this Jesus dude fit in again?
Have no fear! Big D found the perfect way to explain how Jesus fit into everything with the holiest of holy tomes... the Lego Bible. Maybe if that had been around when I was in elementary school I wouldn't have failed religion in 5th grade.
'Tis also the season of lovey doveyness, and Miss Misery has a very nice little gushy post that made me vomit my lunch, breakfast, last night's dinner, and the snack I had yesterday afternoon. I think I may now be a diabetic after all that sweetness.
Dawn has been kind enough to point out the many reasons why giving Glade Scented Oil is a bad idea for the holidays.
While many of the upper class give gift certificates for physical augmentation appointments to their trophy wives to keep them shiny and new, Denise has found a new trend that is... well... rather disturbing. I wonder of the person who thought of this was Michael Jackson's surgeon?
Virginia reported from the front lines on this year's War on Christmas. She hits the nail right on the head... in regards to all the holiday hoopla.
But of course we can't forget that Friday was in fact the first night of Hanukkah... so Happy Hanukkah to Robin, CP, and any and all Jewish Brethern. Only 6 more crazy nights to go... shalom.

Pretty exciting week huh? I know... I thrill you.

.:*:.

So I wrote this add on post to go here... and decided it was way too long to go here. It's pretty huge in fact. So I decided I'm going to break it up over the next few days so that it is in a consumable size. So while I'll be doing the regularly scheduled early morning/nightly posts... there'll be some afternoon ones too.

In preparation for this extra onslaught, start asking the question I will be asking and attempting to answer... "When is a personal blog too business oriented?"

Tagged By Misery With A Smile

2006-12-16T18:54:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that Miss Misery tagged me with this meme thing. She tagged me because she doesn't think I'll kill her for tagging me. I don't mind getting tagged... but I won't tag. If you feel the need to do it and want to say you stole it from me feel free... or don't mention me at all... just send me nudes as payment for my silence regarding the theft.

So anyway... here are 7 Things That Annoy Me.

1) Ordering one thing and getting another. For example, when I order my coffee it is a "large French Vanilla ice coffee, light with cream, and four (4) Splendas". Simple right? I guess not since it always comes back all fucked up. But you all knew that already, right?

2) Instant Messages and IM addicts. I used to be on AIM all the time, 'til it screwed up my 'puter. Now I don't even have it installed anymore. So apparently some people thought that was a way for me to ignore them, or cut ties with them, or wtfeva. Newsflash... I need this computer to do more than talk to you about baseball (which I have zero interest in until after the All-Star break), about your boyfriend (who I have zero interest in until he does something I can break his legs for), or about what I'm writing that I'm not letting you read (there must be a reason for that... and trust me it isn't because its about you). IMing annoys me... and IM addicts annoy me more.

3) My ex-wife. 'Nuff said.

4) Lovey dovey stuff. Newsflash... I'm single. I have no one to be lovey dovey with... and if I did... I doubt my idea of being lovey dovey is the same as yours. Therefore when you go all gushy and warm and shit when talking to me, and I vomit, don't be getting all self-righteous. Oh, and Valentine's Day... don't even come near me. I'll bite your head off.

5) E-mail Managers. Yeah... those managers or bosses who have decided that e-mail is the best way to manage. Never mind the fact that to inter a sense of urgency sounds more like a threat, for which I will retaliate with a flurry of adjectives found only in the Main Street-Walkers Street Dictionary, the e-mail repsonding to the burning ambulance three hours later is just showing you do not exist on the same plane of reality as we do.

6) Labeling my stuff with your labels. Someone sent me an e-mail telling me my Sunday Smorgashboard is really a "blog carnival". Really? So I guess it makes you laugh. Am I funny to you? How am I funny? So am I a clown to you or something? Still waiting for a response fucknuts. I'll call it what I want. If I want to post nookid pictures of myself and call it "Bare Bones Tuesday" instead of HNT, I will you dumb clucker. I'm not you, your not me, so stop labelling me with your labels.

7) The way BattleStar Galactica does seasons. Last night was BG's season 3.0 finale. On January 21 they start season 3.5. This is annoying and ranks right up there with the way The Sopranos do their seasons as well. The fact Heroes seems to be following their lead is annoying as all hell too. It all reminds me of the reasons I stopped watching TV altogether.

It's Saturday

2006-12-16T01:38:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday. I hear no one reads blogs on Saturday. Usually I do unless I'm working. Too bad not everyone is like me. So I quite literally have this post here to say nothing other than go see Mr. CFP because he is doing a REAL research project. Especially all you guys out there... we aren't representing well. I could go on a tirade about something... but honestly my energy level is for shit. So just do as I say, not as I do.

Just be like Nike... and Do It, k?

Tomorrow will resume the week as normal.

It's Drama Friday... Drama Is What You Make It

2006-12-15T03:03:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I damn near didn't post tonight/this morning. I'm drained as all shit... in fact I drooled on my pillow for 5 hours and will probably be going back to drool some more. But today is Drama Friday, and since I'm still not doing the BE thing, that's all there is.

To be honest, the only real drama was with The Nick and her cracker boyfriend. So Ms. I M FraidO'Commitment has now been with Crackerhead for 2 months. It's definitely a new record. I'm not sure if I should be congratulating him or offering him condolences since she's apparently going to Canada this weekend to undoubtedly hook up with some Canadian she met way back in like September. WTFeva.

One of the reasons for this lack of drama is some shit that I discovered Wednesday that was going on. That in itself has created its own drama, because I was supposed to go hang out with The Steff Wednesday night but I ducked out of it. I ducked out of hanging out with her last night too, which brought on the, "Dontcha miss me?" and "Do you still love me?" questions. Even though I tried to reassure her that yes I missed her and yes I still love her, I just had some stuff going on, well she can put the most cynical and depressed bitch to shame and I doubt she believes me. The holidays are usually when her alter ego, Miss Miserable, comes out in her... and usually we commiserate together enough to make each other genuinely smile. Hopefully my issues will be settled by tomorrow and we can hang out.

On a completely separate note I need to bestow some advice on all the married men in the world and will probably piss off some of my female readers. There's this thing that the credit card companies will do when your wife max's out a credit card. If she does it while you are married, then they will hold you responsible for it in the vast majority of states. If she does it while you are married, and then you get divorced, they will STILL hold YOU responsible for it and they WILL collect their money unless it is specified in the divorce paperwork the amount of debt, the company, and who is responsible for payment and then ordered so by a judge. So what you really need to do when getting divorced is have your soon to be ex-wife's credit run, and get all that shit listed as being paid by her. This means they will eventually seize control of your bank accounts until you pay them if you don't make those certain stipulations clear. Oh, and their timing is usually the absolute worst it could be.

I'm going back to my pillow to drool some more.

FOAD Thursday... No Experimentation Whatsoever

2006-12-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

Today my dear friends is Fuck Off And Die Thursday. Today I tell all the people/things that have pissed me off this past week to FOAD... so let's get this started...

First I need to send an FOAD out to the NY Daily News. It seems that the Daily News reported that over 70% of subway car graffiti is created by foreigners. Really? So just wtf are you saying? Are you saying that there are no more American graffiti artists? Well how about I think that 70% of the Daily News is written by yuppie cocksucking scum who grew up in the fucking suburbs! Here's a clue... those foreigners come here to LEARN how to tag and write up you putzes! The reason you would THINK they are responsible for it is because they're the ones who always get BUSTED... but that isn't actually true as Metro points out! So for false reporting and atrocities against NYC Artists... FOAD NY Daily News.

My next FOAD goes to corporate monster Taco Bell. After finding out that a number of restaurants were serving E Coli contaminated food... in the interest of the almighty American Dollar... you fuckers kept them open. I love Taco Bell. In fact I used to love it so much I used to eat at one every shift. Never. Ever. Again. You are just another group of corporate mongers who need to be anally raped by a bulldozer case of diarrhea. FOAD Taco Bell.

The idiot who called 9-1-1 the other night because he had A cockroach in his apartment should FOAD. Now, he does have an excuse... he's from Minnesota and just moved here for a new job he starts in January. I hate to say it... but he freaked over a BABY Roach. I shoulda dragged him up to the Bronx where some roaches take on Pit Bulls for fun. So FOAD mid-western moron.

Finally I need to share some Peace and Love. I received a comment on this blog that said this:

I'm sorry to bother your site. I am doing a blog experiment and would like to know if you would like to exchange links. Thanks.

Brandon J

You have got to be kidding me. So your doing a "blog experiment" and want to exchange links, huh? Anybody wondering what this experiment could be? Well of course he outlines it in a blog all unto itself called... ready... wait for it... blogexperiment.blogspot.com. He has another blog of course... filled with ads and shit. On a positive note he apparently is in the military. On a negative note he definately is a FUCKING MORON. See... here's my problem... he just cruised around dropping this same comment on every blog he passed. He never really looked at the blog, he never really read the post, and he obviously has no idea who the fuck he's dealing with. How do I know this you ask? Because he left the exact same comment on my photoblog word for mother fucking pasted word.

But ya know what? I'm all about experimentation. I'll experiment with hot sauce on pizza, peanut butter and mayonnaise, and anything + chocolate. I'll experiment with brunettes, redheads, and his wife in all positions in the Kama Sutra. I'll experiment with roasting marshmallows over open wood flame, charcoal, or butane lighter. See... I'm all about experimentation... so I will give this SPAMMER asshat his link along with some Peace and Love right here.

Here's a clue you mindless twit... we hate you and people like you. These personal blogs about ourselves are not for experiments or mindless twit ideas. We put ourselves out there to meet like minded people who we find interesting and can relate to. We do it because we have something to say. Go find yourself a fucking rat with some cheese and take your "experiments" elsewhere.

Maybe had he done it in a less spamful way... I would have advised him that belonging to sites like BlogMad and Blog Explosion disqualify him from AdSense Ad payments. Now where did I stick that AdSense reporting e-mail address....

Cereal Wednesday

2006-12-13T00:15:00.000-05:00

Today we will start a new theme. The theme comes from a suggestion made to me last week on this Ooogle Monday post from none other than Miss Ann Thrope. Of course... I figured it needed its own little twist... kinda how Ooogle Monday has both men and women, how FOAD Thursday includes Peace and Love, and how Smorgashboard Sunday has a picture that usually has NOTHING to do with the post.

So this is Cereal Wednesday...

BTW... it may take a minute to load... and it's 8 minutes long...

.:*:.

I also need to take this opportunity to announce unformally that the most anticipated blog of the year has opened its URL. That's right... Mr. CFP: Stupid Human Tricks is live and kicking. However, I warn you that it takes a special person to partake in this blog... considering his first post has no less than 5 penis pictures, it also probably isn't as work safe as you might think.

Waking In The Dark

2006-12-12T01:03:00.000-05:00

So I got home today and promptly fell asleep. 30+ hours isn't as easy as it used to be. It serves as a reminder, along with the wisps of gray, that being young forever isn't likely. Tonight I awoke in the dark... with the sense that indeed something was amiss. It's just a feeling, but one I can't seem to shake.

I know to most people it sounds kooky, but I tend to be sensitive to certain... things... that others may not be. It's something that I became acutely aware of ten years ago. Something I can't explain and have given up trying to. I just sense it... him... and I just know. Sometimes I can sense him in time and do something about it. Sometimes I can't. Sometimes he can be standing right next to me and I don't know a thing.

I can't stand waking in the dark for this very reason. So yes... I usually have a nightlight. It's actually kinda cool... it's a lighthouse that glows red and blue. It isn't bright or anything, but at least I don't wake in the dark.

Obviously the bottom line is I need to go buy some batteries.

.:*:.

I know everyone is counting down until Christmas... but did you realize we are only 20 days away from a New Year? 345 days have passed us by just like that. Where oh where did it go? So a few months back everyone was doing this thing where they would answer questions left in the comments. I thought it was pretty cool and some of the answers would surprise you.

So... the comments in this post will be open for questions until December 16. I will then answer them as we count down the days to 2007.

.:*:.

Finally... you need to be sure to come by tomorrow for the inaugural post of Cereal Wednesday... it'll definitely be different.

Promise.

Ooogle Monday... The SupaStah Edition

2006-12-11T06:40:00.000-05:00

So here is your Ooogle for Monday you bunch of perverts...

Yes ladies... the GREATEST JEDI MASTER OF ALL TIME... Ewan McGregor! So who's gonna bash Star Wars now, huh? Huh? Yeah... welcome to the hot side bitches.
Of course to round out the "SupaStah" Edition... the hottest princess this side of the galaxy... Natalie Portman. *SIGH*. The new fantasy of preference btw is Carrie Fisher in the Slave Girl Bikini and Natalie in that little black number from Clones... together. Since getting it on with Twi'leks is okay... then what's a little mother-daughter incestuous fantasizing amongst geeks, huh?

.:*:.

Here is a video pulled from SNL regarding the "SupaStah" known as Britney Spears...

I agree... keep up the good work!

And that kids... is just one of the things you watch repeatedly when you are bored as shit.

I really need to take up crocheting for nights like this.

Have a good week.

Things I Have Done

2006-12-11T00:17:00.000-05:00

So it is once again my marathon nighttime marathon weekend coming to a close. So I am sitting here bored as hell and decided to do this thing that I stoled from Denise. The idea is to bold whatever is listed that you have done...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds (close to it)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 5

2006-12-10T00:03:00.000-05:00

It's been a pretty busy week in my blogosphere... here's a little sampling...

The great Joe Fish has developed a method for Blogger Beta users to jump ship... at least someone cares enough to give us a life preserver.
One of my I2TM finds has been a blog called All That Comes With It. It's not really a "daddy blog" as first thought, but more of a "family blog". Well this past week Dan and Kerry's son, Evan, has been in the hospital. He has an excellent post regarding the need for "special people" as pediatric nurses. I suppose I identified with this alot because I often get people who say similar things to me... and in the end the truth is its become just a job.
I learned this week that I had actually been nominated for The 2006 Weblog Awards for my photoblog. I honestly had no idea Denise had done that until I got an e-mail from another disgruntled blogger who isn't a finalist. I just think its cool she nominated me... and even though I'm not a finalist, I'm not disgruntled because I know life goes on... and voting has begun.
Avitable has been researching potential religous icons for The Church of Holy Avitableness. He found a few that apparently belong to the Temple of Scary and Hairy Pussies.
Greg celebrated his birthday this past week... and scored some serious government swag. If the 2008 elections go to the Dems and domestic spying gets trashed... there's a good chance that will be a serious collector's item.
Phil had an issue of ethical proportions. I've come to the foregone conclusion that he is an alien from another planet who must not have seen, "Earth Girls Are Easy". I so need to visit Uranus.
George Sfarnas has a timely strip up at Being Five. It's just more evidence that even Santa needs a computer class.
So Kentucky Gurl is SO busy baking cookies that she can't be disturbed... but feel free to leave her a message.
So even though I got my hawt orange afghan from Miss Ann (who not only knitted it but then took such a good picture of it... well I stole it for this week's header image), well she's busy working on a few other projects for the chilly people... but you should leave her a message too and tell her how awesome mine came out!
Finally... if you've ever cursed the Internet for its existence, or Al Gore for inventing it, then Charred has just the site for you. It truly is a wonderful 'Net.

So that is the past week in my blogosphere...

Hey Jack Frost... Just Bring It Bitch!!!

2006-12-09T04:56:00.000-05:00

So New York finally got hit with freezing temperatures. Of course I spent most of the night trucking around and doing drive-bys and cab rides. Originally I planned on going straight to bed, seeing as how the only thing I could say about it is reiterate my 3 cardinal rules of EMS life:

Just because you have the ability to have children doesn't mean you should
Consuming copious amounts of alcohol while love sick will not produce the permanent results desired
When New Yorkers need a taxi... they call 9-1-1

However, when I got home tonight I found a box. Now this wasn't just any box mind you... this box was a plain brown box absent of any and all markings that would indicate any major online retailer I shop at. The more curious thing was the Priority Mail tape wrapped around it... and I wondered what could be such a priority. I saw the return address... and my heart pounded. I KNEW it was coming... but didn't know WHAT it was.

So I unwrapped it... reveled in its glory which I will share momentarily... but first... a sonnet of the highest order. Cue the Austrian Boys Choir please...

Your blog is orange
This afghan is too
If you hide it in the closet
I will equalise you

You say you love orange
I don't love it ~Ewww~
But I made this ugly thing
Because I love you!

-Miss Ann

Beautiful, isn't it? So now without further adieu I give you my very own, hand crafted, one of a kind, official, ORANGE, APODB afghan:

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!! Here's a closer look at the stitching design which I have no clue what it's called but I'm sure it has a name and don't get all silly and shit because it looks brown because I ASSURE you it is in fact orange but the fucking flash wouldn't go off this close and when you zoom it doesn't come out as good so I will now end this run-on sentence from hell with a close-up photo of the awesome stitch work:

So now I have my very own, hand made, unique, official, ORANGE, APODB afghan!!!!! To top it all off... I got a SONNET!!!!! Are you jealous? Yeah, you fucking should be. So Miss Ann, I thank you very very very much... and I assure you it will go absolutely no where near the closet!!!!! Oh, and I so would have called when I first opened it... but I tend to think calling at 5:00am might have seen me equalised just for kicks... so I'll be calling this weekend sometime... you so rawk!!!!!!!

Oh Hell No With Some Drama On The Side...

2006-12-08T01:23:00.000-05:00

When logging in I was greated with this...

Your New Version Of Blogger Is Ready!!!

The new version of Blogger now has all the original features you're used to, plus new post labels, drag-and-drop template editing, and privacy controls. And, it's a lot more reliable.
After you switch you'll need to sign in with your Google Account, but your blogs will stay the same. Their content and layout will not change.

Oh hell no. Maybe if the ORIGINAL Blogger worked properly... then I might be willing... but nah. Not gonna happen. I'm staying old school as long as I possibly can.

.:*:.

Now on to the drama... there hasn't been too much craziness... just enough to fill a few lines. Last Friday while at work Pudding decided to drop in. She was getting her mini-vans windows tinted and wanted my truck. Of course... I was stuck in the middle of some chaotic shit on one of the main boards... so I just tossed her the keys. She then proceeded to wag her tail feathers and kiss me on the cheek before leaving, making sure everyone saw. What. The. Fuck. We are DIVORCED!!! It was pretty obvious she was in her mind marking her territory in front of my female co-workers. Worse was she brought the truck back late... and now the transmission is bucking. She did however finally come up with the lists for the Wolves. I just hope the tranny doesn't go before Christmas.

Saturday I was supposed to go have lunch with The Steff and Mel. Mel was nowhere to be found. The Steff overslept of course, so instead we went and got coffee and did some shopping in The Hills. I absolutely adore shopping with The Steff... in fact she is probably the only female I will voluntarily go shopping with. We go in, look around, and then boom we're out. So we did the leather store, shoe store, Bannana Republic, and Bed Bath and Beyond in all of 30 minutes. She picked up a few things for some co-workers and friends... and she even bought me a rubber ducky of my color choice (classic yellow although if they would have had orange...) for Xmas. She's still looking for that "perfect" gift for The Donkey. I suggested the purple rubber ducky... and got the evil eye for me effort.

Sunday I got to spend 90 minutes on line to go see the fat man in the red suit with DJ. I've come to the conclusion, based on the kids in that line, that he really doesn't have that many houses to visit come Christmas Eve. I've also come to the conclusion that photos with him are following the economy. So after 90 minutes and $40, we now have the picture that will go on the cards for the family. Yeah... I still have to pay for those too.

Finally... the grand old company party was Wednesday night. I chose to work instead of going... first time in 12 years mind you that I have missed this party. I know for a fact I had a better time talking to a beautiful woman when the quote of the day regarding the party was, "Well this year the food sucked the same, the liquor sucked the same, but they gave no one any awards or recognition so apparently we're all shit." However... apparently my non-appearance has caused a bit of a stir among the faithful. Oh well.

Okay... so that was more than a few lines. I should apologize for being misleading... but as they say in Mother Russia... toughshitskies.

.:*:.

On a final note... the deadline for this year's Holiday Cards will be this Sunday. If you don't e-mail me your address at nycwatchdog(at)apileofdogbones.com by Sunday... you will not get this year's edition of the Holiday Card... which by the way is destined to become a collector's item.

December 7

2006-12-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

Today is December 7... and it is the 65th Anniversary of the Attack on Pearl Harbor. On that day 2,403 Americans lost their lives in a sneak attack on the naval installation by the Japanese. 68 of those lives were civillians, also commonly referred to as non-combatants. This was only the second time in history, the first being the War of 1812, that the United States was attacked on its home soil... and another attack wouldn't happen again until 60 years later.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt cited it as, "...a day which will live in infamy..." to Congress in a statement that saw only one dissenting vote to declare war on Japan and the Axis Powers of Germany and Italy. That statement, and that decision, is what has shaped more of the world today than any other event.

The most memorable ship to be sunk on that day was the USS Arizona. There were 1,177 lives lost when she was sunk, almost half of the casualties from the entire attack. Today she remains below the waters of the harbor with a memorial placed above her and as a marker of the 1,102 crewman who rest with her. The USS Missouri, upon whose deck the Japanese surrendered to Douglas MacArthur, maintains a constant vigil docked nearby. A very fitting guardian if ever there was one.

...:*:...

I had often wondered exactly why Japan would attack the United States. I finally got my answer in a college history class where this quote from the Japanese Cabinet after a meeting in the fall of 1941 was read by my professor:

Our Empire, for the purpose of self-defence and self-preservation, will complete preparations for war ... [and is] ... resolved to go to war with the United States, Great Britain and the Netherlands if necessary. Our Empire will concurrently take all possible diplomatic measures vis-a-vis the United States and Great Britain, and thereby endeavor to obtain our objectives ... In the event that there is no prospect of our demands being met by the first ten days of October through the diplomatic negotiations mentioned above, we will immediately decide to commence hostilities against the United States, Britain and the Netherlands.

That of course had not been made public knowledge until after the war. There is much more behind the whole thing including the Panama Canal, oil embargoes, and so on. The first line about self-defence and self-preservation is what sums it up to me. That line is also the reason I have zero problem with the Japanese internment camps of that era... or why I really have zero issue with Guantanemo Bay today. It is after all the same thing we are doing... or is it?

FOAD Thursday... The Broke Edition

2006-12-07T00:35:00.000-05:00

I'm breaking my blog for a few hours... maybe I'll have it back in one piece today... maybe not. So here's an FOAD to Blogger... for once again eating my post.

A Pile of Dog Bones

The Final Ooogle, The Final FOAD... The Day The Dog Died

Today Is All About 1993...

Smorgashboard Sunday 16

Puppy Monster Down

It Should Be Easier

FOAD Thursday... I'll Be Ya Huckleberry

Cereal Wednesday

The Results Are In...

Ooogle Monday

Smorgashboard Sunday 15... The 500th Post Edition

Something In The Way...

I Suck

Out Of Sync

Cereal Wednesday... And V-Day Bear Watch '07

TAGGED!!! By Denise

"Shot" And V-Day Bear Watch '07

Ooogle Monday And V-Day Bear Watch '07...

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 14

Why I Get Up In The Morning

The Definition of Ambient Stupidity

I Am An Ambiently Stupid Person

Finally Friday...

It's Thursday And I Got Four Words For Ya...

Cereal Wednesday

Blah

Ooogle Monday

Smorgasboard Sunday The Thirteenth

So It's Saturday...

It's Groundhog's Day!!!!!!!!

FOAD Thursday... Dunkin Donuts Take Heed!!!!

Cereal Wednesday

Scattershot

Ooogle Monday... The Academy Best Edition

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 12

Self Control Or Getting Old

It's The Academy, Dear Watson

FOAD Thursday... The Calamari Edition

Cereal Wednesday

To Catch My Dreams

Ooogle Monday

Sunday Smorgashboard Edition 11

I'm Funny

In Focus But Out Of Context

FOAD Thursday... The Blooger Edition

Cereal Wednesday

Multiple Personality Disorder??? Not Really... But The Noose Tightens

Ooogle Monday

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition X

The Post That Should Have Happened

Blooger Friday.

FOAD Thursday... Peace And Love For Everyone

Cereal Wednesday

For The Love Of It...

It's Ooogle Monday!!!

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 9

Amateurs Do It Better. I Also Got A Girlfriend. WOO-HOO!

The Good Vs. Evil... And Stuff Inbetween

FOAD Thursday... The First Dose Of Peace And Love For 2007

Cereal Wednesday

Tagged Already In 2007

State of the APODB

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition 8

The Loves Of 2006

Saddam Hussein Is Dead

Drama Friday... Or Things Not To Do In 2007

FOAD Thursday... The Final 2006 FOAD

Cereal Wednesday

Top 10 Things To Do In 2007

Ooogle Monday... The Ho Ho Ho Edition

Bah... Oh What The Hell...

Smorgashboard Sunday Edition Inebtriated

This Is A Private Post

Some Final Letters from the Big Fat Man...

FOAD Thursday... The Simple Edition

More Answers From The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit

Cereal Wednesday: Froot Loops

Answering The Big Fat Man In The Red Suit's Mail

Haunted

When Is A Personal Blog Too Much About Business?